Bleacher Report - Auburn Football

Alabama Versus Auburn; My 10 Favorite Iron Bowl Jokes

Franklin Crittenden — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:51:12 -0500

This is Iron Bowl week in Alabama.

The Iron Bowl is the yearly rivalry game between the University of Alabama and Auburn University.

It is the annual neighbor versus neighbor, brother versus brother, sister versus sister, husband versus wife, father versus son, mother versus daughter in state blood feud.

There is no other rivalry games in the nation that even comes close in the shear magnitude and consequences to the fans of both schools. The winner can walk with his head held high for the next year, the loser must slink away and await those consequences.

What the rest of the nation doesn't understand is that, Alabama and Auburn fans literally hate each other. I am not exaggerating, they really do not like each other one bit.

Oh, they may work together and even go to church together and they may even be part of the same family and love each other, but during Iron Bowl week all that changes.

During Iron Bowl Week, the tension ratchets up a notch or two, everybody's jaws get a little tighter and all the small talk goes away.

They may pick at each other and even tell jokes, but they do so knowing full well that they may be just one sarcastic comment away from a full fledged screaming match or even a fist fight.

It hasn't always been this way.

I am not sure exactly when the Alabama/Auburn game took a turn for the worse, other than to say it has taken a turn for the worse somewhere in the past generation. It seemed as though it was a little more fun way back when I was growing up.

Something has changed or maybe I've just changed?

Teasing has turned into trash talk and jokes have turned into insults.

Years ago it seemed as though I heard a new Alabama/Auburn joke almost every day.

I always loved hearing them and telling them, especially on the golf course or while tailgating. There were some really great ones, I wished I had written them all down.

My 10 favorite Auburn jokes:

10) Where was O.J. Simpson heading that day in the white Bronco?

To Auburn, because they would never look for a great football player there.

9) How do we know the toothbrush was invented at Auburn?

Because if it were invented at Alabama it would be called the "teethbrush."

8) What is the difference between an Auburn fan and a bag of manure?

The bag.

7) What do you call an Auburn player with a National Championship ring?

A thief!

6) How do you compliment an Auburn fan?

You say, nice tooth!

5) How do you get an Auburn graduate off of your porch?

You pay him for the pizza.

4) Why wasn't Jesus born in Auburn?

Because the Lord couldn't find three wise men or a virgin there.

3) Why couldn't Auburn hold Drivers Education and Sex Education on the same day?

It was wearing out the mule.

2) What do you call a great football team at Auburn?

The Visiting Team.

1) My Auburn favorite joke goes something like this:

During football practice one day an Alabama player walked out on the practice field and made an obscene gesture towards Gene Chizik and then ran into the locker room.

Coach Chizik got mad and told his two biggest linemen to go into the locker room and teach that Alabama player a lesson.

The players ran into the locker room and there was a lot of loud crashing and banging and no one came out.

Chizik got even more irate and ordered the whole defensive Line into the locker room, telling them to teach that Alabama player a lesson that he would never forget.

Again there was a lot of loud crashing banging but again, no one came out.

Finally in frustration, Chizik tells the whole defense to get in there and don't come out until they taught the Alabama player a lesson.

The whole defense runs into the locker room, and again there was loud crashing and banging and then there was a dead silence.

All of a sudden, one player staggers out and yells, "watch out, it's a trap, there is two of them!"

Feel free to add to add your favorite Alabama/Auburn joke below.

Roll Tide!

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Auburn Football: Undergoing a New Moon Phase

Tiger Histalmos — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:06:43 -0500

With Auburn's off week so late in the season, one can start to see how the next season will develop as players will leave to either pursue NFL aspirations or continue their careers in other areas of life.

As is so often mentioned by this writer and my fellow colleagues here on BR, the lack of depth has been the major issue all season. Auburn has started under a new phase in practically all aspects of the program.

Only 13 seniors are listed on Auburn's roster with some sitting out due to injury and others not regular starters.

Add in injuries at other key positions, and one can see how next season will bring another big turnover as far as talent and players.

On offense, a new quarterback will have to be discovered, a hole on the offensive line will have to be filled, and it is easy to say that shake-ups can occur in the wide receiver corps.

On defense, it will be hard to replace Antonio Coleman and Jake Ricks up front. Auburn has four new linebackers committed, which could cause things in the linebacker corps to look completely different. The secondary will look different safety wise with new players entering the fray.

Players returning from injury will also help. Several positions could be up for grabs as others vie for playing time.

Within the coaching staff, it will be interesting to see how it develops with assistants during the offseason. Rumors have already started floating about assistant head coach/wide receivers coach Trooper Taylor been connected to head coaching jobs elsewhere.

And to continue what Chizik has started this season, it is essential that the recruits he has essentially locked up now be academically eligible to allow them a chance to play.

With new scholarship rules in place, getting the recruits in from the 2009 class as well as the 2010 class will provide a major personnel boost that the program so desperately needs.

Being the optimist that I am, I foresee nothing but better days ahead for Auburn football. If the coaches stick around and the players get into Auburn, it will all look better as time passes.

But as with the end of the new moon, the true side of the moon will show itself to the Auburn faithful.

It's no secret that Auburn fans want to win now, but college football doesn't always work as such. A program ebbs and flows like the moon, with all to be revealed in due time.

Just as the moon goes through its course, so shall this young Auburn football program.

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Auburn Football: Reflection On Games Past, Preparing For The Iron Bowl

Tiger Histalmos — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:37:13 -0500

As I sit here in Birmingham International Airport and with an open week in front of the Tigers, much can be looked at from this season.

Yes, it's ok to look back cause next week is the reason Auburn fans bleed orange and blue.

The season has had its ups and downs, with the regular season ending with more ups and a winning season guaranteed.

Auburn's fast start to 5-0 made things seem right with the world. There were issues, but Auburn managed to overcome themselves as well as the opponents.

As the season progressed, it became apparent that the pre-season questions about depth took its toll on the boys in the blue jerseys. Dropping three straight to Arkansas, Kentucky, and LSU due to poor execution and silly penalties.

Auburn grabbed an upset over the Ole Miss Rebels and an easy win over hapless Furman.

Last week's game versus Georgia was every bit the heart breaker with deja vu in the final minutes of the game, much like with Kentucky.

What has been good about this season is the fact that the offensive side of the ball has shown signs of life. Sure much can be desired of its consistency, but at least more points have been scored this season.

The defense has been much maligned with injuries, depth issues, and inexperience. That, however, has not stopped them from being an opportunistic defense. Forcing turnovers has been key to the Tigers success on defense, either scoring or setting up scores due to those turnovers.

Special teams has had many inconsistencies throughout the season on returns. A Ferris wheel of players have tried their attempts at returns.

Yet with all these problems, these young bunch of scrappy players managed seven wins. One more win will provide the cornerstone for the Chizik era.

That cornerstone is the undefeated Crimson Tide who roll into Jordan-Hare Stadium.

There is much chatter going throughout the state that Alabama will easily dispose of Auburn en route to Atlanta to face the Florida Gators.

For the fans wanting nothing more for the Tigers to take a victory over their hated rival, the time is close at hand.

While others may enjoy sitting at home soaking up the college football scene, this football fan has the opportunity to visit another college venue; That venue is set in Lubbock, Texas to watch the Texas Tech Red Raiders take on the Oklahoma Sooners.

However, I have my eye set on the big prize.

Nothing would satisfy me more to see the Crimson Tide's championship dreams be dashed to pieces in front of a majority orange and blue clad fan base.

In short, Auburn is on the right track under this coaching staff, but that last possible regular season win would make it so much sweeter.

Not to mention finally hearing some peace and quiet from the west part of the state.

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Growing Pains, Or a Look Into The Future?

Matt Nunnelee — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:37:32 -0500

As this season began back in September, there were emotions galore running through the hearts and minds of Auburn faithful.

From excitement to despair, optimism to apprehension; if you could name it, there was an Auburn fan out there feeling it. I like to think that I fell somewhere near the center of the emotional spectrum.

I was a little shell-shocked when I heard of the Chizik hiring. Not happy, but not exactly crying in my beer, as the other candidates weren't what I thought of as marquee names.

As the season has progressed, I think I have been subconsciously chalking Auburn's mental miscues up to youth and lack of depth. I could even live with using the "it's a new staff" excuse/reason.

After watching the Auburn-Georgia match-up Saturday night, I'm not so sure. I'm not saying I've jumped ship and want Chizik and staff gone. However, I will stop and look at all parties involved the next time I see an Auburn team stumbling over its own feet during a game that should be put away by halftime.

I first began to entertain the new idea midway through the second quarter. After scoring touchdowns on two of the most seamless AU drives I can remember, the Auburn offense sputtered and shot themselves in the foot repeatedly.

Not only did I notice the penalties, I noticed who was committing them. They weren't the true freshman and first year starters that I'd been chalking things up to all year. Nope, plenty of veterans jumped off sides, moved early on offense, and simply didn't seem to know what was REALLY going on out there.

As you all know, this continued throughout the game, with perhaps the biggest miscue coming on the final drive to attempt to tie the game. These penalties, along with seemingly directionless sequences during the game, have me wondering if there is a lack of discipline (between the white lines) that has no place at this level of football.

But looking at the total body of work, are they not "who we thought they were?" For every Georgia, has there not been a Tennessee? For every Arkansas, a West Virginia? Kentucky/Ole Miss?

So, are the tigers so young and inexperienced that we have to give them some leeway? Or is it time to look over their heads and see if this undisciplined, directionless in-game execution is coming from the top?

As much as I still believe the future is bright on the Plains, my optimism is not quite as near-sided as it once was. Still optimistic, but the kool-aid's getting warm.

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