Warning: Do not try these at home or if you value your friendships with other people. 

Irish professional golfer Gareth Maybin just released an insane new trick-shot video, the contents of which involve shots that are equal parts amazing and cringe-inducing. 

From the poolroom to the putting green and beyond, Maybin’s video features a combination of expert marksmanship and jaw-dropping accuracy. He starts off with some light warmups, sharking the pool table and banking in the eight ball with a golf ball.

Then, it kicks up a notch—a big, big notch. 

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Victor Martinez is back in the game, and he’s not about to risk sitting out again.

Martinez was on his way towards running in a long score but some brilliant fielding caused the Tigers designated hitter to take the path of least resistance during Wednesday night’s game between the Detroit Tigers and the Kansas City Royals.

Taking off from second base on a Johnny Peralta double, the Tigers designated hitter rounded third and appeared to have a clear shot at making it to home plate. Unfortunately for Martinez, the Royals’ Jeff Francoeur fielded the ball cleanly and threw a bullet from right field to a waiting Sal Perez at home plate. 

Seeing his chance for a clean run disintegrating, Martinez put on the breaks and steered clear of the base path to avoid Perez, who had turned to brace for a collision at home plate. The Tigers slugger then took a quick off-ramp exit and ran off to the dugout. 

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A 91-mph fastball, straight to the iPouch. 

Umpire John Hirschbeck took a Nick Maronde fireball to the groin during Wednesday night’s game between the Texas Rangers and the Anaheim Angels.

At the plate was the Rangers’ A.J. Pierzynski, who began to swing at a pitch but checked his bat at the last second. Regardless, the ball knicked Pierzynski’s bat and fouled off low, nailing the home plate official square in the guava jar. 

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If the Reds keep this up, we might consider moving to Cincinnati for all of the free pizza they are giving away. 

Yahoo! Sports reports the recent strikeout tirade from the Reds' more prolific arms has caused Cincinnati-based LaRosa's Pizza to give out $100,000 worth of delicious pizza. 

I have never been more jealous of Reds fans. The closest thing I have sniffed as a fan are free tacos that usually retail for $0.99 at an unnamed fast-food joint normally frequented after midnight. 

Now an eight-inch pizza is what I would call a meal. 

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Brady Hoke: man of the people. 

Yahoo! Sports spots a tweet that should really excite the Michigan faithful who also have trouble putting down the sweets. According to media relations intern Laura Raines, there is now reason to get to the stadium early for noon games. 

There is really only one thought that comes to mind. 

Other than that, we have to wonder whether Hoke is merely making a joke, which would be horrible because nobody should ever joke about donuts. 

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J.R. Smith's yearbook quote is better than your yearbook quote. In fact, it's better than anything you may have ever written, spoken or thought of. 

Terez Owens brings us an image that, while not surprising, is utterly fascinating. It's the alleged yearbook image and quotation from one Mr. Earl J. Smith Jr.

I will give you a moment to bask in the glow of the image as if it were the first rays of summer sunlight, warming hearts frozen by winter. 

The quote, as best we can see, is "Get chicks or die trying," although it gets cut off at "try." I think we know enough of the Knicks star to extrapolate the rest. 

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This is a job for some of San Francisco's finest—or Scooby-Doo.

ESPN (via AP) reports the plaque commemorating Barry Bonds' historic 756th home run has gone missing, and all that remains is residue of the glue that held it in place. 

Update: Wednesday, April 24 at 1:55 p.m. ET

Yahoo! Sports received a tip from one of their readers who claims the plaque was seen in a dumpster. Here are a couple tweets from Giants fan Mike Heimowitz:

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I don’t know, guys. Do you think it was deliberate?

Barcelona’s Jordi Alba made no attempt to hide his feelings toward Arjen Robben Tuesday when he grabbed the ball and offered it up directly into the Bayern Munich forward’s face.

Barcelona had spent the entire match on the wrong end of a brutalizing attack. As time wound down in second half, Barca was facing a 4-0 drubbing at the hands of the German club, and Alba in particular was feeling sore about the way things had gone.

Earlier in the game, Alba ran into a hard pick set in the box by Thomas Muller—a pick that occurred after the Barcelona defender was faked out of his shoes by Robben. Assisted by the screen from Muller, Robben snuck in another goal for Bayern.

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