Elbow Murderpants's Sportswriter Profile

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Elbow Murderpants

Joined about 1 year ago

21 articles written
82 comments posted
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Elbow 's Bio

Sometimes called "La Chameleon" because of his remarkable ability to rapidly alter his skin color to red after just 15 minutes in the sun, Elbow enjoys coughing on buildings, pasturizing bollo ties, befuddling the element Boron, and plotting the Lorentz Attractor System for values ρ=28, σ = 10, β = 8/3.

Before devoting himself entirely to writing, Elbow worked as a secretary to the French ambassador in the Netherlands, where he fell in love with a beautiful but dangerous refugee named Catherine Olympe Dunoyer. Their scandalous elopement was foiled by Marcel Marceau's quite loquacious father, and he was forced to return to Spuzzum -- a town, that now no longer exists, but, once served a mean breakfast.

Writes blogs to camouflage himself from predators and is often seen near the city of Dallas running from a bee.

Elbow 's Recent Articles

INNSBRUCK, AUSTRIA - MAY 05: Rick Nash #61 of Canada celebrates his goal with teammates Ryan Smyth #94 and Dan Boyle #27 in the second period against the USA in the IIHF World Men's Championships preliminary round game at the Olympic Hall on May 5, 2005 in Innsbruck, Austria. (Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images)

Team Canada Early Picks Seem Myopic

Published 2 days ago
50 reads 1 comments

MONTREAL, QC - JUNE 27: Joe Nieuwendyk of the Dallas Stars photographed during the 2009 NHL Entry Draft at the Bell Centre on June 27, 2009 in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

Nominal Moves by Nieuwendyk Raise Questions on Tippett Dismissal

Published 2 months ago
218 reads 8 comments

WOODRIDGE, IL - AUGUST 17: Head coach Ron Wilson runs drills during the USA Olympic Men's Ice Hockey Orientation Camp on August 17, 2009 at Seven Bridges Ice Arena in Woodridge, Illinois. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

Pros Score On Olympic Stage

Published 2 months ago
29 reads 4 comments

ANAHEIM, CA - MARCH 06: Marty Turco #35 of the Dallas Stars in goal against the Anaheim Ducks during the game at the Honda Center on March 6, 2009 in Anaheim, California. (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)

Dallas Stars: 08/09 Season Threatens to Burn Out Early

Published 7 months ago
87 reads 3 comments

See 17 more of Elbow 's articles »

Elbow Writes About

NHL (19),
Humor (18),
Satire (11),
Opinion (9),
Dallas (4),
Dallas Stars (4),
Austin (4),
NHL Northwest (4)

Elbow Murderpants commented on Nominal Moves by Nieuwendyk Raise Questions on Tippett Dismissal
Elbow Murderpants has picked Ottawa Senators' 2009-10 Season Preview as a favorite article
Elbow Murderpants commented on The People's Champion: Tim Thomas and His Rigid Road to Success
Elbow Murderpants has picked Six "Sick" Rosters: What if the NHL Were Still the Original Six? as a favorite article
Harrison Oztemel commented on Team Canada Early Picks Seem Myopic

The Short List What Elbow thinks about sport's most pressing questions

Favorite Athletes

Gordie Howe, Gary Roberts, Al MacInnis, Joe Nieuwendyk, Trevor Linden, Yvan Cournoyer, Jeremy Roenick, Stu Barnes, Dave Reid, Pat Verbeek, Dave Keon, Orland Kurtenbach, Henri Richard, Steve Nash.
Favorite Sports Teams

The Chill (Iceoplex 1997)
All Time Sports Moment

Hasn't Happened Yet
Most Memorable Game Attended

2007 NHL All-Star Game in Dallas
Most Unbreakable Sports Record

Biggest Crap in Pants During an NHL Playoff Game (Roberto Luongo 2007)
Ruth or Mays?

Both
Unitas or Montana?

Montana
Jordan or Russell?

Jordan
Gretzky or Orr?

Both
Pele or Maradona?

Pele
Federer or Sampras?

Neither
Tiger or Nicklaus?

Neither
Petty or Earnhardt?

Neither
Schumacher or Senna?

Who?
Pac 10, Big 12, Big 10, SEC, ACC, or Big East?

The Big None of the Above

Bulletin Board (15) Post a note »

by Patrick
2 months ago

I'm back on hockey!

Please take a look at my latest article documenting Tim Thomas' rise from nothing to become one of the NHL's premier goaltenders when you get a free moment.

Thanks,
Patrick

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/250000-the-peoples-champion-tim-thomas-and-his-rigid-road-to-sucess
by Hao
7 months ago

Hey Elbow,

Decided to have some fun with this. It's a humor piece about Survivor for athletes. I had a blast writing it, and I hope you get a good laugh out of it :)

If you get the time, I'd love to hear what you think. If not, no worries.
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/150843-battle-to-the-end-athletes-edition-who-will-survive

As always, really appreciate the support!
by Britney
7 months ago

http://www.melrosemaccontest.com/vote.php
PLEASE VOTE FOR No. 10 FOOTPLAY
by Aaron
7 months ago

Hey man, I see you just wrote an article about the Stars failed season... I just wrote one about how Avery has re-built the Rangers season. Let me know what you think!

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/144858-sean-avery-the-reason-the-rangers-are-worth-talking-about
by Dave
11 months ago

Hey Elbow—Dave Mo here, a Bleacher Report Community Coordinator.

I've been spending time on our NHL page and read a couple of your old articles. Really on-point analysis...you do good work.

Given that you haven't written in a while, I thought I'd check in and see if you're interested in picking up your coverage again. What do you say?

If not, it would be great if you could give me some feedback on why you decided to stop writing and what we could have done to better serve you. If you wouldn't mind, please shoot me a line at dmorrison@bleacherreport.com with any thoughts.

Thanks so much,

Dave Mo
by Ivahn
about 1 year ago

Hey man thanks for the heads up I've been thinking of changing the pic I'll see what I can find on the net for the next one!
by Ivahn
about 1 year ago

Hey Elbow sorry for late response I was running from a bee glad you like my new pic I like to change it up I was wondering about yours is that a self portrait I still think your bio is one of the best on the bleacher report by the way I don't know if you are into the Nfl but I made some predictions for this sunday check em out if you like
by Lisa
about 1 year ago

Thanks for making me your pick of the day and for the add. Your humor is top-notch in your bio. I almost peed in my pants. :)
by Jim
about 1 year ago

I really appreciate (and am kind of surprised) that you enjoy my drivel enough to add me to your faves. Thanks! ;)

By the by, I have a bollo tie I have been trying to pasteurize for years. Any tips?
by Ivahn
about 1 year ago

Yes it is are you a fan?
by Jim
about 1 year ago

Thank you for your pick of the day, Mr. Murderpants. (May I call you "Elbow"?) ;)
by Smarty
about 1 year ago

Thanks for the add!
by Miah
about 1 year ago

thanks for the add! it's cool!

Miah :)
by Smarty
about 1 year ago

Thanks for the vote!
by Miah
about 1 year ago

thanks for the edits!
Miah :)

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Elbow Murderpants

Elbow 's Fans (7)

Elbow 's Lineup

Favorite Tags

Favorite Writers

Elbow 's Bio

Elbow 's Recent Articles

Team Canada Early Picks Seem Myopic

Nominal Moves by Nieuwendyk Raise Questions on Tippett Dismissal

Pros Score On Olympic Stage

Dallas Stars: 08/09 Season Threatens to Burn Out Early

Elbow Writes About

The Short List What Elbow thinks about sport's most pressing questions

Bulletin Board (15) Post a note »

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