March Madness: Vasectomy or Vacation?

Ross Marshall — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 13:05:42 -0400

My wife has been riding me for the last three years to get fixed. She was the one who "carried my three kids for a total of over two years, why can't I do my part."

She doesn't understand. I have been trying real, real hard all my life to protect that part of my body.Intentionally harming oneself that way just doesn't make sense to me. It's like baseball managers wearing uniforms or Dion Sanders giving football analysis—DUMB.

Yeah, I have talked to a few of my "men" friends. They say it is no problem. Doesn't hurt for long, get to lay on the couch for a couple of days, even get to eat ice cream!

They tell me that, but they all know a friend of a guy at work that had an issue with swelling the size of a grapefruit, but that was isolated and the guy probably didn't go to church.

I was backed into a corner, out of excuses.

So after months of procrastinating, I have decided to go through with it. The only control I feel like I have over the situation is picking the date.

Super Bowl Weekend would have been nice, but I decided that having to watch pregame shows with Berman and Keyshawn talking for hours on end would have just made me want to get a kitchen knife and finish the job.

The only logical choice was the first round of March Madness. It all made sense. I could lay for hours and watch the game I love. Ahhh, College Basketball in March. What could be better.

It is Saturday afternoon and my affairs are in order. I used the majority of my yearly bonus to puchase a new TV. I used the minority of my bonus to set up an account with a guy I lost money to last year on the golf course.

One more trip to the grocery store to get some frozed peas and I am ready. I should have thought of this years ago. I am actually excited about this.

I wonder if I can talk to the doctor into doing half now and half before the second round.

Bleacher Report - Articles by Ross Marshall

March Madness: Vasectomy or Vacation?