Tim Kelly

Tim Kelly

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I found this on Facebook and had some fun with it. Enjoy!

The following are 25 truthful statements...about someone other than myself.

1. My friends make fun of me because I only have one nipple, but I have three testicles.

2. I am related to Emilio Estevez, but not Charlie Sheen.

3. I enjoy collecting old parking tickets. Quite the expensive hobby.

4. My urine smells like Skittles!!! It still tastes like urine though...

5. I once wrestled a bear, only to find it was a hallucination.

6. I once turned down the lead role on TV's "CSI: NY" and still stand by that decision.

7. I was the backup shortstop for Cal Ripken Jr. for eleven seasons. Not one at bat. Lots of tail though...

8. My perspiration glows, like in those Gatorade commercials. Not especially handy in bed...or a white tee shirt...or ever.

9. I offered career advice to sports heroes Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, Pete Rose, and Muhammad Ali. Not all of them accepted my advice.

10. The song "Jesus is Alright With Me" is alright with me. I also enjoy the song "Thank God I'm A Country Boy."

11. My favorite food is fried Snickers.

12. I questioned my sexuality after my childhood sweetheart got a sex change.

13. The first person to see me naked covered me in a reddish goo, held me in the air by both feet, and slapped my ass in front of everybody in the room. Twenty-five years later, I still question his motives.

14. I became a member of the local firefighters' Wall of Shame after a catering buffet line caused a small fire in my bedroom.

15. "Michael" starring John Travolta is the greatest movie of all-time.

16. I've been telling everybody this rash is a birthmark, but am now officially becoming concerned...

17. My favorite form of recreation is mall power-walking.

18. After a botched mechanical erectile enhancement, the sound of an electric toothbrush arouses me.

19. I lost my virginity at a d.c. Talks concert.

20. The movie "Set It Off" is loosely based on my life.

21. Whenever I find myself in one of life's pickles, I simply ask myself, "What would Bret Michaels do?"

22. My favorite animal is the human being.

23. "High School Musical 3: Senior Year" deserves multiple Academy Awards.

24. I enjoy the sanity of Rod Blagojevich's political and overall moral views. I also enjoy the sanity that washes over me after a good strong huff of glue. Industrial strength, not that Elmer's crap.

25. It took me until the end credits of the movie "The Pianist" to realize that I was not watching "Shine."

Bulletin Board

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  • Denton Ramsey posted 2934 days ago

    Denton Ramsey

    Thanks for all the edits and feedback; greatly appreciated as always...

  • Cameron Britt posted 2935 days ago

    Cameron Britt

    Thanks for the look, Tim.

  • Eric Adams posted 2937 days ago

    Eric Adams

    Thanks for the info and help with my post!

  • Lewie Pollis posted 2937 days ago

    Lewie Pollis

    Hey Tim,

    PTBNL is Player to be Named Later. Sorry, I thought I had defined it earlier in the article. Thanks for catching that.

  • Colin Linneweber posted 2938 days ago

    Colin Linneweber


    Thanks a lot for your time, help and comments.

    Hope you had a great holiday!

  • Mike Salvatore posted 2938 days ago

    Mike Salvatore

    Thanks for the edits Tim!

  • Darren Wong posted 2938 days ago

    Darren Wong

    Thanks for the edits.

  • Phil Shore posted 2939 days ago

    Phil Shore

    Thanks for the edits and feedback. It's greatly appreciated.

  • Michael Fitzpatrick posted 2940 days ago

    Michael Fitzpatrick

    Thanks for the edits on my Tiger Woods article, Tim.
    Much appreciated.

    M. Fitzpatrick

  • Jeff Dillon posted 2940 days ago

    Jeff Dillon

    Thanks for the help, Tim!