Tim Parent Article Archive

B/R Articles

SATIRE: Pete Rose Starts Dogfighting Ring in Hopes of MLB Reinstatement

After the National Football League allowed reformed dog killer Michael Vick back into its ranks, Pete Rose, who was banned from baseball for gambling, has launched his own dogfighting operation ...

Written by Tim Parent about 4 months ago 197 reads 5 comments
Scooby Doo Revealed To Be One of Michael Vick's Victims (Satire)

As recently paroled quarterback Michael Vick works to rebuild his shattered reputation and secure a spot on an NFL roster, it was revealed today that one of the victim's of Vick's dogfighting ring was beloved Hanna-Barbera character Scooby-Doo...

Written by Tim Parent about 6 months ago 406 reads 1 comments
Surviving a Car Crash: A Guide for the Montreal Canadiens

The Montreal Canadiens 100th season was very much like watching a car accident. It cruised along during the first half of the season, with the team having both hands firmly planted on the wheel and a strong wind behind it...

Written by Tim Parent about 7 months ago 487 reads 9 comments
I Think the NFL Tried To Recruit Me

I logged on to my Facebook account the other day because, for once, I did have something on my mind, which is what Facebook is always tries to coax out of me every time I log in...

Written by Tim Parent about 8 months ago 62 reads 0 comments
Does Sean Avery Have a Man Crush on Tim Thomas?

Debate has been raging for days now as to whether the league should punish New York Rangers blowhard Sean Avery for his stick-tap to the back of the head of Boston Bruins goalie Tim Thomas...

Written by Tim Parent about 8 months ago 316 reads 0 comments
Despite Rumor, F1 Not Likely to Return to Montreal in '09

As rumors go, this one seemed about as likely as Madonna being told she could no longer adopt small African children. Still, in a city still feeling the effects of having the F1 yanked from its summer line-up of festivities, hope sprang eternal...

Written by Tim Parent about 8 months ago 134 reads 2 comments
Habs Are Free Fallin': A Musical Tribute to Failure

As I celebrate my 100th article, I figure it's time for a song. (Habs are) Free Fallin' with apologies to Tom Petty Know a Habs fan, loves Bob Gainey, Loved Carbo, and his line changes, too...

Written by Tim Parent about 8 months ago 71 reads 12 comments
Parents Line Up To Hand Over First-Born Sons for Yankees Tickets

With opening day just a few short weeks away, desperate fans are handing over their first-born sons to the New York Yankees in exchange for front-row seats for opening day at the new Yankee Stadium...

Written by Tim Parent about 8 months ago 262 reads 16 comments
NCAA Tournament: Tips To Get Out of Work and Enjoy the Show

Ah, spring!When the Northern Hemisphere crawls out from under winter's bitterly cold blanket, when the birds try and do it with the bees...or something, and when a young man's fancy turns to March Madness as it finally returns in all its glory...

Written by Tim Parent about 8 months ago 122 reads 7 comments
UFL Looks to Sign Michael Vick, Jesus Christ

In what could be shaping up to be a blockbuster deal, the UFL is considering signing convicted dog killer and disgraced former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick along with the Son of God, Jesus Christ...

Written by Tim Parent about 8 months ago 953 reads 18 comments
I Think I Could Take the Montreal Canadiens

After watching 60 minutes and 26 seconds of Thursday night's Montreal Canadiens game against the New York Islanders, I've come to the conclusion that I could take the Montreal Canadiens...

Written by Tim Parent about 8 months ago 152 reads 17 comments
Montreal Canadiens Need Veteran Coach To Guide Rookie Team

It was the timing that surprised most Montreal Canadiens fans although, by the end of Monday's supper hour, prognosticators from here to Sept-Iles, Quebec claimed to know that former head coach Guy Carbonneau's days were numbered...

Written by Tim Parent about 9 months ago 182 reads 8 comments
I Think My Nintendo Wii Slugger Is Juicing

I had an inkling something was up when I hit the practice field. For the past several weeks, my Nintendo Mii just couldn't get it together. During the home run practice, he was lucky if he could knock one 138 feet, let alone 549 feet...

Written by Tim Parent about 9 months ago 161 reads 8 comments
I Just Don't Get The NHL Trade Deadline Hype

I woke up Wednesday morning with a stiff back and the lingering effects of few stiff drinks the night prior. Bleary-eyed, I stumbled to the bathroom to rid the system of the aforementioned alcohol ...

Written by Tim Parent about 9 months ago 92 reads 6 comments
Alex Rodriguez and the Death of Baseball

In 1998, all the sporting world was riding a tidal wave of enthusiasm, a tsunami of sheer enjoyment brought on by the two earthquakes of Major league Baseball, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa...

Written by Tim Parent about 9 months ago 201 reads 4 comments
Passionless Montreal Canadiens Bringing About Their Own Demise

In what was supposed to be a year full of pomp and promise; hope and glory; history and hysteria, the Montreal Canadiens have failed to deliver...

Written by Tim Parent about 9 months ago 151 reads 7 comments
New York Yankees Bail Out Ford Motor Co. [Satire]

After constructing a new $1.3 billion stadium and doling out another $423 million to three players, the New York Yankees have agreed to purchase the Ford Motor Co...

Written by Tim Parent about 11 months ago 12,040 reads 40 comments
The Detroit Lions: A Better Team Than The Oakland Raiders

In any given Sunday and on every Thanksgiving Thursday, there's a good chance the Detroit Lions are going to lose. With three games left in the regular season against the Indianapolis Colts, ...

Written by Tim Parent about 12 months ago 643 reads 29 comments
Montreal Canadiens State-Of-The-Art Practice Rink May Help Lure Talent

The Champlain Bridge is one of four major bridges linking Montreal to its south shore. As you cruise along highway 10 for about five to 10 minutes, you'll stumble upon cookie cutter house developments, ...

Written by Tim Parent about 12 months ago 808 reads 5 comments
Can We Get a Bleacher Report Bowl Over Here?

As a kid, I woke up to a brand new year with the Rose Bowl. I didn't actually watch the game, but I remember it was a staple of New Year's Day, just like the ham my mom always cooked on that ...

Written by Tim Parent about about 1 year ago 281 reads 11 comments
The Sean Avery Sloppy Seconds Conspiracy Theory

Alright kids, time to strap on the ol' tinfoil hat as we explore this whole Sean Avery sloppy seconds affair. Let's begin.....

Written by Tim Parent about about 1 year ago 3,856 reads 8 comments
The Boston Bruins Are a Much Better Team 84 Years Later

Those who live in Boston are likely familiar with Matthews Arena, a.k.a Boston Arena, now a part of Northeastern University. It is home to the Northeastern Huskies men's and women's hockey teams, as well as the school's basketball team...

Written by Tim Parent about about 1 year ago 216 reads 3 comments
Three Jerseys Is Two Too Many for the NHL

My father is a marketer's dream. He is easily seduced by new packaging. Growing up, he would regularly bring home boxes of who-knows-what, impressed by a certain look or design or package or collector's tin...

Written by Tim Parent about about 1 year ago 396 reads 19 comments
Ryan O'Byrne: Not the Goat in Canadiens' Woes

When things are going wrong, things always seem to get worse. For the Montreal Canadiens, things have been going wrong and got worse on Monday night...

Written by Tim Parent about about 1 year ago 364 reads 11 comments
The Number 33: Strange Truths That Have Nothing to Do With Patrick Roy

On most nights, Patrick Roy made it look easy. His style and grace between the pipes helped the Montreal Canadiens win two Stanley Cups in 1986 and 1993...

Written by Tim Parent about about 1 year ago 354 reads 6 comments

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Tim Parent Article Archive

SATIRE: Pete Rose Starts Dogfighting Ring in Hopes of MLB Reinstatement

Scooby Doo Revealed To Be One of Michael Vick's Victims (Satire)

Surviving a Car Crash: A Guide for the Montreal Canadiens

I Think the NFL Tried To Recruit Me

Does Sean Avery Have a Man Crush on Tim Thomas?

Despite Rumor, F1 Not Likely to Return to Montreal in '09

Habs Are Free Fallin': A Musical Tribute to Failure

Parents Line Up To Hand Over First-Born Sons for Yankees Tickets

NCAA Tournament: Tips To Get Out of Work and Enjoy the Show

UFL Looks to Sign Michael Vick, Jesus Christ

I Think I Could Take the Montreal Canadiens

Montreal Canadiens Need Veteran Coach To Guide Rookie Team

I Think My Nintendo Wii Slugger Is Juicing

I Just Don't Get The NHL Trade Deadline Hype

Alex Rodriguez and the Death of Baseball

Passionless Montreal Canadiens Bringing About Their Own Demise

New York Yankees Bail Out Ford Motor Co. [Satire]

The Detroit Lions: A Better Team Than The Oakland Raiders

Montreal Canadiens State-Of-The-Art Practice Rink May Help Lure Talent

Can We Get a Bleacher Report Bowl Over Here?

The Sean Avery Sloppy Seconds Conspiracy Theory

The Boston Bruins Are a Much Better Team 84 Years Later

Three Jerseys Is Two Too Many for the NHL

Ryan O'Byrne: Not the Goat in Canadiens' Woes

The Number 33: Strange Truths That Have Nothing to Do With Patrick Roy

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