Hulk Hogan, John Cena: The 16 Worst Cases of Overcoming the Odds

Andy Soucek@Andy_SoucekFeatured ColumnistSeptember 21, 2012

Hulk Hogan, John Cena: The 16 Worst Cases of Overcoming the Odds

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    The way a wrestler is pushed is often inconsistent.

    One week they duke it out with their opponent in a 15-minute match, and the next show they're able to toss that same guy out of the ring with just a few punches.

    Sting was somehow able to take down the entire NWO with a few bat shots and some chops to the chest. Dusty Rhodes seemed to dish out bionic elbows to half the roster.

    Whose to say how things like this happen?

    Overall, handicap and gauntlet matches are just a terrible idea. The losers just look incredibly weak by not being able to beat one man.

    The promoters try to make it seem like a punishment match for the babyface, but somehow the lone guy almost always wins

    This list is composed of ridiculous matches that should never have been booked.

    In various cases, it was terribly damaging to the losing wrestler, and some never recovered. When one man can beat two or more at the same time, why are the losers even on the roster?

    Here are the worst 16 cases of a wrestler overcoming the odds.

#16: Big Show vs. Kurt Angle, Luther Reigns, and Mark Jindrak Armageddon 2004

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    During 2004, there was a little known stable on Raw called Evolution.

    Smackdown had their own top stable of heels comprised of Kurt Angle, Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak. One may wonder why Angle's team never became anywhere nearly as popular as Evolution.

    Being destroyed by one man in a handicapped match would be a good example of why.

    Now granted, Mark Jindrak is no Randy Orton, Luther Reigns is no Batista, but Angle's team didn't have much of a chance to get over.

    At Armageddon 2004, Angle's team was set to face The Big Show  in a three on one handicap match. It was time to put away this giant once and for all.

    Logic would say that an Olympic gold medalist and two large henchmen should be able to easily put away one man, no matter how big he is.

    WWE doesn't often follow logic though and, instead, had Show defeat the three in about ten minutes.

    A few months later, Reigns and Big Show had a singles feud. Nobody seemed to buy into it though, if Reigns couldn't take out Big Show with help, what chance did he have alone?

    While Angle went on to continued success, Jindrak and Reigns were out of the company within the year.

#15: The Undertaker vs Triple H and Stone Cold Insurrextion 2001

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    Stone Cold and The Undertaker had an epic rivalry.

    At SummerSlam 98, Steve Austin put away Taker cleanly in the main event. It wouldn't be the last time he had his number either.

    Saying Triple H and Undertaker have had their differences over the years would be an understatement.

    Both of them combined should have been able to bury the dead man in no time.

    Somehow the two of them teaming together made them both equally useless.

    At Insurrextion, the UK-only pay-per-view, Undertaker defeated two of WWF's greatest superstars of all time all by his lonesome.

    He didn't need Kane. he didn't need any tag partner. He just needed a pair of leather pants.

    It wasn't an all out massacre like other matches on the list, but it still made The Power Trip look not so powerful.

#14: Batista vs. La Resistance

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    The WWE tag team champions had a rough night when they faced Batista.

    Besides being manhandled by The Animal, they ended the night with the Quebec flag shoved up their butts.

    I wish I was making that up.

    The duo faced off against Batista at the same time, no tags needed. Rob Conway and Sylvain Grenier, the best tag team in the entire company, lasted barely two minutes against him.

    It begs the question, why didn't Batista just challenge them again and win the tag titles by himself? It buried the entire division knowing that one man alone could take the titles anytime he wanted.

    La Resistance continued to tag after that, but it was hard to take them seriously as a threat after Batista single-handedly violated them in such a way.

# 13: Undertaker vs. DX

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    On June 1st, 2000 The Undertaker destroyed DX by himself.

    Now granted, it wasn't all of DX that The Undertaker beat up to become the No. 1 contender.

    It was just Road Dogg and X-Pac.

    One of the greatest tag team wrestlers in the company's history, and the former 1-2-3 kid were no match for The Dead Man (or Biker Taker).

    In a little over two minutes, Taker dominated the two and finished off X-Pac with a chokeslam.

    He didn't even have to take off his coat to do this.

#12: DX vs. Spirit Squad Saturday Night's Main Event 5 on 2 Eliminaton Match

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    On July 15th, 2006, it took the new and improved (or old and lame) DX five and a half minutes to beat five men who were nearly half his age.

    Sure, they destroyed the Spirit Squad basically every week on Raw, but it didn't make this any less ridiculous.

    All five of the Spirit Squad wrestlers were easily beaten by the two, and then they were shoved inside a cage along with Vince McMahon.

    It's unclear why this match was booked in the first place as the two teams had just faced off at Vengeance with the exact same result.

    To make it worse, Hunter and Michaels just clowned around throughout the entire match. They didn't give their opponents (among them the future Dolph Ziggler), the slightest bit of in-ring credibility.

    It was an elimination match, and the entire Squad wasn't able to take out even one member of DX.

#11: DX vs. the McMahons SummerSlam

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    Sadly, this wasn't the end of the new DX laying waste to younger talent.

    The McMahons wanted to face Hunter and Michaels in a tag match. That didn't sound right. Fans knew the boss and his son had something up their sleeves.

    All in all, it was 12 men total who attacked DX in that Summerslam match. But by some divine miracle, DX was still able to win.

    First up, it was the Spirit Squad, and this time they lasted mere seconds. The former tag champs somehow lasted less time in the ring than five random guys off the street would have.

    Then in came Finlay, Mr. Kennedy and William Regal.

    Hunter no sold a sheleighleigh shot, and the duo again overcame the three henchmen and tossed them out.

    Next came The Big Show who finally put an end to this ridiculousness... for a short while.

    During the match, Triple H was choke-slammed through an announce table, and took a Samoan spike to the throat.

    Still, it wasn't enough. In the end, DX pinned the McMahons and all was right in the world.

    How they won is still a bit of a mystery.

    For some reason all of the henchmen left the match and never came back. Why they didn't just stick around at ringside, or just physically hold DX down while the McMahons pinned them is a question that will never be answered.

#10: The Big Show vs. Three Minute Warning

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    There was a time when WWE seemed to be obsessed with handicapped matches.

    If you were in a tag team, this was bad news for you.

    At No Mercy 2002, The Big Show roughed up Eric Bischoff. This didn't sit will with The Bisch, so he decided to get even.

    He gave The Big Show a warning, of the 3-Minute kind.

    The next night on Raw, Big Show had to take on 3-Minute Warning (Rosey and Jamal) and their manager Rico all at the same time.

    The match took place, and it was a massacre. A massacre of the 3-Minute kind.

    Big Show manhandled the team. They didn't even need to tag each other, and Big Show still won. Somehow the once devastating offense of Rosey and Jamal barely phased Show.

    It was a shame.

    The team of 3-Minute Warning was unique, with a great look and gimmick. The Big Show was the Big Show.

    It wasn't the first time The Big Show won a handicapped match, it certainly wasn't the last. But let's hope we never see another one from him again.

#9: Steve Austin Saves the WWF

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    There are the two entries on the list that weren't actually a match, but they were so ridiculous they had to be noted.

    On one summer night in 2001, the WCW/ECW Alliance had the WWF greatly outnumbered.

    Inside the ring, four of the company's greatest wrestlers were being overwhelmed by the Alliance.

    All hope was lost.

    Until Steve Austin came to the arena.

    He beat up five men on his way to the ring, and then dished out seven stunners once inside. Every WWF member then simultaneously regained their strength and tossed out the remaining Alliance scrubs.

    Steve Austin was essentially all that was needed to defeat every single WCW and ECW wrestler.

    And some people called this angle a failure!

    DDP, RVD, Booker T. and the rest of WCW didn't stand a chance at the Texas Rattlesnake and his pool cube of doom.

    Yes, in the end it was revealed that Austin was a traitor and working with WCW all along. That still doesn't fully explain why a dozen men willingly took a Stunner just so they could beat the WWF in an inconsequential match at The Invasion pay-per-view.

#8: Bobby Lashley vs Tommy Dreamer, the Sandman & Balls Mahoney

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    That's one way to kill ECW.

    Vince McMahon wanted Bobby Lashley taken out. He enlisted Tommy Dreamer, The Sandman and Balls Mahoney to do the job for him.

    Three brutal, hardcore warriors should have had no problem taking out the inexperienced Lashley. Better yet, it was an extreme rules match, they could do whatever they wanted to him.

    The three ECW originals beat Lashley with garbage cans, a Singapore cane, and drop kicked a chair in his face.

    Together they kept the mighty Lashley down for awhile, but it wasn't enough. He made a big comeback.

    It took less than five minutes for Lashley to prove once and for all that ECW was the minor leagues. It was a sad, weird sight to behold.

    To make the match even weirder, Vince McMahon sat on a rocking chair on the stage watching.

    In Vince McMahon's world, one of his "guys" is worth 10 of anyone he didn't create. In this case that would be Paul Heyman's guys.

    If three ECW wrestlers can't beat one homegrown WWE wrestler, then what's the point of watching ECW? That's probably part of the reason why no one did.

#7: Steve Austin Runs the Corporate Gauntlet

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    Ken Shamrock, Test, Kane, Chyna and The Big Bossman,

    These were members of the villainous Corporation stable.

    Vince McMahon and Steve Austin were set to finally do battle at the St. Valentine's Day Massacre pay-per-view. The night before, McMahon wanted to ensure his victory, and made Steve Austin run the gauntlet against The Corporation.

    Austin had battled most of the members of the group before in lengthy matches. This would surely be a long night.

    Somehow, he put everyone but The Bossman away in short order with Stunners.

    A choke slam from Kane, and a low blow from Chyna didn't seem to phase Stone Cold, and it wasn't until a night stick was brought into the equation that the The Rattlesnake was finally stopped.

    After five wrestlers, who toured the country doing house shows and being prominent TV characters were beat by one man, it was Vince McMahon himself who picked up the win.

#6: Big Show vs. Albert & Mideon & Viscera & Boss Man

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    When you're The Big Show, who needs partners?

    At Survivor Series 99, The Big Show had it out for The Big Bossman.

    The only thing standing in his way was Albert (pre-Tensai days), Mideon, Viscera and Bossman. Four on one? There was no way that this match should last a minute.

    And it didn't.

    The Big Show pinned everyone except The Bossman literally within one minute. Bossman then ran away.

    Even Andre the Giant needed partners at the inaugural Survivor Series to face Hogan's team.

    While Mideon wasn't exactly Hulk Hogan, it was hard to view any of those guys as threats anymore if one man could take them all out.

    What is most baffling of all, is that they sacrificed three mid-carders just to setup a Big Bossman and Big Show match?

#5: Kurt Angle's Milk Bash

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    Sometimes milk does a body bad.

    Yes, Steve Austin did the beer bash, and Kurt Angle's milk truck was a spoof of that.

    But taking out three guys with beer and 30 with milk is a big difference.

    During an Alliance in-ring interview, Kurt Angle slowly drove a milk truck down to the ring. Steve Austin and his group looked amused. Little did they know the punishment they were about to receive.

    Fans may have fond memories of Kurt Angle's milk bash, but in reality it helped bury the entire WCW/ECW roster faster than thought possible.

    Angle first assaulted the gigantic stable with milk cartons. For some reason, nobody except Shawn Stasiak bothered to attack him. They just stood there... being pelted with milk cartons.

    Finally, Angle brought out the milk hose and sprayed the entire group down.

    One would think they could have got out of the ring, completely surrounded Angle and beat him to a pulp. But as WWF showed us, WCW and ECW was composed entirely of incompetent idiots.

#4: Kevin Nash vs. the New Blood

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    WWE can't have all the fun, WCW had some ridiculous matches too!

    Some people defend Vince Russo.

    More people, well, don't care much for Vince Russo.

    No matter what your feelings are about the man, it's really hard to comprehend in any way how this match was booked.

    During Russo's career, he's often given credit for trying to push younger talent. While he did succeed at putting a bunch of guys on TV, they were there solely to be fed to Nash in this gauntlet match.

    The first man up was the Disco Inferno.

    It took Nash all of eight seconds to defeat Disco with a side slam. Now, I've seen a lot of Kevin Nash matches in my time (unfortunately), but I've never seen him win a single match with that move.

    When it comes to gauntlet matches, all logic gets thrown out the window.

    It then took him about five seconds to pin Chris Candido. Nash didn't even cover him, and the ref counted it anyway.

    Even future WWE Champion Rey Mysterio lasted a mere eight seconds against the mighty Nash.

    All in all, Kevin Nash defeated five men in one minute and twenty three seconds.

    People often refer to the "Finger poke of Doom" or the stun gun on Goldberg as WCW's worst moments, but this one should definitely get more notice, as it effectively killed a large portion of their mid-card.

#3: John Cena vs. the Miz I Quit Match at over the Limit 2011

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    It was supposed to be a one-on-one "I Quit" match.

    The Miz didn't play that way though. He and Alex Riley took turns beating on John Cena for close to 25 minutes.

    It was brutal.

    In a first, Cena barely got in any offense during the match. It really wasn't even so much a match, as it was the two just torturing Cena.

    Miz and Riley DDT'd him on the steel steps, threw the steps on him, attacked him with a Singapore cane over and over again, hit him with a folding chair and even planted him with a skull crushing finale face first into a chair.

    Still, it seemed that Cena didn't take it seriously and would crack wise whenever he was asked if he wanted to quit.

    At one point, it looked like Miz and Riley won. We could hear Cena say he quit.

    Turns out the two cheated and used an audio track from a previous show.

    Once the match restarted, Cena somehow immediately regained all his strength. It was if he hadn't just wrestled at all. He beat Miz with his belt, chased him up the ramp, slapped on the STFU and Miz literally quit in seconds.

    The Miz has never recovered from this match. It was the end of his title reign, and he's been on a long downward spiral ever since.

    Fans often deride Cena for seeming to have super powers, and this was the worst example of that so far.

#2: Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage vs. the Dungeon of Doom in a Doomsday Cage Match

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    Hulk Hogan is often known for defying the odds.

    Even when it looks like his back is against the wall, he suddenly Hulks up, no-sells and saves the day.

    It seemed people just didn’t like Hogan in WCW. In fact, there was an entire group named for those who hated him called The Alliance to End Hulkamania.

    There were eight men and three managers in the group.

    Hulkamania was done for.

    Hogan would need an entire army to fight off legendary wrestlers like Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Lex Luger and the guy who played Bane from Batman (not Tom Hardy in The Dark Knight Rises, we’re talking Batman and Robin here).

    Apparently, Hogan needed only one other man: Randy Savage.

    Two vs. Eight inside a three-storied steel cage?

    Yes, the Mega Powers (WWF must have forgot to trademark that one) reunited to take on the world. It was sure to be their final battle, as they would go out in a blaze of glory.

    Somehow, someway, the two found the strength and courage to triumphantly bury the eight other men and prove that Hulkamania will indeed live forever!

    Lucky for everyone though, Hogan turned heel a few months later. Once you and a partner can take on every top heel in the company at once, there’s really not much left to do.

#1: John Cena and Randy Orton vs. the Raw Roster

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    Sixteen men.

    Sixteen trained professional wrestlers. Among them a WWE Hall of Famer, a former World Heavyweight Champ, former and future Intercontinental Champions, Tag Champions and a guy named Santino.

    All sixteen men in a tag match couldn't defeat two men: John Cena and Randy Orton.

    It took Cena 10 seconds to pin Santino after he tagged in to start the match.

    It then took Cena just 35 seconds to force Trevor Murdoch to submit after his turn.

    Fourteen seconds later Ted DiBiase was pinned.

    D.H. Smith lasted 35 seconds after a tag in.

    I'm not making this up.

    Val Venis only lasted 5 seconds.

    Between John Cena and Randy Orton, they pinned half of the team, before the other half all ganged up on them causing a DQ. Apparently they knew that one at a time they stood no chance against the god like powers of Orton and Cena.

    After all of the carnage, who was the only man standing at the end? It was Triple H. A guy who wasn't even in the match.

    Huh, go figure?


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