Scott Hartnell: It's Not The Hair

A giraffe once said, “I couldn’t win a limbo contest if you chopped my neck in half and tied my legs together!”

This reminds me of a friend of mine. Except this friend is not really a friend. In fact, he’s Scott Hartnell, No. 19 of the Philadelphia Flyers; And I guarantee he has no idea that I even exist. Regardless, Scott reminds me of a giraffe trying to, not only win a limbo contest, but simply participate and be respected in one.

We’re not talking about a legit, full-fledged, league play in the National Limbo Association. A simple Bar-Mitzvah limbo contest run by D.J. Moshe will do just fine in this comparison that is sure to tickle your fancy like Elmo in the mid-90’s. Imagine that, a giraffe at a Bar Mitzvah doing the limbo with D.J. Moshe and a bunch of crackling-voiced 13 year-olds. That’s a more ironic sight than Alanis Morissette having ten thousand spoons when all she needs is a knife. Don’t you think?

How in the world does a giraffe in a limbo contest relate to Scott Hartnell you ask? Read on, my friend. Scott Hartnell on a breakaway is uglier than Betty. Is it the hair? Is it his wife? What causes him to stumble down the ice like a four year old, with a dirty diaper, learning how to skate? This is a mind-boggler that I’ll leave for someone else to answer. Jeeves? Google?

The bottom line is, and you can ask Stone Cold Steve Austin, a giraffe in a limbo contest is about as successful as Scott Hartnell on a breakaway. Flyers fans, however, love when it happens, because we know Mr. Carter is right behind, ready to clean up the garbage with a shot to the likes of Jeff Gordon coming down the stretch. And as we are all aware, at the end of the day, nobody throws a glove at a guy better than my friend, Scott Hartnell.