Bleacher Report - Articles by Kelsey Parsons

Mannywood in Disbelief: Ramirez Suspended 50 Games

Kelsey Parsons — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:28:09 -0400

“Whatever you do, don’t watch Sports Center”

That was the text that rose me from my slumber at 9:30 this rainy Thursday morning from a friend who knows my daily ritual concerning the ESPN program.

Every morning, even before I manage to open my eyes, I lazily search for my remote and once it’s location is discovered I aim it over my shoulder and hit power.

As the ancient screen warms up I roll myself over to direct my body towards the television. Sports Center is queued up so as to insure that I do not have to punch the digits into the number pad.

I'm not a morning person, and it is necessary to decrease the amount of activity required for me in the morning.

I check the stories in line to decide if I have time to brush my teeth before anything I am intently interested in is discussed.

Receiving a text of this manner means that something has happened that is important enough to disrupt this morning procedure.

One thought, one name rather, echoed in my mind: Manny Ramirez.

Ignoring the warnings of my friend, I went warp-speed through my morning motions.

Being right is one of my hobbies, some might even call it a passion of mine. This was the one occasion in my life when I deeply desired to be wrong.

My first visual was a scrolling ticker containing the words that will continue to burn in my mind.

Well, there you have it. Manny Ramirez, the golden boy of the Los Angeles Dodgers, suspended 50 games for using a banned substance.

A good writer would want to wait to report until more information is released.

A good writer would refrain from inserting bias into their piece.

A good writer would keep their personal opinion out.

But alas, I am not a good writer, I am a sports fan, and right now I am a sports fan in disbelief.

The Dodgers took a leap of faith when they signed the notorious problem child of the MLB. They knew what they were in for, they weighed the returns on their investment, and they went for it.

What does this mean for the clubhouse?

The mere presence of Manny has a positive effect on the players around him. True, his ability to get on base benefits those batting before and after him, but this is not the extent of his power.

Everyone listens to the Dominican Republic native. They trust his judgement about pitchers. He is a source of wisdom that improved the entire team.

His energy and smile were contagious. When Manny laughed, L.A. laughed with him. No one is laughing now, save for the Boston Red Sox who must be thrilled he is no longer on their paycheck.

Manny's spirit, as well as his batting average and home run stats, will be sorely missed over the next 50 games.

So what will come of the Dodgers with Manny out until early July? I can say with confidence the team will struggle but survive.

The young talent will get their chance to step up and show that the Dodgers are not a one-man team. This news has put even more pressure on the entire organization than the battle to get Manny back on their roster earlier this year.

It is unlikely that the Dodgers will try to replace his bat, which is wise considering the time and effort that would be needed. For now they will focus on moving forward with the 21-8 team.

It is a little frightening to think about where this could lead when you consider those who have recently dealt with steroid rumors. It seems the MLB is trapped in an era of steroids. Once one name starts to fade from the headlines, there is another star player under fire.

Let’s hope Manny sees a better outcome.

Blazers Plow Nuggets: Rockets Up Next

Kelsey Parsons — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:58:46 -0400

I waited in anticipation for this game for over a week.

The night before the Trail Blazers hosted the Nuggets I had calculated out how long my frozen pizza would need to cook so I would be able to watch every moment of the pre-game and I could have it on my plate in front of the television at the exact time of tip off.

My countdown to the game started when I woke up, which would be much more impressive if I hadn’t slept until two in the afternoon.

I learned every scenario and mulled over them obsessively up to the second I found out the Spurs had came out on top over the Hornets. It was official; the first round of our post season would be a match-up against the Rockets.

So now it was up to the Blazers. We needed a win against Denver to give us home court advantage.

Calling the ability to host the first two games of the playoffs at home an advantage to anyone who has been in the Rose Garden is like calling Michael Jordan “pretty good at basketball”: it is simply blasphemous.

The home record for the Blazers is 33-7, one of the best in the league.

The ground shakes in the arena in the first quarter of a game.

The fans in Portland make it known that the Rose Garden is their house.

Wednesday night was a demonstration of the Trail Blazers ability to harness the energy of the crowd and use it to their benefit.

Poor Denver never stood a chance.

Portland steamrolled the already titled Northwest division champs with a final score of 104-76.

No typo there, that’s a 28 point difference.

As I watched the last few minutes of the game a disgraceful thought entered my brain. Part of me started to worry that our complete domination would lead to an over-confidence when entering the playoffs.

Luckily the much larger and more dominant part of me knew that these boys are going to go into the first game with an unrivaled passion.

Try to stop us Rockets.

Trevor Ariza: Flagrant Two Needed, Suspension Not

Kelsey Parsons — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 13:42:12 -0400

If you saw Monday’s showdown between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Portland Trail Blazers, you are well aware of why I bring flagrant two to your attention.

At the end of the third quarter, Rudy Fernandez was on a breakaway and well ahead of any opponent. Trevor Ariza came from behind and threw down Portland’s beloved shooting guard.

Rudy hit the ground. Hard.

Some may argue that what Ariza did on Monday night was not meant to intentionally injure Rudy. If I am going to be completely honest, I have to say I agree.

You can see that Ariza is going for the basketball and trying to make a play. One thing that riled up viewers was the 2.2 seconds left on the clock and the score of 83-55, with Portland on top.

This was not the time for such a play.

Even if Ariza had every intention of making a play without hurting the beloved Spaniard, the bottom line is that is in fact what transpired. Rudy was on the floor for 10 minutes before being placed on a stretcher and relocated to a nearby hospital.

Anytime a player goes down in that manner, a wave of shock and fear attacks all those who witnessed it.

Do you think a flagrant two is too harsh of a punishment for such an action?

Let’s think about this in terms everyone can understand. Imagine Kobe Bryant, the greatest basketball player in the game, was carried off the court on a stretcher in the Staples Center. Flagrant two would not satisfy any person in that building and riots would surely ensue.

The call of flagrant two is necessary in the game of basketball. Whether or not the person who committed the foul had the intention of it escalating to that degree, the fact remains that one of their peers could have been seriously injured.

A play like the one we saw on Monday night's Blazers vs. Lakers matchup is dangerous and needs to be prevented. Athletes have one thing they must always keep in the best condition as possible: their bodies. Any injury could end their career.

There is a reason why contracts are made for these people that include restrictions on extracurricular activities. No one wants to see LeBron permanently benched because he decided to give skateboarding a try, realized his 6'8", 250-pound body does not belong on four wheels smaller than his thumb too late, and never recovered from his injury.

It is important to keep these men safe so we can continue to have the benefit of watching the displays of their talents.

After further review, Ariza will not be suspended for any future games.

Lamar Odom, who got off the bench and had words with Brandon Roy, is still awaiting word on his fate.

After the scramble of players coming to their teammates' aid, there is one person who definitely deserves some sort of repercussion for his actions.

If you look closely to the left side of your screen when watching replays, you will see a coach from the Lakers grab the shirt of a Portland towel boy and throw him to the ground.

Who knew handing towels to a player could put you in the heat of battle?

Why Women Should Not Play Fantasy Basketball

Kelsey Parsons — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 21:16:41 -0400

Before I get a slew of angry comments, I want it to be known: I am a woman and I play fantasy basketball. The things I have listed below come directly from my own personal experiences.

My thoughts are in no way a reflection of every woman who has discovered the delight and exhilaration that comes from a game that puts you in control of some of the planet’s greatest athletes.

There are many excellent reasons for the female gender to be represented in the fantasy sports world.

This only pertains to fantasy basketball because I have only participated in its splendors and not in those of the other sports. I am not writing this with an invitation for trouble.

Please: Read at your own vigilance…

Why Women Should Not Play Fantasy Basketball

Even if they have enough NBA knowledge to draft successfully, they can’t help but consider the attractiveness of the players when forming their squad.

If the woman knows the other members in the league you can count on her using promises of intimacy to pad trade offers.

After a streak of “bad luck,” they either want out completely or need to talk to everyone incessantly about why this is upsetting to them and how inconsiderate it is for the other league members to not take their feelings into account.

When playing in a league with a significant other there are two very important words for the man to consider: bedroom privileges.

Girls talk. Even if you aren’t fortunate enough to be playing in a league with your significant other, the woman will make sure her complaints about how you beat her 9-1 (she won free-throw percentage, a useless category anyways) will be heard by your girlfriend in the week when you play her head-to-head.

They will lose one week every month. Like clockwork. This week there is a guarantee that the woman’s players will see action or be benched for minor digressions. The woman will then proceed to cry and whine neurotically about how horrible their players are.

They will then proceed to consume unreasonable quantities of chocolate to make themselves feel better…then weep about how fantasy basketball has made them fat.

If they do poorly it is expected because they are a female and they shouldn’t feel bad about it. If a woman is successful the men in the league should feel inadequate because they are losing to a girl.

All this said I am thankful that my group invited me to become a member and have thoroughly enjoyed the game. I am also currently in sixth place out of 12 in my league. Not anything to brag about, but nothing to be ashamed of either.

I encourage women everywhere to get involved.

I advise men everywhere to seriously contemplate the consequences...

NBA: Facial Hair February

Kelsey Parsons — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 12:54:13 -0500

February for the NBA was a month that brought us a variety of activity. Over the all-star weekend we were introduced to Kryptonite who soared over Superman to claim the dunk contest victory. After keeping Amare Stoudamire from any trades the Suns power forward. Kobe Bryant tore up Madison Square Garden with a 61 point preformance. Not to be outdone Lebron James dominated MSG with atriple double and graced the cover of GQ. Tracy McGrady is out for the season. While the players awed us with their skills and diheartened us with injuries there is thing that kept us all intrigued... Ladies and Gentelmen I welcome you to Facial Hair February. Though I can't truly comprehend the aptitude necessary to grow dominant whiskers I still find myself oddly impressed with what the players of the NBA have demonstrated on their faces. The following are some of the note-worthy fuzz developments we were introduced to in the month of February.

Begin Slideshow

The Dodgers Had a Fever: The Only Cure Was More Manny

Kelsey Parsons — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:28:31 -0500

Manny and the Dodgers have made a deal. Insert sigh of content here.

Dodgers fans wanted it to happen. The Los Angeles management knew it had to happen. Manny...well, Manny was indifferent.

Whatever the feelings were of the involved parties is irrelevant. After the opinions have been stated, the articles written, and the reports given, L.A. has taken back their star.

What did it take for the right-handed Dominican native to return to the city that idolized him, a fan base so devoted they donned braided wigs in his honor? Two years and $45 million.

Worth every penny? You know it.

Think of it as an investment: The money paid to get the athlete will come back, plus more. Revenue from silly souvenirs and the number of seats filled by Manny fans boosted the Dodgers economy to knew heights last year, and they could not afford to lose what he offers in the coming season.

Breathe easy, L.A. You have your Man back.

Greg Oden on the Bench: An Irritatingly Familiar Sight For Portland

Kelsey Parsons — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 19:55:37 -0500

Greg Oden has perfected the art form of a great tease. Women around the world are taking notes on the way he offers just enough hope to his admirers to keep them interested, while at the same time never letting them feel content.

Hopes were high for the Trail Blazers, a team that has made detrimental draft-day decisions in the past, when Oden held up his Portland jersey. The anticipation of what he would do for the franchise was crushed with the information that he would undergo microfracture knee surgery and make a home for himself on the sidelines for an entire season. Greg Oden's rookie year would have to wait.

Trail Blazer fans are not the only people who suffer from his activity, or shall I say inactivity. Everyone across the country was eager to see what this teenager could do. The expectations were high, but we have been toyed with for some time now, and in the world of basketball there is always another potential superstar waiting to shine.

Oden returned to play this season with a substantial amount of pressure. Though his play was not always mind-blowing he showed capability to his peers and fans alike.

We should have known what would happen next.

Oden has sat out thirteen games this season, seven of which were due to his collision with Golden State's Corey Maggette which resulted in a bone chip in his left knee.

What was thought to be a minor injury has not healed and will bench the starting center for another seven to ten days. Though doctors do not believe extensive testing is necessary at this point, they still cannot pinpoint why Oden's left knee has been slow to heal.

What are Greg Oden's knees made of exactly?

I have no familiarity with knee injuries so I can't voice much opinion on the matter, but if medical professionals don't know why it has yet to repair I can at least express frustration towards his damaged body part.

All the disappointment aside I will continue to dream about a day when a healthy Portland Trail Blazer team will compete in the playoffs.

And win.

A Night of Records Made and Tied: An Always Humble Steve Blake

Kelsey Parsons — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:23:05 -0500

Sunday night's game against the Los Angeles Clippers is not one Steve Blake will soon forget.

The Portland Trail Blazer returned from an eight-game bench ride—Blake sat due to a separated shoulder—ready to prove his worth to the team. The Maryland alum is a vital component in the Blazer offense and when he is absent, it is evident. It was the matchup against the Los Angeles Clippers, however, where Steve Blake let his presence be known.

His 14 assists marked an NBA record for most assist made during the first quarter and tied the record set by John Lucas in 1984. Blake surpassed the assists in a single quarter mark that Terry Porter established by four.

The previous Blazer record for assists in a half was 13, made by Porter and Rod Strickland, which Blake shattered in the first quarter. He ended with 17 assists by the final buzzer: Just one shy of his career high.

And what did Blake have to say about his impressive performance? He thanked his teammates for making their shots. This modest comment is not out of character for this five-year NBA basketball player. He respects and appreciates what the other members of his team do for him by spreading the court and making it easy for him to see plays.

Everything in the first quarter was working to the advantage of Portland including the Clippers six players on the bench due to injury and dismal shooting percentage. Even so, the Blazers were alive this night and played an uptempo offense that LA could not stop. This offense created largely because of the smart playing by Steve Blake.

The chemistry was palpable between the players and their starting point guard. Watching the no-look, lob, and behind the head passes completed was a thing of basketball beauty.

The Rose Garden knew they were witnessing something special, something amazing. The crowd was alive with excitement and pleased with the display of intelligence and skill Blake demonstrated.

There was one fan in the audience that Blake wanted to impress. His youngest son was in attendance for the first time. It is safe to say daddy made him proud.

A final score of 116-87 were a great send off for the Blazers who now face a three-game road trip starting with Houston tonight. Let's see what Steve Blake has in store for us next.

The NBA All-Star Show

Kelsey Parsons — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 19:59:00 -0500

After watching the All-Star Weekend unfold, I am left with one prevailing question. Should the yearly Sunday showdown really hold the title of "game"?

The tone was set when Shaq joined the JabbaWockeeZ, winners of America's Best Dance Crew's first season, for a routine that I can't seem to erase from my mind. The Diesel popped, locked, and quite frankly broke it down.

I'm not sure which was more impressive, the dance moves or the fact that the surrounding dancers' bodies were the size of just one Shaqtastic leg. The big man let his hometown fans know that they were well represented that evening.

With flashing lights and smoke billowing out from behind them, our NBA All-Stars took to what some may call a basketball court (but what I consider a stage). The crowd, which included famous faces and unknown sports fanatics alike, was alive and ready to be dazzled. The endeavor did not disappoint.

The players showed more flare in this evening than I have ever witnessed in the past. Every man on that court thoroughly enjoyed himself.

Watching these athletes let loose and have a pressure-free night playing a sport that they have made both their living and their life is something any person can appreciate. Rivalries are of no importance here; East versus West is not much of a conflict. Every man out there values the skills demonstrated by his peers.

The All-Star match-up is one of show-boating and flare, and as a fan of the NBA, I must admit I absolutely love it.

But should it be called a "game"? Not in my opinion.

Sunday, Feb. 15, 2009 was the All-Star Show.