Wenger, Arshavin and Zenit Star In "From Russia With Love"

From Russia with Love.

Stars: Arshavin, Zenit, Wenger.

Location: Multiple, Russia and England.

Scene 179

Arshavin: It would be a dream to play for Barcelona.

Wenger: Arsenal's transfer dealings don't take place in public!

Zenit: Why?

Wenger: It's not our way of doing things.

Zenit: Ohhhhhhhh!

Wenger: By the way Arshavin is overrated.

Arshavin: It would be a dream to play for Tottenham.

Wenger: We have the quality to challenge for the title.

Fabregas: Boss, I am hurt.

Arshavin: It would be a dream to play for Arsenal.

Wenger: Arshavin is exactly what Arsenal need.

Arshavin: Gotcha!

Zenit: He is worth £20m.

Wenger: Okay! Here's £11,!

Zenit: No. It's not enough!

Arshavin: I want to move to Arsenal to prove my worth.

Wenger: Take another million, that's it!

Zenit: Is this your final offer?

Wenger: This is my final offer.

Zenit: NO. Still not enough.

Arshavin's Agent: I am frustrated!

Arshavin: Don't worry. I'll pray to god.

Wenger: I am hopeful.

Zenit: He is worth £20m.

Wenger: £12.5m + add-ons = £15m. This is my offer.

Zenit: Are you sure?

Wenger: You will not hold me to ransom.

Arshavin's Agent: See, Zenit is "barbaric".

Zenit: But he is worth £20m!

Arshavin: I'll go on strike!

Zenit: We have an agreement!

Wenger: I don't know anything about it.

Zenit: Arshavin wants more money.

Arshavin: I have nothing to do with it. The clubs will decide.

Zenit: Arshavin, you are a liar!

Wenger: I am not close to signing anyone.

Zenit: He wants money, Wenger! Money, money, money.

Wenger: OK! I'll be quiet.

(Wenger sits quiet in the corner, disappointed and visibly broken. Arshavin and Zenit  approach him with stealthy feet!)

Arshavin, Zenit: You've just been PUNKED! hahahahaha! You've just been PUNKED!

Wenger: I have signed Miguel Veloso and we have the quality in our squad.

Me: What rubbish am I writing! I need a nap, honestly. Sorry I've got to leave you with this..."thing?".