Robert Orzechowski Article Archive

B/R Articles

Andre Agassi's Big Misunderstanding (humor)

Andre Agassi finally acknowledged that there has been a monstrous error in his new book "Open". "I meant to say that I had taken Crystal Pez and not Crystal Meth. I had a serious addiction to the crystal Pez dispensers back in 1997...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 15 days ago 330 reads 8 comments
Sonia's Letter (Fantasy)

Many people have written about Roger Federer's Australian 2009 defeat to Rafael Nadal and his subsequent tears. I thought it would be a neat idea to write a fantasy piece to explain those tears through a story that never happened but...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 17 days ago 307 reads 6 comments
Tennis Writing According To Aaron K. (Humor)

Roger Federer will play Julien Benneteau today at the Paris Masters. Will Roger win the coin toss? Place your bets today at www.bettingodds...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 21 days ago 174 reads 25 comments
An Interview With Roger Federer, but First...(Humor)

Radio Interviewer: Welcome ladies and gentleman to Bleacher Report Radio. I am Herb Avor and we have with us live in studio—the great Roger Federer. Welcome Roger! Roger Federer: Thank you Herb, it is great to be here...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 22 days ago 879 reads 7 comments
The Newest Testament: The Greatest Tennis Birth Story Ever Told (Humor)

In the beginning there was Goat. Goat made the world and saw it was good. He even made some animals in the pasture in his own image. Goat worked hard on creating different things on Earth...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about about 1 month ago 222 reads 7 comments
Spain to Issue Roger Federer Stamp (Humor)

The Spanish government has officially announced that it will come out with a Roger Federer Stamp based on the following pictures that were chose by none other than his great rival Rafael Nadal...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about about 1 month ago 2,423 reads 19 comments
The Gallery Of Fame (Fantasy)

The Tennis Museum had been built in New York City in 2015. Through the years, its constant renovations had seen a tentacle-like expanse that incorporated every corner of Tennis history...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about about 1 month ago 81 reads 13 comments
Chris Crockers Speaks Up: "Leave Roger Alone"!!!!! (Humor)

Chris Crocker, best known for his crying rant of "Leave Britney Alone", has now come out in defense of Roger Federer. Here is a transcript of his latest outpouring...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about about 1 month ago 440 reads 2 comments
Rafa's Tennis Writers Power Rankings

Hola Todos, I sick of everywan always talk aboud di posision of tennis players. I watch di blicher repor and now I gonna rank di top 10 player: Numero Unos: Aaron Kumar Dis guy always gotta put a bet on someting...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about about 1 month ago 277 reads 15 comments
Terminator Six: The End of Repetition

To avoid legal ramifications, the following story is pure fiction and the names of the characters have been changed to protect the living. It was a hazy Seattle rainy afternoon as community leader Bob Yorkie logged on to his computer...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about about 1 month ago 177 reads 12 comments
Roger Federer Runner Up to President Obama in Nobel Peace Prize (Humor)

The Nobel Peace Prize committee spokesperson Sven Svengali revealed today that Roger Federer was the runner-up for the Nobel Peace prize that was awarded to US President Barak Obama. "We felt that Roger was a strong candidate in the running...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about about 1 month ago 1,822 reads 14 comments
Tennis' First Tournament: The Eden Masters

As per Rob York's instructions I dug into the oldest archives. I went rummaging into the Arc Of the Covenant and came up with the first game stats of tennis. It took place in the year 750,000 BC (7500 BC if you are a creationist)...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 2 months ago 135 reads 15 comments
My Memories of US Open 2009

Do you see how dejected Roger Federer looks in this photo? Well, if you add anger and frustration with an urge to murder a CBS executive, then I think you would know exactly how I feel. My US Open 2009 experience started on that Monday evening...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 2 months ago 351 reads 8 comments
The Inspiration of John McEnroe

Last night, Serena pulled a "John McEnroe" in her loss to Kim Clijsters in straight sets. Serena has only been one of the latest to emulate the fiery former great...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 2 months ago 492 reads 1 comments
Humour vs. Humour: Why Novak Djokovic Will Beat Roger Federer

This is the first half of a two-part segment of Humour vs. Humour. The second part will be written by Frankie, analysing why Federer will defeat Djokovic in the US Open semifinals. Here is my portion...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 2 months ago 1,777 reads 15 comments
Melanie Oudin F-Bomb Doll Now on Sale! (Humor)

Somewhere in the United States, a profiteering marketer is scheming to capitalize on the rising fame of young tennis star Melanie Oudin...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 2 months ago 449 reads 14 comments
Andy Roddick's Mailman Joins Commentary In CBS Booth (Humor)

CBS commentators Dick Enberg, Mary Jo Fernandez and John McEnroe were joined by Any Roddick's mailman who chose to be identified only as The Mailman...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 2 months ago 161 reads 6 comments
Roger Federer Enters the French Language [Humor]

Roger "Federer" has now entered the French language. "Federer" in French is pronounced Federay, much like Aller is pronounced Allay. "Federer" in French is a verb that can be conjugated...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 2 months ago 460 reads 14 comments
Lleyton Hewitt Indulges in a Side Hobby (Humor)

In some smoky Sydney blues bar, Lleyton Hewitt was getting ready for an open mic night where all kinds of novice musical acts take to the stage. Some were great and some were bad Karaoke at best...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 3 months ago 227 reads 8 comments
Roger Federer Hoists $25 Walmart Nut Bowl For Cincinnati Win (Humor)

Cincinnati organizer Keith Levitt was frantic. He had worked hard and long to make sure that the Cincinnati Masters went off without a hitch. He knew all eyes would definitely be on the city especially during the men's tour...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 3 months ago 1,599 reads 30 comments
My Conversation with Novak Djokovic (Humor)

I got a call close to midnight last night. I scurried to the phone still trying to re-route myself back from slumber land. The voice on the other end was desperate and drunk. I cleared my eyes and tried to listen...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 3 months ago 413 reads 14 comments
Andy Murray Goes Undercover As a Birthday Clown (Satire)

Between the long stretch of time between Wimbledon and the Roger's Cup, Andy Murray had the chance to work on his game. More importantly, he had a mandatory meeting with his Public Relations management...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 3 months ago 284 reads 14 comments
Federer Twins Unconsolable After Loss To Tsonga (humor)

The FFT (Fearsome Federer Twins) were up past their bedtime waiting for their dad to come home and explain his latest loss to Jo-Wilfred Tsonga yesterday. The twins who got to see Daddy on television wailed through most of the match...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 3 months ago 924 reads 8 comments
Frankie Catches Men with Their Pants Down (Humor)

Armed with a Charlie Chaplin hat and Hitler moustache, Frankie disguised herself and made her way into the men's locker room at the Roger's Cup tournament in Montreal, Canada...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 3 months ago 275 reads 5 comments
An Open Letter As Dictated By Roger Federer To Bleacher Report (Humor)

Hello All My Fans and Everyone Else, Yeah, I mean I just wanted to write this brief letter, you know...to kind of respond to all the feedback out there with Rafa and all, you know... I mean, I won Wimbledon and the French Open and Rafa didn't, you know...

Written by Robert Orzechowski about 3 months ago 882 reads 36 comments

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Robert Orzechowski Article Archive

Andre Agassi's Big Misunderstanding (humor)

Sonia's Letter (Fantasy)

Tennis Writing According To Aaron K. (Humor)

An Interview With Roger Federer, but First...(Humor)

The Newest Testament: The Greatest Tennis Birth Story Ever Told (Humor)

Spain to Issue Roger Federer Stamp (Humor)

The Gallery Of Fame (Fantasy)

Chris Crockers Speaks Up: "Leave Roger Alone"!!!!! (Humor)

Rafa's Tennis Writers Power Rankings

Terminator Six: The End of Repetition

Roger Federer Runner Up to President Obama in Nobel Peace Prize (Humor)

Tennis' First Tournament: The Eden Masters

My Memories of US Open 2009

The Inspiration of John McEnroe

Humour vs. Humour: Why Novak Djokovic Will Beat Roger Federer

Melanie Oudin F-Bomb Doll Now on Sale! (Humor)

Andy Roddick's Mailman Joins Commentary In CBS Booth (Humor)

Roger Federer Enters the French Language [Humor]

Lleyton Hewitt Indulges in a Side Hobby (Humor)

Roger Federer Hoists $25 Walmart Nut Bowl For Cincinnati Win (Humor)

My Conversation with Novak Djokovic (Humor)

Andy Murray Goes Undercover As a Birthday Clown (Satire)

Federer Twins Unconsolable After Loss To Tsonga (humor)

Frankie Catches Men with Their Pants Down (Humor)

An Open Letter As Dictated By Roger Federer To Bleacher Report (Humor)

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