Five Random Thoughts on the World of Sports

No. 1

I can't decide who's a bigger douche bag—Stephon Marbury or Kevin Garnett?

On the one hand, we have a criminally overpaid, failed talk show host who seems to be in an eternal creep competition with the “Zekester.”

On the other hand, we have a deranged, chest-beating sociopath, who has Gatorade commercials less entertaining than watching paint dry.


No. 2

Speaking of Starbury, ESPN writer Chris Sheridan, a balding, miserable “Lurch,” wrote his 3,528th article regarding the Marbury buyout situation. Fascinating stuff.

Mr. Sheridan has an affinity for writing about his beloved New York Knicks, a team who he is convinced is going to have LeBron James in 2010.

Two seasons from now, I hope “Lurch” isn't sucking on a tailpipe when he gets to watch Larry Hughes clank open 15-footers, while we here in Cleveland get to see the “King” hoist the O'Brien trophy.


No. 3

Before I'm done writing about ESPN, I have to mention Buster Olney's wonderful analysis of the A-Rod press conference from a week ago. After the former Madonna boy toy finished giving his poor apology, Olney came on the air and proclaimed that A-Rod was "contrite and thoughtful."

Contrite and thoughtful? The dude threw a relative under the bus and then bragged about being able to pump iron in high school, so that he could get a letterman jacket. Real thoughtful and contrite.


No. 4

Although it's tempting to think about the “Big Aristotle” playing alongside LeBron, I'm glad that Cavaliers' GM Danny Ferry didn't pull the trigger. It would be really awkward to see “Z” come off the bench, and the amount of shots would be hard to distribute with Shaq in the lineup.

Plus, the Cavs would have to give up two perimeter players in Wally Szczerbiak and Sasha Pavlovic, and the way that Wally has been playing this year, he is probably the team’s most important scorer off of the bench.


No. 5

Best wishes to Charles Barkley as he is set to serve his excruciatingly painful 120 hours of jail time. Just know that when you are released, you will be hailed as the Nelson Mandela of the Breathalyzer Brotherhood. You sir, are a brave man.