Tebowmania and Kenny Powers Are More Alike Than You Thought

Over at Grantland, Kenny Powers—hilarious protagonist of HBO's Eastbound and Down—wrote an enlightening (cough) and entertaining piece trying to explain this country's fascination with Tim Tebow.

You really should check that out, as some of the jokes are uproarious but probably a bit more off-color than would be permissible to share here.

Nonetheless, let's take a look at some of Powers' key arguments and break them down in this space.

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The more I read about Tim Tebow, the more I see similarities to my own life story. Our story begins with a young mother-to-be who wants an abortion. Instead, she mans up and has the baby, giving birth to a son-child.

This special son-child makes a life out of bucking the odds. Though neither the strongest nor the fastest, he excels at sports.

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Hmm, I think perhaps Kenny is getting a few aspects of Tebow's upbringing a bit mixed up here. His mother didn't actually want to have an abortion, and growing up, I'm pretty sure Tebow was probably the strongest and fastest kid around.

You know what, let's not split hairs here—the spirit of his message is what really matters.

And that message, basically, is that God just likes Tim Tebow and Kenny Powers more than the rest of us.

Crap. That really sucks for the rest of us.

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By now, our hero has upset a whole lot of people. There are those who simply don't like the idea of a man being favored by God. They feel his special relationship with Jesus diminishes their own somehow. If Jesus loves the Gifted Young Athlete, what does he think of the rest of us? Bunch of assholes?

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Well, that would explain how Tebow beat the Pittsburgh Steelers by throwing the ball, or all of those late-game comebacks. And here I was, thinking Tebow and the Denver Broncos were winning because he wasn't turning the ball over and the defense was able to keep games close.

I feel so small and insignificant right now. And it only gets worse.

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Jesus helps us win at sports games, yet he's nowhere to be found when poor people need important medicine for their kid's infection, or when they're late on a mortgage payment. Think about it.

"

Hey, yeah, what the hell? Why do they get the special treatment? Why can't I get my school loans forgiven?

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Yet here Jesus is, helping me & Tebow out in sports, just because we're maybe a little bit cooler in his eyes. It's a raw deal, plain and simple.

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Oh, right, I didn't take into consideration the cool factor. That makes sense.

I suppose if you aren't familiar with Kenny Powers, this all must seem odd and somewhat confusing. But trust me, this is classic Kenny. The man just calls 'em like he sees 'em.

Sometimes you just need to step back and say, "Hey, the higher powers that be simply don't like you as much as they like me. That's life, man."

And I guess the rest of us just have to deal with that.

Hit me up on Twitter—my tweets never accidentally fall over the goal line.