2009 MLS Season Preview: Colorado Rapids

The Recent Results: The Rapids almost made the playoffs last year despite the fact they flat out sucked at the Dick. Notice I said “at the Dick” and not just “a dick”.

They ended up fourth in the West, and they scored the fifth most goals (shocking!) but their usually stingy let them down and they finished eleventh in the league in goals against. 

The Man in Charge: Gary Smith is the coach and he did pretty well down the stretch for them in his interim role last season. I think he will do a decent job playing the hand he has been dealt, but I will also tell you he’s not holding too much.

Smith seems like a good guy and a hard worker, and no matter what he has to be better than Clavijo.

On the Offensive: Well, the Rapids scored more goals last year (finally), but their offense still needs some tweaking. Terry Cooke is a fine gent and he still has a nice cross. Conor Casey and Omar Cummings are improving, and Colin Clark is a great grinder.

Mastroeni will never score, but they don’t pay him to. They pay him to play stifling defense.

For the Defense: Pablo is great, we all know that, but who will man the backline for the Rapids this year? Well, Erpen is a lock to play but the rest of the guys seem to lack significant minutes.

All in all, the Rapids defense could actually be worse this year than last. Will Gibbs reemerge? I don’t know. Who will play goalie? I have no idea. 

Movie They Resemble: As you can tell, despite a few rising star forwards and Pablo perpetually in defensive mid, the Rapids don’t look so good. In fact, it looks like 2009 is going to be exactly like the last 13 years when Colorado just couldn’t do enough to make a run at the Shield or the Cup.

So, what movie best exemplifies this sort of eternal exercise in inefficiency. You may have guessed it by now, but the Rapids are Groundhog Day.