Improvements? Very Special UFC Guest Referees

What follows is a list of 10 people I think would be good guest referees in the UFC. But before you dismiss this list as just another exercise in slideshow-based frivolity, I'd like you to ask yourself one question:

Would I want one of these guys as my referee, or would I prefer Steve Mazzagatti?

Not so frivolous anymore now, is it? Slideshows: part of the solution. Read on. 

10. David Spade

The catty comedian, avid MMA fan and semi-counterintuitive ladies' man would be a terrific guest ref. I'd pay money just to watch Spade pat the loser on the back and bid him "BUH-bye" as he exited the cage.

9. Bas Rutten

This one is actually somewhat serious. Who knows more about the sport than El Guapo?

8. Tim Sylvia

He needs a job. Any job. And you know all this Mark Hunt stuff is eating him alive from the inside.

If you're not going to let Sylvia fight in the UFC again, why not sign him up to ref the UFC 146 main event? Throw this man a bone already. 

7. John Roberts

Now there's a haircut you can set your watch to.

I can't think of a better fight arbitrator than the Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court. If you need a stoppage or a low-blow deduction, it's no problem. No problem at all. Well within his purview. You should receive a final written decision in three to five months.

6. Rickson Gracie

I'd love to see all the different ways he'd try to insert himself into the fight.

Giggling at submission attempts, for example. Or repeatedly calling timeout because a mouthpiece was crooked. Or raising his own hand at the end of the fight. It is the Gracie way. You're welcome.  

5. Shonie Carter

Not only does he have referee experience, he was in the cage for that famous double-knockout, which made the YouTube rounds not too long ago.

4. Shaquille O'Neal

A "huge" (both in stature and fervor) fan of MMA. Unless he has a bone to pick with Jose Canseco, the ship has probably sailed on Shaq Fu's fight career. But he'd be a barrel of excitement as a guest ref.

3. Randy Couture

Probably the only completely serious suggestion on this list.

Why not? He's forgotten more about the game than most will ever know, he's old enough not to have relationships with current fighters (most of them anyway), he'd make thoughtful decisions that the fighters would surely respect, and he's got that Herb Deanesque calm-in-the-storm demeanor that would serve him well when the proverbial bullets are flying.  

2. Ed Hochuli

The physique is on target anyway. 

This would also allow the UFC to pilot-test the penalty flag as a new referee tool. Instead of a ref putting his body at risk by hurling himself between two fighters, just throw a flag into the scrum when it's time to stand 'em up. Stop the clock, announce what just happened to the crowd, stand them up, talk about it with the timekeeper for five minutes, review the scrum for three minutes, confirm your call and restart the action. Now that's major-league efficiency.

1. Mills Lane

Who better to make a cameo appearance than one of boxing's most celebrated referees?

Plus, while he's there, he could handle everybody's small claims disputes. Finally Cain Velasquez can get some remuneration for that time Jon Fitch didn't pay him back for that new heavy bag chain. What, Jon, you think heavy bag chains grow on trees?!?! It's not your turn to speak, Cain!

In real life, sadly, Lane still struggles to cope with a debilitating stroke he suffered several years back. But if he ever wanted to show up at an UFC event, it would be great to see him cage side, or even inside as a honorary guest ref.