Elbow Murderpants

Elbow Murderpants

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About

Sometimes called "La Chameleon" because of his remarkable ability to rapidly alter his skin color to red after just 15 minutes in the sun, Elbow enjoys coughing on buildings, pasturizing bollo ties, befuddling the element Boron, and plotting the Lorentz Attractor System for values ρ=28, σ = 10, β = 8/3.

Before devoting himself entirely to writing, Elbow worked as a secretary to the French ambassador in the Netherlands, where he fell in love with a beautiful but dangerous refugee named Catherine Olympe Dunoyer. Their scandalous elopement was foiled by Marcel Marceau's quite loquacious father, and he was forced to return to Spuzzum -- a town, that now no longer exists, but, once served a mean breakfast.

Writes blogs to camouflage himself from predators and is often seen near the city of Dallas running from a bee.

Short List

  • Favorite Athletes

    Gordie Howe, Gary Roberts, Al MacInnis, Joe Nieuwendyk, Trevor Linden, Yvan Cournoyer, Jeremy Roenick, Stu Barnes, Dave Reid, Pat Verbeek, Dave Keon, Orland Kurtenbach, Henri Richard, Steve Nash.

  • Favorite Sports Teams

    The Chill (Iceoplex 1997)

  • All-Time Sports Moment

    Hasn't Happened Yet

  • Most Memorable Game Attended

    2007 NHL All-Star Game in Dallas

  • Most Unbreakable Sports Record

    Biggest Crap in Pants During an NHL Playoff Game (Roberto Luongo 2007)

  • Ruth or Mays?

    Both

  • Unitas or Montana?

    Montana

  • Jordan or Russell?

    Jordan

  • Gretzky or Orr?

    Both

  • Pele or Maradona?

    Pele

  • Federer or Sampras?

    Neither

  • Tiger or Nicklaus?

    Neither

  • Petty or Earnhardt?

    Neither

  • Schumacher or Senna?

    Who?

  • ACC, Big 12, Big East, Big Ten, Pac-12 or SEC?

    The Big None of the Above

Bulletin Board

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  • Undead Warrior posted 355 days ago

    Undead Warrior

    "Murderpants" haha lol, what's it say in the speech bubble?

  • Patrick Cwiklinski posted 1380 days ago

    Patrick Cwiklinski

    I'm back on hockey!

    Please take a look at my latest article documenting Tim Thomas' rise from nothing to become one of the NHL's premier goaltenders when you get a free moment.

    Thanks,
    Patrick

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/250000-the-peoples-champion-tim-thomas-and-his-rigid-road-to-sucess

  • Hao Meng posted 1535 days ago

    Hao Meng

    Hey Elbow,

    Decided to have some fun with this. It's a humor piece about Survivor for athletes. I had a blast writing it, and I hope you get a good laugh out of it :)

    If you get the time, I'd love to hear what you think. If not, no worries.
    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/150843-battle-to-the-end-athletes-edition-who-will-survive

    As always, really appreciate the support!

  • Britney Milazzo posted 1540 days ago

    Britney Milazzo

    http://www.melrosemaccontest.com/vote.php
    PLEASE VOTE FOR No. 10 FOOTPLAY

  • Dave Morrison posted 1652 days ago

    Dave Morrison

    Hey Elbow—Dave Mo here, a Bleacher Report Community Coordinator.

    I've been spending time on our NHL page and read a couple of your old articles. Really on-point analysis...you do good work.

    Given that you haven't written in a while, I thought I'd check in and see if you're interested in picking up your coverage again. What do you say?

    If not, it would be great if you could give me some feedback on why you decided to stop writing and what we could have done to better serve you. If you wouldn't mind, please shoot me a line at dmorrison@bleacherreport.com with any thoughts.

    Thanks so much,

    Dave Mo

  • Ivahn Lachowsky posted 1736 days ago

    Ivahn Lachowsky

    Hey man thanks for the heads up I've been thinking of changing the pic I'll see what I can find on the net for the next one!

  • Ivahn Lachowsky posted 1749 days ago

    Ivahn Lachowsky

    Hey Elbow sorry for late response I was running from a bee glad you like my new pic I like to change it up I was wondering about yours is that a self portrait I still think your bio is one of the best on the bleacher report by the way I don't know if you are into the Nfl but I made some predictions for this sunday check em out if you like

  • Lisa Horne posted 1831 days ago

    Lisa Horne

    Thanks for making me your pick of the day and for the add. Your humor is top-notch in your bio. I almost peed in my pants. :)

  • Jim Cantrell posted 1839 days ago

    Jim Cantrell

    I really appreciate (and am kind of surprised) that you enjoy my drivel enough to add me to your faves. Thanks! ;)

    By the by, I have a bollo tie I have been trying to pasteurize for years. Any tips?

  • Ivahn Lachowsky posted 1839 days ago

    Ivahn Lachowsky

    Yes it is are you a fan?

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