Matthew Grassi

Matthew Grassi

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The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

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  • Cam Maillet posted 2733 days ago

    Cam Maillet

    Thanks for the pointers Matt, even if you are a Pens fan...

  • Bob Warja posted 2733 days ago

    Bob Warja

    Matt, I don't do "allegedly" because I have a strong opinion and I refuse to back down from it. Right or wrong. I labeled the piece "opinion" so I don't feel the need to compromise myself that way. Plus, it's not as if I'm libeling the guy by saying he's a child molester or something. Saying he has a huge ego is pretty well known dude. Also, I hate the term "Cubbies" so if you added that no thanks. But I do appreciate your work my friend.

  • Ros Dumlao posted 2740 days ago

    Ros Dumlao

    Appreciate the edit and feedback. It really helped!