Dirk Stunworthy

Dirk Stunworthy

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I find talking about oneself in this context a lot like mounting a mirror above your bed and watching yourself have sex with a blow-up doll. If you glued a mirror to the blow-up doll's ass, could you reflect infinitely on your shame?

That being said, I watch sports like I imagine men on mushrooms in wheelchairs watch the Cirque du Soleil or like the guy in Thompkins Park who had his headphones plugged into the deuce I watched him drop into that rusty Skeletor/He-Man Masters of the Universe lunch box. I'm pretty sure he thought he was listening to Kanye West.

My dream MMA match-ups are Fedor vs. Tyra Banks, Silva vs. Rush Limbaugh or "Rampage" Jackson vs. Nancy Grace.

As I believe most athletes today are overpaid nancy-boys who don't really give a crap whether they win or lose, I firmly believe that athletes should have to wager the most important parts of their lives on big games. When athletes lose a big game, their children, wives and possessions should be divvied up between the winning teams and their cities to divide as they see fit. Of course, I may just feel this way because I'm a Suns fan who hates Mel Gibson and recently watched "Apocalypto" on Nyquil and NoDoz.

I think the most important question to ask is "why?" and I think the most important time to ask is always. I also believe if you disagree with me you should be ready to present a logical argument. I'll respond as politely and cogently as possible unless you are a Raiders fan...in which case I may be laughing too hard to type.

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  • robert a posted 1957 days ago

    robert a

    Dirk:

    The title explains itself: How the Dallas Cowboys Stole My Heart.

    If you have the time, I'd love for you to check it out. If not, no worries. Thanks!

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/173805-how-the-dallas-cowboys-stole-my-heart

  • robert a posted 1960 days ago

    robert a

    Dirk:

    Just posted my latest. Breaking down my expectations for the Cowboys' 2009 season. If you have a second, I would love your feedback, but if you cannot get around to it, no worries! Thanks!

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/171627-setting-the-bar-on-the-dallas-cowboys-2009-season

  • robert a posted 1991 days ago

    robert a

    Dirk:

    We have seen a ton of lists, rankings, etc. all over B/R. I finally tried one of my own, but I tried to tackle this particular list from a different angle than the norm. My list is of the 10 Most Valuable Offensive Players in the NFL.

    These players aren't necessarily the best in the league, or even the best at their positions, but rather the 10 players that mean the most to their particular team's SB chances.

    Would love your input if you have a chance. If not, no worries. Thanks!

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/153230-its-unofficial-the-nfls-top-10-most-valuable-offensive-players

  • robert a posted 2004 days ago

    robert a

    Dirk:

    NFL runningback Ryan Moats was pulled over last week on the way to the hospital to say goodbye to his dieing mother-in-law. He was detained and harassed by the officer for almost 15 minutes, and in that time his mother-in-law passed away. He was not able to get to her in time to say goodbye.

    I was heartbroken when I heard this story, but enraged when I actually saw a 17 minute video of the entire incident. I have never seen such an abuse of power in my life.

    Because of the nature of this subject, this article was pretty important to me. I would love if you could check it out when you get a chance. If not, no problem. Thanks!

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/145813-houston-texans-running-back-ryan-moats-robbed-of-opportunity-to-say-goodbye

  • robert a posted 2018 days ago

    robert a

    Dirk:

    This is my first stab at college hoops... My Baylor Bears had a HUGE win over Kansas today in the Big XII tourney, and I just had to celebrate! Check it out if you have a chance. If it's not your cup of tea, no worries! Thanks!

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/138251-baylor-mens-basketball-give-reason-to-hope-with-huge-win-over-no-1-kansas

  • robert a posted 2024 days ago

    robert a

    Dirk:

    Myself, James Williamson, and Andrew Nuschler have put together a Dallas Cowboys' roundtable. Our second installment is focusing on—you guessed it—the news of the Terrell Owens release.

    It's a lengthy read, but there is some pretty good stuff in there. Check it out if you have a chance. If you can't get around to it, no worries. Thanks!

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/135327-americas-table-a-dallas-cowboys-roundtable-discussion-talkin-to

  • robert a posted 2027 days ago

    robert a

    Dirk:

    Despite the fact that I knew little about Corey Smith and Marquis Cooper before this weekend, their tragic boating accident has really hit me kind of hard. I think it is a pretty heartbreaking story, and I think that we as fans can learn a lot from it.

    Check it out if you have a chance. If not, no worries! Hope you enjoy!

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/133679-marquis-cooper-and-corey-smith-tragedy-should-be-a-lesson-to-us-all

  • robert a posted 2040 days ago

    robert a

    Hey Dirk:

    Ever since the Super Bowl, there has been a lot of chatter about whether or not Ben Roethlisberger is an elite quarterback. In my best effort to remain unbiased and objective, here is my reasoning for why he is NOT yet an elite quarterback.

    Check it out if you have a minute. If you don't get around to it, no worries!

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/126457-big-ben-roethlisberger-not-an-elite-quarterbackyet

  • robert a posted 2049 days ago

    robert a

    Dirk:

    Check out my latest if you have a chance. I'm taking a look at how video games actually helped to get me into sports. I tried to have a little fun with this one, so I hope you enjoy! If you don't get around to it, no worries!

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/122067-how-video-games-changed-my-life-the-life-story-of-an-nfl-fanatic

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