Bleacher Report Writers Grapple for Top Spot!
With Literary Top Jock Lisa Horne's exit from the Journalistic Starting Rotation, top Bleacher Report Writers are grappling for the coveted top spot. Much like the Beatles of the 60's, the UCLA Bruins of the 70's and Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon of the 70's, 80's, 90's....and beyond, Horne has been perched atop the BR top spot for an infinite number of weeks.
Horne, who's journalistic style was insightful, daring, and a wee bit pithy has ventured off to points unknown and left the likes of Baby Tate, Andrew McNair, Sean Crowe, Salaar Arsham Shamsi, Alan Bass, Zander Freund, Saraswathi Sirigina and L.J. Burgess to Rassle for the much ballyhooed (I've always wanted to say Ballyhooed) Stylistic Belt...
.jpg?w=256 "Colts Jaguars Football")
"Ladies and Gentleman...Your attention to the Center ring...Slated for One Fall with a Ten Minute Time Limit...The Bleacher Report Battle Royal....Featuring no fewer than 7 of the top BR writers.
L-E-T-S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the corner to my right... 
wearing the Blue and White One Piece Singlet of the Duke Blue Devils and exposing muscles in places that he didn't even know he had them...The most gifted writer to ever leap over the Mason Dixon line....Baby Tate.....!! Tate!!
And the Cameron Crazies stand and begin jumping up and down like enourmous Blue and White Jumping Beans and belt out:
"Duke, we thy anthems raise for all praises untold......"
And in the corner to my other right....wearing nothing but a kilt (no it's not Roddy Piper), draped in a Scottish Flag, and swinging a nasty Cricket Bat...the pride of Scotland via South Africa....it's
Andrew McNair. McNair. !!!
And the raucous crowd begins to chant the lyrics to the Scottish National Anthem.
"O flower of Scotland When will we see Your like again That fought and died for Your wee bit hill and glen and st..."
And in the corner to my far right yet again....wearing nothing but Red Sox Red and hurriedly Pahking His Cah in Hahvahd Yahd, the hahdest hittah to come out of Beantown since Rocky Marciano...
The Pride of Southie...Sean Crowe...Crowe ! 
And the crowd begins to throw bricks and fire bombs which haven't been seen in Boston since forced bussing and belts out the lyrics to Sweet Caroline..."So good, so good"...I'm feeling fine..Bbbbmmmp, bmmmmp, bmmmp..
And to my far left...from Parts Unknown...Aka Pakistan..England..Singapore...and Turkey...wearing the Red and White of ManUnite...and surrounded by his entourage of football houligans...
It's Salaar Arshad Shamsi..Shamsi....
And in the corner to my right, yet again, wearing nothing but a Flyers sweater and a toothless smile, from the Southside...home of the Italian Stallion, the World Champion Phil's and Pat and Gino's Cheese Steak's..From the City of Brotherly love..The only city to boo Santa Claus...
It's Alan Bass...Bass.....
And in the corner to my very far left....The Brains Behind the Blog...The Pride of Haight-Ashbury...San Francisco's Own Village Person...adorned in the tights of Rice A Roni City's most light-footed ballerinas...
It's The Zandy Man....Zander Freund...
And the crowd begins to toss Barry Bonds syringes into the direction of the Boy Wonder.
And last, but certainly not least..wearing the familiar one piece racing suit of McLaren-Mercedes Racing Team and draped in nothing but a checkered flag.....from Voltairine de Cleyre's world...
It's Saraswathi Sirigina....Sirigina 
And as the bell sounds all grapplers head to the center of the ring...Baby Tate affixes himself atop the corner and does a flying drop kick to the ribs of McNair. Shamsi reaches under his tights and rubs salt into the eyes of Crowe..Freund hits Sirigina just below the belt...
And in a unanimous decision..The Winner of Bleacher Report's Top Writer is................
THE FAMOUS EDITED ENDING AS SUGGESTED BY THE TOP OF THE HEAP BR WRITERS!!
But wait BR Fans...Just when we thought we had seen everything...Who's this driving down from the dressing room in a suped Ford. Fishtailing all the way down the runway? ....Wearing the Black and Orange Singlet with the Oriole on the front, high top Johnny Unitas boots and Wes Unselds Afro Hair Style The Bishop of "Bal-mere"...L.J. Burgess.
And Burgess in all his bulk and splendor lifts Baby Tate above his head, goes into a helicop[ter spin and throws Tate out of the ring. The crowd is going crazy as The Amazing L.J. pulls his teeth from his head and bites the amazing Zander on the ass. L.J. Turns his attention to Bass and Crowe and cracks their heads together like two coconuts. Burgess is going absolutely bonkers. He climbs to the top rope and does a quadruple flip and comes down on Shamsi.
This leaves only Burgess and the dainty and delicate Saraswathi..Saraswathi is no match for the hiped up Burgess. She cowers as the madman of Maryland approaches her...Burgess leaps up in the air as Sawathi faces her ultimate demise..
Poor Sawathi...
And then with cat like reflexes Saraswathi cracks Burgess in the Testies and he drops to his knees. Saraswathi clenches her fist and raises it to the sky. She cocks he fist and drives towards Burgesses nose.
She stops just before she strikes Burgess' wrinkled Brow...
"Live or Die Burgess? Live or Die? she screams.
"DIE!!!" Screams Burgess.
HONK!!!!!
.jpg?w=480 "Colts Jaguars Football")
