September 4, 2008
Tell me how wrong I am.... ;-)
Gamecocks and Dawgs:
Take a look at my new piece. I have tried to break away from World Football and had a stab at American Football.
If you care to look...
Nice updated pic.
Garcia has more practice time against Tyrone Nix's defense than anyone in the nation, so hopefully that works in his favor...
I read it and edited it. Nice job!
Here's where you can improve: Try to keep it tight.
In several paragraphs, you wrote like you were having a conversation. Keep it nice and tight, and by that I mean, look at every sentence and ask yourself: if I delete this sentence, will it change anything or will the reader not understand the message? If you answer "no", then delete it.
It's a difficult thing to get accustomed to, but I can give any article to any editor, and they can always make it tighter. Always. So....you did well on your first article!
Just try and tighten up the next one. Let me know when you have done it! Oh! If you want to see the revisions I made, click on the "show revisions" after you click on article history, and it will highlight what I did.