Bleacher Report - Articles by Elliott Smith

Mariners say, Nah, We'll Keep Our Enigma

Elliott Smith — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 20:43:39 -0500

According to SI baseball writer Jon Heyman, the Mariners reportedly quashed a deal that would have sent Brandon Morrow and Shawn Kelley to the Tigers for right-handed starter Edwin Jackson.

Now, I’ve made my feelings about Morrow known before—I thought it was a questionable choice to draft Morrow over Lincecum then, and, obviously, how it’s played out has done nothing to dissuade my opinion—so I think this is a curious move by Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik, who I think has done an otherwise fantastic job in the role.

I just don’t think Morrow is ever going to have success with the Mariners. The expectations coming in were probably too high, and the waffling between starter and reliever, and Seattle and Tacoma has turned Morrow into a cipher—a tantalizing possibility, yes, but in reality, a pitcher that has been a disappointment.

On the other hand, Jackson has actually done something at the major league level, although it took him playing for his third team to make it stick. The hard-throwing righty went 13-9 last year with a 3.62 ERA, and would have been a nice fit in the Mariners rotation, especially since the verdict is out on what Morrow’s role is going to be next year.

The Times’ Geoff Baker argues that giving up Morrow and Kelley for Jackson would have been too much, but then he makes the point that Seattle has a wealth of live bullpen arms. So why not take a chance on a guy like Jackson if you’ve got the people to step in?

I remain heartened by the fact that at least the Mariners are considering dealing Morrow—he hasn’t been labeled untouchable like Ryan Anderson. Zduriencik has shown that he has no problem swapping some of Seattle’s sacred cows, i.e., Jeff Clement, so a Morrow trade may still be in the works.

Personally, I would have made this deal. But I guess that’s why I’m not a GM.

Chasing the ghosts at Notre Dame

Elliott Smith — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 12:39:08 -0500

Over the past few days, I’ve had a handful of people ask me whether or not I thought Notre Dame should or would fire Charlie Weis at the end of the season. I guess now that I’m apparently some sort of Fighting Irish expert, my answer is a resounding no.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Notre Dame fan. I take great joy in seeing the Irish get knocked off by Navy or shocked by Syracuse. But in this day and age, Weis has done just about all he can do with a program that will never reach its past glories.

This is not the 1960s anymore, every white kid with a trace of Catholicism is not destined to go to Notre Dame. The lure of playing on TV every week is not enough to sway recruits from powerhouses like Florida and USC. And playing in a wasteland like South Bend, Ind. doesn’t fly when comparing it to say, Austin or Miami.

At this point, Notre Dame is on the smart school circuit, joining the ranks of Stanford, Northwestern, Rice, et al., for the occasional big season mixed in with periods of mediocrity. Of course, Notre Dame has a marked advantage when you think about their NBC deal, historical cache and recruiting edge, and that’s perhaps why people are so quick to get rid of coaches there.

But if you really think about it, Notre Dame isn’t one of the big boys anymore, and shouldn’t be judged that way. I don’t think they deserve a BCS slot either, but it will take a few more years of suckitude for people to really get upset about that.

Also, not to make excuses, but Navy is a pretty good team that runs a tough-to-prepare-for offense. Didn’t the Middies almost take out Ohio State at the Horseshoe as well? I don’t think the Buckeye faithful would have been calling for Jim Tressel’s head if they had lost.

I’m not sure why the Notre Dame faithful would want to run Weis out of town anyway. He’s fanatical about the Irish, has brought in good recruits and held steady in a thankless job. Heck, he even coached with a broken leg.

Now, Pat Forde over at ESPN has made some fine points about Weis’ shortcomings as the boss, including the fact that he’s essentially the equivalent of Tyrone Willingham.

His overall record is 35-24. If the Irish lose Saturday at Pittsburgh, his winning percentage will be .583 — which means he’ll still be succeeding at the identical rate that got Tyrone Willingham (18) canned after three seasons. His ability to create a double standard out of recruiting hype got him two more years of fat paychecks.

But there’s nothing more to Weis than that.

Whom has he beaten? An endless succession of nobodies. Of his 35 victories, exactly two have come against teams that finished the season in Jeff Sagarin’s ELO_Chess Top 30 (the rankings the BCS uses). One of those was against Michigan in Weis’ second game as coach, in 2005 — the Wolverines finished that year No. 24. The other was against Penn State in the second game of Weis’ second year—the Nittany Lions finished that year No. 14.

So, Weis hasn’t been able to do too much with the golden recruiting classes he’s delivered to Touchdown Jesus. But my question is, who would? The Irish may have flash up front, but there’s no way they have the depth of an SEC team, who have guys coming off the bench that would start anywhere else. Meanwhile, the Irish have a bunch of Rudy types.

Personally, I think Weis is an overrated blowhard, which means he fits right in at Notre Dame. Until the powers that be realize that Notre Dame will NEVER be a top five team until they join a conference and don’t have to play USC every year, then you can’t do any worse than having Weis around.

The UFL: Not a Total Train Wreck, But Still…

Elliott Smith — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:53:31 -0400

So, out of a morbid curiosity combined with being a sucker for doomed football leagues, I tuned into the debut of the United Football League on Saturday night, when the New York Sentinels and Florida Tuskers (?) faced off for gridiron glory.

And much like the late, yet unlamented XFL, the football wasn’t half bad—given the league is made up of NFL washouts, on-the-bubble NFL talent, and former NFL coaches, this is to be expected—and you can imagine that by the end of the league’s brief season, it will be better.

The question is, who will be around to see it?

When the XFL launched in 2001, it had the massive marketing power of both the WWF and NBC behind it, and the opening weekend drew huge crowds and massive TV ratings. While neither lasted, it at least made an initial splash.

On the other hand, the UFL’s debut went virtually unnoticed, as the embarrassingly small crowds at both games would indicate. In addition, the league is on the cable hinterlands of Versus and HDNet—not exactly top-of-mind locations for the average sports fan.

Which brings me to my main point: the UFL’s business model is entirely broken, and there’s no way the league will be anything more than a punch line being played at empty stadiums if they don’t change it.

You simply can’t go up against the NFL in the fall. There’s no way.

But even if the UFL is saying it isn’t competing with the NFL by playing on Thursdays and Saturdays, the model is still wrong. Here’s what the Sentinels-Tuskers game was going up against Saturday night: the MLB playoffs, college football (including the Florida-LSU showdown), the opening week of the NHL season, and in the next couple of weeks, the NBA.

There’s no way on God’s green Earth that any self-respecting sports fan is going to watch the equivalent of Triple-A football when any of those other sports are on, which is why if the UFL knew what was good for them, they’d switch to being a spring league next season.

I’d love to see a viable alternative to the NFL—it was good seeing some familiar faces (Simeon Rice, Brooks Bollinger, etc) and some random ones (former Steelers longsnapper Jared Retkofsky, Northwestern linebacker Tim McGarigle)—but even I’m not going out of my way to watch the UFL when there are so many other options out there.

Trade deadline a Wash for M's

Elliott Smith — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 18:31:45 -0400

The trade deadline came and went Friday, and as expected, the Mariners dealt Jarrod Washburn away. Perhaps the only surprising thing was the team to which he was traded—the Detroit Tigers.

From the Tigers’ perspective, it was a no-brainer—they get a quality starter to plug into their rotation as they make their playoff push.

Detroit, however, was a late addition to the Washburn sweepstakes, as the Brewers, Yankees and Dodgers were among the teams thought to have the most interest in the lefty.

The Mariners got promising starter Luke French, who will move into the Mariners’ increasingly young rotation, and minor-league prospect Mauricio Robles.

From my viewpoint, the deal was an excellent one by savvy GM Jack Zduriencik, who, under the radar, had a very successful month. You’ll hear a lot about the Red Sox and Phillies, but I like the deals the Mariners made given their tricky situation.

Sitting on the border of contender and pretender, Jackie Z couldn’t do anything blatant to weaken the team on the field, but couldn’t ignore some of the holes and financial ramifications the M’s faced.

And so, he turned Washburn, disappointing Ronny Cedeno, untested Jeff Clement and prospects into a starting shortstop (Jack Wilson) and two potential starters (French and Ian Snell.) Don’t forget also the Yuniesky Betancourt deal, which netted two decent prospects from the Royals.

I’m sure Zduriencik would have preferred to have traded Erik Bedard, but since Bedard is on the DL with sand in his vagina, that wasn’t an option. So, Washburn was the logical choice, and if everything works out, Seattle could get him back next year with a hometown discount.

Playing the trade deadline game can be something that can haunt you for years (just ask any Seattle fan about Heathcliff Slocumb), but I think the Mariners can be pleased with the way things turned out.

The East Coast-West Coast debate

Elliott Smith — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 13:03:43 -0400

I’m about to embark on a 10-day trip back home to Virginia, which means keeping up with the Seattle Mariners will be as difficult as if they were playing on Mars. No ESPN highlights, no box scores in the paper, no asking anyone about last night’s game, no nothing.

Sure, there’s the Internet for all that information, but I truly believe my parents’ computer is powered by a small rodent, making easy access to late-game action almost impossible, and me mostly out of the loop for one of the most important stretches of the season.

Which brings me to the never-ending debate between sports fans: where is better for watching and following sports—the East Coast or the West Coast?

For me, nothing beats the West Coast, especially during football season. You get to wake up at 9:30, make some last-minute fantasy changes, and get ready to watch the games at 10 a.m. without having to suffer through three or four hours of pregame inanity.

The second game of the doubleheader comes on at 1 p.m. and by the time that’s over, you’ve still got some time to make your significant other happy or do something else productive.

It’s great for Monday Night Football as well. Growing up on the East Coast, I don’t think I ever made it through a full MNF contest— it was just too late to stay up without being wrecked the next day. I felt as if I really accomplished something when I made it through a full game, but that wasn’t until I was in college in Chicago.

Even now, I don’t think I could (or would want to) stay up until midnight watching a game that didn’t involve my team, yet die-hard East Coasters do this every week.

Out West, it’s almost like we get two games for one, especially if you have one of the sports packages, or one of the cable networks is showing a game - you can catch the “early” game at 4 p.m. and then watch “your” game at 7 p.m. It doesn’t really work the other way around.

I don’t know too many folks back East who are staying up to watch a random West Coast game—heck it’s difficult for those folks to follow their teams when they head out here.

Back when I was covering the Mariners, my East Coast newspaper buddies would come out here and be forced to write incomplete game stories or strange features in lieu of the game (reason No. 4,080 why the newspaper biz is becoming obsolete) because their deadlines would pass in the fourth inning, so it cuts both ways.

East Coast folks have a couple of advantages: during the NBA and NHL playoffs, trying to catch a game that starts at 4 p.m. Pacific is pretty much impossible if you have a job (I found myself missing an entire period of the Devils’ playoff games), and we’re always screwed if something is played overseas (Wimbledon finals at 6 a.m. anyone?).

College coaches on the Left Coast have been railing for years against the media bias against Western teams, and while there is some merit (you don’t see as many games/highlights from out here, no do I believe that coaches or their lackeys stay up to watch late games) to that argument, the cream usually rises to the top, and aside from USC, there hasn’t been a team worth staying up late for anyway, unless you’re really into Utah.

So what do you think? East or West? Or should we all just move to Chicago?

My Seattle MLS Experience: Sounders FC vs. DC United

Elliott Smith — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:29:17 -0400

If there’s one thing the powers that be here at Outside The Press Box can decide on, it’s a general disinterest in soccer.

Sure, I’ve covered a few MLS games, a couple of old-school Sounders matches, even some of the international friendlies that have blown through Seattle, but I must admit that soccer does nothing for me.

However, Sounders FC has taken our fair city by storm, although I still argue that half the people who are suddenly claiming to be die-hard soccer fans are just another batch of bandwagon jumpers getting on the hot thing in town.

Five years ago, these were the people at Safeco Field proclaiming their everlong allegiance to the Mariners, so I find it hard to believe there was all this pent-up soccer desire that couldn’t be released until we had a pro team.

So, I had to see for myself what the buzz was about.

Would this be the tipping point? Would I suddenly start caring about the MLS, the equivalent of maybe a Double-A baseball league over in Europe?

The answer is no.

Yes, the game was fun, the crowd was loud and you can’t beat six goals, but I don’t see myself rushing back to Qwest anytime soon, nor can I imagine any scenario in which I would voluntarily watch MLS on TV.

Much has been made about the Seattle crowd, and while 29,000 fans is impressive for the MLS, let’s face it, it’s not like we’ve turned into Liverpool or anything.

The guy sitting behind me was much more excited about getting a free haircut at Great Clips because the Sounders scored three goals. The guy sitting next to me was wearing a wacky outfit for the sole purpose of taking pictures with girls—yes, that guy, the one you would have seen at the Mariners beer garden a couple of years ago.

I think there is a good, solid core of Sounders fans who have deep knowledge of the game and can actually name other players in the MLS, and they should be given full props for helping to foster whatever home-field advantage Seattle may have. The rest of us yahoos are just here for the show.

As for the soccer, I think all parties involved would agree that it wasn’t their best night.

Kasey Keller, a great guy and a loquacious interview subject (did you know he grew up on an egg farm?), gave up two questionable goals down the stretch as Seattle blew a 3-1 advantage. Was it because the guys in front of him eased off the gas? United goalie Josh Wicks didn’t fare much better, allowing an atrocious goal that was kicked with the force of a 3-year-old’s foot.

The Sounders will rue this one, as they controlled the ball for most of the match, yet let DC United hang around by missing out on scoring opportunities and giving United’s strikers too much space to work with when they did have the ball.

On top of all that, more than 60 minutes of the game were not broadcast on ESPN2, as the four-letter network decided to stick with college baseball (college baseball!) over switching to the regularly scheduled MLS game, which should give everyone an idea of where soccer is in the pecking order of American taste.

But at least we got free haircuts!

Baltimore Orioles-Seattle Mariners: Torture, One Hit at a Time

Elliott Smith — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 18:01:42 -0400

It always hurts when the Mariners play Baltimore, but tonight Seattle fans will feel a special kind of pain.

That’s because Erik Bedard, the “game-changing” lefty the Mariners acquired two years ago for a king’s ransom, will be facing off against the prize of that deal, Adam Jones. Jones is the player who has blossomed into a legitimate star much to the chagrin of M’s fans everywhere who vehemently protested the deal then and have little to show for it now.

It’s like your parents making you break up with a girl you knew was going to be hot in a couple of years, and sure enough, she started blossoming right as she went off to college. Damnit!

Just think about the difference if Jones, who is hitting .344 with 11 HRs, 36 RBI, and 41 runs scored, was inserted into the Mariners’ anemic lineup? Instead, he’s one of the cornerstones of a rapidly improving Orioles squad, joining Nick Markakis, Brian Roberts, and recent callup Matt Wieters.

This isn’t just any ordinary trade where no one could have predicted that one team was going to get fleeced. No, the Mariners brass knew full well that Jones was a five-tool player—they touted him as such for years! Yet they didn’t display any patience with Jones, shuttling him up and down from Tacoma, and barely giving him a chance to get his feet under him in Seattle.

Except for some rare occasions, young players need time to adjust to the bigs, and the Mariners pushed too hard.

So, in his infinite wisdom, former GM Bill Bavasi decided to send Jones, along with George Sherrill (another curious decision, seeing as how the Mariners would later jettison J.J. Putz), top prospect Chris Tillman (oh, only the No. 16 prospect in baseball according to MLB), and others to Baltimore for Bedard.

Now, Bedard has been OK for Seattle, but OK doesn’t cut it in this case. And when you throw in the fact that Bedard is likely headed elsewhere before the July 31 deadline, this has the potential to be the worst trade in Mariners history, if it isn’t already.

For his part, Jones has tried to downplay his return and the trade, saying Seattle is “just a regular city.” But you have to figure that some part of Jones wants to stick it to the M’s. Heck, I want Jones to stick it to the M’s, to remind Howard Lincoln and Chuck Armstrong what an awful trade that was—one that Mariners fans have to live with during each and every painful Orioles series.

David Stern: O Dark Lord, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

Elliott Smith — Wed, 27 May 2009 13:25:43 -0400

Please tell me why. I have been nothing but a loyal servant to you during my 25 years as NBA commissioner, per our deal.

I rigged the lottery back in 1985. I got those scary black guys to look presentable. I foisted Gary Bettman onto the NHL. I continue to torment Mark Cuban. I stole the SuperSonics from Seattle. I hired the most incompetent officials in pro sports. I even created the WNBA.

And all I've ever asked from you is one thing: Cavs vs. Lakers in the NBA Finals. Kobe vs. LeBron. It'd be a ratings bonanza! We've already started hyping it—haven't you seen our puppet commercials? Those are good!

And now you're going to ruin it for me! No one cares about Orlando, yet the Magic have a 3-1 lead. People are going to be disturbed watching a team coached by a Ron Jeremy lookalike. He doesn't even own any collared shirts!

And the Nuggets? Have you seen those guys? They make Travis Barker look subtle. I've spent my career trying to bring back our rich, white fans, and now we're asking them to cheer for a guy who has giant lips tatted on his neck? Hell, even their white guy is scary!

Please, I'm begging you—I need Kobe and LeBron in the finals. I've got advertisers to placate, TV networks to satisfy.

We've pulled off some crazy stuff before—let's do it one more time. I'll do whatever you want. I'll re-up my deal—hey, I'll even throw in saucy cheerleaders to sweeten the pot.

Your friend in NBA debauchery,

David Stern

A journey into La-La Land

Elliott Smith — Fri, 22 May 2009 14:30:45 -0400

I am heading down to Los Angeles tomorrow for a quick family trip during what should be quite an interesting weekend for the Los Angeles sports fans.

The Lakers in the Western Conference Finals and the Freeway Series between the Dodgers and Angels. Of course the Los Angeles sports fan is an interesting creature in and of itself, with it's own idiosyncrasies and rituals of which we all can make fun. (I mean, is there nothing that unites the country more than making fun of people from Los Angeles?)

Much like the city its denizens live in, L.A. sports fans are focused on the glitz and glamour, which is why the Lakers and Dodgers will always have more of a following than the Clippers or Angels, no matter what their records are. The Kings? Forget about it. The Galaxy? With Beckham, slight interest. Without? Yawn. Most fans think the teams in their area are great, but the folks in L.A. take it to an extreme (and sometimes laughable) level. Here is just a few examples:

Laker worship: I am not sure I have ever seen a fan base as wrapped up into one team as L.A. is with the Lakers. They are willfully ignorant of any of the Lakers' faults, and if you dare to suggest the Lakers might not be all they are cracked up to be, you are met with sharp rebuke.

And God forbid if you do not think Kobe Bryant is not the greatest basketball player to walk the earth. They still get excited about seeing Dyan Cannon on the Jumbo Tron and she has not been in a movie in 20 years!

Car flags: Now I know that L.A. is a car-based city, but the amount of car flags you see on the highway is insane. I do not really understand this phenomenon on an everyday basis, but everywhere you drive, you see Lakers, Dodgers, and Raiders mini-flags blowing in the breeze, from Porsche's to low riders.

Dodger Stadium: Do not get me wrong, I think Dodger Stadium is one of the great baseball cathedrals. But have you ever been to Dodger Stadium? It is a giant pain in the ass to get there (winding up one traffic-choked road through Griffith Park) and an even bigger headache getting out (fortunately most people leave by the seventh inning). Yet, the locals happily dart in and out of the traffic, reinforcing the notion that Angelinos are perhaps happiest inside their vehicles.

Dodger Dogs: a.k.a a hot dog. But according to L.A. folks, Dodger Dogs are made from some magical mixture of pork leftovers, when in reality they are the same old hot dogs that every other ballpark has.

Jack Nicholson: I live for the day that ol' Jack gets a technical foul called against him for being a nuisance. How in the world does he get away with jawing at the officials, taunting players and coming out onto the floor? Are the refs scared of him? I mean, "A Few Good Men" was not that great. Yet, we have always got to see Jack.

Raider mania: Now I understand that without an NFL team, L.A. natives (not the transplants) have to root for someone, but how could you fanatically cheer for the team that was taken away from you without remorse 14 years ago? That would be like us in Seattle supporting the Oklahoma City Thunder, when in reality, that team is dead to any Seattle NBA fan. Apparently, the L.A. chapter of Raider Nation is stuck in a permanent time warp.

Proud rejection of Orange County sports: The Angels and Ducks might as well be in Las Vegas as far as most L.A. people are concerned. My wife lived in Los Angeles her entire life and had never been to an Angels game, a fact that boggled my mind, yet is entirely commonplace. The poor Angels have tried their best to pull in L.A. fans, even going as far as changing their name, but it is mostly been met with apathy (the Angels have a loyal OC following, however). Ah, L.A. We kid because we care.

Paging Kobe and Artest From the Department of Sore Losers

Elliott Smith — Thu, 14 May 2009 11:55:25 -0400

Well, it looks like the Lakers have finished toying around with the Rockets in the Western Conference semis, and Thursday's Game 6 will likely spell the end for a feisty Houston team that is too inconsistent to win without Yao Ming in the middle.

And since I can't stand the Lakers, I'm turning to my basest desires to bring me joy: Here's hoping that Ron Artest clocks the living hell out of Kobe Bryant.

Artest is all kinds of crazy, and he and Kobe have been yammering back and forth throughout the series.

I thought Ron-Ron was going to lose it in Game 2, when Kobe threw a cheap-shot elbow right into his throat and then pretended like he did nothing wrong. But Artest merely got ejected, and the series went on without further incident.

Now, however, I can see Artest, fed up with what I'm sure will be a relatively easy Laker win, losing his marbles.

How delicious would it be to see Artest (trying to keep alive the classic 90s look of words and patterns in your hair) give that smug bastard Kobe the business end of a cheap shot.

Bryant has always been a punk, yet his prodigious talents have given him a free pass for a large part of his reprehensible on-court behavior (I'm not even talking about the Colorado business): running Shaq out of town, feuding with Phil Jackson, virtually ignoring his teammates, sporting prison-quality tattoos, whining nonstop to the refs, etc.

No one has ever really put him in his place. If all goes right tonight, I'm hoping Artest does the job.

Yeah, it's a "bad" thing to wish for, but c'mon, all you non-Laker fans are probably thinking it too.

Manny's a cheater. So is A-Rod. Why do we care?

Elliott Smith — Thu, 07 May 2009 19:43:13 -0400

When the news broke that everyone's favorite dreadlocked slugger, Manny Ramirez, had been suspended for 50 games after testing positive for a banned substance, we were immediately greeted with the usual hand-wringing dispatches about preserving "the sanctity of the game" and calls for "zero tolerance" for steroid users.

But, I must ask, as I have ever since the entire steroid cloud started raining cheaters, why do we care so much?

Baseball has a long and storied history of cheating. From spitballs to greenies to sandpaper to coke to 'roids, players in every era have tried to circumvent the rules for their own advantage. It's only natural that as the stakes (and money) have been raised, the deceptions have gone from relatively harmless to high-tech.

Are we really, honestly still surprised that players are being busted for steroids?

It could come out that David Eckstein was juicing and I wouldn't blink an eye—in the dog-eat-dog world of professional sports, and especially baseball, in which the players were allowed to do what they wanted while the league looked the other way for so long, many players feel like they have to do whatever it takes to keep their multi-million dollar jobs.

Asking if it's right or wrong is a moral question with no correct answer. Worrying about what children will think and do is a pipe dream—we tell them that murder is bad, yet people still wind up getting killed. Trying to rid the game of cheaters is a lost cause, because right now, even with arguably the game's best player shamed, someone has figured out a better way to get better without getting into trouble.

We watch games and buy tickets with the expectations of being entertained. Part of that deal is that we want to see some of the best athletes in the world doing what they do best—hitting the ball longer, throwing harder, and running faster.

If the game was filled with Adam Everett types, our interest would wane.

We all knew what was going on when players started ballooning in size. We all held our nose and plowed forward, hoping for the best and basking in the barrage of homers.

I covered the Mariners during the heyday of the Steroid Era, and the assembled journalists all whispered about certain players with suddenly ripped physiques. But nearly everyone was willing to overlook it.

I was there the night Rafael Palmeiro got his 3,000th hit, and we were all falling over ourselves to write about how great this player was, both for his on-field abilities and his dogged stance against steroids. You know how that turned out.

It absolutely stinks for the players who have played clean throughout their careers to be lumped in with cheaters. But it is an unfortunate side effect of the time in which they played the game.

Maybe one day, we can honestly say that baseball is clean, but right now, A-Rod, Manny, Bonds, McGwire, Sosa and others have poisoned the well for everyone else.

Am I saying that baseball should become steroid central? Of course not.

But the reality is that performance enhancing drugs are out there, have been out there, and will continue to be out there for those athletes willing to destroy their futures for today's riches. Let's just accept this, so when the next big name gets busted, we can skip the righteous indignation and move on.

Are the Mariners an April Mirage?

Elliott Smith — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:59:16 -0400

The first month of the baseball season is in the books with the Seattle Mariners among the league's biggest surprises, sitting atop the AL West with a 13-9 mark.

It's a record that seemed highly unlikely given the M's 101-loss campaign in 2008, the complete overhaul of the team, and the fact that their April schedule included matchups with the Angels, Rays, White Sox, and Twins.

Are the Mariners a better team than most of us suspected?

Or are they doing this with smoke and mirrors, only to level off once we get into the dog days of the season?

The answer—as it usually turns out to be—is a little bit of both. Remember, people expected big things from the Mariners last year. Now, some of those players are still around, living up to last year's expectations. So, there is some good. But there are also some red flags that could bring the good ship Mariner back down to earth.

The good

Starting pitching: What was supposed to be a strength last year has finally materialized, with Felix Hernandez leading the way.

For all his accolades, Felix has been just an okay pitcher (43-36, 3.73 ERA entering 2009). But so far this year, he seems to have put it all together, jumping out of the gate at 4-0 and working on a scoreless streak of 19 innings. If Felix maintains his ace-like pace, the M's will be in good shape.

Erik Bedard caught a lot of criticism last year for being a surly bastard who ran out of gas after six innings. But the dirty little secret is that he had put up some decent numbers before going on the DL.

While he's still not reliable for more than six innings, he's become the solid No. 2 pitcher the M's brass hoped for.

Jarrod Washburn has been the biggest surprise, but was his last (horrible) start against the Angels a sign of things to come? Even rookie Chris Jakubauskas, who was thrown into the fire, has pitched well save for one start.

Russell Branyan: I didn't think much of this offseason acquisition, because it felt like the M's were getting a cheaper Richie Sexson. However, Branyan has been the team's most consistent offensive threat (.333 AVG, 4 HR, .415 OBP). Branyan has never been an everyday player, but if he continues to produce, the Mariners will have received the steal of the year.

Endy Chavez: Another questionable offseason move (he came over the in the J.J. Putz deal), Chavez was brought on to bolster the M's outfield defense.

Whatever he could bring to the plate would be gravy. Well, bring on the potatoes because he's hit .305 and stolen five bases to help spark the Seattle offense. He's only hitting .179 in his last seven games, however, so that's something to keep an eye on.

The bullpen: While the Mariners' bullpen has been poorly constructed (no lefties!), you can't argue with the results. Seattle ranks No. 5 in bullpen ERA (3.23) and No. 2 in saves (eight). Brandon Morrow has been sharp as the closer while David Aardsma is proving to be another savvy Jack Zduriencik pickup.

The bad

Ken Griffey Jr.: As a Mariners fan, it pains me to say this, but it's been the worst-case scenario thus far for Griffey. He's hitting .200, his bat looks slow (15 Ks in 60 ABs) and aside from 15 walks, hasn't brought much value to the Mariners' offense.

As long as the team continues to do well, most folks will be fine with letting Griffey hang in the lineup. Yet if the team starts struggling, will Don Wakamatsu be ready to sit The Kid?

The offense: Griffey's not the only one who's been struggling. Adrian Beltre, Franklin Gutierrez and Jose Lopez have also gotten off to slow starts—a big reason why the Mariners rank near the bottom in nearly every statistical category (26th in HR, 20th in RBI, 21 in runs, 28 in OBP/SLG and 29 in OPS).

They've scored three or fewer runs in 10 of their 22 games. But, due to their pitching, they are 4-6 in those contests.

Yuniesky Betancourt's plate approach: This is a recurring problem that seems to be getting worse.

Yeah, he's hitting .303. Yeah, he may not be up there always hacking at the first pitch. But go beneath the surface and the numbers are disturbing: 76 at-bats without a walk, (most in the majors) and an average of three pitches seen per plate appearance. Nobody's asking this guy to take the Oakland approach, but how about a little discipline?

Can the Mariners keep it up?

They'll have to continue to take advantage of the injuries that have crippled the Angels to try and get as much distance between the teams until L.A. gets back on its feet. With six games against Oakland, five against Texas and sets with Kansas City and San Francisco this month, they've got a shot to do just that.

Whatever happens over the long haul, Mariners fans can be thankful for one thing: at least the season's not over by May 1.

Five MLB Players in Need of a “Crank”-Style Rejuvenation

Elliott Smith — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 15:00:18 -0400

In honor of the amazingly over-the-top film Crank: High Voltage, which stars the kick-ass Jason Statham as Chev Chelios, a man who must keep his electric heart beating by subjecting himself to all sorts of insane adrenaline rushes (even though he was clearly dead at the end of the first film), we take a look at five baseball players who could use a similar jumpstart to help revive their flatlining careers.

Now, a word about the selections. You could probably list 20 or 30 players who need a shock to the system, but I tried to focus on guys who are still relatively young and can still produce for several more years, which rules out aging veterans on the downhill slope of their careers (I'm looking at you, Edgar Renteria).

Player: Travis Hafner

Crank treatment: Repeated punches to the face
The man they call Pronk has the brute strength to become one of the game's most-feared power hitters, and for a while, it seemed as if that was going to be the case (103 HR and 324 RBI from 2004-06).

And so, Cleveland lavished a four-year, $57 million deal on Hafner, who responded by having a lackluster 2007 by his standards (.266, 24 HR) and a brutal 2008 campaign (.197, 5 HR), which saw him limited to 57 games due to a shoulder injury.

Much of the Indians' hopes this year rests on Hafner, and so far he seems to be responding, hitting .286 with 4 homers in the early part of the campaign. If Hafner can get up to 30-40 HRs, the Tribe will have one of the AL's most-potent offenses.

Player: Barry Zito

Crank treatment: Public copulation
The mercurial left-hander has been absolutely awful since signing his seven-year, $126 million mega-contract with the San Francisco Giants three years ago, and the guy looks like a totally different pitcher than he did during his Oakland days.

In 67 starts with the Giants, Zito is 21-32 with a 4.95 ERA, including 0-2 this season. The league teed off him last year, hitting .270, mainly because his fastball seemed to be losing velocity at an alarming rate, making his wicked curve less effective.

The Giants sent Zito to the bullpen last year, and if Zito continues to struggle, don't be surprised if he ends up there again.

Player:Lastings Milledge

Crank treatment: Car battery jump to tongue
You have to be sucking if the Nationals send you to Triple-A one week into the season. And that's the sad story of a once-hot prospect who is drifting perilously close to bust territory.

Everyone raves that Milledge is a five-tool player, and he showed flashes of potential during his stint with the Mets and early in his Nationals career. But a combination of injuries, immaturity and an inability to not swing are derailing his career.

Milledge went .167 with 10 Ks as the Nats' leadoff hitter and wasn't much better out in the field. Milledge is too talented not to get another shot, but with a glut of outfielders on the Nats, he'll have to make some strides to avoid another trip back to Triple-A.

Player: Dontrelle Willis

Crank treatment: Defibrillator shock
A former Rookie of the Year and 20-game winner, Willis started struggling in 2006, but still was a respectable 12-12 with a 3.87 ERA. However, he led the majors with 19 hit batsmen, a sign of things to come.

Traded to Detroit and signed to a big extension in 2007, Willis began falling apart, going 10-15 with a 5.17 ERA that year and getting sent down to Single-A in 2008 after several disastrous starts.

After a shaky spring, the Tigers placed Willis on the DL this year for treatment of an anxiety disorder, which sounds strange considering that one of Willis' most-endearing qualities was his upbeat, friendly nature.

Even Willis has said he's unsure about what's going on, stating, "I'm not crazy." Still, it seems hard to imagine that Willis will pitch this year for the Tigers, but with $22 million left on his deal, Detroit's going to want something out of the lefty.

Player: Andruw Jones

Crank treatment: Jump out of plane with no parachute

There are bad seasons, and then there's Andruw Jones' 2008 season—arguably the worst season of all time by a reputable player. Fat, listless and lost, Jones hit an embarrassing .158 with three HR before the Dodgers essentially told him to go away for the rest of the year.

How could one of the league's top players (if not slightly overrated) completely fall off the face of the Earth? Things got so bad for Jones that he signed a non-guaranteed contract with the Rangers for this season that paid him $500,000—a far cry from the $36 million deal he got from the Dodgers a year prior.

Jones has actually been a productive player in spot duty with Texas, hitting .500 in 14 at-bats. He's been doing and saying the right things to repair his reputation, but it's going to take a lot more to prove that the Jones who essentially stole money from the Dodgers last year isn't going to go splat when given an everyday job.

In NHL, It's Finally Time to Pay Attention

Elliott Smith — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:25:59 -0400

I can't say I'm the world's biggest hockey fan—I got into it mainly through playing NHL '93 on the Sega Genesis—but I try my best to keep up with the sport, despite its terrible TV contracts (reduced to the cable hinterlands of the Versus network), lack of newspaper coverage (a paragraph at best in the local paper), and general status as our country's No. 4 sport.

When you factor in that slogging through the interminable regular season seems more like a chore than a reward, it's no surprise that only the biggest die-hards hang onto every point.

But now that the playoffs have begun, it's another story. No sport has a better postseason than the NHL, featuring series filled with the kind of drama, upsets, intensity, and action that other leagues could only dream of.

In the NBA, a No. 8 seed has only toppled a No. 1 seed twice. In hockey, it seems like it happens every year, and if you told me that this year's No. 8's (Montreal and Anaheim) will wind up winning their first-round series, I won't be surprised.

Another amazing aspect of the NHL playoffs is the overtime factor, especially during sudden-death showdowns.

One of my favorite sports memories of all time is watching the four-OT Penguins-Capitals marathon in 1996. Every shift and every pass meant so much, it was impossible to turn away from the game, even though it was 1 a.m. You just don't get that kind of drama in other sports.

As far as this year's playoffs go, I know enough to get by: Detroit and San Jose are good, Pittsburgh is streaking, Chicago is a dark-horse, and New Jersey continues to get no respect.

But none of that matters, because a week from now, we could have three or four of the lower seeds in the next round.

Selfishly, I'm rooting for the Devils, since they are my team, and the Canucks, due to their proximity. I'd love to see them meet in the Stanley Cup finals, but I have no idea of how things are going to go, and that's why I'm watching.

The NHL may not get many things right, but the playoffs make up for all the other flaws. Get ready for an exciting two months.

Coach, Will u b My Facebook Friend?

Elliott Smith — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 14:58:34 -0400

When I first found out that Steve Sarkisian was Twittering, my immediate thought was sympathy for the poor athletic department lackey who had to pretend to be the new University of Washington football coach.

So imagine my surprise that Sarkisian—with some help—actually is doing the Tweeting (?), enlightening his 2,462 followers with these bon mots from spring practice: "What a great day for football, practice starts at 1 PM" and "Compliance and staff meeting this morning, cannot wait for practice, hope to see you out there."

Welcome to the new world of college football coaching, where marketing your team is just as important as making sure they're ready to play on Saturday.

The days of the mythical, omnipotent college football coach are just about over (JoePa and Bobby Bowden are the lone holdouts), leaving the new breed of successful coach as one who can balance on-field leadership and off-field self-promotion.

In addition to the Twitter account, Sarkisian also has a web page and a Facebook site (although it appears to be down right now).

It's a crafty move, no doubt picked up from media-savvy mentor Pete Carroll, to increase interest in a program whose status as top dog in the Seattle area has been rapidly fading due to the stench of the Tyrone Willingham era.

Sarkisian's multimedia blitz has a triple benefit for the Husky program: First, it gives current players and, most importantly, potential recruits a unique look at the man who will be their coach. It shows that he can speak their language, if you will.

Everyone wants to play for a cool coach, not some hard-ass who hasn't touched a computer in 15 years.

Second, it gives the rabid UW fanbase and alumni a reason to feel connected to the program again, after Willingham nearly drove everyone away with his aloof nature and clandestine approach.

Students can follow and interact with the coach, and the rich, crusty alums that make up the Tyee crowd will at least have a semblance of "insider" information to share, making them feel special again.

Third, it allows the media another avenue into the inner workings of the program. Sure, Sarkisian isn't going to be posting anything revelatory on any of his social media sites, but reporters won't turn their noses up at an easy outlet for his thoughts and for the minutae that may lead to stories down the road.

Of course, this is all fine and dandy now, when no football is being played and optimism reigns supreme. But will Sarkisian be as chatty when things aren't looking up for the Huskies ("Got taken 2 woodshed 2day by LSU. Epic Fail.") or if the program gets in trouble ("OMG! NCAA looking into viol8tions. Hate those guys.")?

After lagging behind the rest of the college football world for the last few years, it's nice to see the Huskies doing some forward thinking. Now, if only Shaqcould help Sarkisian punch up his Tweets, we'd be on to something.

Brandon Morrow Mistake Continues To Haunt Seattle Mariners

Elliott Smith — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:53:21 -0400

Selective hindsight is a given when it comes to sports, allowing us to be prescient about the relative success or failure of players and teams after the fact.

Very few people had the foresight to realize that, say, Ben Roethlisberger would be a two-time Super Bowl winner coming out of Miami of Ohio, or that Adam Morrison would be a humongous flameout.

Brandon Morrow, however, is a different story.

The pick felt wrong on draft day, and it still feels wrong heading into the 2009 campaign.

The Mariners made a mistake in drafting Morrow, no matter how stubborn they are in not admitting it.

Morrow's recent self-demotion of sorts to the Mariners bullpen is the latest chapter in the disappointing story of the pitcher, who, on the surface, seemed like a sure thing but has struggled to live up to expectations and the very lanky shadow of the player Seattle should have selected in the 2006 draft.

And that's not to say that Morrow may become an effective closer for the Mariners if he can shake some of the injuries that have slowed his progress. But the rule is that you don't draft closers, you find them. You especially don't draft them with the No. 5 pick.

It's even harder to reconcile the selection of Morrow when, just three picks later, the San Francisco Giants took University of Washington product Tim Lincecum—a pitcher the Mariners had to know tons about given that he was plying his trade in their backyard. I'm sure the Mariners' scouts had their issues with Lincecum's unorthodox style, but the results were hard to ignore then, and his performance as a pro bears that out.

While Lincecum spent the 2008 season lighting up the NL, Morrow bounced between the bullpen, Triple-A Tacoma, and the rotation, where he made a memorable debut against the Yankees (nearly tossing a no-hitter) that seemed to indicate that perhaps he too was on his way to becoming an ace.

But something—whether his arm troubles or his diabetes—has kept him from making the leap, and part of it feels like he took the easy road out by joining the bullpen, saying that's where he "feels at home."

"It was a tough decision," Morrow said. "I went in with a lot of pros and cons and why I would do one over the other. I think everybody agreed that I would be best suited as a reliever and that would help the team the most. It just came down to [me thinking] I'd be better out of the bullpen."

Really? A stud pitcher with starter stuff thinks he should be in the pen? I guess I just don't get that mentality. And I don't understand why the Mariners would be willing to let someone in whom they invested top dollars become an (unproven) situational pitcher. The M's bullpen is a disaster, though, and I guess having someone with a live arm certainly helps.

Long-term, things may work out and Morrow might become a serviceable pro, perhaps even the starter the M's need. Short-term, and without much hindsight needed, the Morrow pick looks like a huge gaffe on the part of the M's—a multimillion-dollar mistake.

Gonzaga-North Carolina: The Most Important Game in Gonzaga History

Elliott Smith — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:07:21 -0400

Over the past decade, Gonzaga has become the preeminent mid-major in college basketball, a well-deserved title after years of keeping up with the big boys—and often beating them at their own game.

In reality, however, the Bulldogs are a major program in many ways.

Their recruiting coups, scheduling freedom, TV exposure and media goodwill are envied by teams big and small.

It's been a great run from the little guys over in Spokane, but they've reached a crossroads.

Tonight's Sweet 16 game against North Carolina represents the latest and greatest challenge in Gonzaga's remarkable run, a contest that, despite the outcome, could have far-reaching ramifications for everyone's favorite Cinderella.

Sure, Gonzaga has played in big tournament games before, and they've even beaten the mighty Tar Heels with some of the same players who will take the court tonight. But beating UNC here, to advance to the Elite Eight, would be a seismic triumph—a signature victory the program could always hang its hat on.

But how could the outcome of this game really affect the Gonzaga program? Let's take a closer look.

Coaching

Mark Few's name may come up for coaching vacancies every year, but it's generally confined to the Northwest (i.e., Oregon). Beating UNC, however, would put Few's name on the very short list of hot coaches that big-time athletic directors (i.e., Kentucky) will be clamoring to get. The Gonzaga brass will be hard pressed to keep Few in Spokane if the real big boys keep calling.

If you think Few's done a good job mining for talent with Gonzaga, imagine the kind of recruits that Few would be able to draw with Kentucky on his business card?

If the Bulldogs lose to UNC, Few could also decide that he's had a good run with the Zags, and that he's done all he could do. Then it might be easier to see him head off to Oregon to coach at his alma mater.

Recruiting

I don't think the Bulldogs will be hurt in this area if they lose tonight—they've got a knack at finding kids that seem to work in their system. I can still see gritty, somewhat overlooked players eager to head to Gonzaga given the benefits of the program noted above.

But if the Zags win, look out. That kind of exposure, and that kind of win would open the door to a new level of recruit that hasn't considered Gonzaga in the past.

Current center Micah Downs is the only McDonald's All-American to play for the school, and that's only because he flamed out at Kansas and had few options left. Some of the nation's elite may not choose to test themselves against the West Coast Conference, but there will be more than a few high-flyers who would be interested in signing on.

Reputation

A win cements Gonzaga's status as one of the nation's elite and would begin to put their achievements into a historical perspective. It would also provide them with more scheduling troubles—no team in their right mind would ever travel to Spokane and risk catching a beat down from the Zags, and there's only so many high-profile tournaments for which they can sign up.

A loss and people start to reassess. Not that the Bulldogs would be tossed out as a Top 25 team, but you can certainly bet that people will assume they can't win the big one, or they falter with too much on the line. As other mid-majors like Saint Mary's and Western Kentucky rise, some of the press (and AP votes) may turn to those schools and Gonzaga's star may begin to dim.

That's why tonight's game is compelling on so many levels. Forget North Carolina—they'll be okay no matter what happens. But for Gonzaga, there's a lot at stake now, but also in the future.

Why the U.S. Will Never Win the World Baseball Classic

Elliott Smith — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 23:19:25 -0400

Ichiro helped the Japanese team win its second consecutive World Baseball Classic championship Monday. The win sent its players into a joyous celebration and lifted the spirits of entire country.

It also became painfully clear that the United States will never win the WBC, as long as the competition hangs around. The reason is simple:

We could care less.

The U.S. players view the WBC as a glorified exhibition, while American fans probably take an even dimmer view.

Monday's championship game between Japan and Korea drew 50,000 rabid fans to Dodger Stadium, but the semifinal contest between the U.S. and Japan registered a blase 20,000, and you don't have to guess whom the majority of the fans were rooting for.

While Japan, Korea, Cuba, and Dominican Republic view the WBC as an opportunity to prove to the world their baseball superiority, and play with the passion and intensity required to live up to those goals, Americans will always hold the view that no one is better than us—after all, we invented the game.

For whatever reason—self-preservation, team interference, or player indifference, the U.S. will never have its full complement of players on a WBC squad, and who can blame those who decide to pass?

Are they getting paid to play the role of patriot? No. Their job is to be ready to roll when opening day comes around, and grabbing a few innings here and there under the questionable decision-making of an out-of-touch skipper, isn't exactly a ringing endorsement for playing in the WBC.

To their credit, the players who were on the U.S. squad said all the right things, and I'm sure they relished the opportunity of playing for their country.

But there was certainly an undercurrent of second-guessing, as some questioned playing time and the way they were used. Now, those players who didn't see a lot of action must hurry back to their spring training camp and play catch-up—always a risky proposition.

In theory, the WBC is a cool idea, but as most things overseen by Bud Selig tend to wind up, it has been badly mismanaged, leading to hard feelings by players from all countries,and a general disinterest here in the United States.

Winning the WBC isn't even an option for the U.S. when the tournament returns in 2013—getting players to even sign up will be hard enough.

Seattle's Long, Dark Winter Without an NBA Team

Elliott Smith — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 11:27:43 -0400

Driving around Seattle the other day, I motored past a forlorn-looking KeyArena and was struck with a palpable sense of grief.

I miss the SuperSonics.

There, I said it. I know some of you have tried to maintain a stoic front or an air of indifference while Seattle's NBA team was squired away to some godforsaken outpost.

Some of you have vowed to not watch the NBA, lest you give any credence to David Stern's megalomania. Some of you support the drastic action of shutting the league out of Seattle altogether in the future.

I can understand your anger or apathy. But as the NBA season heads into the playoff stretch run, it's not a time of excitement, but a time of wistfulness, envy, and sadness. This has been a long, dark winter.

I wouldn't describe myself as an NBA fanatic, but I had a season-ticket package for the Sonics the last few years—getting a chance to watch some of the world's best athletes is too good a proposition to pass up. I'll never forget some of the electric moments at KeyArena nor the growing dread last year when it became all too apparent that the end was near.

Yes, the NBA still goes on, but when you don't have a team, there's a ripple effect on your awareness. You see fewer games. You get less coverage in the paper. You forget there's a team in Milwaukee.

It's still incomprehensible to think about the confluence of events—the unbridled hubris of Stern, the naked deception of Clay Bennett, the seeming stupidity of Howard Schultz, and the bungling maneuvers of our government—that had to occur to get Seattle's longest-tenured pro sports team to vacate the premises.

So now KeyArena sits silent, a stark reminder of what we had and what was taken from us.

I've only seen the Thunder once this season, when they were hammered by New Orleans in P.J. Carlesimo's last game. Secretly, I enjoyed watching the Oklahoma City folks seeing their team getting a beatdown, but I also felt sorry for Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, Chris Wilcox, and Nick Collison—good guys placed in an unbelievably awkward situation.

But during the second half of the season, it seems as if the Thunder are actually getting better, which is another punch to the gut of Sonics fans.

People in Vancouver still talk about the Grizzlies, and that's a hockey town. Sure, right now Seattle is a football town, and eight years ago, it was a baseball town. But if you ask people who grew up here, they'll most likely tell you it was the Sonics that came to define Seattle's sports scene.

Some people are optimistic that the NBA will return to Seattle one day, which makes sense given the size of this market and the fact some believe the league's apocalypse is right around the corner.

Some big wig will come along and fix up KeyArena with his own money, and all those people who didn't want to use tax money will be happy. The new team will wear "Sonics" across their chests, and opening night will be played before a packed house.

But it won't be the same.

The Sonics as we know them are dead and gone—and the ghosts of those Sonics will forever haunt KeyArena.

UFL: Another Doomed Football League? Sign Me Up!

Elliott Smith — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 14:45:00 -0400

I blame my dad. Ever since he took me to see the New Jersey Generals (featuring Herschel Walker and Doug Flutie!) when I was a kid, I've had a weird fascination with the psuedo-football leagues that pop up every 10 years or so to miserably challenge the NFL's kingdom before fading into obscurity.

I was crushed when the USFL "won" its lawsuit and got $3, killing the league. I was all about the World League of American Football (go Orlando Thunder!), the CFL's ill-fated foray into the U.S., and Arena Football (I longed for Seattle to get a team so I could get season tickets).

Only the stern look from my wife prevented me from joining a group of excited Amsterdam Admirals fans eager to take an American to see a game during our European vacation a few years ago. And, I think I'm probably the only person in America who owns an XFL-branded Chicago Enforcers hat.

Which brings us to the United Football League, scheduled to kick off its "premier" season with four teams this October. Of course, this promises to be an epic fail, yet I can't say I'm not intrigued thanks to the league's delusions of grandeur and the voyeuristic appeal of watching some famous faces flail about.

UFL commissioner Michael Huyghue, bless his soul, seems to truly believe his league has a chance to survive and thrive despite the incredibly boneheaded decision to play its games during the fall, head-to-head with high school, college. and the NFL:

"… The UFL makes sense because it is played in the fall when people traditionally want to watch pro football. Other spring leagues have failed to maintain a consistent viewing audience. We believe (and our television partners concur) that playing in the fall on Thursday and Friday nights provides the widest audience of professional football fans. So, why will the UFL succeed? Because of you, the fan. Unlike other leagues that failed because of greedy owners, gimmicks, or mediocre talent, the UFL will field a world-class product."

Uh, OK. The UFL recently announced a TV deal with Versus, a channel that most people don’t realize they get, and on Wednesday they will announce the coaches for its initial four franchises. The coaches are rumored to be Jim Haslett, Dennis Green, Jim Fassel, and Ted Cottrell, a veritable cornucopia of has-beens, desperate for any springboard they can find.

The league’s other big news is that it is more than willing to give Michael Vick, a.k.a. The Worst Person In The World (please note my sarcasm), a job. This is not at all shocking considering that the league’s only shot at drawing any kind of audience are the “gimmicks” that Huyghue decries.

Look, I’m hoping they can at least make it through the year. But having four teams (Los Angeles/Las Vegas, New York/Hartford, Orlando, San Francisco/Sacramento) play six games across two home stadiums with NFL rejects doesn’t seem like a winning proposition.

The USFL worked for a while because it had the money (and eventually overextended itself) to pay big salaries to NFL talent. NFL Europe hung around because it had the league’s blessing, and Arena stuck around for 20 years because it found a quirky niche.

The UFL looks, feels, and sounds like a low-budget affair all the way. In the spring, that might have been enough. But when the real deal is at your fingertips? No way. But what the heck, I’ll give it shot. And if when it fails, The New USFL and the AAFL are scheduled for 2010.

A Simple Fix For The Pac-10 Tournament

Elliott Smith — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 14:39:34 -0400

At some point while watching this week’s Pac-10 Tournament, you will ask yourself, “Why are they playing basketball in an airplane hangar decorated with empty seats?” The Staples Center may be a lovely venue for stargazing and watching the Lakers, but it is sorely lacking as a venue for college basketball, a fact that is reinforced every March during what should be the pinnacle of the Pac-10’s campaign.

Instead, most of the games not involving UCLA are played out in a morgue-like atmosphere, with thousands of empty seats ringing the action and a few hardy fans trying to make as much noise as they can in the cavernous facility.

So what’s the solution? Simple - rotate the league tournament to the various arenas within the league’s footprint. It’d be an easy adrenaline boost to game atmosphere and fan interest, but conservative league officials would never do it for fear of reprisal by their television partners and the general ineptitude of the Pac-10 when it comes to making common sense decisions.

Angelinos could care less about anything but the Lakers and the latest exploits of Lindsey Lohan, so there’s no general interest audience to help with attendance. Most folks from Washington and Oregon would rather eat glass shards than go down to L.A. for an extended period of time, so that limits crowds as well.

But the Pac-10 has a unique set up that makes it simple to spread the wealth when it comes to the tournament. Each “pairing” of schools could host the tourney for two years at the following, much-more-fan-friendly arenas: UW and WSU (Key Arena), Cal and Stanford (Oracle Arena), Oregon and Oregon State (Rose Garden) and Arizona and ASU (US Airways Arena). Then the tourney could rotate back to L.A. for USC and UCLA.

There would be a lot more interest from the average sports fan in Seattle, Portland, San Francisco and Phoenix than in Los Angeles, and I would guarantee that moving the tournament would produce the kind of buzz that is sorely lacking now. Who cares if FSN is based in L.A.? They’ve got trucks up and down the West Coast, and I have no doubt that they could provide the same kind of coverage from humble little burghs like Seattle.

Sounds reasonable, no? Well, the Pac-10 seems to be the place where reasonable ideas go to die (don’t get me started on their terrible TV deals), so don’t expect anything to change anytime soon.

A Letter From Northwestern to The NCAA Tournament Selection Committee

Elliott Smith — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 12:10:30 -0500

Hello,

We're the Northwestern University basketball program. You may not have heard of us, which is understandable.

You see, we're the only major conference program that has never qualified for the NCAA Tournament.

Yes, we know it sounds unbelievable, but we really suck at basketball.

We've never won 20 games, we haven't finished fourth or higher in the Big Ten since 1968, we've only made the NIT three times, and we are routinely the visitor at our own arena, but this year is different! We've actually, you know, won some games, and we're begging, no, pleading with you to throw a bone and invite us to the Big Dance.

You want a Cinderella story? How about a team that has no friggin’ clue what it’s like to play a meaningful game in March. Forget those other bubble teams. Maryland, Georgetown, Wisconsin? They’ve all been there before — it’s old hat to them.

An invite to the tourney would be a gift from above, a potential program-changing event. We need this to happen — based on our history, it will be another 27 years before we even get close enough to sniff the tournament.

And before you think we just want you to make us a charity case (which would also be OK), we brought some numbers to back up our bid, because we heard you love numbers and because our school is a bunch of nerds.

* As of today, our 17 wins are tied for the most in school history! That’s a lot of wins, right?
* According to Jerry Palm, our RPI is now 70, with a chance to rise if we can beat Ohio State on Sunday.
* We’ve beaten six RPI Top-50 teams (Michigan State, Florida State, Purdue, Wisconsin, Ohio State, Minnesota), three of which are currently in the top 20 (another school record!).
* We have erased some ugly numbers out of the record books, including our first-ever victory at Indiana and beating two consecutive ranked opponents.

Look, we know that Sunday’s game against Ohio State is the biggest game in our school’s history. If we lose, you can take us off your whiteboard. But if we win, and enter the Big Ten Tournament 18-11 and 9-9, with a resume that stacks up nicely against the other Big Ten contenders, well, just think about all those Northwestern alums across the country who would immediately book travel to wherever you send us. That’s money in your pockets!

A few years ago, you let Air Force in as a No. 13 seed, and they acquitted themselves well. We guarantee that we would do the same. Please, committee, give us a shot. We won’t let you down.

Sincerely,
Northwestern Basketball

P.S. - You owe us for hosting that first NCAA tourney in 1939 anyway.