Tim Kelly's Sportswriter Profile

Tim Kelly joined August 2009

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About Tim »

I found this on Facebook and had some fun with it. Enjoy!

The following are 25 truthful statements...about someone other than myself.

1. My friends make fun of me because I only have one nipple, but I have three testicles.

2. I am related to Emilio Estevez, but not Charlie Sheen.

3. I enjoy collecting old parking tickets. Quite the expensive hobby.

4. My urine smells like Skittles!!! It still tastes like urine though...

5. I once wrestled a bear, only to find it was a hallucination.

6. I once turned down the lead role on TV's "CSI: NY" and still stand by that decision.

7. I was the backup shortstop for Cal Ripken Jr. for eleven seasons. Not one at bat. Lots of tail though...

8. My perspiration glows, like in those Gatorade commercials. Not especially handy in bed...or a white tee shirt...or ever.

9. I offered career advice to sports heroes Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, Pete Rose, and Muhammad Ali. Not all of them accepted my advice.

10. The song "Jesus is Alright With Me" is alright with me. I also enjoy the song "Thank God I'm A Country Boy."

11. My favorite food is fried Snickers.

12. I questioned my sexuality after my childhood sweetheart got a sex change.

13. The first person to see me naked covered me in a reddish goo, held me in the air by both feet, and slapped my ass in front of everybody in the room. Twenty-five years later, I still question his motives.

14. I became a member of the local firefighters' Wall of Shame after a catering buffet line caused a small fire in my bedroom.

15. "Michael" starring John Travolta is the greatest movie of all-time.

16. I've been telling everybody this rash is a birthmark, but am now officially becoming concerned...

17. My favorite form of recreation is mall power-walking.

18. After a botched mechanical erectile enhancement, the sound of an electric toothbrush arouses me.

19. I lost my virginity at a d.c. Talks concert.

20. The movie "Set It Off" is loosely based on my life.

21. Whenever I find myself in one of life's pickles, I simply ask myself, "What would Bret Michaels do?"

22. My favorite animal is the human being.

23. "High School Musical 3: Senior Year" deserves multiple Academy Awards.

24. I enjoy the sanity of Rod Blagojevich's political and overall moral views. I also enjoy the sanity that washes over me after a good strong huff of glue. Industrial strength, not that Elmer's crap.

25. It took me until the end credits of the movie "The Pianist" to realize that I was not watching "Shine."

The Shortlist »

Favorite Athletes

Ryne Sandberg, Mark Grace, Jesus Shuttlesworth, Pablo "Kung-Fu Panda" Sandoval (best nickname ever)
Favorite Sports Teams

Chicago Cubs, Auburn Tigers, Chicago Bears
Favorite Coaches

Sweet Lou
All Time Sports Moment

Hank Aaron breaks Ruth's record (only time that record will ever really be broken)
Most Memorable Game Attended

2004: Georgia at Auburn - We thought Reggie Brown was dead. Nastiest hit ever.
Most Unbreakable Sports Record

Cal Ripken
Ruth or Mays?

Mays
Unitas or Montana?

Too young for Unitas
Jordan or Russell?

Jordan
Gretzky or Orr?

Gretzky
Pele or Maradona?

Pele
Federer or Sampras?

Sampras (hotter wife)
Tiger or Nicklaus?

Tiger
Petty or Earnhardt?

Intimidator
Schumacher or Senna?

Schumacher
Pac 10, Big 12, Big 10, SEC, ACC, or Big East?

SEC

Latest Articles »

Urban Meyer Tries to Sweep Brandon Spikes Gouging Under the Rug

11/04/2009

725 reads 39 comments 4 likes

NFL Week One Headline Blunders

09/15/2009

264 reads 2 comments 0 likes

Y.E.S, Y.E.S, Y.E.S!!!

08/17/2009

144 reads 9 comments 0 likes

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Bulletin Board

Robert Gardner said...

Delete

Thanks for the edits.

2 days ago

Shelley said...

Delete

Thanks for the great editing tip! And for editing my article :)

9 days ago

Samuel SIlverman said...

Delete

Thanks for the edit

9 days ago

Matt Smith said...

Delete

Thanks for the edit Tim, I appreciate the feedback... Matt

12 days ago

GeorgiaDawg said...

Delete

Thanks Tim.

13 days ago

Franklin Crittenden said...

Delete

Tim, I appreciate the edit, but don't take it upon yourself to change my Headlines...

15 days ago

Stoker said...

Delete

edit please sir http://bleacherreport.com/articles/287378-is-fedor-emelianenko-the-iron-mike-tyson-of-cage-fighting

16 days ago

Erin McLaughlin said...

Delete

Thanks for the edit Tim.

16 days ago

Stoker said...

Delete

EDIT PLEASE SIR.http://bleacherreport.com/articles/286291-strikeforce-mma-result-gegard-mousasi-stops-rameau-thierry-sokoudjou

18 days ago

Nick Burger said...

Delete

Thanks for the edit and advice Tim!

20 days ago

Stoker said...

Delete

edit please sir? http://bleacherreport.com/articles/284362-antonio-big-nog-nogueira-confirmed-as-next-test-for-cain-velasquez

21 days ago

Ash Marshall said...

Delete

Hey Tim, just one quick question - Why have you put double spaces after all of the periods? Unless I'm missing some guidelines on here, the Chicago Manual of Style says just use one.

Thanks,

Ash

21 days ago

The Daily Hurt said...

Delete

Thanks for the edits and feedback Tim.

23 days ago

Stoker said...

Delete

thank you tim...you understood where i was going with the article , i agree with your comments..sometimes i try to hard to be like this guy...my idol...*Jimmy Cannon, one of the greats of American sports writing, was a self-taught high school dropout. His colorful, almost poetic style is a reminder that some of the best reportage in American newspapers can be found in their sport pages. He would occasionally put together a column of opinions, laconic observations and pet peeves he titled "Nobody Asked Me, But . . ."

23 days ago

Phil Kohen said...

Delete

Thanks for the "numeric" revisions.

26 days ago

Tim's Achievements & Awards (1) »

Great Debate [article title]

Great Debate: Bronze Medal

Urban Meyer Tries to Sweep Brandon Spik…

Received 25 comments • November 04, 2009

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Tim Kelly joined August 2009

Tim Kelly's Stats

About Tim »

The Shortlist »

Latest Articles »

Urban Meyer Tries to Sweep Brandon Spikes Gouging Under the Rug

NFL Week One Headline Blunders