Peyton Hillis Will Not Retire To Join the CIA

Crisis averted, Cleveland Browns fans. Peyton Hillis will not be joining the CIA, according to Cleveland.com, ruining possibly the coolest sports story of the decade.

In response to a story where it is claimed that Hillis was contemplating retirement after the 2011 season to join the Central Intelligence Agency, Hillis said this:

"

That's ridiculous. I never one time mentioned anything to any coach about retirement or joining the CIA or anything like that. It's 100 percent false. I don't know who came up with a story like that, but they should've come up with a better one to make it sound more legit. It makes me sound insane.

"

He then goes on to talk about how someone is trying to ruin his reputation, or something along those lines. If anything, wouldn't we all think of Hillis as a bad-ass if he dropped his NFL digs and joined the CIA? Wouldn't that be a cool thing? Browns fans probably wouldn't care, given his disappointing 2011 season, so we would all win. 

For now, we'll have to watch Hillis rumble down the field and running over middle linebackers, rather than watching him run down drug cartels or terrorists, or whatever it is that the CIA does.

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