8 Facts About Peyton Manning That I Just Made Up

It appears that we may see a Peyton Manning signing sooner than later. Reports indicate that members of the Denver Broncos staff have flown to Durham, North Carolina, to watch Manning throw, and that the Tennessee Titans are the front-runners to secure his services. 

Before we learn where Peyton will be spending his time on injured reserve in 2012 (I kid, I kid, as Levy would say), it's a good time to reflect on all of the ridiculous rumors we heard about Peyton's potential signing destination. Did anyone really think he was going to play for the Chiefs?! OK, anyone besides Chiefs fans? Didn't think so. 

I thought this would be a good time to fire one last salvo of baseless conjecture into the wind. So here are eight facts about Peyton Manning that I just made up. I guess they're not really facts, since they're entirely fictional anecdotes, but that sounds like splitting hairs to me. Just read the list.

Peyton is a renowned horticulturalist.

He has a garden of witch hazel at his Indianapolis home which, unlike Peyton, doesn't wither in January.

Peyton is allergic to milk. And most puddings.

He learned about his allergy the hard way, after missing two games in high school following a bout with tapioca.

He has season tickets to the WNBA's Indiana Shock.

But he never goes. It's lonely over there. Plus, I'm not actually sure if that's the name of the team.

Peyton is deathly afraid of clowns.

It's rumored that Jim Caldwell got the Colts job in 2009 after chasing the circus out of town.

Peyton has already made plans to have his body cryogenically frozen immediately after his death.

He's hoping that the procedure—along with any medical breakthroughs that occur during his stasis—will allow him to resume his NFL career in the future. And you thought Brett Favre was a pain in the ass.

He hosts a "Magic: The Gathering" tournament in suburban Indianapolis, known to insiders simply as "The Peyton."

Manning stopped played in the annual event after engaging in shouting matches with his mama.

Peyton hated the rebooted Star Trek film.

He couldn't get past the fact that actor John Cho went through an entire movie without getting high. Plus, he thought that Chris Pine had a goofy-shaped head.

In real life, Peyton despises Justin Timberlake.

To this day, Manning still declares that "sexy" is, in fact, "still not brought back."