Hey, my name is Dan. I'm a hopeful news writer. I like delving into what I call "happy news". I'll probably never pursue a job for a Financial magazine, but I love talking sports, cultural beats, movie facts, etc. I want people to look at my stories as the friendly neighbor who can't wear out his welcome. If I never make it as a journalist, I'd like to be that guy who comes out during U.N. conference intermissions and refills everyone's water glass. I'll be the one person that all the national leaders subconsciously attribute with a pleasant emotion of refreshment. I have several shirts from the company 'Famous', even though nobody knows who I am, and I wear shoes by Pony even though I've never rode a horse in my entire life. Other than that, I'm about as easy to read as a coupon from Hot Topic. And, oh yeah, I despise people who write a lot in the singular first-person pronoun present-tense (and apparently I have an indignation toward commas, too).

So, sit back, enjoy my terribly ranting stories, and remember to send any subsequent coffee tabs to George Steinbrenner. That's right, writing is my fiendish little way of making him pay for the $460 mil NYC lost in taxes for his new self-dedicated shrine! So, there