David Jacobs Article Archive

B/R Articles

Everton-Liverpool Match Preview: Things May Get a Bit Rafa

It's going to be a very edgy Sunday for Liverpool. They might have preferred to partake of a lie-in on Sunday morning; but being footballers, their work appears to start on the weekend...

Written by David Jacobs about 1 day ago 133 reads 1 comments
Gio-Logical Faults: What Is STILL Needed for the Tottenham Hotspur?

A while ago, Spurs were humbled by Arsenal at the Emirates through a three-goal and several-sitter schooling, mostly led by Van Persie and Fabregas, who made a world-class darting run through ...

Written by David Jacobs about 5 days ago 292 reads 28 comments
Tottenham Hotspur 9-1 Wigan Athletic: A Real Case Of "Latic Acid"

It has been a terrific day for Tottenham fans around the world and beyond, as the Spurs cemented, screwed, and reinforced (with metal girders) their place in the top four by dishing out a 9-1 shelling to Roberto Martinez's poor Wigan...

Written by David Jacobs about 7 days ago 539 reads 16 comments
Parodies: Hey There, Benitez

This parody is a little serenade for Rafa Benitez during his time of struggle with the club's financial difficulties and its league points deficit which, at the moment, is truly putting the '-poo' into Liverpool...

Written by David Jacobs about about 1 month ago 233 reads 10 comments
Naming Rights: They're Just Wrong

"Hmmmmm...what to name a stadium and all stands in it.After legendary players of the team? Nah that wouldn't get any money would it?After all, it is only intangible passion and respect...

Written by David Jacobs about about 1 month ago 343 reads 36 comments
HOWARDisgusting Volume II: Eduardo Gets Officially Pardoned

Yes my fellow Bleacher Creatures, it's official. I pardon Eduardo because there are more corrupt/dodgier people than him. Like the FA's officials...

Written by David Jacobs about 2 months ago 54 reads 6 comments
Parodies: Ugly Face (Featuring Carlos Tevez)

I'm sorry, but Carlos Tevez, besides Luka Modric and Wayne Rooney, has to be one of the most unattractive-looking footballers ever. This parody regards Tevez and his possible hidden desires to go under the knife...

Written by David Jacobs about 2 months ago 110 reads 0 comments
Tottenham Hotspur 2-1 Birmingham: Spurs Get a Kick Up the Brum

I went to White Hart Lane to watch today's match for my upcoming birthday.However, I wasn't really brimming with the same confidence I had when Spurs faced Liverpool at the first game of the season...

Written by David Jacobs about 3 months ago 181 reads 3 comments
A Football Pundit's Facebook Homepage

This can probably go on forever, but I'll get second opinions about whether I should carry this on as weekly satirical fodder for football fans around the globe...

Written by David Jacobs about 3 months ago 103 reads 9 comments
David Bentley - A Little Bit of a Concern. So says Lily Allen...

For those of you who care, I, Weird Dave, am back again, for hopefully another great season of parodies. I don't know if I can go on like this forever, though...

Written by David Jacobs about 3 months ago 126 reads 8 comments
Football Personalities' Answer Machines

Hi Bleacher Creatures. Today's article's inspiration comes courtesy of Robert Orzechowski. He came up with Tennis players' answerphone messages and so I decided to make some football personalities' answerphone messages...

Written by David Jacobs about 5 months ago 154 reads 13 comments
Tottenham Hotspur: Ruumoured Van Nistelrooy and All Other Pillow Talk

I just trawled through the Daily Telegraph's (I felt curious today. Get over it)transfer talk page about the Spurs squad. However, three stories were taken from other sources. The rest of them are from the Telegraph's own intensely bored journalists...

Written by David Jacobs about 5 months ago 384 reads 6 comments
Parodies: My Favourite FA Cup Moment

Just ahead of the FA Cup Final today, here I am with my absolute final parody for this season (lucky for you). The roundtable article we were supposed to have hasn't materialised, mainly due to my short notice...

Written by David Jacobs about 6 months ago 98 reads 4 comments
Parodies: We Don't Know Who's Going Down

Couldn't resist writing a parody about the season as a whole. I'm just glossing over a few things in this one. I have a link to the tune below which is abacking track to "Sugar, We're Goin' Down" by Fall Out Boy...

Written by David Jacobs about 6 months ago 93 reads 4 comments
EPL Final Weekend: Don't You Just Love This Scrap?

If there was an award right now called "stating the bloody obvious", I'd win it with this piece, but I felt like writing about it anyway. Stay and read.Don't go hurting my feelings now...(Don't go breakin' ma heart...

Written by David Jacobs about 6 months ago 91 reads 17 comments
Tottenham Hotspur: Who's Out the Door This Summer?

Tottenham have had one of the most turbulent seasons out of any clubs this year.They've experienced 20th place humiliation, losing to Manchester United twice in two months and also felt the relief ...

Written by David Jacobs about 6 months ago 495 reads 1 comments
Tottenham Hotspur V West Brom: Pack Your Baggies

If you're a West Brom fan reading this, I'm sorry for the headline, but I just thought it was a clever one.Tottenham Hotspur have been deemed the deciders of events on both ends of the league table this season...

Written by David Jacobs about 7 months ago 182 reads 3 comments
Parodies: Not Fair (Favouritism and Inconsistencies in a Nutshell)

I wrote the following parody out of continuing frustration about yesterday's display of utter favouritism and inconsistency with the rules FA officials implement during matches. Especially when dealing with the likes ofManchester United...

Written by David Jacobs about 7 months ago 197 reads 2 comments
Manchester United v. Tottenham Hotspur: HOWARDisgusting!

I have officially had it with the FA! If you don’t like brutal honesty, kindly click on another article because this is going to be the "hard stuff". I’m spitting feathers and as much saliva as a salivating llama...

Written by David Jacobs about 7 months ago 311 reads 23 comments
Parodies: Phil Brown - Wearing His Earpiece

Am I releasing these too quick? Probably. Anyway, I wrote this parody out of curiosity.Hull City's manager, Phil Brown always has this earpiece that he speaks to at every match and I've always ...

Written by David Jacobs about 7 months ago 258 reads 18 comments
Parodies: Couldn't I Have Had More Time? (Featuring Alan Shearer)

Last week, Alan Shearer took the reigns at St. James' Park as manager of his old stomping ground, Newcastle United.To pull Newcastle up above the relegation zone in just eight (now seven) weeks ...

Written by David Jacobs about 7 months ago 83 reads 14 comments
Parodies: A Little Spurs Chant: FINALLY Something Singable

Finally, I have written a small, singable chant worth considering for the stands of White Hart Lane. It's a childish tune ("See-Saw, Marjorie Daw"), but it's all I can come up with for the moment...

Written by David Jacobs about 8 months ago 58 reads 0 comments
Parodies: Rangers V Celtic (Old Firm)

This is a request from my friend Alex. He's more of a Celtic fan than a Spurs fan (Irish roots - Yes I do know Celtic are a Scottish team). He wanted me to do a parody about the Old Firm. Well here it is...

Written by David Jacobs about 8 months ago 140 reads 8 comments
Tottenham Hotspur-Manchester United: Carling "Coup"

A match to the death was fought long and hard by Spurs, but it wasManchester United who had just done enough through penalties to pry the Carling Cup from their hands and ruin Spurs' chance of saving face this season...

Written by David Jacobs about 9 months ago 63 reads 4 comments
Parodies: Cup Final Day (A Carling Cup Special)

This parody was originally going to be released in Mid-May (FA Cup Final day)but I managed to write another one - It's a surprise, so don't ask ;)This parody is for Carling Cup Final day and ...

Written by David Jacobs about 9 months ago 54 reads 4 comments

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David Jacobs Article Archive

Everton-Liverpool Match Preview: Things May Get a Bit Rafa

Gio-Logical Faults: What Is STILL Needed for the Tottenham Hotspur?

Tottenham Hotspur 9-1 Wigan Athletic: A Real Case Of "Latic Acid"

Parodies: Hey There, Benitez

Naming Rights: They're Just Wrong

HOWARDisgusting Volume II: Eduardo Gets Officially Pardoned

Parodies: Ugly Face (Featuring Carlos Tevez)

Tottenham Hotspur 2-1 Birmingham: Spurs Get a Kick Up the Brum

A Football Pundit's Facebook Homepage

David Bentley - A Little Bit of a Concern. So says Lily Allen...

Football Personalities' Answer Machines

Tottenham Hotspur: Ruumoured Van Nistelrooy and All Other Pillow Talk

Parodies: My Favourite FA Cup Moment

Parodies: We Don't Know Who's Going Down

EPL Final Weekend: Don't You Just Love This Scrap?

Tottenham Hotspur: Who's Out the Door This Summer?

Tottenham Hotspur V West Brom: Pack Your Baggies

Parodies: Not Fair (Favouritism and Inconsistencies in a Nutshell)

Manchester United v. Tottenham Hotspur: HOWARDisgusting!

Parodies: Phil Brown - Wearing His Earpiece

Parodies: Couldn't I Have Had More Time? (Featuring Alan Shearer)

Parodies: A Little Spurs Chant: FINALLY Something Singable

Parodies: Rangers V Celtic (Old Firm)

Tottenham Hotspur-Manchester United: Carling "Coup"

Parodies: Cup Final Day (A Carling Cup Special)

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