Tim Kelly joined August 2009

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Tim Kelly

About Tim »

I found this on Facebook and had some fun with it. Enjoy!

The following are 25 truthful statements...about someone other than myself.

1. My friends make fun of me because I only have one nipple, but I have three testicles.

2. I am related to Emilio Estevez, but not Charlie Sheen.

3. I enjoy collecting old parking tickets. Quite the expensive hobby.

4. My urine smells like Skittles!!! It still tastes like urine though...

5. I once wrestled a bear, only to find it was a hallucination.

6. I once turned down the lead role on TV's "CSI: NY" and still stand by that decision.

7. I was the backup shortstop for Cal Ripken Jr. for eleven seasons. Not one at bat. Lots of tail though...

8. My perspiration glows, like in those Gatorade commercials. Not especially handy in bed...or a white tee shirt...or ever.

9. I offered career advice to sports heroes Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, Pete Rose, and Muhammad Ali. Not all of them accepted my advice.

10. The song "Jesus is Alright With Me" is alright with me. I also enjoy the song "Thank God I'm A Country Boy."

11. My favorite food is fried Snickers.

12. I questioned my sexuality after my childhood sweetheart got a sex change.

13. The first person to see me naked covered me in a reddish goo, held me in the air by both feet, and slapped my ass in front of everybody in the room. Twenty-five years later, I still question his motives.

14. I became a member of the local firefighters' Wall of Shame after a catering buffet line caused a small fire in my bedroom.

15. "Michael" starring John Travolta is the greatest movie of all-time.

16. I've been telling everybody this rash is a birthmark, but am now officially becoming concerned...

17. My favorite form of recreation is mall power-walking.

18. After a botched mechanical erectile enhancement, the sound of an electric toothbrush arouses me.

19. I lost my virginity at a d.c. Talks concert.

20. The movie "Set It Off" is loosely based on my life.

21. Whenever I find myself in one of life's pickles, I simply ask myself, "What would Bret Michaels do?"

22. My favorite animal is the human being.

23. "High School Musical 3: Senior Year" deserves multiple Academy Awards.

24. I enjoy the sanity of Rod Blagojevich's political and overall moral views. I also enjoy the sanity that washes over me after a good strong huff of glue. Industrial strength, not that Elmer's crap.

25. It took me until the end credits of the movie "The Pianist" to realize that I was not watching "Shine."

The Shortlist »

  • Favorite Athletes

    Ryne Sandberg, Mark Grace, Jesus Shuttlesworth, Pablo "Kung-Fu Panda" Sandoval (best nickname ever)

  • Favorite Sports Teams

    Chicago Cubs, Auburn Tigers, Chicago Bears

  • Favorite Coaches

    Sweet Lou

  • All Time Sports Moment

    Hank Aaron breaks Ruth's record (only time that record will ever really be broken)

  • Most Memorable Game Attended

    2004: Georgia at Auburn - We thought Reggie Brown was dead. Nastiest hit ever.

  • Most Unbreakable Sports Record

    Cal Ripken

  • Ruth or Mays?

    Mays

  • Unitas or Montana?

    Too young for Unitas

  • Jordan or Russell?

    Jordan

  • Gretzky or Orr?

    Gretzky

  • Pele or Maradona?

    Pele

  • Federer or Sampras?

    Sampras (hotter wife)

  • Tiger or Nicklaus?

    Tiger

  • Petty or Earnhardt?

    Intimidator

  • Schumacher or Senna?

    Schumacher

  • Pac 10, Big 12, Big 10, SEC, ACC, or Big East?

    SEC

to post this comment

Robert Gardner said...

Delete

Thanks for the edits.

2 days ago

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Shelley said...

Delete

Thanks for the great editing tip! And for editing my article :)

9 days ago

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Samuel SIlverman said...

Delete

Thanks for the edit

9 days ago

Reply

Matt Smith said...

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Thanks for the edit Tim, I appreciate the feedback... Matt

12 days ago

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GeorgiaDawg said...

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Thanks Tim.

13 days ago

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Franklin Crittenden said...

Delete

Tim, I appreciate the edit, but don't take it upon yourself to change my Headlines...

15 days ago

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Stoker said...

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edit please sir http://bleacherreport.com/articles/287378-is-fedor-emelianenko-the-iron-mike-tyson-of-cage-fighting

16 days ago

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Erin McLaughlin said...

Delete

Thanks for the edit Tim.

16 days ago

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Stoker said...

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EDIT PLEASE SIR.http://bleacherreport.com/articles/286291-strikeforce-mma-result-gegard-mousasi-stops-rameau-thierry-sokoudjou

18 days ago

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Nick Burger said...

Delete

Thanks for the edit and advice Tim!

20 days ago

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Stoker said...

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edit please sir? http://bleacherreport.com/articles/284362-antonio-big-nog-nogueira-confirmed-as-next-test-for-cain-velasquez

21 days ago

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Ash Marshall said...

Delete

Hey Tim, just one quick question - Why have you put double spaces after all of the periods? Unless I'm missing some guidelines on here, the Chicago Manual of Style says just use one.

Thanks,

Ash

21 days ago

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The Daily Hurt said...

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Thanks for the edits and feedback Tim.

23 days ago

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Stoker said...

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thank you tim...you understood where i was going with the article , i agree with your comments..sometimes i try to hard to be like this guy...my idol...*Jimmy Cannon, one of the greats of American sports writing, was a self-taught high school dropout. His colorful, almost poetic style is a reminder that some of the best reportage in American newspapers can be found in their sport pages. He would occasionally put together a column of opinions, laconic observations and pet peeves he titled "Nobody Asked Me, But . . ."

23 days ago

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Phil Kohen said...

Delete

Thanks for the "numeric" revisions.

26 days ago

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  • Great Debate [article title]

    Great Debate: Bronze Medal

    Urban Meyer Tries to Sweep Brandon Spik…

    Received 25 comments • November 04, 2009

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