Akoma Rodriguez (pronounced AHK-OH-MA) is a devishly (or is that allegedly?) handsome writer of sports affairs, around 9400 days old, who resides between the 30th and 40th parallel. Ruffled collar, no pants, static-electric hair, cigarette hanging loosely from lips, dog staring hopelessly at his feet, girlfriend hasn't called in weeks, ramen noodles evolving into centipedes on desk, beard is picking up lint (oh wait there's a beard?), crumpled paper obscures the floorboards, slits of light pour in through the blinds on his red twitching eyes....thank god he's not a professional folks!