Mel Kiper, Jr. Has Nightmare about Draft Pick He Didn't Know About (Humor)

NFL Draft guru Mel Kiper Jr. had a nightmare last night about a draft pick he didn't know of. His name was Rory Nicol, an Ohio State tight end. In the nightmare, the Philadelphia Eagles selected him in the final round with the sixth to last pick.

When the pick was finalized, Kiper had nothing to say! He didn't know his height and weight off the top of his head, nor did he know his 40 yard dash time or his stats in 2008.

Said Kiper: "It was humiliating. In my 25 years covering the NFL Draft, I've never had such a humiliating moment. I'd like to apologize to Rory Nicol and his family.

I have embarrassed the family name. I'll make sure to research him tonight and find pointless statistics to use tomorrow to make up for my mistake. This could be the end of the world as we know it." For years, Kiper has known every player. His 40-yard dash, height and weight, college, statistics and if he is an ideal fit.

When the Eagles drafted Nicol (in the nightmare, of course), Kiper was blank. He had not a clue who Nicol was. He didn't even know what college he went to! All Kiper could do was smoothly run his hand through his overly-gelled hair.

Of course not knowing what he was talking about, he blurted out his infamous 2005 line to fellow annoying analyst Todd McShay: "I'll see you at his Hall of Fame induction." It was a disaster for Kiper, the only time he was clueless on draft day.

Kiper also added, with a chuckle: "Next year, you can expect better. I'd like to apologize to my wife, Kim, my hometown of Jarrettstown, Maryland and all my fans. I know this is a sad day for them and I am so sorry for the burden I have put on their shoulders. I know my fans are weeping over the mistake I have made. I really let them down."

Later in the dream, ESPN reporters interview fans all over New York, where the draft took place.

Jets fan Jim Norris seemed unphased.

"We all make mistakes, and who in the world gives a s*** about Mel Kiper?"

Other fans chipped in their opinions. Most fans led us to the conclusion that no one really cares. Eagles fans were very disappointed with it. They were mad that no one knew, especially Kiper, of the newest tight end in Philadelphia.

Die hard Eagles fan Chris Mays, who was painted green, showed his feelings. "This is a guy we put on TV, and he doesn't know our newest draft pick? Come on! Eagles fans need to know this guy. ESPN, fire this a-hole!"

He's the only one in the dream that seemed to care about Kiper's newest gaffe. Fellow analyst Todd McShay expressed little interest. "Happens," the annoying reporter boringly stated.

Fellow announcer Chris Berman wasn't shocked. "He must have put too much gel on this morning and it got to his brain.

But we all do it.

He's done it many times. We saw what happened when he guaranteed good careers of [2005 first round pick] Mike Williams, [1990 top pick] Jeff George, [1999 first rounder] Akili Smith and [1998 second overall pick] Ryan Leaf. But we all do it. We'll see what happens in the 2010 draft. Whop!"

The real Mel Kiper Jr. woke up after this and screamed. He never could imagine such a thing. The real Mel Kiper Jr. wouldn't do that.