IMPACT Wrestling Quick Thoughts for February 23, 2012

It's been too long!

It's been too long since I've written here, on Bleacher Report.

I am done slaving over full reviews—which brings us here, to my "IMPACT Wrestling Quick Thoughts." No need to explain it, just read.

To quote Bully Ray, here's my awesome new intro.

"Shut up. I'm talking!"

- Bobby Roode, your suit looked two sizes too big, brother. I like how you dress like a champ, but looks like you stole this suit from Bully Ray.

- Bobby Roode says ending Sting’s career is the best moment of his career. Roode owns it on the mic in the opening segment.

- Crimson blames Matt Morgan for losing the titles and blames him for a future heel turn…these guys look like they can pass as brothers.

- Joe and Magnus prove that they’re the best thing since the iPad 2.

- I’m dying for a Crimson heel turn, but it’s weird. Crimson and Morgan and Joe and Magnus are, like, the only good tag teams in TNA right now. Splitting them up would leave Joe and Magnus without any challengers. Well…there is one team. Eric Young and that guy, ODB. If not, I’m available for a tag team.

- Brandon Jacobs says after winning a Super Bowl, you go to IMPACT Wrestling. YEAH!…where’s the rest of your team then?

- Brandon Jacobs is pretty good on the mic and well-liked by fans in the IMPACT Zone.

- For a New York Giants HB, Brandon Jacobs couldn’t catch up to Bully Ray on the entrance ramp. Hey, NYG! Sign Bully Ray! He’s faster than Jacobs!

- I watched SportsNation and they spoiled the main event for the night. They aired a clip of Jacobs slamming Bully Ray through a table before IMPACT did. Can IMPACT sue them?

- James Storm needed a step ladder to whisper in Jacob’s ear. No wait, he stood on Hardy’s back…I didn’t notice Jeff was there.

- Alex Shelley recently purchased $80 worth of NERF guns and darts. Why? Why the hell not?! Maybe if you watched TNA Spin Cycle, you’d be up to date on this kinda stuff. That’s how I learned about SoCal Val’s love for Cheez-Its...the rest is IMPACT Review history.

- Austin Aries drinks wine while eating popcorn. I don’t think movie theaters sell wine, A Double. Grab a Coke like your average man!

- Zema Ion actually used hair spray for something besides his hair! Is that a first?! Usually, he uses the full can on his own head…

- I miss Zema’s 450 Splash.

- Hulkamania wants Garett to stop wrestling. Way to hop onto the bandwagon a bit too late, Hogan. Had you said this a month ago, Garett would be gone.

- Madison Rayne is attractive when she’s not screaming her head off at a camera.

- This Knockouts match was...was...10 Divas matches in one time slot! Amazing.

- ODB is underrated and misused. I can safely say, Eric Young saved her...only a little bit. Hey, at least she’s on TV now.

- Knockouts action was tip-top (is that a word?) this week.

- Gail Kim is getting less boring as she moves away from feuds with former WWE Divas.

- Sting started that denim jacket trend. Madison Rayne fed into it this week. Everyone’s homework assignment for this week is to go out and buy a denim jacket. If you already have one, you should be writing these quick thoughts instead of me. Congrats! Now get to writing!

- AJ Styles is done with Daniels and Kazarian. He wants to aim towards the World Heavyweight Championship!

*Mike Tenay’s voice*

“Up next; AJ Styles vs. Robbie E for the TNA Television Championship!

-WHAT?!

- Jesse Sorensen’s video packages continue to make me sad. Another good way of informing us about his condition, TNA.

- As you may know by now, I am a Robbie E mark. Yes, a mark. AJ vs. Robbie has been a dream match of mine. Okay, now you can make fun of me…

- In other news, Rob Terry is a tag team champion in TNA developmental territory, OVW.

- I like the gorillas more than the fists and/or “GTW” on Robbie’s trunks...yes, a mark.

- Most people hate Robbie’s Jersey Shore gimmick. I say, turn it up a notch! Makes him unique amongst the other guys on the roster. Fist pump harder, gel your hair higher and continue this gimmick (I told you—a fricken’ mark)!

- With that said, AJ Styles is the best wrestler in the world. Am I starting something? Depends which side of the fence you’re on.

- This match was going good like any AJ (or Robbie E) match. The ending was upsetting because I wanted a good, clean finish.

- Christopher Daniels may need some new underwear after watching Kazarian last night. You see Daniels’ face? Perfect.

- The ‘No DQ’ stipulation was added just so Brandon Jacobs could get his hands dirty. I loved that.

- It’s good to see Kurt Angle back. Especially if he’s going to feud with Jeff Hardy this close to Lockdown. In 2010 and 2011, Kurt Angle was Mr. Lockdown.

- Brandon Jacobs can do a pretty good choke slam. FOX Sports says that he and Dixie Carter were discussing plans of a wrestling career after his time in the NFL. Last time a former football player joined TNA was (NO!) Monty Brown! YES! Dammit, this week’s Quick Thoughts has everything!...almost everything.

- WWE Hall of Famer Ron Simmons couldn’t help but shout, “DAMN!” when seeing Jacobs’ choke slam. Nailed it. We’re back full-time, ladies and gentlemen.

- Matt Morgan and his Direct Auto commercials dethrone Robbie E’s Valentine’s Day commercials as, “Best commercials in the history of Television.”

- I want Sting’s new T-shirt. Anyone willing to buy me one? I’ll give all my shipping info via Twitter.

- Again, Roode’s suit is too big! It looks like he’s wearing sweatpants with a jacket and tie!

- Sting vs. Bobby Roode should be a great main event for Victory Road.

Okay, now it's your turn. 

Go ahead and comment.

Ta-ta for now!