Tosten Burks's Sportswriter Profile

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Tosten Burks

Joined about 1 year ago

40 articles written
235 comments posted
1 articles of the day
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Tosten's Bio

Tosten is full if snobby opinions, useless knowledge, and hit or miss jokes.

To see him in all his nerdy glory hidden by the actually relevant stuff he writes here, visit http://ffwriterswithhair.com/, where he runs a secret underground fantasy football analysis laboratory with Bleacher Creatures Zach Fein and Gage Arnold.

Oh, and by the way, if anyone remembers the Rotoworld Whore Reports/NFL Newswire Rundowns, first of all let me hug you, but secondly check out the twitanator. I post that type of shiz all the time there. http://twitter.com/ffwwh

Tosten's Recent Articles

COLUMBUS, OH - SEPTEMBER 12: Terrelle Pryor #2 and head coach Jim Tressel of the Ohio State Buckeyes look on from the sidelines during their game against the USC Trojans at Ohio Stadium on September 12, 2009 in Columbus, Ohio. (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)

Eye-Black Messages Must Not Be Blacked Out

Published 2 months ago
219 reads 3 comments

LOS ANGELES, CA - JULY 15: NFL player Terrell Owens walks onstage during the 2009 ESPY Awards held at Nokia Theatre LA Live on July 15, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. The 17th annual ESPYs will air on Sunday, July 19 at 9PM ET on ESPN. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Buffalo Better Hope Terrell Owens Isn't Just Looking For Bills

Published 3 months ago
543 reads 10 comments

WIMBLEDON, ENGLAND - JULY 05: Andy Roddick of USA waves to the crowd after defeat during the men's singles final match against Roger Federer of Switzerland on Day Thirteen of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club on July 5, 2009 in London, England. Federer won 5-7, 7-6, 7-6, 3-6, 16-14. (Photo by Julian Finney/Getty Images)

Federer Wins Wimbledon, Roddick Anything but a Loser

Published 4 months ago
517 reads 3 comments

KANSAS CITY - SEPTEMBER 28: Quarterback Jay Cutler #6 of the Denver Broncos watches warms up before the game against the Kansas City Chiefs on September 28, 2008 at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City, Missouri. The Chiefs defeated the Broncos 33-19. (Photo by: Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

Jay Cutler's Tragic Flaw

Published 7 months ago
714 reads 24 comments

See 36 more of Tosten's articles »

Tosten Writes About

NFL (25),
Football (24),
Opinion (20),
Humor (17),
Fantasy Football (10),
Satire (8),
Breaking News (7),
Fantasy (6)

Tosten Burks has picked Just Saying, Is All... | Joe Torre's California Dream as a favorite article
Josh McMullen commented on Eye-Black Messages Must Not Be Blacked Out
Josh McMullen has picked Eye-Black Messages Must Not Be Blacked Out as a favorite article
SeaBass 1974 commented on Eye-Black Messages Must Not Be Blacked Out
Ryan Alberti has picked Eye-Black Messages Must Not Be Blacked Out as a favorite article
Lee Roy Jordan commented on Eye-Black Messages Must Not Be Blacked Out
Lee Roy Jordan commented on Eye-Black Messages Must Not Be Blacked Out
Ryan Droege has picked Eye Black Messages Must Not Be Blacked Out as a favorite article

The Short List What Tosten thinks about sport's most pressing questions

Favorite Athletes

LaDainian Tomlinson (by the name LDT, not Lawrence Taylor's LT), Arthur Ashe, James Blake, Chris Paul, Albert Pujols
Favorite Sports Teams

Chargers, Padres, Suns, (Arizona) Cardinals, (USC) Trojans, (SDSU) Aztecs
All Time Sports Moment

Red Sox coming back from three games down against the Yanks to win the AL pennant
Most Memorable Game Attended

2008 US Open at Torrey Pines
Most Unbreakable Sports Record

Cal Ripken Junior - 2632 Consecutive Games
Ruth or Mays?

It's like brownies or cookies. But I'll go Mays.
Unitas or Montana?

Montana
Jordan or Russell?

Jordan's probably the GOAT, but I'll take Russell just because of his classic SNL appearance
Gretzky or Orr?

Gretzky
Pele or Maradona?

Pele because, cal me pathetic, I have no clue who Maradona is
Federer or Sampras?

Federer. Federer is the greatest tennis player of the Open Era. He'd already have the majors record if he wasn't in the same generation as the greatest clay court player, Nadal, of the Open Era
Tiger or Nicklaus?

Tiger
Petty or Earnhardt?

you gotta be joking me
Schumacher or Senna?

Isn't Schumacher like the richest athlete of all time?
Pac 10, Big 12, Big 10, SEC, ACC, or Big East?

Pac 10! Get that East Coast Bias out of here!

Bulletin Board (68) Post a note »

by Ryan
2 months ago

"Tosten"—hmm, does kinda ring a bell.

Welcome back to the neighborhood, homeboy...and viva la free speech, in eye-black and everywhere else.

Hope all is well,

Ryan
by Xeno-philous
2 months ago

Tosten,
Trust me you will enjoy this article.
You would not want to miss this one out.

If you get a chance, I'd appreciate your thoughts.

"Sexiest Beastly Babe To Win the US Open 2009."
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/245336-sexiest-beastly-babe-to-win-the-us-open-2009

Thanks,
Xeno
by Scott
2 months ago

The third installment in my IDP series is now published:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/240287-idp-rankings-by-position-sacks-tackles-and-shackles

Check it out, and as always your feedback is much appreciated.

Scott
by John
2 months ago

I have unleashed my Fantasy Football QB Rankings! Bring the debate and be sure to watch the videos.

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/240223-2009-fantasy-football-quarterback-rankings
by Ryan
3 months ago

Oh how I look forward to the monthly installments of the TB Show. He's not quite as glamorous as TO...but he does tend to be a little more substantive.

Nice work as always, Bubba. I hope all is well on your end.

— Ryan
by Richard
3 months ago

It's time to put this theory to rest: Michael Vick will not be a Jacksonville Jaguar.

Please let me know what you think about my strong opinion by providing your excellent comments.

Thanks,

ro

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/225827-top-five-reasons-the-jaguars-wont-sign-michael-vick?just_published=1
by John
3 months ago

Yes, I've looked through it an my recap article is already in draft. Just a note, some of my picks when you go round by round were cutoff in the images (it only shows 9 picks in a few rounds not 10). I will be posting my article in a day or two with a few quality links to the dudes with hair!
by John
3 months ago

How will the NFL's top position battles impact fantasy football?

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/225469-fantasy-footballs-top-position-battles
by Mohamed
4 months ago

Hi there! I hope not to bother you .Please take a look at this funny article:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/216734-the-10-best-shameless-pics-of-soccer

Thanks so much for your time and have a nice day!
Mohamed.
by Ryan
4 months ago

Just when I thought you were gone for good...

Welcome back, old-timer. And well said about Andy. It'll be interesting to see where he goes from here.
by Andrew
6 months ago

A Story From A True Patriots Fan...check this one out...

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/164812-a-story-from-a-true-patriots-fan
by Ryan
6 months ago

I'm not sure that "harsh" is the right word—especially not towards Mel. To wit...

- "Fraud" was used in juxtaposition with "expert," with the implication that both are subjective labels.

- "Hack" was immediately preceded by a refusal to find fault.

- "Con" was blamed on the con-ees instead of the con-er.

- "Clueless" was a mutual state of ignorance ("as clueless as you and I").

- The "hubris" actually belonged to Kiper's fans (who "assume that a guru is really a guru").

- "Flop" was a reference to the prospects, not the prognosticator (i.e. being "positive" about a prospect's future sets said prospect up to be a "flop").

*

I certainly wasn't singing Mel's praises...but the article was (supposed to be) less about him than about "all those wayward souls who actually take him seriously"...and even then I wasn't aiming for "harshness" so much as "gentle derision of the human tendency to believe."

That said, if I missed the mark, it certainly wouldn't have been the first time.
by Ryan
6 months ago

Ha—my reputation for formulaic headlines seems to precede me.

Your guess was close...but I like the Super Bowl and the NCAA Tournament more than I like the Draft. And I felt like taking a few potshots at Mel Kiper. Enjoy.
by Sean
7 months ago

Thanks!
by Ryan
7 months ago

You had me at "Creon." Nice work, Bubba.

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Tosten Burks

Tosten's Fans (30)

Tosten's Lineup

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Tosten's Bio

Tosten's Recent Articles

Eye-Black Messages Must Not Be Blacked Out

Buffalo Better Hope Terrell Owens Isn't Just Looking For Bills

Federer Wins Wimbledon, Roddick Anything but a Loser

Jay Cutler's Tragic Flaw

Tosten Writes About

The Short List What Tosten thinks about sport's most pressing questions

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