1. I Have Discovered the Ultimate Replacement For Plaxico Burress

    The title of this article was not a ruse to get you to click the link. I am not trying to sell you anything, unless you want this Anacondas 3 DVD, which I’m selling for the bargain basement price of your dignity...

    Phil  Thompson Written by Phil Thompson about almost 6 years ago 295 reads 5 comments

  2. Plaxico Burress Shoots Self; Self Presses Charges for Attempted Murder

    In a shocking move, Giants’ Pro Bowl wide receiver Plaxico Burress announced at a press conference Thursday that he will be pressing charges against himself for attempted murder...

    Phil  Thompson Written by Phil Thompson about almost 6 years ago 492 reads 0 comments

  3. Why It's Impossible To Pick Up Girls at Sports Bars

    The chance of picking up a random girl at a sports bar on an NFL Sunday is comparable to the odds of being able to slap to death an Olympic weightlifter with a single stalk of asparagus in under three minutes, or of George W...

    Phil  Thompson Written by Phil Thompson about almost 6 years ago 1,186 reads 1 comments

  4. Why You Shouldn't Read My Sports Opinion, Or Why Not To Click This Link

    I don’t know anything about sports. Seriously. Read all my Bleacherreport articles and they’ll serve as unfortunate testimony. I’m a total fraud...

    Phil  Thompson Written by Phil Thompson about almost 6 years ago 252 reads 0 comments

  5. Top Five Similarities, Differences Between NFL Football and Horror Movies

    Similarities 5. Over-celebration after scoring has dire consequences. In football, it’s a 16 yard penalty. In horror, the offender is manually decapitated by a guy who looks like Sloth from The Goonies...

    Phil  Thompson Written by Phil Thompson about almost 6 years ago 963 reads 0 comments

  6. An Ode To NFL Sundays

    There are few things more depressing than returning home after an amazing Sunday of football and beer and writing drunken aggressive emails to your congressman with your pants at your ...

    Phil  Thompson Written by Phil Thompson about almost 6 years ago 311 reads 0 comments

  7. Rays Routed In World Series Game Four; Phanatic Arrested on Felony Rape Charges

    Hold your butt up to your television and spank your cheeks in applause of the Phillies’ performance thus far. I watched the game last night at my place...

    Phil  Thompson Written by Phil Thompson about almost 6 years ago 42 reads 1 comments

  8. Barack Obama Terrorizes Major League World Series

    Perhaps the only thing more invasive than a swiftly administered anal probe by a federal official is the 30-minute infomercial for the Obama campaign that will delay the start of Game Six of the World Series by 15 minutes...

    Phil  Thompson Written by Phil Thompson about almost 6 years ago 568 reads 6 comments

  9. NFL Must Bring Back Houston Oilers, Warren Moon, Slay Soviet-Funded Titans

    Call me antiquated. The NFL must bring back the Oilers franchise, as well as their flagship quarterback, Warren Moon...

    Phil  Thompson Written by Phil Thompson about almost 6 years ago 1,620 reads 2 comments