WWE Money in the Bank 2012: Best/Worst-Case Scenario for Every Superstar

With WWE Money in the Bank 2012 just mere hours away, it's time to take a look at the best- and worst-case scenarios for each competitor in the World Heavyweight Championship MitB match.

By the end of tonight, we will know who will be the heel to eventually face Sheamus or Randy Orton—because honestly who else does Smackdown have—for the World Heavyweight Championship.

Albe...I Mean A-Tra...No It's Lor...TENSAI!

Best-Case Scenario

Tensai not winning the briefcase. If Tensai miraculously wins the MitB match tonight, this is assuming that all of the other superstars feel inadequate next to his amazing facial hair, he will fall into what I call "Great Khali Disease."

I wouldn't worry about catching this disease because instead of being fatal, it amazingly prolongs your life in the WWE. The symptoms are WWE creative thinking you can wrestle, then you catch the World title for some reason, then lose it, then have a one-off gimmick match for the belt (which you lose), then you stay on the roster forever while doing nothing.

Tensai needs to dump that little guy, whose name I don't know, and join the sexy Vickie Guerrero, who would turn on Dolph Ziggler. This would suck for Ziggler, but that guy can even make Tensai look good. Thus holding off "Great Khali Disease" for a couple months.

Worst-Case Scenario

After winning the MitB match, Tensai comes down with a bad case of "Great Khali Disease."

He then challenges Sheamus for the belt and wins it after Sheamus literally decapitates Alberto Del Rio at the next PPV. This leads to an eternally unending feud that produces the most amount of one and a half star matches the WWE has ever seen.

Santino Marella

Best-Case Scenario

Santino manages to escape the MitB match without literally being eaten by Alb...Tensai.

Though Santino doesn't win the briefcase, he holds onto the United States title for another 347 days before he drops it to Hornswoggle. These two have a ferocious rivalry that keeps audiences entertained for months before Santino wins the title back.

By this time, the WWE has finally decided that secondary titles are useless and the strap just disappears one day, like the cruiserweight or womens or light heavyweight or...and Santino goes down in history as the last United States champion.

Worst-Case Scenario

During the MitB ladder match, Santino goes to hit the Cobra on Damien Sandow, but Sandow's beard proves to be impenetrable.  

Then Sandow throws Santino through the Spanish announce table.

Eventually, Santino stands back up and goes for the Cobra on Tyson Kidd. However, since Kidd is so short, the Cobra goes clear over his head and hits the ladder. This impact would then shatter the Cobra's neck, aka Santino's wrist, and he would forfeit the United States title.

Christian

Best-Case Scenario

Once the MitB Match starts, Christian begins to regale his fellow superstars about how he was European, Light Heavyweight, ECW and tag team champion during his career. As all the other superstars stand around trying to figure out what any of those titles are, Christian captures the briefcase.

Christan fades away until after Randy Orton returns and defeats Sheamus in a grueling eight-minute match for the World Heavyweight title. Then after that match, Christian cashes in the briefcase and defeats Orton.

Orton goes on to whining about how he wants (say it with me) "one more match."

Worst-Case Scenario

All of the superstars in the MitB match talk before the match ever begins about how much they love Edge. They then all decide to not let Christian win and thus, eventually, dragging Edge back to give Christian a boost from the fans.

Within the first 38 seconds of the MitB match, Christian has been put through the Spanish announce table and thrown into the crowd where they body surf him all night long preventing him from winning the match.

Tyson Kidd

Best-Case Scenario

Due to Kidd's small size and little fanfare, nobody else in the MitB match even realizes he is there until it is too late.

Once Kidd steals the briefcase like a ninja, then he eventually cashes it in against Sheamus after a match. Kidd promptly becomes the first ever wrestler (yes, I use the term wrestler when referring to Kidd) to cash in the briefcase and lose after Sheamus Razo...I mean Celtic Crosses Kidd right out of the arena.

Worst-Case Scenario

Everyone in the MitB match starts arguing about who is the best superstar. That's when they all decide to collectively abuse and beat down Kidd.

However, after the beatdown, Kidd manages to cling onto Tensai's leg and hold him off long enough to not reach the briefcase. This puts Kidd into a program with Tensai were he will either get beaten up over and over or get sneaky roll up wins.

It doesn't matter, any feud with Tensai automatically qualifies as worst-case scenario.

Sin Cara (aka MitB Spot Monkey)

Best-Case Scenario

Sin Cara does the first ever quadruple moonsault 1080 twist off a 40-foot ladder, onto the other participants (not botching it) and never comes close to winning the MitB.

Worst-Case Scenario

Sin Cara does the first ever quadruple moonsault 1080 twist off a 40-foot ladder, onto the other participants (botching it) and never comes close to hitting any of the other superstars or winning the MitB.

Damien Sandow

Best-Case Scenario

Sandow wins and we all get to see the meteoric rise of Damien Sandow...only to watch him fade away just like everybody who isn't named Cena, Orton or is named like Cher (Kane, Undertaker, Rock, etc.) 

Worst-Case Scenario

During the MitB, Sandow gets his beard stuck under a ladder. As he desperately tries to escape he rips his beard clean off his face.  

Little does anyone know, Sandow's super intelligence was supplied by his supernatural beard. Beardless and average, Sandow fades into obscurity.

How infelicitous.

Cody Rhodes

Best-Case Scenario

What should happen!

Rhodes wins and becomes one of the best in the business (yeah, I can be serious).

Worst-Case Scenario

Rhodes easily wins the MitB. Now this is not a shock to anyone, but it is very pleasant. However, WWE creative feels like Rhodes is missing something and that something is his family.

Rhodes then debuts his new persona known as The Gold American. Though every person in the WWE Universe (the only time I will ever say that, I promise) hates this gimmick, the WWE brass loves it. The Gold American ends up winning the title, but the next Smackdown viewership drops .02 points and they promptly take the title of him and replace him with Randy Orton.

Dolph Ziggler

Best-Case Scenario

Somehow, Vickie Guerrero manages to screw over Ziggler, joining forces with Tensai without causing a feud between the two superstars. 

Ziggler wins the MitB and he ends up winning the World Heavyweight Championship cleanly without a run in. Proving just how great he really is. However, during Sheamus's automatic rematch against Ziggler, Sheamus accidentally pokes Ziggler's eye out with his spiked hair.

Ziggler drops the belt, but comes back as the ultimate one-eyed underdog. Then the WWE makes him a pirate.

Worst-Case Scenario

1) Feud with Tensai

2) Stops bleaching his hair (seriously what were they thinking!)

Shenanigans Are Finished

There it is. The best- and worst-case scenario's for every participant in the Smackdown Money in the Bank 2012.

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