The ABC's of Boxing

A is for Angelo Dundee who says, "Oscar, you're blowing it."

B is for Bob Arum and his bank account.

C is for Calzhage, who should retire... Please!

D is for Don King, who needs a haircut. His bird's-nest inspired hairstyle is an all-time great.

E is for El Terrible, who says he wants a comeback... All I say is, "Why not try Sammy Ventura!"

F is for Freddie, who knows what he's talking about.

G is for the Golden Boy prospects who were matched up with part-time cable operators.

H is for Humberto Soto, who finally got what he deserves.

I is for the Italian Malignaggi, who can't knockout my four-year-old cousin Timothy.

J is for JC Jr., who fights the best, great nobody of his division, the champion of all tomato cans!

K is for Khan and his glass jaw, which again will be exposed by Barrera.

L is for Larry Merchant. Boxing needs more of Larry.

M is for Money Mayweather, who will stage a comeback later this year. Reason? Financial!

N is for Nacho, who couldn't edge out Freddie.

O is for Oscar and the search for his second farewell fight. LOL!

P is for Pacman, who will suffer a knockout loss in the local election here at the Philippines come 2010.

Q is for mi querido Juan Manuel Marquez, who whines like a baby, and is a sore loser.

R is for Ricky Hatton, who I'm sure was drunk last night.

S is for Scheaffer, who impersonates Howie Mandel, saying, "Pacquaio, deal or no deal?"

T is for Tijuana Tornado. Mosley beware!

U is for Ulyses Solis. If Pacquiao is the Mexecutioner, Solis is the Pinoycutioner (sounds bad) or Filipicutioner (sounds worse)

V is for Vic Darchinyan, who owns the biggest mouth in boxing. Apologies to Naseem Hamed and Iron Mike.

W is for the WBC, now under martial law. Sulaiman Tyranny is 33 years-old and counting!

X is for the Xecutioner, Bernard Hopkins, and his new-found fountain of youth against Pavlik. Sadly, there's no other option but to retire.

Y is for Yuriorkis Gamboa. Why? I can't think of any item for the letter "Y."

Z is for, forget about "Z," it's hard to think, you know...

Thank you for listening to my ABC.. It was pretty LMN-tary!