March 30, 2010
February 2, 2010
January 26, 2010
May 21, 2009
aka Phoenix Ninja
Chris Kelly splashed onto the scene in the mid-70's, immediately impressing fans and colleagues alike with his dominant debut resulting in a tapout by the previously undefeated Mom with his now-banned Uterus Clutch.
His reign of supremacy throughout the remainder of the 70's in the Diaperweight and Toddler Divisions is the stuff legends are made of: from his near-mythical leap from the top of the playpen onto his unsuspecting cousins during the infamous Melee at Memaw's to the wicked double-arm DDT in the mashed potatoes served up to his older brother at Thanksgiving to Think About.
Continued domination throughout the 80's and 90's did not come without costly ramifications. It seems the so-called champions of the most noted federations of the day refused to give the youngster a shot at the gold he so rightfully deserved. Without a chance to show the world his amazing moves in the ring, Chris took a self-imposed sabbatical to study with Tibetan monks and martial arts masters in the far east.
It was at this point where he, so the tale goes, rescued an entire village, 12 monkeys, 101 dalmatians and a blind albino tiger from a fire in an ancient Buddhist temple. The temple collapsed before Chris could make it out with his fabled Bong of Doom, but when he reappeared 2 days later (1 day sooner than Jesus, if you're keeping count), he knew he had mastered all he could and decided to move on. He was dubbed the Phoenix Ninja by the natives, and to this day they still celebrate fertility rites in his honor.
After a brief stop in Scandinavia where he helped form death metal group Chlamydia Mule, Chris returned to the States and his first love, professional wrestling. Answering the call to an open invitation 50-man battle royal in Juarez, Mexico, Chris, as the masked Phoenix Ninja, unleashed his fury in the squared circle once more. Unfortunately, he miscalculated exactly how deadly he had become and unwittlingly massacred the other 49 participants in the match.
Knowing he could never display his full power in the ring again, Chris wandered aimlessly for many minutes before deciding that instead of actually wrestling, he could instead offer his infinite wisdom on the ancient sport from behind the microphone. After joining forces with the Mighty Ryan Dearbone and selecting 1340 WBGN as the base of operations for this daring endeavor, The Beatdown debuted on June 29, 2008, a date that will live in infamy for eons to come.
For the continuing adventures of the immortal Chris Kelly and the immaculate Ryan Dearbone, catch The Beatdown every Sunday night at 9pm on 1340 WBGN The Ticket! Or prepare for your painful and bloody demise! Up to you :)
The following note is filled with sarcasm.
A little article that can exceed expectations, if only you'd click on the link:
welcome to B/R.
My longest contribution yet:
Welcome to B/R, Chris.