Le Lanterne Rouge's Sportswriter Profile

Le Lanterne Rouge joined March 2009

Syndicated Writer

4,465article reads
Rank: 3,971
17articles written
Rank: 2,724
4comments written
Rank: 17,085

About Le Lanterne Rouge »

I'm not a cyclist, but I play one on TV. Actually, I play one on the weekends when I dress up in sissy, multi-colored spandex and pretend to be a racer. I used to race. Well, let me say I entered bike races. Some may argue that my performance could not be construed as 'racing' so much as 'hanging on for dear life,' 'wheel-sucking,' and 'vomitting.' Regardless, I paid for a license and wore a number, so I raced, dammit! I also like writing, and know just enough about the sport to be dangerously opinionated. Approach with caution.

Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/hopheadvelo
Email: Lanterne_Rouge@yahoo.com

Le Lanterne Rouge's Website »

http://zoogroove.blogspot.com/

The Shortlist »

Favorite Athletes

Lance Armstrong, Bernard Hinault, Eddy Merckx, Niki Lauda, Pele, Dave Casper
Favorite Sports Teams

US Postal/Team Discovery during the height of Armstrong's reign. Also, the Oakland Raiders and whoever's playing the Denver Broncos
Favorite Coaches

Bruyneel (technically Directeur Sportif), Madden, Flores, Chuckie
All Time Sports Moment

"The look" in the 2001 TdF...Armstrong assessing the opposition before putting the hammer down and burying them all. That, and Mike Davis' interception in the end zone against the Cleveland Browns in the 1980 playoffs.
Most Memorable Game Attended

Raiders vs. Chargers in San Diego, December 2002...before the Raiders' Super Bowl humiliation on the same field just a few weeks later.
Most Unbreakable Sports Record

Seven Tour de France victories. Oh, and that's seven in a row, too. With one testicle. All after being given a 50% chance of surviving cancer. Top that.
Ruth or Mays?
Unitas or Montana?
Jordan or Russell?
Gretzky or Orr?
Pele or Maradona?
Federer or Sampras?
Tiger or Nicklaus?
Petty or Earnhardt?

You're kidding about this, right? Really?!? Driving a car in ovals is a sport?!? No wonder other intelligent life in the universe avoids us. Next, you're going to tell me that knocking down pins by rolling a heavy ball is... Oh, wait a minute.
Schumacher or Senna?
Pac 10, Big 12, Big 10, SEC, ACC, or Big East?

Latest Articles »

Armstrong Wins 44th Tour de France on Eve of 100th Birthday (Satire)

07/26/2009

334 reads 0 comments 0 likes

Contador Arrested for Series of Attacks on Quiet French Village (Satire)

07/24/2009

549 reads 1 comments 0 likes

Phil Liggett Exhausts World's Supply of Cycling Analogies (Satire)

07/08/2009

865 reads 2 comments 1 likes

Visiting Americans “Totally Blank” on What to Write on Giro Course (Satire)

05/13/2009

120 reads 1 comments 0 likes

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Le Lanterne Rouge's Communities (4) »

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Le Lanterne Rouge's Favorite Writers (1) »

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Le Lanterne Rouge joined March 2009

About Le Lanterne Rouge »

Le Lanterne Rouge's Website »

The Shortlist »

Latest Articles »

Armstrong Wins 44th Tour de France on Eve of 100th Birthday (Satire)

Contador Arrested for Series of Attacks on Quiet French Village (Satire)

Phil Liggett Exhausts World's Supply of Cycling Analogies (Satire)

Visiting Americans “Totally Blank” on What to Write on Giro Course (Satire)

Le Lanterne Rouge's Achievements & Awards (0) »

Le Lanterne Rouge's Communities (4) »

Le Lanterne Rouge's Fans (8) »

Le Lanterne Rouge's Favorite Writers (1) »

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About Le Lanterne Rouge »

Le Lanterne Rouge's Website »

The Shortlist »

Latest Articles »

Armstrong Wins 44th Tour de France on Eve of 100th Birthday (Satire)

Contador Arrested for Series of Attacks on Quiet French Village (Satire)

Phil Liggett Exhausts World's Supply of Cycling Analogies (Satire)

Visiting Americans “Totally Blank” on What to Write on Giro Course (Satire)

Le Lanterne Rouge's Achievements & Awards (0) »

Le Lanterne Rouge's Communities (4) »

Le Lanterne Rouge's Fans (8) »

Le Lanterne Rouge's Favorite Writers (1) »

About B/R

Writing for B/R

Explore B/R

Popular Topics

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