Bleacher Report - Articles by Jacob Bridges

Monday Night Recap: UCLA vs. Tennessee

Jacob Bridges — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 17:57:30 -0400

So last night, as I sat down to a nice hot dinner, I turned on ESPN like always and had a stroke of not-so-original genius.

What if I documented my reactions to this UCLA-Tennessee game? ORIGINAL, RIGHT???

Now I know I ruined all bleacher bums' days by coming out and admitting my lack of creativity.

So that means replying to this article with "you suck," or "way to copy so and so from such and such blah blah blah i don't care blah blah carrots," is useless.

Maybe you were not going to say either. In that case, pat yourself on the back, and get ready to pee yourself with glee as laughter ensues.

So let me tell you what I was looking for before this whole scheebang started. The list is as follows:

1. Beautiful UCLA cheerleaders

2. Beautiful people from LA

3. Celebrities

4. Phil Fulmer

5. UT cheerleaders

6. Crude comments from amateurish "sports writers" on bleacherreport.com

Let's begin shall we? Don't forget that list. It's all important but especially No. 6.

FIRST QUARTER:

-What's with these orange pants? Tennessee might lose because of these sherbet-y, dreamsicle pants.

-Can't wait for Todd's taste of the town!!! What does LA cuisine have in store for us? *crosses fingers for CPK*

-Orange creamsicle pants

-I would TOTALLY let Rick Ne...Nehui...Neuhesil...that guy from Washington and Colorado...participate in my NCAA basketball pool. He seems nice.

-Phil Fulmer sighting! (6:30) He looks round tonight...sort of like the Western Kentucky mascot except in orange sherbet.

-1:24. First camera shot of UCLA cheerleaders, and the first quarter is coming to a close. UNACCEPTABLE. (Note: I know why they don't show them now. I almost missed that punt block because I wasn't looking at the play. Yikes!)

-Can we REALLY say that Pitt losing to Bowling Green was an upset? I have never thought Dave Wannstedt was a good coach, and how does he still have a coaching job?

End of 1st Quarter: UCLA: 7 Tennessee: 0

SECOND QUARTER:

-J-CrOmPz (alternate name for Johnathon Crompton) has looked shaky. Rumor has it that the creamsicle pants have thrown him.

-Hardesty does his best Usain Bolt impression and BOLTS...for the end zone. Oh man.

-They have talked about Peyton Manning more than they have shown the UCLA cheerleaders. Wtf, mate?

-The Aflac trivia question ends up being TEE MARTIN HAHAHA!!! What an NFL Euro stud.

-1:19. Kevin Crap throws INT number 672 tonight. Tee Martin isn't looking half bad right about now.

-Daniel "I Kick Like Abraham" Lincoln misses. Again.

-It's just about halftime and all I can think about is the lack of UCLA cheerleader shots and how UCLA possibly remains in this game.

Halftime: Ricky boy's team: 7 Phat Phil's team: 14

THIRD QUARTER:

-8:00ish Eric Berry just baptized someone. You don't mess with Texas. Or Tennessee.

-The Taste of the Town: The Apple Pan. This place looks tasty. A nice mom and pop burger joint in Tinsletown. I like it.

-BLITZ!

-John Chavis.

-1:00ish. Finally, a shot of the UCLA cheerleaders. This marks the first time in the second half. Including replays, I'm tallying seven to this point.

-Creamsicles: 14 Bruins: 10

FOURTH QUARTER:

-7:19 Apparently Christopher Lloyd brought the angels in the outfield to the Rose Bowl as Kevin "second half" Craft nails two amazing passes.

-And just like UCLA jumps ahead by three.

-Kevin Craft has become amazing in the matter of one quarter. Wow. J-Crompz on the other hand is getting rocked like a jukebox.

-1:54. My earlier suspicions were confirmed. Hardesty of the Vols IS actually Usain Bolt. Tenn: 21 USC's little brother: 17

-0:44. ANOTHER PHIL FULMER SIGHTING! How did we get so lucky. Now if we could just find those celebrities. I think they mentioned Wayne Gretzky, but I don't see him...

-0:27. And just like that, UCLA scores. We immediately get a shot of Phil's angry, orange back.

-This game is about to come down to an 0-2 kicker. Uh-oh.

-Lincoln nails it. Overtime.

OVERTIME:

-By the time I removed my contact lenses for a full night of slumber, UCLA had already knocked home a field goal.

-They just mentioned a classic Alabama loss to Georgia last year. Did somebody say War Eagle?

-Daniel "Kicks Like Abraham" Lincoln shanked it. Way to let your team down, buddy. They played so hard just so you could miss a chip shot in overtime. I bet your family is embarrassed. I bet your university is embarrassed. Good luck on campus, bro. Your life is so over.

-And without fail, the geniuses in the booth call Kevin Craft a star of the game. I will bet they have never said that about a dude who threw four INTs before. Wait, they say stuff like this all the time. Nevermind.

Why, in the fourth quarter, I believe it was Todd Blackledge that said "a safety for Tennessee actually benefits UCLA here" when UCLA had the bowl at their own goal line. Genius.

Final Score: UCLA: 27 Tennessee: 24

In summary, this game was a SMASH! Boy, did I pick a good one to watch. Remember that list? Well here are the results:

1. 10 UCLA cheerleader shots (including replays)

2. Five shots or random beautiful people in the Rose Bowl

3. Celebrities. We didn't do too well on this one. I don't think just mentioning Gretzky counts. I count Phil Fulmer as a celebrity though. So there is always that orange tub.

4. Phil Fulmer. I believe I covered this in No. 3. There were too many sightings to count.

5. UT cheerleaders. Only two by my count. I think SEC ladies are some of the finest around, and they should have gotten more lovin' from the camera.

6. See below.

Houston Astros: Miguel Tejada Is Actually 33?

Jacob Bridges — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 09:26:33 -0400

This afternoon, I browsed ESPN.com for the latest sports headlines, as I do most days.

I was hit with the news that Steve McNair is retiring. This made me sad, but it is about time. He was a real class act and such a hard worker, but his time is definitely up.

Second, I saw a story about Miguel Tejada being 33 years old, as opposed to being 31 as he has claimed.

My first thought was...okay.

My second thought was, why does anybody care about this?

And then I read the report (http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3351418) and found myself thoroughly disturbed. Not only does this not really matter in the grand scheme of things, but they absolutely tormented Tejada to discover this information.

"E:60 correspondent Tom Farrey presented Tejada with a copy of a birth certificate, filed by his father in his hometown of Bani, that showed he was born on May 25th, 1974.

The document was acquired by a Dominican law firm hired by ESPN after clerks at the town hall in Bani declared—improperly—that his records were confidential."

To this, I have to say shame on you, ESPN. How dare you go down and hire someone in the Dominican Republic just to obtain a piece of paper and make a mountain out of a mole hill.

What have you proved? What does anyone gain from "exposing" Tejada's true age? Does ESPN really have nothing better to do than torment Miguel Tejada?

The report also says a reporter confronted him about it, and he walked out of the interview. I would have done the same thing. What a waste of time, what a waste of an interview.

Tejada isn't in the little leagues and this isn't the Danny Almonte incident, so why does age even matter? I think it just makes it all that more impressive that the guy is producing on a high level at 33.

Sure, he lied about his age when he was 19. He was a kid. He made a mistake. Steroids or not, the man is a talented ballplayer whether he is 33 or 31 or 450 like Julio Franco. I'm still puzzled as to why this makes any difference at this point.

Not only that, but ESPN is going to run a story about it on their E:60 show.

The question is, who will watch? And furthermore, who even watches E:60 to begin with? What more am I going to get out of this story by watching this "exposé?"

I DO NOT CARE HOW OLD MIGUEL TEJADA REALLY IS, and I think that most people feel the same. If they don't, then I would really like to know why.

This is silly and childish of ESPN and makes me very disappointed that journalists are stooping to the level of savages every day. How sad that this makes news these days.

Leave the man alone, and don't waste your time with Tejada until you find a syringe.

MLB Spring Preview: Cincinnati Reds

Jacob Bridges — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:37:15 -0400

When I sat in my seat at Great American Ballpark last April, I like many of the other Reds faithful had tremendous hopes for our boys in red. With a lineup that bolstered power in the middle with Dunn and Griffey, a consistent hitter at second base with Brandon Phillips, and a base stealing specialist in Freel, I figured the Reds would be in good shape at least until August or so. Little did I know that the Reds bullpen and a slew of injuries would quell those hopes faster than you can say "Edwin Encarnacion to the minors!" I saw a team that completely flat-lined before June even got going, and the team that took playoff hopes well into August just a year before was no where to be found. Well, one Jerry Narron-less season later, I have these same high hopes for the sentinels of the Ohio River. Though I expect maybe a 3rd or 4th place finish at best, I think this is year one of the Dusty Baker experiement that could bring a welcomed edition to the left field championship banners. Those 70s championship banners sure do look lonely, by the way. So let's get down to business. I will break down the team, and how I think they will fare, by position.

Catchers:

The Reds split time last year at the backstop between Javier Valentin and David Ross with Ross being more productive in terms of home runs. However, Valentin had a higher batting average and almost as many RBIs in 100 fewer at bats. Because Ross will start the season questionable and injured, we should see alot of Valentin. The bottom line is neither catcher is stellar for sure, and they are almost too similar (and too mediocre) statistically for me to favor one over the other. I'll be happy as long as they don't have too many passed balls and hit well at the bottom of the order.

Grade: I'll go with a B- because I hear talks of Ross being dealt because of his consistent injured status. Let's hope we can get a slugger in there if it is the case.

1st Base:

I am thrilled about the emergence of Joey Votto. I think he will be a fabulous addition to this lineup. I will say, in Hatteberg's defense though, that this was not a big problem spot last year. Hatteberg held down the fort, and he produced some solid numbers. Now with Votto, I feel like the Reds went from dating a girl on the dance team to dating a cheerleader. I have very high hopes for Votto, but I wouldn't be surprised if Dusty went with the vet to start the season. Votto was a beast at the end of the year with a .321 average and 4 long balls.

Grade: I'm obviously a Votto fan, and I think the Reds have depth here...which is rare for them. A-

2nd Base:

Ken Griffey Jr. was an all-star starter last year. I'm fine with that. The man stayed healthy for a full season for the first time since coming to Cincy. Wow. BUT. His hype seriously overshadowed the effort being thrown down at second base by Brandon Phillips. Phillips was an animal last year hitting 30 HRs, 94 RBIs, and hitting a .288 average. By the way, 32 stolen bases ain't bad. Trivia question. When was the last time the Reds had a 30-30 middle infielder? That would be Barry Larkin. Amost two decades. This man has power, speed, fielding prowess, and is consistent. So why was he not an all-star? If he does that again this year, there is no way he's not going to be at the game. The only thing that worries me is that the Reds don't really have a great backup for him. On the other hand, very few teams can produce a backup to pick up the slack for Phillips. Let's hope he stays healthy.

Grade: A. Phillips is a monster.

Shortstop:

So this is where it gets a little fuzzy in the infield for the Reds. I have never felt that the proven steroid user Alex Gonzalez has ever been a threat to any pitcher, but maybe he can prove us all wrong this year. He is hurt right now, so look for benchwarmer Jeff Keppinger to hustle out there for the Reds on Opening Day. Gonzalez did show spurts of good hitting last year, but nothing was sustained.

Grade: C-. This isn't a great position for the Reds. A lot of semi-talented guys that produce spotty numbers.

Third Base:

Much like Gonzalez, I've never felt that Edwin Encarnacion poses much of a threat to many NL pitchers. He was awful to start last year, but when he came back from Louisville, he was better. He finished well with a .307 average in the last 100 games or so. Not bad for a guy who slumped early. I still do not think Encarnacion should be starting on this team. His numbers are not spectacular, and I think Cincy could do much better than him. Andy Phillips quietly came over to the Reds in the offseason by the way. You didn't know that either? Well he did. Let's see if Baker wisens up and gives the former Yankee a shot.

Grade: C+. I'm not a fan of Encarnacion. I just don't think he is reliable enough.

Right Field:

Ah Ken Griffey Jr. The Reds lone all-star last year. I don't think there is much to say. I hope he hits his 600th homerun this year and stays healthy. You all know what he is capable of, so let's hope he pulls through. The outfield is thin though with the baffling departure of Josh Hamilton.

Grade: B. Do it again, Griffey, and I'll make it an A-

Center Field:

Ryan Freel is the best hustler in the game. No doubt about it. He goes 100% every play, and he brings an enthusiasm to the game like no other. Great leadoff man for the Reds. However, the Reds might be putting a fire under him to produce with the likes of Corey Patterson and the much anticipated Jay Bruce making their way up AAA. We should see both up at the majors before too long, which could give the Reds great depth if they both produce.

Grade: B+. This outfield has the potential to do some great things if Jay Bruce does what we think he is capable of.

Left Field:

So I am of the school of thought that thinks Adam Dunn should have been traded last year. He has absolutely no hustle out in left, and I think he is so lazy it is sick. Sure he has power at the plate, but he strikes out just as often as he hacks one over the fence. I hope he gets traded and someone with the fire of Josh Hamilton (maybe Bruce?) will take his place.

Grade: B-. He has power but a bad attitude.

Pitchers: I could write a whole other article about the thing that is Reds pitching. So I will. Ha!

Final Analysis:

This group of guys could do some great things. However, a lot of things have to go there way. I mean a lot. As in the Cubs would have to choke and the Cardinals would have to implode (maybe Wainwright's could fall off?). They have to get production from the bottom of the lineup. If someone down there emerges as a consistent hitter, this team will be in it late into the summer. Obviously, there are pitching problems but Homer Bailey is a beacon of hope. If Fancisco Cordero can live up the hype, we could be talking wild card. However, this might be a case of one two many planets having to align. I still think the Reds are a good 2 years away from breaking out of the bottom of the division. This will be an improved team for sure, but they probably won't finish higher than 4th in the division.