Dennis Hassell played tight end at Notre Dame University in 1978, before to a career-ending injury. He is independently wealthy and likes walking on the beach with his Irish Setter, Rex. He is also in prison for fraud. ** Kidding on all counts. ** The Dude abides. No, the photo is not me. It is my MOTHER, you sick frick. The Truth? I DID play tight end at Notre Dame. In the parking lot, near Touchdown Jesus. I blew out my knee when I was tackled by a 2,000 pound rabbit. A a Volkswagen Rabbit. To add insult to injury, it was parked. I may have been slow and uncoordinated, but I was also dumb.

MY REAL BIO: anyone who puts real personal info on the web is crazier than Al Davis.