1. Tom Brady, New England Patriots: It Doesn't Have to Be Pretty

    It wasn't how Tom Brady and the New England Patriots drew it up, but they'll take it... This Sunday, the New England Patriots, showing none of the dominance that secured their ...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 1 year ago 1,645 reads 0 comments

  2. New England Patriots Dynasty Rests on a Fourth World Championship

    It all comes down to 2012... The New England Patriots , under tutelage of head coach Bill Belichick , have knotted together quite an impressive resume...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 1 year ago 657 reads 1 comments

  3. Tom Brady and New England Patriots Dance into a New Season

    The 2011 NFL season has officially begun. Many skeptics, most of whom have fabulous hair, would claim that the season actually began all the way back on Thursday, but they would be wrong...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 1 year ago 156 reads 0 comments

  4. Daisuke Matsuzaka to Teach Aerodynamics at Boston Red Sox Institute of Science

    I am proud to announce that the Boston Red Sox have decided to open a brand new Institute for Advanced Science! The venerable Daisuke Matsuzaka , who will surely become the ...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about 2 years ago 303 reads 5 comments

  5. Boston Red Sox and Josh Beckett Find a Coffee Grinder

    I have made a decision: The 2011 major league baseball season began on April 8th. I don't need to hear you tell me that I'm crazy, or stupid, or ugly, or a pervert; the voices ...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about 2 years ago 1,912 reads 1 comments

  6. Boston Red Sox Continue Their Dominating March Toward History

    Can nothing stop the Boston Red Sox? Despite an energized Jon Lester throwing just about everything he has toward stopping his team from its seemingly inevitable march into ...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about 2 years ago 420 reads 3 comments

  7. Red Sox Nation: This Is the Emergency Broadcast System!

    Attention: This is not a test! The time has come, my fellow members of the Red Sox Nation (Constitutional Monarch est...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about 2 years ago 249 reads 0 comments

  8. 2011 Boston Red Sox: The Greatest Team of All Time

    As the dawn of the 2011 baseball season comes, one thing above all is certain: The 2011 Boston Red Sox are the greatest collection of baseball players ever to grace the game with their hallowed presence...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about 2 years ago 855 reads 4 comments

  9. New England Patriots: The Tragic Return of Bom Brady

    I think I can speak for all of New England when I say, with irrational confidence, that I'm going to pretend nothing happened yesterday. Perhaps I can imagine the commissioner called Mr...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 416 reads 0 comments

  10. Bill Belichick Defeats Chicago Bears With the Conjuring of Tlaloc

    As the pot boiled red with the blood of the sacrificed children, the room grew dark and the nefarious leader of the dominant New England Patriots , known in this Earthly realm ...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 690 reads 0 comments

  11. New England Patriots vs. Chicago Bears: Keys To the Game

    The Patriots will finally play a game of football on a Sunday this coming weekend against the Bears, who are 9-3 in 2010...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 557 reads 6 comments

  12. Patriots vs. Jets: Tom Brady Dipped in River Styx, Eats Rex Ryan, 45-3 (Satire)

    On a cold, near-winter night down in Foxboro, with a gentle breeze flitting about the first few snowflakes of the coming season, Tom Brady and his band of brothers-in-arms took ...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 1,812 reads 0 comments

  13. 50 Most Unbeatable Records In Sports

    There are some records in professional sports that, once achieved, seem so impressive, so spectacular, so reverent, that it is difficult to imagine them ever being beaten again...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 61,803 reads 140 comments

  14. New England Patriots-New York Jets: Demons, Mafia and Other Keys To the Game

    On Monday night, the New York Jets will be coming to Gillette Stadium to try and maintain sole possession of first place in the AFC East, and tussle Tom Brady 's hair before they prance out of the stadium whistling...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 337 reads 2 comments

  15. The 10 Best Groin Shots in Sports

    When talking about sports, it is sometimes important to take a serious tone and discuss the difficulties faced by these warriors everyday...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 882 reads 1 comments

  16. Tom Brady Throws Four Touchdowns in Defeat of Lions, Washes Hair in Celebration

    I am horrified to admit that, and I feel divine retribution coming for even uttering such blasphemy, Brady's hair looked rather unpleasant on Thanksgiving Day...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 734 reads 3 comments

  17. The 10 Most Overused References in Sports

    We've all, at one time or another, been the victim of a sports cliche. Even if you've never played a sport in your life and have spent most of your youthful years attending Stamp-collecting ...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 4,520 reads 2 comments

  18. Peyton Manning and Colts Foiled by Tom Brady and Randy Moss (Satire)

    In the hotly anticipated battle royale between the always lovable Peyton Manning and the always beautiful Tom Brady , an unlikely hero rose to the top...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 998 reads 4 comments

  19. Colts vs. Patriots: Eli Manning, Randy Moss and Other Keys to the Game (Satire)

    In just a few days, Peyton Manning and the Colts will make the long, dangerous journey to Gillette Stadium through the treacherous means of private air travel with gourmet meals and attractive flight attendants...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 462 reads 4 comments

  20. Tom Brady and Peyton Manning 2010: A Head-To-Head Comparison

    On Sunday, the New England Patriots will square off against the Indianapolis Colts at Gillette Stadium. As we all know, this can only mean one thing: Brady vs. Manning 2010! It has become the most cherished and expected of annual traditions...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 4,191 reads 4 comments

  21. Tom Brady And Patriots Regain Manhood Against Steelers After Belichick Massacre

    I think a moment of silence should be taken later today for those who tragically lost their lives in the Great Belichick Massacre of 2010, in the wake of last week's disaster with the Cleveland Browns ...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 577 reads 4 comments

  22. World Series 2010: World Rejoices As Tim Lincecum Decides To Go To Olive Garden

    I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate the Giants on winning the 2010 "Fall Classic" (TM), otherwise known to the rest of the world as the "World Cup," 4-1 in front ...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 1,693 reads 0 comments

  23. Breaking News: Randy Moss To Focus Full-Time on His Butterfly Pavilion

    I'm breaking many long-standing personal traditions and beliefs by writing two articles on the same day, but it has come to my attention via a deluge of horrifying tweets, e-mails, ...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 325 reads 0 comments

  24. Brett Favre Remembers His Pants Against The Patriots On Halloween Night

    On the day of all hallows, a member of the living dead, driven by an insatiable appetite for brains, fame and brunettes, rose from the mist and the mud, put on his Wranglers and promptly ate all the Butterfingers in the clubhouse...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 1,203 reads 3 comments

  25. San Diego Chargers Erroneously Celebrate Tom Brady's Birthday

    Boy, was his face red! Norv Turner, in what is sure to go down in history as one of the greatest blunders in NFL history, showed up in the Patriots locker room after Sunday's ...

    Bryan Healey Written by Bryan Healey about over 2 years ago 2,187 reads 3 comments