Smarty Pants Article Archive

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Ty Lawson's Big Toe Injury: What Really Happened

The incident quickly becoming known as "Toe-Gate" is coming into focus. It turns out that in the week leading up to the March 8, 2009, showdown against arch-rival Duke, University of North Carolina ...

Written by Smarty Pants about 8 months ago 216 reads 1 comments
Crickets Heard at Nate Davis' Pro Day

Ball State quarterback Nate Davis received a virtual groin shot by the NFL as pretty much nobody showed up for his pro day last Friday...

Written by Smarty Pants about 8 months ago 160 reads 6 comments
Paying Tribute to My Customized Indianapolis Colts Jersey: RIP, My Friend

I received a customized Colts jersey from my parents for Christmas in 2004. With a heavy heart, I have chosen to lay my good friend to rest today, Sunday, July 27, 2008. I remember opening the jersey on Christmas Day...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 657 reads 25 comments
LeBron James Will Know When to Retire: An Open Mic Exclusive with Wise LeBron

I wasn’t really sure what to expect from my interview with Wise LeBron, probably best known these days for his role in LeBron James’ Nike ads of the past three years...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 1,089 reads 12 comments
Brett Favre, Brad Childress, and 35-Cent Boneless Wings: A Very Tall Tale

I had headed over to my local Buffalo Wild Wings after work with visions of 35 cent boneless wings and a basket full of mini corndogs dancing in my head...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 1,474 reads 43 comments
Peyton Manning's Knee Surgery: 10 Things Bound To Happen

If you’re in Ohio, fear not. That sound to the west of you is merely the state of Indiana. Hyperventilating. They’re doing so because three seemingly unrelated pieces of information have converged to create a variety of strange possibilities

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 1,128 reads 25 comments
2008 MLB All-Star Game Gets Off to Late Start

FOX’s coverage of the 2008 MLB All-Star Game began with a parade. And then proceeded to amble along like one. In a pregame ceremony that seemingly had everything sans Ted Williams’ ...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 810 reads 30 comments
Boxing: Jose Canseco Becomes Punchline Again (and Again and Again)

Former NFL player Vai Sikahema sik-a-hammered Jose Canseco this past Sunday, knocking out the former A/Ranger/Red Sock/A/Blue Jay/Yankee/White Sock/author/reality TV star/“cycling” ...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 2,267 reads 23 comments
Alex Rodriguez and Madonna: The IM Chats

While the whole world knows that Yankee third baseman Alex Rodriguez and the Material Girl have successfully managed to break up at least one marriage—and possibly two—few know that ...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 952 reads 39 comments
Why I Think a Local MMA Fighter Wants to Kill Me

And to think I joined a gym to prolong my life. Recently, at the request of my wife, my doctor, and several people I didn’t even know, I joined a gym in order to a) drop a few excess pounds and b) get everybody off my back...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 1,103 reads 43 comments
Detroit Tigers' Dontrelle Willis: Comeback Player of the Year...2010

Amazingly, Major League Baseball has announced that Detroit Tiger Dontrelle Willis has been named the 2010 Puma Comeback Player of the Year. His assault on major league pitching resulted in a ...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 904 reads 19 comments
The Cincinnati Reds-Boston Red Sox 'Rivalry': What Has It Done for Me Lately?

My biggest gripe with interleague play is its propensity to waste too much of my time with unimportant storylines. A perfect example? This weekend’s series pitting the Boston Red Sox vs...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 430 reads 11 comments
Hump Day Monologue: June 11, 2008

Since this is the first of what I intend to be a regular Wednesday feature, I should probably explain what I'm doing here. The Hump Day Monologue will be similar to a late-night talk show monologue or SNL's "Weekend Update...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 2,048 reads 16 comments
Indiana Pacers: Larry Bird 'Highers' Den Mother to Mentor Players

For the past couple of seasons, the Indiana Pacers have played like a college basketball team. Now they'll be treated like one. Team president Larry Bird hired Sam "hey, what's that burning...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 611 reads 14 comments
Manny Being Fanny: His Unapologetic Apology to Kevin Youkilis

During the "Throwdown in Beantown" (I can't believe this hasn't caught on yet), emotions were already running high after the Red Sox rumble with the Rays...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 1,071 reads 6 comments
B/R Humor Writer Tallies 10,000th Article Read

I would like to point out that 99.9 percent of our stories on Bleacher Report are about sports. This makes up the other .01 percent. When I woke up and logged onto Bleacher Report this morning, I learned that I had just hit 10,000 article reads...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 517 reads 25 comments
Game Summaries for a Litigious Era: Beating MLB at its Own Game

It was recently reported that Major League Baseball will be cracking down on various little league uniform makers who are, in its opinion, infringing on MLB's trademark. Good grief! MLB's even going after little leaguers now! Truly, no one is safe...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 383 reads 13 comments
Flip Saunders: Pistons' GM Joe Dumars Takes His Job and Shoves It

Dear Mr. Saunders: It pains me scarcely to notify you that, as of today, you are no longer the head coach of the Deeee-troit basketball Pistons. While we appreciate the ...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 531 reads 4 comments
License This! Sports Licensing Run Amuck

Thanks to Uncle Sam, I recently decided to stimulate the U.S. economy—and the economy of a poor Asian nation—by purchasing a 42" Sharp Aquos from a local electronics retailer...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 866 reads 30 comments
Duke Basketball Recruiting Questionnaire

In an effort to rebuild and reload programs, most college basketball coaches begin courting a potential recruit with a very generic form letter. Duke University has gone the extra step of designing "The Duke Basketball Recruiting Questionnaire...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 3,646 reads 20 comments
How the Spurs and Pistons Could Ruin My Weekend...and My Life

San Antonio and Detroit: I know you've got bigger fish to fry right now, but I could use your help. You see, San Antone, I really need you to extend this little Western Conference dealio to at least a sixth game...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 511 reads 12 comments
Kevin McHale, Minnesota Timberwolves Crazy About No. 3 Overall Pick

Kevin McHale will tell you that he's full of surprises. He's just not good at keeping them. "I just get too excited. The kids always know what they're getting for Christmas," he said...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 1,453 reads 15 comments
10 Things Weed Learned from Joakim Noah’s Gainesville Dance with Mary Jane

When Joakim Noah was picked up by Gainesville, FL, police early Sunday morning for marijuana possession and having an open container of alcohol, all I could think was, "Wow.....

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 941 reads 4 comments
MLB to Unleash Instant Replay by 2020

Instant replay could be coming to a ballpark near you. Eventually. Major League Baseball infuriated purists and not-so-purists alike when it decided to institute instant replay—but only for controversial home run calls—by the year 2020...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 547 reads 1 comments
Byron Scott Gives New Orleans Hornets Kiss of Death

George Shinn, if you're reading this (cue laugh track here), I have a message for you: Might want to start looking into hiring a head coach. What? You say you have a head coach? Well, that's the thing...

Written by Smarty Pants about about 1 year ago 540 reads 5 comments

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Smarty Pants Article Archive

Ty Lawson's Big Toe Injury: What Really Happened

Crickets Heard at Nate Davis' Pro Day

Paying Tribute to My Customized Indianapolis Colts Jersey: RIP, My Friend

LeBron James Will Know When to Retire: An Open Mic Exclusive with Wise LeBron

Brett Favre, Brad Childress, and 35-Cent Boneless Wings: A Very Tall Tale

Peyton Manning's Knee Surgery: 10 Things Bound To Happen

2008 MLB All-Star Game Gets Off to Late Start

Boxing: Jose Canseco Becomes Punchline Again (and Again and Again)

Alex Rodriguez and Madonna: The IM Chats

Why I Think a Local MMA Fighter Wants to Kill Me

Detroit Tigers' Dontrelle Willis: Comeback Player of the Year...2010

The Cincinnati Reds-Boston Red Sox 'Rivalry': What Has It Done for Me Lately?

Hump Day Monologue: June 11, 2008

Indiana Pacers: Larry Bird 'Highers' Den Mother to Mentor Players

Manny Being Fanny: His Unapologetic Apology to Kevin Youkilis

B/R Humor Writer Tallies 10,000th Article Read

Game Summaries for a Litigious Era: Beating MLB at its Own Game

Flip Saunders: Pistons' GM Joe Dumars Takes His Job and Shoves It

License This! Sports Licensing Run Amuck

Duke Basketball Recruiting Questionnaire

How the Spurs and Pistons Could Ruin My Weekend...and My Life

Kevin McHale, Minnesota Timberwolves Crazy About No. 3 Overall Pick

10 Things Weed Learned from Joakim Noah’s Gainesville Dance with Mary Jane

MLB to Unleash Instant Replay by 2020

Byron Scott Gives New Orleans Hornets Kiss of Death

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