The Five People You Meet in Fantasy Baseball

Back in the day, the fact was that almost all fantasy players were really into the game. “Fantasy Dorks,” we were called by those not gifted enough to play. A guy who talked about fantasy sports was mocked with such taunts as, “he definitely has no girlfriend,” and similar barbs.

My, my how times have changed! Now everyone has at least one team, and some are so obsessed with fantasy sports they are well overdue for their own support group.

Being one of those aforementioned ‘fantasy dorks’ with way too much time on my hands, I have gone beyond studying the game to studying the players themselves, and, given my affinity for the movie Reservoir Dogs, I will sometimes assign names to other owners in fantasy baseball leagues.

And much like Joe, who ran the show in Tarantino’s masterpiece, I don’t allow people to pick their names, although mine are based more on your performance, not random colors.

You might not always run into all of these people in every league, but I’d be willing to bet you’ll get two or three every time.

Mr. Add & Drop—Almost every league has this guy, and some have more than one. Mr. Add & Drop does exactly what his name says, adds and drops players with all the discretion of your proverbial drunken sailor. I’m talking two or three moves on a daily basis.

There was a guy in one league I played in last year that had 70 moves before the season even started! All this type of player is doing is recycling one free agent after another, trying to hit that one prize that he can actually use.

And when they actually do score a winner, all you’ll hear is them shout to the rooftops about how they knew all along that he was going to be a diamond in the rough, and how smart they were for picking up that player when they did! Can you say blind squirrel?

Give your team members a longer leash before they find themselves on the chopping block. You can identify this fan by his unique appreciation of Dan Snyder’s player management.

Mr. Disappearing Drafter—My least favorite player. This character is the one who comes to the draft, is about as successful as a Alaskan ice cube salesman , then a month into the season find themselves in dead last and you never hear from them again. They don’t ever check back in, they don’t replace people that are injured.

Their average daily lineup has more holes in it than the Golden State Warriors’ defense, and their players are completely out of the game as you can’t trade with this person because they don’t play. This player can normally be spotted wearing either Kansas City Royals, Oakland Raiders, or Memphis Grizzlies' gear.

Mr. 2001 All-Star Team—He’s very excited about where Ken Griffey Jr. might land in free agency, because he’s got a roster spot for him. This is generally a player that doesn’t spend a bunch of their time keeping up with their fantasy baseball.

They can’t believe Todd Helton fell to the third round, and didn’t Jim Edmonds hit 40+ homers just last year? You can spot these guys at the draft because they are usually wearing an '80s hair-band concert shirt.

Mr. 2010 All-Star Team—the opposite of Mr. 2001 is Mr. 2010. He’ll have Cameron Maybin, Jay Bruce, Matt Wieters, Dexter Fowler, Pablo Sandoval, Evan Longoria, and Clay Buchholz on this team.

It is vital for a championship team to have some of these guys sprinkled around their roster, but oh no, Mr. 2010 has them all...and he’s in eighth place.

Rookies are nice, but usually inconsistent. Loading up on them is not a good strategy. Normally, they can be seen wearing a throwback LeBron James St. Vincent-St. Mary High School jersey.

Mr. Hometown Hero—This one seems to involve Yankee fans an awful lot of the time. You can tell who this person’s favorite team is by looking at his roster for two seconds.

It is loaded with players from one specific team, and the holes are filled by guys who USED to play for that team.

You don’t see this a lot with Orioles or Nationals fans. Let’s face it, after Brian Roberts and Ryan Zimmerman there isn’t a lot to get excited about with those clubs.

But Mr. Hometown Hero Yankee fan will have Posada, Damon, Cano, Jeter, and of course this year will have the new additions of Sabathia, Burnett, and Teixeira.

The good part about this player is that if you happen to be lucky enough to get one of their favorite team’s players, you can usually milk them and get much more than their value back in a trade.

Easily identifiable by the NY jersey with the big blue No. 2 on the back.

Do you have anymore players that I forgot? As always your comments and questions are welcome at [e-mail]. I guarantee a response within 18 hours.