Bleacher Report - Articles by Aaron Torres

SEC Championship Game: The Ultimate Preview

Aaron Torres — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:38:23 -0500

(Aaron Torres is a journalist whose work has been featured by Sports Illustrated as well as syndicated by AOL.com, USA Today Online, and Slam Online. To read this lengthy article in its entirety , please visit Aaron at his personal site, www.aarontorres-sports.com )

Alabama-Florida. Florida-Alabama. Two undefeated teams and a field full of future NFL superstars, all with one only one championship to be handed out.

And while this is shaping up to not only be the game of this year, but probably the best game in the last five years, it seems to me like not enough people are talking about it.

Which is why I’ve decided to preview this game, straight from the heart. There is no overt expert analysis here, or confusing computer simulations leading me to my conclusions.

It’s simply what I’ve seen with my own two eyes while watching entirely too much football over the last three months.

Here is, the Ultimate Preview of the 2009 SEC Championship game.

Enjoy!

Quarterback:

Clearly the advantage goes to Tim Tebow and Florida; I don’t think I’m breaking new ground here. He’s the greatest college football player of my lifetime and arguably the greatest winner too, with Maxim Magazine even naming him one of the “25 Hottest Bible Thumpers under 25,” in their May issue. (Ok I may have made that last part up).

But even with Tebow being Tebow, the SEC Championship quarterback derby isn’t as one-sided as you think.

No seriously, here me out.

With Tebow you have a great quarterback, but one that’s not going to challenge you downfield more than once or twice a game (That’s more his receiver’s fault than his), and isn’t going to beat you for huge gains with his legs. What he will do is hit his share of short and intermediate passes, and pick up a first down on the ground every time you give him three yards or less to get to the chains. That’s Tim Tebow in a nutshell.

Now, to Greg McElroy from Alabama. Like Tebow, he’s not going to beat you with really big plays downfield, unless there’s a blown coverage somewhere along the way. And with Florida possessing, in my opinion, the best group of defensive backs in college football, blown coverage’s aren’t going to happen. McElroy is also very un-Tebow like, because he is almost never, ever a threat to run the ball.

So what exactly will he do to you? McElroy will give you the old Alabama water torture, and complement his running game with quick passes, hitting slanting receivers as well as his tight ends, and running backs for short yardage. You might literally watch half of Alabama’s season without seeing McElroy hit one of his receivers for a 40-yard bomb, that’s just not the way he plays.

Look at last week’s winning drive against Auburn. McElroy was 7-8, with not a single pass going for more than nine yards. Julio Jones caught four of those passes, and his running backs combined to catch three. On the game, he completed 21 passes for 218 yards, just about 10 yards a completion, with just one play going for more than 15 yards. As we said with Tebow, that’s McElroy in a nutshell right there.

Again I’m not trying to say that McElroy is better than Tebow. He isn’t. But even with all his faults, McElroy has still become an exceptional quarterback…for this team.

McElroy is smart, checks down, and especially in the last few games simply doesn’t make mistakes (9:1 Touchdown to Interception ratio in November). Compare that with Tebow, who is supremely athletic, makes a few more mistakes because of his style of play, but will ultimately wear you down with the power running game, and kill you in short yardage situations.

Each is suited for their team’s style of play, and each has more or less mastered it in the last few weeks. The edge still goes to Tebow, but the margin isn’t quite as big as you might think.

Advantage: Florida

Defensive strength:

Look, I’m not going to try and sit here and tell you who has the better group; they’re ranked No. 1 and No. 2 in scoring defense in all of college football. Deciding which is “better,” is like asking Justin Timberlake who he enjoyed dating more, Scarlett Johansson or Jessica Biel. Who cares, it’s freakin’ Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel! The same with these two defenses, rather than try to decide which is actually better, can’t we just both agree their awesome?

Awesomeness aside, let’s look at the strengths of each.

For Florida, I truly, firmly believe it’s their unbelievable depth. There’s nobody even close right now. Think about it, over the course of the season, they’ve faced injury, suspension, legal matters, basically everything except deportation, and continue to just keep rolling.

Brandon Spikes is suspended? Where’s Dustin Doe? Dustin Doe isn’t playing well? Grab Ryan Stamper. A.J. Jones is hurt? Tell Brandon Hicks to get his helmet.And that’s just the linebackers.

Unbelievably, their defensive backfield is even deeper. Last weekend against Florida State they started five defensive backs—Joe Haden, Ahmad Black, Will Hill, Janoris Jenkins, and Major Wright. (By the way, don’t those guys just sound like football players? Will Hill. Major Wright. Those are guys I want on my team!) And those five don’t include Markihe Anderson who has started at various points in his career, and Wondy Pierre-Louis, a key special teams player. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that the group is really, really deep.

And because they’re so deep, it makes them the most effective blitzing team in college football. Think that’s why the Gators have the No. 1 ranked scoring defense and total defense in the sport?

Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend I understand Charlie Strong’s blitz packages because I don’t, and I doubt any fan watching for just 60 minutes every Saturday can either. But I do understand the basics of defensive football, and it seems to me that because of the overall speed and depth of the defensive back seven, they can literally blitz anyone, from anywhere at any time, because of it. That is truly an advantage and trait unique to Florida.

Let’s move to Alabama. They’re definitely not as deep as Florida across the board, and they’re not as experienced. But what makes them so good is that they know their assignments, and almost always stick to them.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Umm, Aaron, did you happen to catch the Alabama-Auburn game, when Auburn scored two touchdowns on two plays of 65 or more yards? Umm, yes, yes I did, but thanks for reminding me.

I also think it was an anomaly. Why? Because Auburn was playing against their biggest rival, who was coming off a bye week, with one of the best offensive minds in football on their sidelines, and with nothing to lose. You knew they were going to throw something at the Tide they’d never seen before. I personally predicted it before the game. And I’m nothing more than a guy who watches too much football.

It’s the only way to go for a big play against Alabama, throw something at them they’ve never seen before. And here’s my question, with Florida’s season and a National Championship on the line, do you really think they’re going to try running double-reverses and halfback passes? I don’t either. This means that if Florida does stick to what has made them successful, it plays right into Alabama’s hands as a disciplined and mistake-free defense.

So after all that, what does this matchup basically hinge on? Florida’s speed and aggression, against Alabama’s smarts and technique. (Not that Alabama won’t play fast and aggressive, and Florida won’t be smart and technical, just that those are the traits which made the other successful.)

Still too close to call right? Well there’s one thing that tips this matchup in favor of Alabama, and that’s the absence of Carlos Dunlap.

I’m not going to sit here and rant and rave about Dunlap. We all have our opinion on him, and my guess is that it’s all pretty much the same. But the impact that he would have had on this game is undeniable.

If you’re a loser like me, and caught Sportscenter Tuesday morning, Todd McShay did an excellent breakdown of how Florida was using Dunlap in their blitzes. Mainly they would line Spikes up next to him, leaving each of the two covered by one lineman. And I don’t care who your linemen are, you aren’t blocking either with just one guy.

So how did Florida State adjust? By bringing extra protection, this then left the defensive end on the other side, Jermaine Cunningham, with just one guy blocking him. Simple, but efficient, right?

Well, without Dunlap on Saturday, who knows what Florida will do in their blitzes. Will they be as likely to take chances with Spikes on the line of scrimmage? I’m not sure. But even if they do, how can whoever is replacing Dunlap have the same effect he did? They can’t.

Now over the course of this year, I haven’t been crazy about Carlos. At times he’s seemed disinterested, and if Tuesday morning’s incident proved anything, it’s that he’s undeniably selfish. But he’s also talented, and there’s no doubt he would have impacted this game. And because of it, I give the slight defensive advantage to Alabama.

Defensive Strength: Alabama

Kicking Game:

In my Week 11 College Football Preview , I had this to say about Alabama kicker Leigh Tiffin:

"Finally, here’s the deal. We know Ingram, Terrence Cody, Rolando McClain, and probably Javier Arenas are in line for some hardware at the end of this season. But here’s my question: Is Alabama undefeated without Leigh Tiffin?

I’m not saying a kicker should win the Heisman or anything, just that he went 5/5 on field goals against Ole Miss (22-3 win), 4/4 against Tennessee (12-10), and 3-3 against LSU (24-15).

I think it’s time to show the little guy a lot of love."

Since that time, Tiffin has made four of five kicks, his one miss from 42 yards against Auburn. For what it’s worth, Tiffin hasn’t missed a kick from inside the 40 since Labor Day Weekend, and four of his last six were from 40 or more yards.

As for Florida’s Caleb Sturgis, he’s made just 19 of 26 field goals, but in his defense, three of those misses have come from 50 or more yards. His most recent shank of relevance was a 29-yarder against South Carolina, although with just a few minutes left in a game that’d already been decided, it didn’t carry a ton of importance.

So is there really an advantage? Having seen most of each team’s games, I’d give the slight edge to Tiffin.

Because of the way that Alabama’s offense is structured, his kicks just seem more important. The Tide obviously doesn’t beat Tennessee without him, and the LSU and Ole Miss games are definitely way more interesting.

Basically, Tiffin has been slightly better, in more pressure-packed situations. That’s why I take him over Sturgis.

Advantage: Alabama

Return Game:

Alright folks, get excited, because I’m about to do my best Hubie Brown impression right now. Ready?

Here goes: “Javier Arenas is simply the single greatest game changing special teams player we have in our sport right now.” How’d I do?

With Arenas, we can look at the record books and say he’s the best, but I hate using statistics to measure a guy. I’d prefer to watch the games. And if you watched last Friday against Auburn, Arenas had two major returns (one on a punt and one on a kickoff), when Alabama needed them most.

Combined, they got Alabama mentally back in the game; something Arenas’ returns have been doing his whole career. Which is why if I had to choose one return guy to start my team with, I’d take him.

With that being said, Florida’s Brandon James isn’t too shabby himself. After all, the guy does have the SEC record for kickoff return yardage. And surprisingly, he’ll be going against a team that is one of the worst kickoff coverage units in the country, allowing 25.5 yards a kick. Which is very, very un-Alabama, if you don’t mind me saying.

On the other hand, Florida gives up just 20.25 yards a kick, and a staggering 3.25 yards per punt.

So in comparing these two, you’re either going to take a guy who I consider to be slightly more skilled against a way better coverage unit, or just a barely less skilled guy going against much better coverage.

Honestly, looking at this one in an unbiased way, I think Arenas is more likely to break a big one, but James will likely consistently put his team in better field position throughout the game.

Give me Brandon James in this situation, by the smallest of margins.

Advantage: Florida

(This is just part of Aaron's SEC Championship game preview . To read the rest of this article, including what he believes to be the biggest matchup in this game, as well as his ultimate winner, please visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

The Tiger Woods Affair: The Most Shocking Part of All

Aaron Torres — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 18:20:52 -0500

(Aaron Torres is a journalist whose work has been featured by Sports Illustrated and syndicated by USA Today and AOL.com. To read all of his work, including this article, in its entirety, please visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com)

It all started with an innocent phone call.

No, not from Tiger Woods to some L.A. cocktail waitress. But from my buddy Steve to me during Monday night’s Patriots-Saints game.

The conversation started out like I knew it would, with us both wondering whether the Patriots could slow down Drew Brees and get back into the game.

I thought about it for awhile and danced around the subject a bit, not wanting to tell Steve what I really thought: The Patriots were dead in the water.

So we chatted some more, exchanged pleasantries, and were just getting ready to wrap up when Steve caught me off-guard and asked, “So, you gonna write about Tiger Woods?”

“Naw, I don’t know what happened, and I don’t wanna know,” I said. “Besides, I’m not TMZ.”

Steve knows me well and wasn’t surprised. We said our goodbyes and I thought that was that.

After all, this was Tiger Woods we were talking about.

Even if something had happened (which there was mounting evidence that it did), Tiger would guard the evidence like the Secret Service covers Obama, we’d never get the real truth, and it would all pass over in a week, right?

Well, here we are less than 48 hours later, and I’m writing about Tiger Woods, just like I promised myself I wouldn’t.

At the same time, women are coming out of the woodwork—none of them Woods’ wife by the way—claiming they had sex with Tiger Woods, they didn’t have sex with Tiger Woods, they have voice mails from Tiger Woods, and even that Tiger Woods knows who shot JFK (OK, I may have made that last one up).

A lot has changed in 48 hours, and what I want to know is how all this all happened and so fast.

For all of his professional career, Woods has been the most closely-guarded, unquotable, boring athlete out there.

On the course, he’s the most overly-competitive, singular-minded champion of my lifetime.

And that’s the reason I’ve never written about Tiger.

It’s not that I don’t like golf or don’t appreciate greatness.

It’s just that, well, what the hell am I supposed to say that hasn’t already been said a million times before, by a million better writers than me?

He’s a human victory cigar, a real life Happy Gilmore driving around with oversized checks in the backseat of his car. He’s taken the fun out of winning and made it routine and mundane.

Which is what makes this story so unique. The story here isn’t that another athlete had an extra-marital affair, we’ve been down that road a million times before.

Good-looking young man with more money than God + insecure, gold-digging woman = good-looking athlete having sex with insecure gold-digging woman.

Even someone who got a 200 on the SAT math test, like me, can figure out that equation.

But Tiger Woods is different. Not because he’s of higher moral standing than known womanizers like Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and Magic Johnson, but...

(This is just part of Aaron's article on Tiger Woods. To read the remainder in its entirety, please click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com)

20 Thoughts from Another Saturday In College Football

Aaron Torres — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 19:30:42 -0500

It was another fun Saturday (and Friday, and Thursday for that matter) in college football, and as always I had my pad and pen in hand, writing down all the sights and sounds that needed documentation.

For those of you who might be reading my “20 Thoughts,” for the first time this isn’t necessarily strictly analysis of this past Saturday in college football, you can find that anywhere.

Instead this is about the fumbles, bad hairdo’s, goofy plays and awful announcing that separated this Saturday from all others. And with it being a holiday weekend, there’s even a special guest appearance from my grandma.

Enjoy!

1. First things, first: To all of you who’ve been waiting for this column, I want to apologize. I always like to have it done at the very latest Monday morning. However, I took a little “Aaron Time,” yesterday to go see the Blind Side , so I didn’t get cracking on this until late today.

Anyway, the movie was phenomenal, and for those of you who haven’t seen it yet, it’s a must. Check back here at AaronTorres-Sports.com some time next week, as I plan on doing a full-fledged review.

2. Now, moving on to the weekend: I hate clichés, I really do. They’re boring, annoying and usually unfounded. Just because my starting quarterback says, “We’re only worried about our next opponent,” doesn’t mean I believe him. Dude you’re playing Montana Tech in two days, don’t lie to me!

But as far as one of sports oldest clichés, “Throw out the records when these two rivals meet,” well, it may have gained some traction this weekend. I mean, you know, considering that Georgia beat Georgia Tech, Mississippi State beat Mississippi, NC State beat North Carolina and South Carolina beat Clemson—all as underdogs.

Oh, and I also heard something about Auburn and Alabama playing a good game, and Texas struggling against Texas A&M, too. Maybe that was my imagination though.

3. Beyond clichés, I also hate comparing conferences: But come on, how can you not when two middle of the pack SEC teams beat down the two BEST teams in the ACC? I mean seriously, we all knew the ACC was bad, but Georgia Tech losing at home to Georgia? Really? The same Georgia team that couldn’t get out of its own way against Kentucky on their home field two weeks ago? Really?!?!

A month ago, I thought the ACC was making strides overall as a conference. Now? I’m not so sure.

4. On a similar note: Everyone’s saying the Pac-10 is the best conference in college football, and this is a “down,” year for the SEC.

Well here’s my argument against that. How can a conference be down when by any measurement you take, seven of its teams are significantly better than last year (Arkansas, Auburn, Kentucky, LSU, Mississippi State, South Carolina and Tennessee), only three teams are discernibly worse (Georgia and Vanderbilt for sure, and Ole Miss just a little bit), and you have two undefeated top five teams at the end of the year? How?

5. Moving on to the Iron Bowl: I’m not going to talk about it a lot here, considering I spent over 1000 words breaking it down here , late into Friday night.

All I’m going to say is this: What impresses me most about Alabama isn’t their record or their stats. It’s that 85 guys with different skill sets, that were recruited under two different coaching regimes have come together for one common good.

That is a testament to the Alabama players and more so, the coaching staff. The more I think about it, the more I begin to wonder if any coach other than Nick Saban could have put them in this position.

6. Let’s talk some Palmetto football: Want to know the biggest reason why South Carolina had won just one of their previous four games coming into the Clemson rivalry this weekend?

They hadn’t forced a single turnover during that entire stretch. Not one.

They forced three Saturday and got the win. Coincidence? I don’t think sooooo.

7. Even though Clemson lost, I still like Dabo Swinney: One thing I noticed about Swinney is, even after Clemson turned the ball over, not once, but twice in the first half, he remained upbeat and encouraging.

That’s the biggest difference between him and his predecessor Tommy Bowden. Had that been Bowden on the sidelines after the second turnover, he would have had one of those, “Man, I really hope my Athletic Director was in the bathroom for that one,” looks on his face.

To me, that’s the main reason why Clemson struggled with adversity these last few years: The old coach lacked confidence in his players, and it bled into their team psyche. The new coach believes in the guys on the field, and now the Tigers are headed to their first ACC Championship.

Again, this is not a coincidence.

8. Aaron’s prediction that was sure to go wrong…That did: If you read my annual weekend wrap-up last Monday I predicted a Nevada victory over Boise State. Umm… whoops.

Obviously it didn’t happen, and honestly it wasn’t even close. Boise literally controlled the game from the opening kickoff (which Austin Pettis returned for a touchdown), to the final whistle, and the final score of 44-33 wasn’t indicative of how far apart these two teams were all evening long.

More importantly, what was most impressive to me wasn’t the Boise State offense, but a defense that held the Wolfpack to 33 points, which doesn’t sound impressive, until you remember that Nevada had scored at least 50 points in their previous three games. If anything, it proved that Boise can play with any of the big boys that they’re being discussed with for a BCS bowl, whether it’s Iowa, Penn State, Oklahoma State or Miami.

We always defend big conference schools by saying, “You can only beat the opponents on your schedule,” and Boise has done that every step of the way. I hope we give the small school the same benefit this year.

9. Let’s talk Heisman: On a Sunday night edition of College Football Live , Jesse Palmer said something really important that I wanted to make sure to re-emphasize (for the eight people that may be reading this), “The Heisman Trophy is not a career achievement award.”

It shouldn’t be awarded December 12 based on the fact that Colt McCoy has more wins than any other quarterback in the history of the sport, or that Tim Tebow may have three National Championships by the end of the year. It should be awarded to the best player in college football during the 2009 season and only the 2009 season.

(I’d also like to add my own caveat: The Heisman Trophy is also supposed to represent a season’s worth of work. It should not be given to the guy who got hot in the last month, or really hot in the last week. It should be given to the guy that was the best from game one, and stayed consistently the best until game 12 or 13.

And that concerns me a little bit. Especially since McCoy, Tebow, Mark Ingram and C.J. Spiller all get another showcase this weekend in a conference championship game, while Stanford’s Toby Gerhart sits at home as a spectator.

Now I’m not saying that Gerhart should win it, but what I am saying is, if you saw Gerhart’s performance against Notre Dame Saturday—and realized he’s been doing that all year—you’d know that he made a pretty strong case for himself. That’s all.)

10. Speaking of Gerhart: Big shout out to his father, who had the unintentionally funny quote of the weekend, when he discussed what it was like to raise triplet girls with ABC’s Lisa Salters. Papa Gerhart’s quote? (And note, there’s no way I can do it justice here): “That, that is really tough… To have four women in the house.”

Umm, yeh, we all knew that Mr. G., but thanks for being politically correct. Maybe though, you could give some of us future fathers a little bit of real advice about how things are really going to be. Maybe something like:

“It’s tough, really tough. I had a full head of hair when those girls were born, now look at me! I’ve got the same haircut as Dr. Phil! I used to be good looking! What the hell happened to me?”

Or, “That is tough. As a matter of fact, its real tough. Lisa, it’s killing me. I swear, if I get woken up one more time by a blow dryer, I swear to God I’m going to strangle someone.”

11. The Award for the second unintentionally funny quote of the week goes to: Verne Lundquist, when he said on Saturday’s Florida State-Florida broadcast:

“I look forward to this promo, once every year… It’s the Victoria’s Secret fashion show on CBS.” Now there’s a man who’s telling the truth!

Then, what made that quote 20 times better was when it quickly led to a 90 second pop culture conversation between Lundquist and his partner Gary Danielson, in which Danielson actually asked the question, “Is there just one Black Eyed Peas group or more? Because I swear, those guys are everywhere.”

Yes that conversation really happened. And yes, I’m also pretty sure that some producer at CBS lost his job because of it.

(This is just a part of Aaron's 20 Thoughts From a College Football Saturday. To read all of his work, including this article in its entirety, please click here , or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

Alabama-Auburn and the Rest of Week 13 College Football Preview

Aaron Torres — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 12:05:17 -0500

Aaron Torres is a journalist whose work has been published by Sports Illustrated and syndicated by USA Today, AOL.com, and Slam Online. To read all of his work, as well as the rest of his Week 13 picks and his thoughts on Florida-Florida State, LSU-Arkansas and Texas-Texas A&M please click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com ).

Alabama (-10) over Auburn: Friday, 2:30 p.m.

Coming into this one, both teams are saying all the right things.

For Alabama, “this is the most important game on our schedule,” and “we’ll worry about Florida after this game,”

And, for Auburn, “we’re going to end Alabama’s undefeated run,” and “Mark Ingram isn’t winning the Heisman on us.” (Really guys, with the 89th-ranked run defense in college football? Really?)

And, while all the chatter is cute, here’s what we know: If Chris Todd is under center for Auburn, the Tigers have no chance. (Honestly, I’m surprised at this point an overzealous Auburn booster hasn’t kidnapped Todd, driven him into the woods and left him for dead like an old dog or something).

Auburn is going to throw everything they have at Alabama in the first few series and might even lead after the first quarter. But, in a rivalry game where there won’t be a letdown, talent wins out. It always does.

Alabama 24, Auburn 10.

Nevada (+14) Over Boise State: Friday, 10:00 p.m.

As hard as it might be to believe, this is the game I’m most looking forward to this weekend, and it’s not even close. Wait, what’s that? No, I didn’t have two cocktails with my lunch. Ok…maybe I did, but still, just hear me out.

Here’s what you’ve got in this game:

Two of the top four scoring offenses in college football (Boise State’s No. 1, Nevada No. 4).
Two teams that have combined to score 50 or more points 10 times, 60 or more points five times, with Nevada throwing up 70 on Idaho earlier this year for good measure.
The quarterback with the highest passer rating and second most touchdowns in all of college football (Boise’s Kellen Moore, with 33 TD and just three interceptions) on one sideline, and the first team in NCAA history to have three 1,000 yard rushers in the same year on the other sideline.
Two teams that have combined to win their last 19 games.

In other words, this game is going to be a weird mix of a super high-scoring Madden game, a NASCAR race, and one of those movies where a guy takes too many mushrooms, wanders into the desert and starts seeing things.

After awhile you’ll start thinking your seeing things, too.

Nope this is just some good old fashioned WAC football. Save the defense for the SEC.

Clemson (-3) over South Carolina: Saturday, 12:00 p.m.

So, the last time we saw Stephen Garcia, he had a collapsed lung and was bleeding internally after getting thrown around like one of Ike Turner’s girlfriends by Florida’s defense.

Even with a week off, South Carolina still doesn’t having a running game, and they’re still not winning this one. Also C.J. Spiller is my favorite Heisman candidate that has no chance of actually winning the award.

Georgia Tech (-7 ½) at Georgia: Saturday, 8:00 p.m.

These two teams are like the bizzaro versions of each other.

Tech chews up the clock (No. 1 ranked team in time of possession), doesn’t make mistakes, and wears you out with smarts more than skill. Georgia commits dumb penalties, misses tackles, shoots themselves in the foot at inopportune times and always seems to find new and creative ways to lose games. (Did you see their last drive against Kentucky? I rest my case).

The only thing that concerns me about picking against Georgia is that they always seem to play best when no one has any expectations of them. And, of course, that they’re playing for the memory of UGA VII. (Honestly, I don’t even know how they took the field last week. Just emotional, emotional stuff).

Even after that though, I’m sticking with Tech. Eleven games is a pretty good sample size, and I’ve seen nothing that indicates to me that Georgia is going to win this game. Or that it’ll even be close.

Stanford (-10) over Notre Dame: Saturday, 8:00 p.m.

And the uncomfortable, sexually suggestive quote of the week goes to…Toby Gerhart’s girlfriend, for calling the Stanford running back “One big muscle ,” in an interview last week. (On a side note, I think I’m just going to keep my comments to myself on this one. I’m terrified that anything I say will end with the Palo Alto Gay and Lesbian Alliance picketing on my front lawn. Maybe we should just move on).

I said in my column Monday, and I’ll say it again here, Stanford is really good, they were just due for a letdown last weekend. They’d won too many big games, gotten too many pats on the back in biochemistry class, and had too many girls swinging by the dorms late at night to “celebrate.” We’ve seen it happen a million times before, and we’ll see it a million times again.

The Cardinal will come back and be just fine this week against Notre Dame. Stanford by two touchdowns.

And, oh yeah, one more thing: Thanks for reading, and everybody have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

(To read the remainder of this article, including Aaron's thoughts on Florida-Florida State, LSU-Arkansas and Texas-Texas A&M, please visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com)

20 Thoughts From Another Saturday In College Football

Aaron Torres — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:28:38 -0500

(Aaron Torres is an accomplished journalist whose work has been published by Sports Illustrated online and syndicated by USA Today, AOL.com and Slam Online. To read all of his work, including this article in its entirety, please visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

After spending another Saturday on my couch with my remote in hand, here are 20 more thoughts from Saturday’s college football action.

1. Saturday Is What Makes College Football Great: So all we heard all week leading up to the games, was that this college football season has been a dud, and Saturday was going to be boring. I mean seriously, why bother even tuning in?

Except for one thing: It ended up being maybe the second best college football Saturday of the season (I still put Oct. 17 at No. 1). While they weren’t all pretty, and they weren’t all perfectly played, LSU-Ole Miss, UConn-Notre Dame, Stanford-Cal and Oregon-Arizona, were nothing if not entertaining.

And on a day that was supposed to be the most boring of the season, what more could you ask for?

2. Moving On to a Serious Subject: I’m starting a petition to get Amanda Beard on College GameDay full-time.

For those of you who missed it, the former Arizona and Olympic swimmer, was Saturday’s “guest picker,” in the final segment of the show, and absolutely knocked it out of the park. Not only was she bubbly, not only was she nice to look at, not only did her and Lee Corso have palpable sexual chemistry, but the girl knew her football.

So seriously, can we bring her full-time? Please? Would anyone object?

3. I’m just going to say it: It didn’t seem like a college football Saturday without Alabama and Florida playing meaningful games. How many days until Atlanta again?

4. As for the important games, let’s start with Notre Dame-UConn: Look, Charlie Weis is a dead man walking, you know that and I know that, so there’s no need to talk about it here.

But I want to make the case that it’s Notre Dame’s offense that is going to get Weis fired, not his defense. No, seriously, hear me out.

All year we’ve been hearing how great Jimmy Clausen, Michael Floyd and Golden Tate are, and to a certain degree they are. But they also combine to make two or three really dumb, game-altering mistakes every week.

Think about it. Against Michigan, Golden Tate didn’t get out of bounds on the last play of the game. Against Navy, Floyd ran the wrong route and had a ball bounce off his back for a late game, drive-ending interception. And Saturday it was Floyd getting stripped on the UConn 18-yard line with Notre Dame going in for a game clinching scoring drive.

Watching Notre Dame every week, you start to realize these aren’t isolated events, but a recurring theme. More importantly they are a sign of bad preparation and bad coaching (do you ever see those kinds of things happen to Alabama, Cincinnati, Florida or Texas?). And it’s the biggest reason, more than Notre Dame’s defense, that Weis is going to be looking for a new job in a week.

(I told you to hear me out. I just talked you into that, didn’t I?)

5. Another thought from Saturday’s Notre Dame-UConn game: If anyone saw Jimmy Roberts’ halftime feature on the death of Jasper Howard and didn’t get chills, well honestly, we might need to break out the defibrillator to get your heart going again.

It was the perfect blend of solid journalism with the right mix of emotion and storytelling. It wasn’t too pushy, preachy and didn’t end with some stupid throwaway line like, “UConn may not have been winners on the field recently, but they’re winners in life,” like so many of these other features do.

One of the best stories I’ve seen in awhile.

6. The underrated final story line from the game: How about UConn (and former Notre Dame) quarterback Zach Frazer, going back to Notre Dame and beating a bunch of his former classmates on their Senior Day?

For those who don’t know, Frazer was the first quarterback recruited by Weis, and came to South Bend in the fall of 2006, with guys like Sam Young, Eric Olson and Sergio Brown, guys who were wrapping up their Notre Dame careers on Saturday.

As a matter of fact I was so inspired by Frazer’s performance (OK, who am I kidding, UConn won the game despite him, not because of him), that we’ll forever refer to that game as “Frazer’s Revenge.” Sure that sounds like an awful Nic Cage movie, but still, it’s got a catchy ring to it, doesn’t it?

7. Moving on to Michigan-Ohio State: My only thought from the Michigan side of things was how bad I felt for Brandon Graham.

The Wolverines defensive end was a monster Saturday, only nobody would ever know it, you know, considering he’s surrounded by young guys who aren’t quite ready, and older guys were never quite good enough (not to mention Michigan’s defense is coached by Greg Robinson, a guy who spends approximately 80 percent of his time staring into the distance like a kid watching cartoons, and the other 20 percent picking his nose. Needless to say, I’m not a huge Greg Robinson fan).

Put Graham on even a halfway decent team and we’re talking about him the way we talk about Terrence Cody and Carlos Dunlap. Instead, having him on this particular defense is like having a $10,000 painting in a $250 a month, one bedroom apartment. What’s even the point?

8. As for Ohio State, here’s my question on them: Alright, so last year we had Chris “Beanie,” Wells. This year, it’s Dan “Boom,” Herron. Seriously, who’s coming up with these nicknames, and why doesn’t Brandon Saine have one yet?

I’ve decided to appoint a one-man committee of ABC broadcaster/bad joke extraordinaire Matt Millen to come up with one. Matt, you’re on the clock.

9. Speaking of Matt Millen: I can’t lie, I was a little disappointed in Millen’s work Saturday during the Michigan-Ohio State game. Usually he’s good for around five truly unbearable, “put the TV on mute,” jokes per broadcast. Saturday, the best he came up with was, “May the Schwartz be with you,” in reference to Buckeyes receiver Grant Schwartz.

Why was Millen so quiet, I don’t know? Maybe he realized he’s not funny. Or maybe Sean McDonough threatened to strangle him with a headset cord, I’m not quite sure. Either way, it wasn’t his best day Saturday. I expect better come bowl season.

10. Two thoughts, and two thoughts only from Stanford-Cal:

A. Stanford’s not as bad as they looked Saturday, and they weren’t overrated coming in. This was just a classic case of the Cardinal beating a few good teams, getting a few too many pats on the back, having a few too many girls show up at their dorm rooms to “celebrate,” late at night (yes even at Stanford), and simply losing focus. That’s it, nothing more, nothing less. They’re still going to beat Notre Dame by three touchdowns Saturday.

B. I enjoyed seeing Jim Harbaugh have some dirt kicked in his face, especially after his “holier than thou,” running up the score against an injury depleted USC two weeks ago.

Hey coach, think you should have saved some of those points for this weekend?

(To read Aaron's 10 remaining thoughts, and the remainder of this article, please CLICK HERE , or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

20 Thoughts From Saturday's College Action

Aaron Torres — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 11:32:06 -0500

After spending another Saturday on my couch with my remote in hand, here are 20 more thoughts from Saturday’s college football action.

And on a day that was supposed to be the most boring of the season, what more could you ask for?

2. Moving On to a Serious Subject: I’m starting a petition to get Amanda Beard on College Gameday full-time.

So seriously, can we bring her full-time? Please? Would anyone object?

3. I’m just going to say it: It didn’t seem like a college football Saturday without Alabama and Florida playing meaningful games. How many days until Atlanta again?

4. As for the important games, let’s start with Notre Dame-UConn: Look, Charlie Weis is a dead man walking, you know that and I know that, so there’s no need to talk about it here.

But I want to make the case that it’s Notre Dame’s offense that is going to get Weis fired, not his defense. No, seriously, hear me out.

(I told you to hear me out. I just talked you into that, didn’t I?)

One of the best stories I’ve seen in awhile.

As a matter of fact I was so inspired by Frazer’s performance ( OK, who am I kidding, UConn won the game despite him, not because of him), that we’ll forever refer to that game as “Frazer’s Revenge.” Sure that sounds like an awful Nic Cage movie, but still, it’s got a catchy ring to it, doesn’t it?

7. Moving on to Michigan-Ohio State: My only thought from the Michigan side of things was how bad I felt for Brandon Graham.

I’ve decided to appoint a one-man committee of ABC broadcaster/bad joke extraordinaire Matt Millen to come up with one. Matt, you’re on the clock.

10. Two thoughts, and two thoughts only from Stanford-Cal:

B. I enjoyed seeing Jim Harbaugh have some dirt kicked in his face, especially after his “holier than thou,” running up the score against an injury depleted USC two weeks ago.

Hey coach, think you should have saved some of those points for this weekend?

(To read Aaron's 10 remaining thoughts, and the remainder of this article, please CLICK HERE , or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

UT-Kansas, ND-UConn, and the Rest of the Week 12 Preview

Aaron Torres — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:57:39 -0500

(Aaron Torres is a journalist whose work has been published by Sports Illustrated and syndicated by USA Today, AOL.com and Slam Online. To read all of his work, as well as the rest of his Week 12 picks and his thoughts on Ohio State-Michigan and LSU-Ole Miss, please click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

Mississippi State (+11.5) over ARKANSAS: 12:21 p.m.

See, this is what I love about the SEC. This is a game featuring two totally middle of the pack teams that I should have no interest in, yet both having compelling coaches and star power, and I’m more interested in this one than most of the other games on the national schedule.

Here’s why I like Mississippi State to keep it close: Look at their schedule. They’ve faced every single offense you can possibly go against over the course of the season: High-powered passing attacks (Houston is ranked No. 1 in college football in passing offense), a triple-option running game (Georgia Tech is the No. 2 rushing defense in college football), Florida’s spread option, a pro-style running game with some Wildcat mixed in (LSU) and even a power running game featuring a potential Heisman Trophy winner (Alabama).

So while I’m terrified to bet against Ryan Mallett and Arkansas’ offense (The Surgeon General has asked me to put in the following warning: Anyone who is pregnant, suffering from chest pain, or who has had an erection lasting more than four hours should seek immediate medical treatment before wagering on this game), the Bulldogs aren’t going to play scared. And after looking at that schedule, why should they?

TEXAS TECH (+6.5) over Oklahoma: 12:30 p.m.

College football is a funny game. Last year this was a primetime game, featuring two top-five teams playing for a Big XII South title. This year, these two are a combined 12-8, and this game is on Fox Sports 13, sandwiched between Chet Barclay’s Big Game Hunting Show , and a rerun of Roseanne . My how quickly the mighty fall.

Anyway, I was all set just to pick Oklahoma and move on, until I took a look at their box score from last week against Texas A&M.

Did you know the Sooners scored three early touchdowns off A&M turnovers? Yep, that’s right, one ended up being a fumble return for a touchdown, the other two setting up scoring drives of four plays and 22 yards, and the other five plays and 25 yards. In other words, A&M basically handed Oklahoma 21 points (By the way, that is a perfect example of the kind of hard-hitting statistical analysis that I’ve sacrificed my social life to bring to you, my fans).

Plus, if you’ve followed Oklahoma , they really haven’t played well in back-to-back games, basically all year (unless you include Idaho State and Tulsa…which I don’t).

All signs are pointing me towards Tech in this one.

NOTRE DAME (-6) over UConn: 2:30 p.m.

Believe it or not, I’ve probably seen these two teams more than any others this year (Why you ask? Well, I live in Connecticut, and Notre Dame is on TV every week. So like a psycho ex-girlfriend, I just can’t get away from these two even if I wanted to.).

My quick take? Even against Cincinnati, UConn hasn’t faced anything close to a passing attack like this. I don’t see any way that Notre Dame scores less than 30 points, or Jimmy Clausen throws for under 300 yards. Meaning, of course, that Charlie Weis gets to save face for another week, before his unofficial funeral at Stanford in seven days.

Cal (+7) over STANFORD: 7:30 p.m.

Alright, so don’t make fun of me, but while I sit on my couch for 12 hours every single Saturday watching endless amounts of football, I always keep a notebook. Dorky, I know.

I usually don’t write down anything too important in there, just things I notice, funny quotes, goofy haircuts, you know, stuff like that.

Anyway, the other day I was looking through my notebook from the season, and I noticed that on two separate occasions, I unknowingly praised Cal defensive tackle Tyson Alualu. After doing a little research on the kid, I realized that I’m not losing my mind and that’s he’s actually pretty good: Mel Kiper has him as a second-round pick in next spring’s draft.

And with Stanford having faced a smaller, quicker d-line against Oregon two weeks ago, and USC’s M.A.S.H. unit last weekend, I think they might not be ready for how physical Alualu and Cal’s defense is going to be. Plus, I’m feeling like there might be a little residual karma at Stanford, for trying to run things up on USC last weekend. You don’t dare cross Pete Carroll that way, you just don’t.

So what am I trying to say in all this? I’m thinking it’s going to be a big day for Tyson Alualu. Bet you’ve never heard that before.

TEXAS (-27.5) over Kansas: 8:00 p.m.

Has there ever been a college football saga that people cared less about than what’s going on at Kansas right now? Hmm, “Fat coach with low self-esteem berates players.” Never heard that one before. This one honestly rates right at about a 2.0 on the “Media Stories I Couldn’t Care Less About Scale,” somewhere between Heidi and Spencer, and whoever John Mayer is currently dating (OK, you caught me, that was my second John Mayer reference of the week, but what do you want from me? It’s been a long season!).

Getting back to the game, here’s what we know: It’s going to be Senior Day, and things are going to get a little misty-eyed in Austin. Especially when Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley embrace in the man-hug to end all man-hugs.

I figure this one will stay close for about a quarter, before the Longhorns pull away and turn this one into a laugher. 37-6? 47-10?

Pick your number, just bring the tissues. And know that the man-hug is probably going to be the best part.

(To read the remainder of this preview, including Aaron's thoughts on Michigan-Ohio State, Oregon-Arizona and LSU-Ole Miss, please click here , or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

Nash, Kwame, and the Boston Celts: NBA Potpourri

Aaron Torres — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 08:24:45 -0500

(Aaron Torres is a journalist whose work has been featured by Sports Illustrated online, and syndicated by AOL.com, USA Today, and Slam.com. To read all his work, including this article in its entirety , please visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

You know, they say the best things happen when you least at expect them.

For some, it might be finding a winning lottery ticket on the side of the road. For others, meeting the love of your life in line at the grocery store (What, it happened in that Reese Witherspoon movie. Why can’t it happen to me?).

As for me? It was the opening night of the NBA season when I realized that I had free NBA League Pass for a whole week. It was like an early Christmas, except in this case, well I got something I actually wanted (no, seriously grandma if you’re reading, I loved the wool socks, I really did).

Watching 12 games a day for seven days in a row is exhilarating, and a lot to take in. Luckily for you, my loyal readers, I took notes.

And here’s what I learned, in what I like to call my “NBA Potpourri”

There Are Four Teams That Have Exceeded My Expectations:

1. Phoenix Suns: It goes without saying that Steve Nash is otherworldly, even my uncle with an eye patch can see that. But for the first time since the pre-Shaq days, the Suns have the peripheral parts around him to make another run at an NBA championship.

Watching the Suns this week against both Philadelphia and New Orleans, they really are in perfect harmony. Amare is playing well. Jason Richardson is the perfect slashing/jump-shooting swing man this team hasn’t had since Shawn Marion left. Channing Frye is doing a little bit of everything. And Grant Hill is making me wonder how good he could have been if he’d be been healthy his whole career.

Add in a bunch of hustle guys off the bench (Louis Amundson, Jared Dudley, and Leandro Barbosa), and I think this team is actually good enough to compete with anybody out West, and yes that includes L.A.

Side note to Alvin Gentry: If you wouldn’t mind getting Earl Clark a few more minutes, I’d really appreciate it, and it’d really help my fantasy team. Even if it’s just like the last 10 minutes of the game when you’re up big, I don’t care, and I don’t think he would either. Thanks!

2. Denver Nuggets: So wait, I’m confused. Why were we all (myself included) doubting Denver coming into this season? Because I’m pretty sure they were in the Western Conference Finals last spring.

Either way, they might be even better this year. Carmelo is playing out of his mind, Ty Lawson is a huge spark off the bench (although he’s bringing down their 11.2 tattoos per player average. No need to worry though, it’s early and he’s still got plenty of time to get inked) and J.R. Smith is just getting into the mix after his early season suspension.

And even though the Nuggets have struggled the last few games, I’m not really worried, considering nobody has played more road games early on (six in a row and seven of nine overall. To quote Dr. Evil, can “Somebody throw the Nuggets a frickin’ bone here?).

They get the Lakers Friday night in Denver, and like their fans, I’m curious to see what a little home cooking can do for the Nuggets. We shall see soon.

3. Memphis Grizzlies: Ok, so maybe they’re not better than I thought they’d be from a wins standpoint (1-8 really isn’t that bad is it?).

But from a “When they stop playing defense and turn games into the And-1 mix tape tour,” nobody is better, and more fun to watch.

Rudy Gay is a freak. O.J. Mayo is a loon. Zach Randolph is, well, Zach Randolph. And Marc Gasol is about 8000 times more likeable than his brother.

Plus, their backup point guard is maybe my favorite college player of all-time, Marcus Williams (when he was in college I was convinced that he’d be an All-Star by now. Little did I know he’d spend more time his first three years in the league playing video games and eating cupcakes than practicing. Oh well, you live and you learn I guess).

Are they good? Nope. Will I enjoy watching them every time they’re on TV? You better believe it.

4. Miami Heat: Think it’d be weird if I serenaded Dwyane Wade with “You’re Simply The Best,” before the Heat’s next home game? What? I was just asking.

Four Players That Have Exceeded My Expectations:

1. Steve Nash: Alright, so maybe I already talked a little bit about Nash when discussing the Suns. But what can I say, the “Steve Nash for MVP,” bandwagon is picking up full steam, and I’m getting on before it’s too late.

The guy’s stat line is incredible. He already had a 20 point 18 assist game earlier this year, and had another 21 and 20 a few nights ago.

And watching him Wednesday night, I can honestly say I’ve never seen him look better. Going against one of the best defensive guards in the league (Chris Paul), he weaved in and out of traffic at breakneck speed (which reminded me of my mom driving on the highway by the way) getting the ball to his guys at angles that no one else on the court saw.

If you just looked at the box score all you saw was that he finished with 12 points and 10 assists, but if you watched, you know that he had seven and seven at the end of the first quarter and really didn’t play much after that.

Nash is back. And so are the Suns.

And if you’re wondering, yes I have constant nightmares about taking Jason Kidd over Nash in my fantasy draft. I’m going to lose the league over it. And, no I’m not bitter about it, I swear.

2. Carmelo Anthony: Yep, you’re right. I’m literally a day late and a dollar short on this one, as Scoop Jackson wrote a great piece about Carmelo for ESPN.com on Wednesday.

With that said, I agree with Scoop, I’ve never seen ‘Melo play better. Not during the 2008 Olympics, not in the Western Conference Finals last year, not even in his one year at Syracuse when I anointed him the “Most Dominant College Basketball Player of My Lifetime.”

I honestly did. I’ve never seen a guy take over games like he did that year, not even Kevin Durant in his one year at Texas. Carmelo was still the first and only college guy I’ve ever said to myself, “He needs to leave college now, if only to make it fair for everyone else.”

His jumper is working, and for some reason he seems more explosive around the basket than ever before.

Carmelo for MVP? He’s probably 1A to Nash right now.

3. Brandon Jennings: Alright, I’ve got to come clean, I totally whiffed on this one. To me, Jennings always came off as arrogant and selfish, and I even got a little enjoyment out of hearing his sob stories from Italy last year.

Well Jennings is currently making me eat my words, and I’ve got to be honest, they really don’t taste that good. He’s averaging 20 points and five assists per game, saving his best performance for Denver Wednesday, when his line looked like this: 32 points, 8 assists, 4 rebounds, 8-8 from the foul line, 2-2 from three.

At this point, not only is Jennings exceeding expectations, but he’s the favorite for Rookie of the Year. And maybe more importantly, he’s making Milwaukee semi-watchable again. Which is no small feat in itself.

4. Anderson Varejao: So Varejao isn’t really doing anything different than he did last year, but has anyone in NBA history gotten more uncontested dunks and lay-ups than this guy. Seriously, I think he may be the first player in NBA history to get 20,000 points while being no better than his teams fourth option. If you think I’m joking watch the Cavs sometime.

Biggest Storyline Going Forward, the Boston Celtics: Funny, how I have yet to mention arguably the NBA’s best team. At least so far.

All I can say about Boston is this:

Offensively they can score from all five spots on the floor, and are literally the most unselfish team in the league (26.6 team assists per game leads the NBA). Defensively they play every possession like it’s the last two minutes of a playoff game.

And with so many games against the putrid Atlantic Division (Philadelphia? New Jersey? The Knicks? Someone get me a brown paper bag), if they can stay healthy I think 65-70 wins should be expected.

Now there’s a lot of basketball left to be played, so I’ll save you the hyperbole. But nine games in, if they can stay healthy, it looks like the Celtics championship to win.

It’s going to be a fun ride towards June.

Then again, it's been fun already.

(To read the REMAINDER of this article including the teams and players who have disappointed Aaron the most, please click here , or visit Aaron at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

College Football And The Women We Love

Aaron Torres — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:35:14 -0500

(Aaron Torres is a journalist whose work has been featured by Sports Illustrated Online and syndicated by USA Today and AOL.com. To read all of Aaron's work, including this article in it's entirety , please visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

It was right around this time last year that I hit a professional low, struggling with where my career was headed. At the time, I was doing a lot of writing, for very little money, and even less recognition.

One day I decided, “You know what, screw it,” and decided to sit down and write something original, just for me and buddies to enjoy, and get a kick out of. What I came up with was, “College Football And The Women We Love .” It was part my love for college football, and another part an ode to every woman my friends and I had ever dealt with, whether she was beautiful and sensible, or crazier than Dennis Rodman on hallucinogens.

Was it a little cruel? Maybe. Offensive? If you took it too seriously. But one day after I published it, I had an inbox full of congratulatory e-mails, and it was the first time in awhile that I said to myself, “You know, I really do enjoy writing.”

After the positive response, I even decided to forward it to someone I knew, someone that was a prominent editor at a major media company. I figured that maybe if it got in the right hands, it could get beyond just my friends reach, and to a bigger audience.

Finally after three days, I got an e-mail back. As I eagerly opened it, the response wasn’t quite what I was expected. Know what it said? (And I’m quoting):

“Wow, another article comparing women to sports. Not only is it shallow, but quite honestly I didn’t laugh once. Here’s an idea, do something original.”

And you know what, he was probably right. But screw him. It’s a shame he lost his sense of humor somewhere in the mid-'90s, and that his wife left him for someone with a $50,000 sports car and country club membership, it really is. But as the famous Billy Madison once said, “A simple no would have been fine.”

I was OK with it though. Mostly because my friends—whose sole purpose in life is to tell me how much I suck at everything (mostly writing and fantasy sports)—liked it.

But anyway, with baseball season done, and college football wrapping another year, I decided to brush off the column, and do the 2009 edition of “College Football and the Women We Love.”

Please, enjoy, and please, please don’t take it too seriously. Besides, to all the ladies out there who might get offended, remember, you’re the reason we men get up in the morning. Well you, and NFL anyway.

And finally, if you’re the editor who told me how much I sucked last year, I hope you enjoy it too. No hard feelings. And enjoy your Cheerios for dinner tonight as well.

Navy: The Fun Girl:

All right, so you knew the first time you met her that the she wasn’t marriage material (just like Navy isn’t championship material). Looking at her, she really isn’t that pretty, and could use a trip to the tanning bed. But while you’d never introduce her to your friends, you can’t help calling her when you’re bored. She laughs at all your jokes, likes How I Met Your Mother as much as you do, and nobody runs the fullback dive better. Sure at some point the ride is going to end (and it might even be ugly), but enjoy her for now. Because anyone who can beat Charlie Weis twice in three years is worth keeping around, isn’t she?

Arizona: The Hot Foreign Exchange Student

She’s from a different country, has an accent that’s totally unintelligible and only has one loss in the Pac-10. Nobody is really talking to her, or talking about her yet, but I’m telling you, make your move. Sure you can barely understand a word she says, but get her phone number before it’s too late (make sure she includes the country code just in case). Because if you wait even just a few more days, Kirk Herbstreit, Todd McShay, and all the other good-looking guys are going to realize how cute she is, and steal her away from you. Sure that’ll probably happen anyway, but why chance it? Especially with a trip to the Rose Bowl on the line.

Georgia: The Crazy Girl

There’s no two ways about it: She’s loud, smokes cigarettes, and you’re pretty sure the last time you saw her she was wearing an ankle bracelet. All your friends know her a little too well (if you know what I’m saying), and she hasn’t covered as a home favorite since September. Maybe it’s the back tattoo or the performance against Arkansas, you’re not sure why, but for some reason, you just, can’t, stop, thinking about her.

Honestly, for your own sake though, get out now, OK? The drama isn’t worth it. She’s a mess when she drinks. And a second straight loss to Georgia Tech seems to be looming.

Sure her lip ring is hot, but you don’t want to be around for all that drama, do you?

Miami (FL): The Girl Who’s Gotten her Life Back Together

At this time last year, I compared Miami to the girl straight out of rehab: sure she meant well, but you never knew when she’d be using her one phone call to ask you for bail money (at the time a huge win over Texas A&M, followed by losing to North Carolina).

Well it’s been almost a year, and she’s officially proved herself to be a keeper. She’s been off the wagon for awhile now (or is it “on the wagon,” I’m confused), and for the first time in years her eyes aren’t bloodshot and she’s even added a vertical passing game to her repertoire. Plus if you get with her now, she’ll be thankful. She knows 2006-2008 weren’t her best years, but she’s ready to put them behind her and start fresh. You should be too.

Alabama: The Steady Girlfriend

Sure when you’ve got to stay in on Friday night’s to watch Ghost Whisperer all your friends make fun of you, but we all know that you’ve got a good thing. She’s cute, makes a killer tuna casserole and has an unreal pass rush.

Maybe on any given day she might not be as pretty as the other girls, but remember, you can trust her and you know she’ll never let you down (or lose to an unranked team). Stick with her even when things aren’t looking great.

You might even get a free trip to Pasadena in January out of it.

(To read the remainder of this article , please visit Aaron at www.aarontorres-sports.com . And if you have any football or dating horror stories, please feel free to share or e-mail Aaron at ATorres00@gmail.com )

'Bama-LSU, USC-ASU, and the Rest of the Week 10 College Football Preview

Aaron Torres — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:55:00 -0500

It doesn't matter who your team is, Aaron Torres has you covered. To read this article in its entirety, including his thoughts on Penn State-Ohio State, Navy-Notre Dame, and Cincinnati-UConn, please click here , or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com

South Carolina (plus-seven) over ARKANSAS: 12:20

Was it just me, or did it seem like every time you turned on the South Carolina-Tennessee game last weekend, Stephen Garcia was slowly walking off the field, ripping off his helmet with one of those crazed, “If those fat f---s don’t start blocking for me, I’m going to kill one of them,” looks in his eyes. I swear I saw that happen at least 15 times last Saturday.

Anyways, with South Carolina in the midst of their annual free fall, it’d be easy to just take the Hogs at home and move on.

But here’s the thing: Do you know that South Carolina hasn’t allowed a quarterback to throw for more than 160 yards since Week Three against Florida Atlantic? Granted, Jevan Snead, Mike Hartline, Greg McElroy, and Jonathan Crompton aren’t Ryan Mallett, but that’s still a pretty good overall body of work.

Factor that in with Arkansas’ inability to tackle (27 points against Eastern Michigan last weekend? Really? Really?), and I think we might have ourselves a lot closer ballgame than anyone’s anticipating.

Oregon (minus-seven) over STANFORD: 3:30 p.m.

I mean, I guess I understand why this line is so low: Oregon’s coming off a big win; they’re going on the road; Stanford’s coming off a bye, and it’s an early kickoff.

But just seven points, really? Was I the only one that saw Oregon’s offense roll up 613 yards last weekend, and turn the USC game into an And One mix tape?

Games like this are why I need my own ESPN stats team. There’s got to be some wacky stat Vegas knows that’s pushing this line so low, right? Something like, “Stanford is 11-2 since 2001 when facing quarterbacks named Jeremiah,” or “Jim Harbaugh has never lost a 3:30 kickoff against an Oregon school, coming off a bye week.”

Unfortunately, until I get that stats team I’m going to have stick with my guns. And because of it, I like Oregon to cover.

LSU (plus-seven-and-a-half) over Alabama: 3:30 p.m.

Whenever I’m having a really hard time deciding on a game, I always ask myself, “What direction would Beano Cook go,” and then run the opposite way. Just kidding.

What I seriously do though, is lay out all the questions that I have on each team, to better evaluate the situation.

For LSU, here are my questions. Is Jordan Jefferson ready to go into Bryant-Denny Stadium and get a win? Why doesn’t LSU use Charles Scott more? Will they Saturday? Do the Tigers have some kind of contractual agreement with Russell Sheppard on touches? Because there just doesn’t appear to be any rhyme, reason, or consistency to how they use him. And finally, as good as LSU has looked the last two weeks, did beating up on Auburn, and Tulane really help them get ready for this game?

For Alabama, it’s much simpler. The Tide said they needed last week’s bye to rest both physically, and mentally. Was that the truth, or an excuse? And most importantly, is Greg McElroy going to figure “it” out in time for Saturday?

In the end, I have more questions about LSU, but also have a clearer picture of the Tigers than I do of Alabama, after their wins the last two weeks.

Put it all together, and I’m still going to take the Tide to win, but in a squeaker.

Luckily, I don’t think Nick Saban, his players, and most Alabama fans care about point spreads, as long as they get to Atlanta for the SEC Championship game. That won’t be a problem after Saturday.

ARIZONA STATE (plus-10) over USC: 8:00 p.m.

For selfish reasons I want USC to blow Arizona State out. Mainly that I have a bunch of friends going to this game, and if I can’t be there with them, well, I hope it’s lousy. What can I say, that’s just the kind of friend I am.

But anyways, after thinking about this one for awhile, here are three reasons this one stays close:

1. Arizona State’s defense is waaaaaaay better than people realize (25th in scoring defense, fourth in rushing defense in all of college football).

2. At this point, the guys on USC’s injured list (Stafon Johnson, Armond Armstead, Anthony McCoy etc.), might actually be able to beat the guys who’ll be on the field for the Trojans Saturday. You know, if they were healthy.

3. Matt Barkley just isn’t that good. There I said it. His numbers may be ok, but after watching him every week, I’m convinced that if his name were Craig Johnson, and he didn’t look like an Abercrombie model, we wouldn’t be nearly as enamored with him. In time, he’s going to be really good, but he’s not there yet.

Oklahoma (minus-seven) over NEBRASKA: 8:00 p.m.

I like Bo Pelini, and think he’ll eventually get Nebraska back to the top of the Big XII North (emphasis on eventually).

But after watching the Cornhuskers last weekend, I’m going steal a phrase from 1999, and say that the Nebraska’s offense is U-G-L-Y (Oh you better believe I went there). I don’t care who the quarterback is, unless your whole team has swine flu, or is shaving points (and to the best of my knowledge neither scenario happened last weekend) there is no excuse to only get 273 yards of offense, and 11 first downs against Baylor. None.

Oklahoma in this one, big.

(To read the REMAINDER of this article, please click here , or visit Aaron at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

50 Reasons To Be Excited for College Basketball Season

Aaron Torres — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 09:39:16 -0500

Aaron Torres is an accomplished journalist whose work has been published by Sports Illustrated and syndicated by USA Today online and AOL.com. To read all of his work, including this article in its entirety , please visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

Now that the calendar has turned from October to November, you know what that means, right? No not another Terrell Owens trade demand. Or Los Angeles Angels playoff meltdown. Nope, it means it’s time for college basketball season!

And while we usually celebrate the start of the season by asking ourselves hypothetical questions like, “How many white guys you think Duke is going to start this year?” and “Think there’s any possibility that Pat Summit is actually a man? You know, maybe like 20 percent?” that’s not the case this fall.

As a matter of fact, instead, college basketball is coming off a summer of scrutiny the likes of which it has never seen.

Following North Carolina’s title run in March, here are the three biggest headlines the sport saw in the past six months:

1. The shocking, bizarre and wildly uncomfortable sex scandal involving Rick Pitino.

For those of you not scoring at home, here’s a quick Reader’s Digest breakdown of the event:

Over the summer, a woman tried to extort Pitino, claiming in 2003 that the Louisville coach forced her into sexual intercourse (good thing she decided to report it six years after the fact). And while Pitino was able to prove the sex was indeed consensual, we learned that after the incident, he actually gave the woman a $300 check for an abortion.

Needless to say, this isn’t quite the wholesome image that the NCAA and Louisville are trying to portray, especially when you factor in that Pitino is married with five kids, and, by the way, this woman wasn’t his wife.

(There were two fun side notes on the case however. The first is that Pitino had a friend in the bar when the incident occurred (the place had already shut down and was originally thought to be empty). Although supposedly in his buddy’s defense, the guy didn’t realize the whole incident was going on. Riiiiiiight.

The second fun fact? The accuser later went on to marry one of Pitino’s friends and Louisville equipment manager Tim Sypher. Needless to say, I’d give one of my kidneys to have been at that wedding.)

2. The second headline occurred when Memphis was forced to vacate their 2008 Final Four trip after it was revealed that the star of that team—Derrick Rose—had someone take the SAT for him, meaning he was ineligible that entire season.

Of course, by the time the revelations came out, former coach John Calipari had already left town to coach at Kentucky. Again, for those scoring at home, Calipari is the only coach in NCAA history to have two Final Fours at two different schools vacated (the other in 1996 at UMass). Somebody get this guy a plaque!

3. The final headline came just a few weeks ago, when the Kansas basketball team—which is coming into the season as the top ranked team in college basketball—had a campus wide turf war with the football team, ending with starting guard Tyshawn Taylor having to go to the hospital.

The reason for the fight? Because apparently on a campus with 20,000 people, there aren’t enough girls to go around for both teams.

Anyways, when you factor in those things, as well as UConn coach Jim Calhoun getting into a serious bike accident (he’s ok), Billy Gillespie getting pulled over for a DUI, and Coach K getting arrested for picking up hookers outside Cameron Indoor Arena (ok maybe I made that one up), college basketball is undergoing an identity crisis unlike any other time.

Luckily for everyone, I’m here. And to quote Mark McGwire, we’re “not here to talk about the past,” but to get ready for the future, as the season is set to get underway in just a few days. There are countless reasons to be excited for college basketball season, but just to get your appetite wet, how about I give you 50 to start with?

1. Golden Age of Coaches: Because players come and go so frequently, college basketball will always be more about the coaches and programs than the guys on the court. And with Roy Williams, Coach K, Calhoun, Jim Boeheim, and Tom Izzo on the sidelines, the sport has never been in better hands.

2. Getting To Know The New Stars: Hansbrough, Thabeet, Curry, and Griffin are gone, and in their place are Ed Davis, Willie Warren, and Greg Monroe. Wait, who? No worries, you’ll know all these guys by March. So will NBA scouts.

3. Jan. 2, Louisville at Kentucky: Cue to Jim Nantz:

Two great programs. Two controversial coaches. Pitino-Calipari. Louisville-Kentucky. The Bloodbath in the Bluegrass (copyright Aaron Torres 2009). Next on CBS!

4. Florida International’s Isiah Thomas experiment: He ruined the Toronto Raptors. And the CBA. And the New York Knicks. And now, looking for a new place to expand his ineptitude, Isiah has landed at tiny Florida International in Miami. What’s the Hall of Famer got in store for them? Tune in to find out.

5. Luke Harangody: Believe it or not, Harangody is back for more season in South Bend, and by the time this year is over, will go down as one of the greatest players in Big East history. Too bad he’ll also be preparing for a professional career in Bulgaria right around this time next year. Enjoy college, Luke!

6. UCLA, My Favorite “And If,” Team: Do you ever read stories about your favorite baseball team during spring training, and some beat writer goes a little overboard and says stuff like, “And if Aaron Boone hits 30 home runs, and if Mike Hampton wins 20 games...the Astros could win the World Series.”

Well that’s kind of like UCLA basketball this year, everyone is giving them love, and I don’t know why. Although...If Drew Gordon becomes a force down low, and if Jerime Anderson is better than Darren Collison was last year, and if Nikola Dragovic averages 20 points a game...they might win the Pac-10.

7. Ed Davis: The North Carolina sophomore has an old school swagger to his game that I promise you’ll enjoy. Just make sure to enjoy it this season, as he’ll probably be cashing NBA paychecks come the spring.

8. A Different Duke?: No, they’re not likeable. Or athletic. Or even particularly talented. But for the first time in years, Duke’s roster is filled with big guys along the frontline, instead of skinny jump shooters along the perimeter. Who said you can’t teach an old coach new tricks?

9. And ___ starts off going man-to-man : Come on admit it, you missed Bill Raftery in the offseason. Admit it!

10. The Corey’s: No I’m not talking about the cheesy VH1 reality show with Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. Or what Corey Matthews and his buddies did on Season Four of Boy Meets World . I’m talking about Corey Fisher and Corey Stokes, the Villanova guards that were a huge reason why the Wildcats went to the Final Four last year, and an even bigger reason why they’re favorites in the Big East this year.

11. Ole Miss Coach Andy Kennedy: Remember last year when Kennedy punched out a cab driver? Wasn’t that funny? Oh wait, it wasn’t funny at all. Especially if you were the cab driver, Kennedy, or an Ole Miss fan. Luckily for the coach, he’s got enough talent this year to make headlines on the court, rather than just off of it.

12. Shaka Smart: Who is he, you ask? A fallen ‘80s pop singer? A troubled third world dictator? A trendy New York clothing designer? Nope, he’s the new coach at Virginia Commonwealth, and I promise this won’t be the last you hear his name.

13. The Lance Stephenson Circus Hits Cincinnati: Hmm...So Stephenson may have been the best player in last year’s high school class, but couldn’t find a school that would take him until June. And he’s still not eligible to play this year?

Anyone else smell a little trouble? Look, there’s no doubt Stephenson is a talent. Whether he ever sees the court at Cincinnati, now that’s another question.

14. The Pitt Panthers, Rebuilding?: Think again; this isn’t Jaime Dixon’s first rodeo. And while Sam Young and DeJuan Blair may be in the NBA, and you’re not quite sure who any of the players on their roster are, just chalk Pitt up for 21-25 wins and an NCAA Tournament berth. Ok?

15. “That Guys Still Around?!?!?”: Because players come and go so frequently in college basketball, sometimes it seems like guys have been around forever by the time they get to their senior years.

Which always leads to funny conversations between my buddies and me saying stuff like, “There’s no way that guys still eligible, he’s been around at least eight years,” and, “I think I remember him guarding Jordan in the ’82 championship game.” Needless to say, we need girlfriends. Or lives.

Anyways, one of the best parts about college basketball is finding those players. And without further adieu, here is the “That Guys Still Around?!?!” Starting Five:

PG: Scottie Reynolds, Villanova
SG: Marcus Ginyard, North Carolina
SF: Quincy Pondexter, Washington
PF: Trevor Booker, Clemson
C: Luke Harangody, Notre Dame

And just for good measure,

Sixth man: Jerry Smith, Louisville

16. Mike Rosario: He may be the best point guard in the Big East. To bad you’ll never catch him, since he plays for...Rutgers? Yep, that Rutgers. Think it’s too late to put in transfer papers?

17. The Eyes of Texas Are Upon Us: Kansas gets all the love in the Big XII. North Carolina, Michigan State and Kentucky get all the love nationally. Want to know a little secret? The Texas Longhorns might be better than all of them.

18. Bruce Pearl’s Tan : Ok, so “Bruce Pearl’s Tan,” made it onto the list last year too. But come on, look at the guy! Look at him! Coach, I think I speak for all us when I say, please, take a day off from the tanning bed. Please. I’m begging.

19. Mason and Miles Plumee: Your honor, I’d like to submit the Plumee brothers as Exhibits A and B, as to why everyone makes fun of Duke.

20. John Calipari in Kentucky: I already mentioned it in my summer column, “How I’d Change Sports ,” but it’s worth re-iterating: The biggest coach, on college basketball’s biggest stage needs a reality show. As a matter of fact, I can hear the preview now:

He’s a coach with two vacated Final Fours. They’re a group of future NBA stars with sketchy backgrounds. See what happens when their worlds collide. Tuesday’s this fall, it’s “Calipari’s Court.”

21. Ohio State’s “Lighty,” At The End Of The Tunnel: Ok, that was a bad pun. Really bad. But back to the Buckeyes. They were 7-0 with David Lighty to start last year, but finished just 15-11 when he went down with a season ending injury in December. The fourth year junior is back, healthy and a key if Ohio State is going to overtake Michigan State in the Big 10.

22. The Wisconsin Badgers: Their marketing slogan might as well be, “Making basketball eight percent less cool, every time they take the court, for the past 10 years.”

23. Craig Robinson’s Second Year At Oregon State: The first brother-in-law (his sister is Michelle Obama) got Oregon State to a very respectable 18-18 in his first year as head coach in Corvallis. His next step? Getting Oregon State to their first NCAA Tournament since 1990.

24. Rick Majerus at St. Louis: It’s of Year Three of the Rick Majerus era at St. Louis, who knew? Regardless, I doubt anything Majerus does on the sidelines will top the time on ESPN when he said, “I’m not a Gay guy,” in reference to former UConn star Rudy Gay. Come back to the studio coach, we miss you.

25. The Syracuse Orange: They lost Jonny Flynn, Eric Devendorf and Paul Harris to the pros, but Jim Boeheim is trying to convince anyone who’ll listen that his 2010 team will be just as good as last year’s. Sure coach, whatever you say.

(To read this article, the remainder of this article , please click here , or visit Aaron at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

How College Football's Players and Coaches Are Spending Their Halloween

Aaron Torres — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:38:35 -0400

(Aaron Torres is a journalist who's work has been published by Sports Illustrated.com, USA Today and AOL.com. To read all of his work, including this article in its entirety , please click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

No one ever said it was easy being a college football player or coach these days.

Between the media sessions, film sessions and all those pesky little rules, someone is always on about something. Just ask Rich Rodriguez or Dez Bryant.

But just because these guys are public figures doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be having fun. And with Halloween on a college football Saturday this year, what better way to celebrate a big win than by dressing up as something crazy (like in the case of Charlie Weis, “A Good Coach”) and enjoying yourself.

As a matter of fact, if college football’s biggest stars did dress up for Halloween, here are some of my guesses as to what they’d be. Since we already mentioned Weis, let’s start with him.

Charlie Weis as: A Homeless Guy

Look, I’ve tried to defend Weis. I really have. I tried to defend him when his team couldn’t tackle. I tried to defend him when his team couldn’t block. I even tried to defend him when Notre Dame lost to Navy in 2007, which was basically the first time the Midshipmen had beaten Notre Dame since the Jefferson administration.

But I can’t defend him anymore. Not when Notre Dame needed to hold on for dear life last weekend against the worst Boston College team in a decade. A team playing for their third coach in four years. And a team whose 25-year-old starting quarterback played minor league baseball for the last SEVEN YEARS!!!

The truth is, Weis is a lot closer to the unemployment line than a National Championship. So he might as well grab a trench coat that smells like pee and start collecting aluminum cans on the side of the highway. The pink slip is coming. If not this winter, than the next.

Of course if none of that sounds good, Weis could always dress up like this guy like he did last year. Oh wait that wasn’t him? Never mind.

Sam Bradford as: Richie Rich

I can’t blame Sam Bradford for loving college. We all did at one point. As a matter of fact, I have friends in their late-20’s that still wish they were there today.

But Bradford made the right decision to give up on the 2009 season, get surgery on his bum shoulder and get ready for the NFL Draft. Sure, it’s not the way he wanted his college career to end. But for a guy whose only dream has ever been to play quarterback at OU, two Big XII championships and a Heisman trophy doesn’t seem all that bad.

So congratulations Sam, you did the right thing. Go get surgery. Get ready for the combine. While you’re at it, pick up a few Armani suits and start dating a model. You’re a pro now!

Also, I’ve got some more good news: Supposedly, Buffalo is absolutely lovely this time of year. And I’ve been hearing really great things about that Terrell Owens guy!

Enjoy!

Joe Paterno as: Anything

I don’t care if Paterno forgets to wear a costume, or forgets to wear his hearing aids. For comedy’s sake, I want him at my Halloween party.

Imagine how miserable he’d be? I’m thrilled just thinking about it! How else would you want to spend your holiday than by hearing Joe Pa in the corner of the party, saying stuff like:

It’s cold in here…

Do these brownies have nuts??

Why is that girl’s skirt so short??

Wha…Who…Internet????? Look, I don’t know anything about the internet, or spacebook, or tweetering!!! Why is it so cold in here!! Where’s my coat!!!! I’m going home!!!!

Pete Carroll as: Himself

Because honestly, what could Pete Carroll possibly dress up as that would make him cooler than he already is?

Nick Saban as: The Grinch Who Stole Halloween. And Christmas. And Labor Day. And Three Kings Day. And Bastille Day. And…

Well you get the point. Besides Nick Saban doesn’t have time for stupid Halloween parties! The only thing he’s giving his trick-or-treaters this year are tips to blitz the safety from the weak side. Now shut up and leave the coach alone, he's trying to watch film.

(To read the remainder of this article , visit Aaron at www.aarontorres-sports.com or let your thoughts be heard by e-mail at ATorres00@gmail.com )

13 Reasons to be Excited for the 2009 World Series

Aaron Torres — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:45:31 -0400

(Aaron Torres is an accomplished journalist whose work has been published in Sports Illustrated , USA Today , and AOL.com. To read all his work, including this article in its entirety , please click here , or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

Baseball’s not a perfect sport, we all know that.

The games start too late. They run too long. Tragically, Steve Phillips is no longer around to analyze (He’s innocent I tell ya!). And because of rain, snow, sleet, meteor showers, and aurora borealis, this postseason—which seems like it started 11 weeks ago—might not end until sometime around Christmas Eve.

But come on, this is baseball. It’s America’s pastime. And it’s time for the World Series.

Whether its incredible athletes (ok incredible might be a little strong), beautiful girlfriends, or just baseball you like, there’s something for everybody in this World Series. So while you shouldn’t need a reason to tune in, I’ll give you a few anyways.

As a matter of fact, here are 13:

13. Alex Rodriguez, Clutch Hitter

It’s really only right that the 13th reason on this list be old No. 13 himself.

Look, we all know why not to like Alex Rodriguez: He’s a known cheater. His salary is larger then the GDP of Tanzania. That whole Madonna thing was really, really weird. But I’m going to let you in on a dirty little secret, I’m kind of rooting for him. I have been for a while now.

This guy is the best player in the game. And the way that our grandparents talk about seeing Willie Mays in person, is how we should be appreciating Alex Rodriguez. But because of all the aforementioned stuff, his approval rating has always hovered just slightly ahead of George W. Bush’s.

But here’s the crazy thing, since he’s gotten to New York, the guy’s won two MVP awards. He’s had at least 30 home runs and 100 RBI every season, including this past summer when he limped around the whole month of April like Joe Paterno on a surgically repaired hip. And yet up until a few weeks ago, we talked about him like he didn’t even belong on the playoff roster, let alone starting at third base.

Sure in past years A-Rod hasn’t always been the most clutch player. But it’s also not his fault that since he’s gotten to New York, their best pitchers have been a bona-fide No. 2 starter (Chien-Ming Wang), and a good, but not great, Mike Mussina. You win in October with great pitching, and let me ask you, would you want Wang or Mussina pitching deciding games for your team in the playoffs? Me neither.

Luckily, for whatever reason this year, the heat’s off of A-Rod. He’s got protection in the lineup. He’s got big arms at the front of the pitching rotation. And he’s decided that he doesn’t need to be Alex Rodriguez media mogul and international superstar, but just Alex Rodriguez the baseball player.

Most importantly, he’s doing everything that you’d ever want a guy on your team to do. He’s high-fiving everybody but Tim McCarver. He’s playing through pain. He’s getting big hits when his team needs them the most.

So root against Alex Rodriguez if you’d like. Hold grudges if you must. But I’m happy for the guy. I never thought I’d say this, but even for a guy making $27 million a year, he just needed a break.

12. Jayson Werth

Quite honestly, I don’t know much about this guy. As a matter of fact, there are Saudi Arabian oil sheiks that I’ve been paying closer attention to lately.

But looking at Werth, doesn’t he just seem like a guy you’d want to go out with after a game and grab a beer? At the very least, I feel like he’d be “that guy,” at the strip club that makes the whole experience 1000 times better. You know, the one who disappears approximately 90 seconds after you get into the place, blows $150 bucks in the champagne room with a girl named “Peaches,” and still leaves smiling and saying stuff like, “That was awesome,” and, “Best 150 bucks I ever spent!”

Plus, when I went to a Phillies-Mets game earlier this year and the New York crowd burst into a “Jay-son Werth-less,” chant, not only did he laugh it off, Werth also made several sexually derogatory gestures to the crowd behind his glove. It was just inappropriate enough to get an even bigger roar, but done just quickly enough where the cameras didn’t catch it. You really had to be there to appreciate it.

And needless to say, I’ve been a fan ever since.

11. The Continued Torture of Mets Fans

Speaking of Mets fans, at this point you’ve got to feel pretty bad for them. The last two years ended with awful late season collapses. This year’s team was so banged up that Ruben Sierra, Nook Logan, Roger Dorn, and Moonlight Graham were starters at various points. And now their two biggest rivals are squaring off to decide a World Championship.

As my friend Finn, one of the biggest Mets fans I know, texted me on Sunday night, “All I can hope for at this point is a bench clearing brawl with A-Rod and Ryan Howard both suffering career ending injuries.”

I think that just about says it all.

10. Nick Swisher’s Locker Room Hi-jinks

I could probably take a vacation to Aruba right now if I had a dollar for every, “Nick Swisher really keeps the locker room loose,” feature story I read this year. The way the New York media describes this guy, he’s some weird cross between Chris Rock, Stifler, and Bill “The Spaceman” Lee. He even sported a Mohawk for Game Six of the ALCS.

But here’s the thing, after reading the 85,000th “Nick Swisher is soooo funny” column this summer, I realized something: Nobody’s ever explained exactly what he does. And I think I speak for everyone when I say, I want some answers.

Does he put mayonnaise in Mark Teixeira’s batting gloves? Does he do funny Joba Chamberlain fist-pumping impressions when the big guy isn’t around? Shrink C.C. Sabathia’s game pants in the dryer? Send text’s to Minka Kelly from A-Rod’s phone?

Someone’s got to have an explanation for this, and I want some answers!

9. Charlie Manuel’s Press Conferences:

Over the summer I was reading Sports Illustrated when I came across a mind-boggling statistic. Of every player, manager, and coach in Major League Baseball this season (over 1000 individuals), only 22 of them have degrees from four year colleges. Twenty-two! And while it is a startling statistic, I know it makes a lot more sense when you hear a guy like Charlie Manuel open his mouth.

While Joe Girardi is intelligent and articulate, Manuel is an old-school baseball guy in every sense of the word.

And speaking of words, they’re not Manuel’s strong suit. There are New York City cab drivers who have a better understanding of the English language. Listening to a Manuel press conference is like watching the Blue Collar Comedy Tour . Only in this case, you might actually laugh.

Of course, none of that matters, since he’s gone 18-5 in the last two postseasons. Maybe most importantly, his players love him. Even if they can’t understand a word he’s saying.

8. Because More Than One Girl Has Told Me I Look Like Mark Teixeira

Alright, so that’s not a reason for you to get excited. But from what I can gauge, it’s not a bad thing for me either.

And besides, whenever a girl makes the comparison, it also allows me to make bad jokes, like: “Well if you saw me swing a bat, you literally couldn’t tell the difference.”

Ok that joke was reeeeeally bad (like this whole column). Let’s just move on.

7. A.J. Burnett’s Shaving Cream Pie In The Face Routine

No seriously, it’s funny! Isn’t it?

6. Cole Hamels Wife

Sure, Kate Hudson is getting all the publicity as the hottie du-jour of this World Series, but more love needs to go to our good friend Heidi Hamels.

Not only is she gorgeous. Not only is she a former contestant on Survivor . But she also had the underrated quote of 2009 when in February, she said in a Sports Illustrated interview:

“We’re in the process of adopting an AIDS orphan from Ethiopia. Maybe two. I’m so pumped. I’d adopt six if I could. When I was five years old-I grew up in a very rural town in Missouri, and I had never even seen a black person-they asked us to draw a picture of ourselves in the future, and I drew myself holding hands with a line of tiny black stick figures. I’ve always wanted this.”

No seriously, she actually said that .

Needless to say, it’s going to be a funny couple with week’s with Heidi. Take that Kate Hudson!

(To read the REMAINDER OF THIS article , including Aaron's Top Five Reasons To Be Excited For the World Series, please visit him at www.aarontorres-sport.com )

'Bama-UT and The Passing of Jazz Howard: Week 8 College Football Preview

Aaron Torres — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:44:40 -0400

It doesn't matter who your team is, Aaron Torres has you covered. To read all his thoughts on this weekend in college football, including his take on Florida-Mississippi State, Notre Dame-Boston College and LSU-Auburn, please click here , or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com

OHIO STATE (-16) over Minnesota: 12:00 p.m.

With all the talk in the Big 10 over the last week about Ohio State’s stink bomb at Purdue, something equally important got glossed over—Minnesota’s offense is worse. WAY worse.

Watching the Gophers play Penn State last weekend was like getting a root canal without Novocain, except on the way out rather than getting handed a bill, the doctor punches you in the face for fun. It was that painful, I wish I was lying.

The offense accounted for 138 yards and if you take out one Adam Weber to Eric Decker deep ball (for 43 yards) Minnesota’s line is as follows: 39 plays, for 95 yards or a crisp 2.4 yards per play; FOR AN ENTIRE GAME!

So, congratulations to Minnesota. We all knew the Big 10 was bad, really bad, but last weekend you took the league to a level of unwatchability that may never be topped.

MIAMI (-5 ½) over Clemson: 3:30 p.m.

Have you ever dated a girl and you’re not really sure why? She’s not that pretty, has a boring personality, and doesn’t know any special, you know, tricks.

Then when you’re just about to end things, she shows up to your door with a plate of brownies and you think, “Damn, I can’t break up with her,she just made me brownies." "Why would she do that? I guess this will have to wait a few weeks.”

Well, Clemson’s win over Wake Forest last week was its version of showing up with the plate of brownies. Clemson is erratic passing the ball, gives up too many big plays defensively, and doesn't get the rock to C.J. Spiller enough. But after going off for 38 points last Saturday, you feel like you should stick around for one more game.

Don’t let the win fool you, the Tigers are less stable then Terrell Owens right now. Get away, get away before it’s too late!

MICHIGAN (+4) over Penn State: 3:30 p.m.

And the award for worst attempt at a joke that led to 15 seconds of awkward silence, goes to Matt Millen, who had this gem in last week’s Penn State-Minnesota game.

“Daryll Clark has so much time in the pocket, he could read Tolstoy back there.”

Hmm … oh wait, that was supposed to be a joke? I get it. Like Minnesota’s pass rush was so weak that Clark could have literally read a book because he had so much time. Ok. But he didn’t actually have a book, right?

Listen, I don’t blame Millen for trying to spice up a game that was about as exciting as going pumpkin picking with your girlfriend, but couldn’t he have said something a little juicier?

Something like, “Clark has so much time in the pocket, he could read Penthouse back there.” Or “Man, I haven't seen anything this ugly come out of Minnesota since Latrell Sprewell was playing for the Timberwolves.”

Maybe he could have even used the old Seinfeld joke, and tried to convince Sean McDonough that the original title for War and Peace was supposed to be War, What Is It Good For?

Come on Matt, anything but what you said.

Tennessee (+15) over ALABAMA: 3:30 p.m.

I have to say, you’d think that with all the nice quotes Lane Kiffin threw Alabama’s way this past week, that he might be getting ready to ask Nick Saban to the prom or something.

Anyway, I like Tennessee in this one because they are coming off their best win, followed by a bye week at just the right time.

Well coached teams are supposed to peak right around this part of the season and that’s what seems to be happening in Knoxville. And with Greg McElroy struggling the last two weeks and Monte Kiffin having an extra week to prepare for Mark Ingram, the Vols just feel right.

Here’s another question: With Auburn and LSU struggling right now, is this Alabama’s toughest game left on the road to an undefeated season? I think it might be.

Texas (-12 ½) over MISSOURI: 8:00 p.m.

Did anyone notice in last weekend’s Oklahoma-Texas game when Kirk Herbstreit inexplicably called Jordan Shipley,Jeremy Shockley?

Not only did I laugh, but it got me thinking that we’ve officially reached the point where Herbie is spending too much time with Brent Musberger.

Can senility wear off on someone else? Just to be safe, somebody should probably get Mike Tirico on the phone. I’m sure he’d be glad to hop in the booth for a few Saturday’s, considering he already works about 350 days a year and all.

Anyway, in this one, Texas is going to do their Texas thing. It’s probably going to be 13-10 at halftime and then the Longhorns are going to rip off 17 straight third quarter point, and win it going away.

Expect a big game of from Jeremy Shockley, I mean Jerry Sharpley, I mean, you know what, let’s just keep going.

(** Aaron’s Note: There are 11 guys on the football field, and this week he is making an 11^th pick, in honor of a player whose life was taken too soon)

UConn (+7 ½) over WEST VIRGINIA: 12:00 p.m.

This is a super somber pick for me, in what has been a pretty somber week.

For those of you who don’t know, I am a UConn alumnus and actually worked for the football team for a year. I’ve walked by the Student Union on campus about 45,000 times and eaten lunch there about 10,000 more.

Never once did I think it’d be a crime scene. That someone would lose their life in a spot where I shared handshakes with friends and kisses with ex-girlfriends.

Now I never knew Jasper Howard, but I do remember the first time that I crossed paths with the UConn football star who was murdered last Sunday; at least metaphorically.

It was the fall of 2007, Howard’s first semester at the university. At the time one of my best friends was a walk-on on the football team and I asked him his thoughts on the team coming out of fall camp.

Instead of talking about the half a dozen guys on the roster who’d be playing in the NFL in coming years, all my friend would gush about was this little freshman from Miami. “AT, you got to see this kid Jasper Howard,” my buddy said. “I don’t know how the hell we got him. We must have fixed his SAT scores or something, ‘cause he’s too good to be playing here.”

We both got a good laugh out of it, and my friend was joking of course. But sure enough when the season started, there was Howard playing as a true freshman, returning punts and playing in nickel coverage.

But more than anything he did on the field, all I ever heard about was Jasper Howard, the person. Everything that’s been reported these last few days is 100 percent true. There wasn’t anyone who crossed Howard’s path that he didn’t touch. That he didn’t impact.

Not just current players, but his past teammates and the UConn community as a whole. I know a few of his former teammates pretty well, guys currently on NFL rosters, grown men that are paid to inflict pain on other grown men. Most of them broke down in tears upon hearing about Howard’s untimely death.

Again, there wasn’t a person that Howard crossed paths with that he didn’t touch.

This Saturday it’s going to be emotional in Morgantown. To say that West Virginia has owned UConn these past couple years is like saying Tim Tebow has a close relationship with God.

It’s not just a fact, it’s an understatement at this point. The last time UConn went to Milan-Puskar Stadium it lost 66-21 and the game wasn’t even that close.

But I honestly believe this week is different, that the Huskies are going to find a way to win. Win one for themselves and win one for their fallen brother.

UConn 18 West Virginia 12

R.I.P Jazz Howard

(This is only part of Aaron Torres Week 8 College Football Preview. To read his thoughts on Florida-Mississippi State, LSU-Auburn and Notre Dame-Boston College, please visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

Tebow, Groh and Everything Inbetween: College Football's Midseason Awards

Aaron Torres — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 18:21:50 -0400

(Aaron Torres is an accomplished journalist whose work has been published in Sports Illustrated , USA Today , and on AOL.com. To read all his work, including this article in its entirety , please click here , or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

With every team in college football having played at least six games, we have officially reached the halfway point in the season.

And with the halfway point in the season upon us, what better way to spend a cloudy Wednesday afternoon than by handing out hardware for the Good, Bad and Ugly that has been the season to date.

So without further adieu, here are the Aaron Torres Mid-Season Awards for College Football Excellence:

Nick Saban, “I Don’t Care If We’re Undefeated, We Haven’t Proved Anything Yet,” Curmudgeon Award

Honestly, who else could this award go to but Saban himself?

While Pete Carroll runs up and down the sidelines high-fiving his back-up punter, and Urban Meyer hugs Tim Tebow for an extra second like his big quarterback just returned from war, there’s Saban, pacing the sidelines with the same look on his face my mom gets when they preempt her soap operas for a Barack Obama State of the Union Address.

Coach, your team is undefeated and No. 1 in the AP Poll. Smile!

Yet, not only does Saban ignore his team’s accomplishments, I’m not quite sure he’s aware they’re even happening. In Saban’s mind, his squad is barely .500 and can’t do anything right on offense, defense or special teams.

Asked this week by ESPN.com blogger Chris Low where he thought his program ranked with the likes of Florida, USC, Oklahoma and Texas, Saban’s response was that the Tide simply weren’t in the same league. Really coach? Really!?

When Low followed up by asking how close Saban thought his program was to catching up, his response was pretty standard Saban-speak:

“I’ll tell you at the end of the year.”

Well then. Guess I know where he stands.

Bill Nye the Science Guy Award for, “The Lab Experiment Gone Terribly Wrong”

Greg Paulus, Syracuse quarterback. How good did this sound in the offseason?

Here came Paulus on his white horse, fresh off four years at Coach K academy, learning not only how to be a better athlete, but most importantly, a great man. And just in time to save his woebegone hometown school, returning Syracuse to its proper place in college football’s hierarchy.

It was the stuff of an awful Disney movie with Shia Labeouf.

There’s only one problem: In this league Greg, you don’t get a pat on the butt from your coach just for hugging your teammates and slapping the floor. You’ve actually got to produce.

And although he’s completed a fair number of his passes, sadly for Paulus, most have been to the other team (10 interceptions in six games).

Mercifully for ‘Cuse fans, the Great Greg Paulus quarterback experiment of ’09 might be coming to an end, as Ryan Nassib replaced him in the Orange’s last game against West Virginia. Of course that wasn’t before I snuck in about 25, “Greg Paulus’ final stat line was 21-35 for 225 yards, a touchdown, four assists and a steal,” jokes along the way.

So sorry about losing your starting job, Greg. Here’s a midseason award as compensation.

The Award for the “Underrated Overrated Storyline of the Year"

So remember a few weeks ago when Auburn was 5-0 and we were just about set to build Gene Chizik a statue and hand the Heisman to Chris Todd?

Umm, me neither.

In the last two weeks, not only are the Tigers 0-2, not only was their “high-powered” offense outgained by Kentucky (Kentucky!!), but Todd has looked a lot more like the quarterback that got benched a season ago then the young Brett Favre that he did for first five games this year.

Meanwhile, the Tigers stock couldn’t be sinking faster if Bernie Madoff was attached to it, and the basement of the SEC looks a lot closer then the top does. Things won’t get any easier with LSU, Ole Miss, Georgia and Alabama still on the schedule.

Think it’s safe to cancel those reservations in Pasadena yet?

Just asking.

The Al Groh Award for “Oh My God, He’s Winning Just Enough Where We Won’t Be Able To Fire Him. Somebody Make It Stop!"

Since Groh has basically had a stranglehold on this award for the past few years, it only seems fitting that he wins it again.

It really has become my favorite fall tradition: Virginia loses to someone like Northwestern New Hampshire State to open the season, Groh burns every bridge in Charlottesville, then figures out a way to rally the troops just in time for a 6-6 finish and a crappy bowl bid.

Which is exactly what happened this year, as the Cavaliers started the season with a loss to William & Mary, and were juuust about to implode…until they didn’t. Now the Hoo’s are 3-3 and believe it or not, the only undefeated team in ACC conference play.

And of course it's back to the drawing board for UVA fans, whose only hope of getting rid of Groh at this point is if he gets involved in a sex tape scandal or is drafted into the military. I’m not holding my breath on either.

Of course if Groh stays, he also becomes the odds on favorite to win this award again next year. Honestly, I can hardly wait.

For some reason, I don’t think Virginia fans are saying the same.

The Bubble Boy/Graham Harrell to Michael Crabtree Award for “Story You’re Going to Be Sick of Hearing By the End of the Year”

Could it be anything but the BCS?

It’s only Week Eight, yet it’s already starting. Is Boise State any good? What if Iowa stays undefeated? Should Florida and Alabama play in the National Championship game regardless of what happens in the SEC?

Please, please, please, can we take a deep breath?

Things aren’t going to go as planned, because they never do. But it’s all going to work out in the end. I promise.

Sometime in the next few weeks, Iowa is probably going to lose a game (I love Ricky Stanzi, but the interceptions are going to catch up at some point). Cincinnati will too (don’t be fooled, their defense just isn’t as good as it looked last Thursday against South Florida).

Boise and TCU (if TCU can get by BYU this weekend) probably won’t.

But for those of you that are hoping for all hell to break loose so “we can fix the system,” I’m sorry but it isn’t going to happen. They’ve been splitting National Championships in college football for 50 years folks, and another year of absurdity isn’t going to change anything.

So rather then hoping for an apocalypse from here on out, I’m going to throw a crazy idea out there. How about we just root for good football?

Isn’t that why we’re fans to begin with?

(This is only part of Aaron Torres' College Football Midseason Awards . To read the rest, including Aaron's thoughts on Tim Tebow, the most overrated team in college football, and why we might need to call George Mitchell please visit www.aarontorres-sports.com )

Why College Football Has The NFL Beat

Aaron Torres — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:52:59 -0400

I’ve always said that being a college football fan is a lot like being a fan of the show Seinfeld . Some people “get it,” and others just don’t.

Seriously, have you ever tried watching Seinfeld with someone-be it a parent, girlfriend, cellmate, whatever—that just doesn’t “get it?”

Sure they laugh when Kramer runs into a door, or Elaine tries to dance. But when Jerry drugs his girlfriend so he can play with her toy collection? They sit silent, like they’re being forced to watch a homemade Bar Mitzvah video or something.

Ummm, Jerry just DRUGGED his girlfriend to play with G.I. Joe’s! That was funny. Laugh!

But they just don’t get it.

Talk to a lot of NFL fans and they’re the same way. They’ll tell you about the wonderful virtues of the National…Football…League . About how it’s a game of chess, how field position and defense preserve victories and win championships.

College football? Those same people will tell you there are too many gimmicky offenses and trick plays. It’s cute, but just not the same.

Again, it’s not their fault. They just don’t get it.

Now let me ask you a question. Besides those involving your own team, how many NFL regular season games do you remember from the past couple years? And I mean really remember. Where you were? Who you were with? How you felt while watching it? One, maybe two? I can’t recall many more than that.

Let’s compare that with college football.

I still remember coming home after the Texas-Texas Tech game last year, and seeing my roommate—who might literally talk a mile a minute—speechless.

“That…Was…The best game, I think I’ve ever seen,” he muttered out, his eyes wide, like he’d just seen a UFO, not a Michael Crabtree last second touchdown catch. For the first and only time that I lived with him, his Saturday night thoughts weren’t on what girls were coming over or which bar had the best specials, but on a game. On a college football game.

Thinking back on the last couple of years, I can remember several other games, which were just as good, if not better. The “Bush Push,” in 2005. Les Miles’ 5-5 fourth down affair against Florida two years later. Meanwhile I’m still trying to remember an NFL game that left the same impression. That created the same emotion.

And that’s exactly where the college game has the NFL beat. Every game just matters more. It’s why we tune in when our favorite team is a two touchdown favorite or a 30-point underdog. You just never know what you’re going to see.

Take this Saturday for example...

(To read the remainder of this article , please click here or visit Aaron at www.aarontorres-sports.com )

Red River Rivalry and Florida-Arkansas: College Football Week Seven Preview

Aaron Torres — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 09:00:34 -0400

Aaron Torres is a writer whose work has been featured by Sports Illustrated Online, AOL.com and USA Today. To read his preview in its entirety, including his thoughts on Alabama-South Carolina , Notre Dame-USC , and much more, visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com .

WISCONSIN (-2.5) over Iowa: Saturday, 12:00 PM

At first glance, this one probably looks a little suspicious. Iowa an underdog on the road? Really?

Then you remember that two weeks ago Michigan State was a four-point favorite over Michigan and covered. Last week, Tennessee was just barely a favorite over Georgia, and they covered.

Wait, what’s that I smell? That’s right! It’s the “If It’s Too Good to Be True, It Probably Is, Sucker Bet of the Week!”

(Honestly, do yourself a favor and stay away from Iowa. Look, I love them, I really do. I even called them my “dirty little secret of college football” a few weeks ago, like I was writing about them in my diary or something. But they’re going on the road after an emotional home win, and Ricky Stanzi has thrown eight interceptions in six games, including five in his last three. That’s got to catch up with them at some point, right?)

Oklahoma (+3.5) over Texas: Saturday, 12:00 PM at Dallas

Watching Texas last week, I’m convinced more than ever that they’re just not that good.

Okay, that may be a bit of an overstatement, but if they played on a neutral field today against Alabama or Florida, they’d lose by two touchdowns, and I don’t think they’d beat USC, Virginia Tech, or Miami right now either.

But here’s my real question: Why the heck isn’t Texas more pissed off? This is a team that got jobbed out of a national championship game last year, returned basically their whole team, yet comes into each week about as excited as Manny Ramirez is for a Tuesday day game in Pittsburgh.

Why aren’t they angrier? Why aren’t they out for blood? Why isn’t every game personal?

And why is this week going to be any different?

I’m taking Oklahoma to win straight up.

Texas Tech (+10) over NEBRASKA: Saturday, 3:30 PM

Did anyone besides me stay up for the end of the Nebraska-Missouri game last Thursday? Or as I like to call it, “The Greatest Cover in the History of College Football.”

For those of you who went to bed, were watching ER , or were looking at Internet porn, let me give a quick recap.

Nebraska was a 3.5-point favorite but trailed going into the fourth quarter 12-0. To say their offense looked bad that night would be to say that Lamar Odom made a bad decision marrying Khloe Kardashian.

The offense wasn't just abysmal; there hasn’t yet been a word created in the English language to describe it.

Then all of a sudden the fourth quarter hits, the light bulb goes off, Nebraska picks off a few passes, they complete some of their own, and they miraculously pull a 27-12 win out of their...well, you know.

Honestly, this cover was so unexpected, so downright unbelievable, I think someone needs to do a remake of the movie Miracle on 34th Street about it.

Only instead of some girl wishing for Santa Claus, it’s a guy sitting on a couch in his underwear, eating cold SpaghettiOs on 34th Street in Omaha, with the last dollar to his name on Nebraska.

Just when he’s ready to end his miserable existence, ready to end it all, there’s a Zac Lee touchdown pass. And an interception. And another touchdown pass.

And...oh...my...God...they’re gonna cover!

Then you cut to the guy a year later, and he’s wearing a suit and holding his newborn daughter, with his beautiful wife in a new house.

All because of Nebraska.

All because of the Miracle on 34th Street .

Go ahead, tell me you wouldn’t pay $10.50 to see that movie. I know I would.

Arkansas (+23) over FLORIDA: Saturday, 3:30 p.m.

Apparently, the required reading at Arkansas last week was Form Tackling for Dummies . Because there’s no way, under any circumstances, that I thought they’d make Auburn’s offense look that bad. All joking aside, kudos to Bobby Petrino.

As for Florida, if there’s one thing we learned last week, it’s that Urban Meyer isn’t in it this year to put up huge point totals and to settle old scores. He’s in it to win every game on the schedule and to win a national championship.

On Saturday, Florida’s going to keep it on the ground and get Tim Tebow out of the game the first chance they get, and Ryan Mallett (who, just for the record, looks like Shrek) will put up just enough points for Arkansas to cover.

Virginia Tech (-4) over GEORGIA TECH: Saturday, 6:00 p.m.

So a few weeks back I sent Georgia quarterback Joe Cox an apology letter, and this week I owe the same to Tyrod Taylor.

Over the last few games no one has been more valuable to his team, and no one has made more big plays than Taylor. Honestly, the guy converted on 3rd-and-31 against Duke! A 3rd-and-31!

Meanwhile, Ryan Williams is running with that Adrian Peterson “I don’t just want to run over my opponents, I want to put them in a coma” look in his eyes, and the defense is playing as well as we expected at the beginning of the season.

On the other sideline, I still haven’t seen Josh Nesbitt throw a spiral the entire season.

Virginia Tech in this one, biiiiiiiig.

Loved the article? Hated the article? Let Aaron know by commenting below or e-mailing him at ATorres00@gmail.com .

To read the remainder of the article, including Aaron's thoughts on Florida-Arkansas , USC-Notre Dame , and much, much more, please visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com .

Florida-Arkansas, Red River Rivalries, and the Rest of the Week Seven Preview

Aaron Torres — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 14:33:38 -0400

To read his preview in its entirety, including his thoughts on Alabama-South Carolina, Notre Dame-USC, and much, much more, visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com.

WISCONSIN (-2.5) over Iowa: Saturday, 12:00 PM

At first glance this one probably looks a little suspicious. Iowa an underdog on the road? Really?

Then you remember that two weeks ago Michigan State was a four-point favorite over Michigan and covered. Last week Tennessee was just barely a favorite over Georgia, and they covered.

Wait, what’s that I smell? That’s right! It’s the “If It’s Too Good to Be True, It Probably Is, Sucker Bet of the Week!”

Oklahoma (+3.5) over Texas: Saturday, 12:00 PM at Dallas

Watching Texas last week, I’m convinced more than ever that they’re just not that good.

Why aren’t they angrier? Why aren’t they out for blood? Why isn’t every game personal?

And why is this week going to be any different?

I’m taking Oklahoma to win straight up.

Texas Tech (+10) over NEBRASKA: Saturday, 3:30 PM

Did anyone besides me stay up for the end of the Nebraska-Missouri game last Thursday? Or as I like to call it, “The Greatest Cover in the History of College Football.”

For those of you who went to bed, were watching ER, or were looking at Internet porn, let me give a quick recap. Nebraska was a 3.5-point favorite but trailed going into the fourth quarter 12-0. To say that their offense looked bad that night would be to say that Lamar Odom made a bad decision marrying Khloe Kardashian.

The offense wasn't just abysmal; there hasn’t yet been a word created in the English language to describe it.

Honestly, this cover was so unexpected, so downright unbelievable, I think someone needs to do a remake of the movie Miracle on 34th Street about it. Only instead of some girl wishing for Santa Claus, it’s a guy sitting on a couch in his underwear, eating cold SpaghettiOs on 34th Street in Omaha, with the last dollar to his name on Nebraska.

Just when he’s ready to end his miserable existence, ready to end it all, there’s a Zac Lee touchdown pass. And an interception. And another touchdown pass.

And...oh...my...God...they’re gonna cover!

Then you cut to the guy a year later, and he’s wearing a suit and holding his newborn daughter, with his beautiful wife in a new house.

All because of Nebraska.

All because of the Miracle on 34th Street .

Go ahead, tell you wouldn’t pay $10.50 to see that movie. I know I would.

Arkansas (+23) over FLORIDA: Saturday, 3:30 p.m.

Apparently the required reading at Arkansas last week was Form Tackling for Dummies. Because there’s no way, under any circumstances, that I thought they’d make Auburn’s offense look that bad. All joking aside, kudos to Bobby Petrino.

As for Florida, if there’s one thing we learned last week, it’s that Urban Meyer isn’t in it this year to put up huge point totals and settle old scores. He’s in it to win every game on the schedule and win a national championship.

On Saturday Florida’s going to keep it on the ground and get Tim Tebow out of the game the first chance they get, and Ryan Mallett (who, just for the record, looks like Shrek) will put up just enough points for Arkansas to cover.

Virginia Tech (-4) over GEORGIA TECH: Saturday, 6:00 p.m.

So a few weeks back I sent Georgia quarterback Joe Cox an apology letter, and this week I owe the same to Tyrod Taylor. Over the last few games no one has been more valuable to his team, and no one has made more big plays than Taylor. Honestly, the guy converted on 3rd-and-31 against Duke! A 3rd-and-31!

On the other sideline, I still haven’t seen Josh Nesbitt throw a spiral the entire season.

Virginia Tech in this one, biiiiiiiig.

Loved the article? Hated the article? Let Aaron know by commenting below or e-mailing him at ATorres00@gmail.com.

To read the remainder of the article, including Aaron's thoughts on Florida-Arkansas, USC-Notre Dame, and much, much more, please visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com.

'Bama-South Carolina, Red River Football and the Entire Week Seven Preview

Aaron Torres — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:31:26 -0400

While all the talk this past week in college football has been about a seemingly inevitable Alabama-Florida collision course in the SEC Championship game, there’s still a lot of football to be played between now and Dec. 5.

So sit back and relax as Aaron breaks down all of Week Seven in College Football. And to read his preview in it's entirety, including his thoughts on Florida-Arkansas , Notre Dame-USC and much, much more, click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com

WISCONSIN (-2.5) over Iowa: Saturday, 12:00 PM

So at first glance this one probably looks a little suspicious. Iowa, an underdog on the road? Really?

Then you remember that two weeks ago Michigan State was a four point favorite over Michigan and covered. Last week Tennessee was just barely a favorite over Georgia and they covered.

Wait, what’s that I smell? That’s right! It’s the “If It’s To Good Too Be True, It Probably is, Sucker Bet Of the Week!”

(Honestly, do yourself a favor and stay away from Iowa. Look, I love them, I really do. I even called them, my “dirty little secret of college football,” a few weeks ago, like I was writing about them in my diary or something. But they’re going on the road after an emotional home win, and Ricky Stanzi has thrown eight interceptions in six games, including five in his last three. That’s got to catch up with them at some point, right?)

Oklahoma (+3.5) over Texas: Saturday, 12:00 PM at Dallas

Watching Texas last week, I’m convinced more than ever that they’re just not that good.

Ok that may be a bit of an overstatement, but if they played on a neutral field today against Alabama or Florida they’d lose by two touchdowns, and I don’t think they’d beat USC, Virginia Tech or Miami right now either.

But here’s my real question, why the heck isn’t Texas more pissed off? This is a team that got jobbed out of a National Championship game last year, returned basically their whole team, yet comes into each week about as excited as Manny Ramirez is for a Tuesday day game in Pittsburgh.

Why aren’t they angrier? Why aren’t they out for blood? Why isn’t every game personal?

And why is this week going to be any different?

I’m taking Oklahoma to win straight up.

Texas Tech (+10) over NEBRASKA: Saturday, 3:30 PM

Did anyone besides me stay up for the end of the Nebraska-Missouri game last Thursday? Or as I like to call it, “The Greatest Cover in the History of College Football.”

For those of you who went to bed, were watching ER , or looking at Internet porn, let me give a quick recap. Nebraska was a 3.5 point favorite, but trailed going into the fourth quarter 12-0. To say that their offense looked bad that night, would be to say that Lamar Odom made a bad decision marrying Khloe Kardashian.

Not only was the offense abysmal, there hasn’t yet been a word created in the English language to describe it.

And then all of a sudden the fourth quarter hits, the light bulb goes off, Nebraska picks off a few passes, they complete some of their own, and miraculously pull a 27-12 win out of their...Well, you know.

Honestly this cover was so unexpected, so downright unbelievable, I think someone needs to do a remake of the movie Miracle on 34th Street about it. Only instead of some girl wishing for Santa Claus, it’s a guy sitting on a couch in his underwear, eating cold Spaghettio’s on 34th street in Omaha, with the last dollar to his name on Nebraska.

And just when he’s ready to end his miserable existence, ready to end it all, there’s a Zac Lee touchdown pass. And an interception. And another touchdown pass.

And...Oh...My...God...They’re Gonna Cover!

Then you cut to the guy a year later, and he’s wearing a suit and holding his newborn daughter, with his beautiful wife in a new house.

All because of Nebraska.

All because of the Miracle on 34th street .

Go ahead, tell you wouldn’t pay $10.50 to see that movie. I know I would.

Virginia Tech (-4) over GEORGIA TECH: Saturday, 6:00 PM

So a few weeks back I sent Georgia quarterback Joe Cox an apology letter, and this week I owe the same to Tyrod Taylor. Over the last few games no one has been more valuable to his team and no one has made more big plays than Taylor. Honestly, the guy converted on 3rd-and-31 against Duke! A 3rd-and-31!

Meanwhile, Ryan Williams is running with that Adrian Peterson, “I don’t just want to run over my opponents, I want to put them in a coma,” look in his eyes, and the defense is playing as well as we expected at the beginning of the season.

On the other sideline, I still haven’t seen Josh Nesbitt throw a spiral the entire season.

Virginia Tech in this one, biiiiiiiig.

South Carolina (+17.5): Saturday, 7:45 PM

Alabama is the best team in college football right now, and you can’t tell me any different.

South Carolina? Believe it or not, I’d argue that they may be the third best team in the SEC. They’re pesky on offense, underrated on defense, and most importantly they get as high for big games as they do low for other one’s.

The problem for South Carolina is that like everyone else who plays Alabama, they’re playing catch-up.

Alabama is better on offense. Better on defense and better coached. South Carolina keeps it close for 40 minutes, but the Tide are going to do what they do: Kick field goals, force three and outs and eventually wear you down.

South Carolina covers, but Alabama gets the win. And if you ask Nick Saban, that’s all that matters.

Loved the article? Hated the article? Let Aaron know by commenting below, or e-mailing him at ATorres00@gmail.com .

And to read the remainder of the article, including Aaron's thoughts on Florida-Arkansas , USC-Notre Dame and much, more, please visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com

SECRivals.com Editor Darrell Owenby Discusses SEC Football

Aaron Torres — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 12:28:08 -0400

Hello, fellow Bleacher Report fans. I wanted to let you know that early this afternoon I was able to track down Darrell Owenby, editor of SECRivals.com, for a full-fledged breakdown of all things SEC Football.

Amongst the topics discussed:

Florida’s Win Over LSU and if Anyone Can Beat the Gators;

What’s Wrong With the Georgia Bulldogs?

Can Alabama Be Beaten?

Will Ole Miss Salvage Their Season?

Who Are Aaron and Darrell’s Most Underrated SEC Teams?

Is A Showdown Between Florida and Alabama Inevitable?

Unfortunately, because it is an audio clip, I can not post it on the Bleacher Report. But to listen to the 20 minute interview, just click here or visit my site, www.aarontorres-sports.com

The Florida Gators: Worse Than '08... But Does It Matter?

Aaron Torres — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:09:35 -0400

(Aaron Torres is an accomplished journalist whose work has been published in Sports Illustrated, USA Today, and AOL.com. To read all his work, click here, or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com.)

I’ve got bad news for Florida fans: Your football team isn’t as good as last year’s.

But I’ve also got some good news: It might not matter.

On Saturday Florida played an SEC slugfest with LSU that made the next day’s NFL action look tame by comparison. It was physical and it was nasty. I’ve honestly seen MMA fights with less blood-shed then the Gators 13-3 victory in Death Valley.

The story coming into the game was Tim Tebow, and the concussion that left him more woozy than Courtney Love after a night out on the town. Could he play? Could he be effective? Would there be a pre-game prayer without him?

And when Urban Meyer came out and said that not only would he play, but that the game-plan might be altered a little to protect him, I thought the Gators were in trouble. You don’t change the game-plan for one player, on the road in your most important game of the season.

Then the game started, and Tebow did his Tebow thing. He put his head down and picked up first downs. He chest-bumped teammates and yelled words of encouragement on the sidelines. He even channeled his old missionary work, and circumcised a few LSU players at halftime (Ok that last one might not have happened.)

Most importantly though, if this guy was feeling the effects of the concussion, then I might need to get my own head checked. He was the same leader and superstar he seems to be every Saturday.

Watching the game on CBS, Gary Danielson described the win better than I could have, calling it “mature,” which is exactly what it was. A week ago Georgia couldn’t beat LSU because they gave up too many big plays and got too many inopportune penalties (even if one in particular was completely bogus). Florida on Saturday was the exactly opposite, and played about as mistake free as you can.

But watching this game, it just felt like something was just missing, like Florida just isn’t as good as a year ago. Sure the players are mostly the same, and statistically the Gators are still one of the best. But my eyes are telling me something different.

(To read the remainder of this article, please click here or visit Aaron at www.aarontorres-sports.com)

Alabama-Ole Miss and the Rest of College Football's Week Six Preview

Aaron Torres — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 11:33:24 -0400

It's officially do-or-die time in college football. With the calendar turning from September to October, what teams will be eliminated from the College Football National Championship picture.

But there's no need to worry, Aaron has you covered, with his Week 6 College Football Preview. To read the entire preview, including his thoughts on Florida-LSU, Auburn-Arkansas and Ohio State-Wisconsin, please click here, or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com

Boston College (+13 ½) over VIRGINIA TECH: Saturday, 12:00 pm

So last weekend, a tornado warning hit the state of Connecticut during the 3:30 games, basically turning CBS, ABC and NBC into the Weather Channel, and in the process blacking out three really good football games.

Needless to say I was furious. All I could think was, “What did I do to deserve a stupid Doppler radar reading (that I can’t understand anyways) right in the middle of the most important drive in the LSU-Georgia game?” This is reason No. 231 that’s proof I must have been a real a-hole in another life (Actually, probably just this one).

So anyways, since I couldn’t get the games, and have the IQ of an egg beater, I got an idea. “If I can’t watch these games, maybe I can drive around and catch a radio signal on one of them.” What a great idea, driving around during a tornado warning, I know.

So why am I telling you this? Well, when I got in the car, the Boston College-Florida State game was on, and Boston College was winning 21-6 at the time. And the announcer, whoever he was, brought up a great point and something I had never thought of. He said:

"FSU is falling into the trap that so many teams do against Boston College. When you see them on film and in person, they just don’t appear to be that good. You think you can show up and just ‘out-talent,’ them. Then the next thing you know you’re down 21-6 at halftime."

And after all these years of watching them, dating back to their days in the Big East, I realized that this guy was exactly right.

BC just doesn’t have “the look” of a team that should be as good as they are. They’re not super-athletic or physically imposing. Then as the guy said, “Next thing you know you’re down 21-6 at halftime.”

All I’m saying is, look at Saturday’s weather forecast. It’s going to be windy and rainy for a noon kickoff. How excited do you think Virginia Tech is going to be to play this game? Take the Eagles.

Georgia (+1 ½) over TENNESSEE: Saturday, 12:20 p.m.

Initially I thought this one might easily be a let down game for Georgia. You know, noon kickoff, on the road, against a struggling opponent.

But then I started thinking about Georgia. I’ve watched every second of every one of their games this year. To say their season has been a roller coaster ride would be an understatement. A better description would be that their season has been like a roller coaster ride, only if you’d been on a three-day bender with the Osbourne kids before you got on.

The one thing I will say about Georgia though, is that they’re resilient. If they need to score 50 points to win a game (like Arkansas) they get 50. If they need 20 like against Arizona State, they get that. And even though last week’s loss was overshadowed by the excessive celebration calls, people forget that Georgia was down 13-7 with under three minutes to go, and still battled back to take a lead.

So what have I learned about Georgia this season? They’re either going to win this game 45-42 or 13-9, but there’s absolutely no chance that the final score is 27-3 either way. And that’s alright, because that’s just who they are.

And no matter what, I’m along for the ride.

Alabama (-5) over OLE MISS: Saturday, 3:30 p.m.

Here’s my main thought on this game:

Everyone talks about Alabama’s defense, and rightly so. But here is what no one is talking about: The fact that their offense, is really, really good.

Did you know that Alabama has scored at least 34 points in every single game they’ve played this season?

Here’s a list of some of the teams that haven’t been able to do that: Florida, LSU, Boise State, Auburn, Texas Tech…

Want me to keep going? Sure why not. How about Houston, Cincinnati, USC, Ohio State, Michigan?

As a matter of fact, as far as I could tell, the only team that has accomplished the feat is Texas.

So call me a homer if you want, because honestly I do feel like I’m always talking about Alabama. Just know that I didn’t go to school there, don’t know anyone from Tuscaloosa, and have only been in the state borders once in my life.

The Tide deserves all the acclaim they’re getting right now. They’re just that good.

TEXAS (-32 ½) over Colorado: Saturday, 7:15

Question: Can you ever remember a father-son combo as bad as Dan and Cody Hawkins? At anything?

More importantly, what do you think day-to-day interactions between the two of them are like? Can’t you just see them at the dinner table:

Dan: Cody, can you please pass the mashed potatoes…cough, without mom intercepting them…cough.

Cody: What’d you say dad? Sorry I wasn’t paying attention (mumbling to himself)…Just like the team in the locker room.

Dan: You know what, that’s enough, go to your room!

Cody (Running up the stairs in tears): I hate you! I’m transferring!

Dan: Go ahead and try! Nobody wants you!

Michigan (+8) over IOWA: Saturday, 8:00 p.m.

The scary thing about Michigan, is that they literally couldn’t have played any worse for three quarters last week, yet still found a way to rally for two touchdowns in the final five minutes, and force overtime against Michigan State. Sure they ultimately lost, but admit it, that was pretty gutty for such a young team.

And since I have nothing more to say about this game, let me leave you with one thought:

Doesn’t it seem totally unjust that Kirk Herbstreit, the sport’s best analyst, is being forced to call this game for ABC, when everyone in America is going to be watching Florida-LSU?

There’s got to be something that can be done, and I’ve got a proposal. You know how sometimes soccer teams “loan” players out for big games? Why can’t ESPN just loan out Herbstreit to CBS for this one? Would anyone at ABC even care, considering that nobody’s going to be watching their game anyways? More importantly, if we just stuck Lisa Salters or Desmond Howard in for Herbie, do you think Brent Musberger would even notice the difference?

And come on, admit it, a Verne Lundquist-Gary Danielson-Herbstreit three-man booth might redefine college football announcing as we know it.

As a matter of fact, excuse me. Just thinking about that made me need a cold shower.

To read the rest of Aaron's Week 6 College Football Previews, including his deranged thoughts on Florida-LSU, Auburn-Arkansas and Wisconsin-Ohio State, please click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com

Alabama, AJ Green, and The Big-10: College Football Mini-Mailbag

Aaron Torres — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:41:53 -0400

To read this entire College Football Mailbag, as well Aaron's thoughts on all things college football, please click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com

So it’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these mailbags. Ok who am I lying to, I’ve actually never done one.

Why not you ask? Well, for starters I feel like I’d be ripping off every mainstream guy from Stewart Mandel to Bill Simmons to every football blogger that uses mailbags as regular articles.

The other reason? Well besides my mom, second grade teacher, and the creepy neighbor who has a microscope in his bedroom window, I don’t have a ton of readers.

But despite all these handicaps, I’m going to give you, my few loyal readers a mailbag anyways, but with a twist. Not only am I going to use e-mails, but also texts, tweets, and Facebook messages that I’ve gotten from friends or family along the way. Basically if it’s anything that’s the slightest bit entertaining or relevant it’s getting thrown into the mailbag.

With that it’s time to sit back and relax, as Aaron jumps into his first “College Football Mini-Mailbag.”

Q. When are you going to write an article about the quality in different conferences? Namely how the Big-10 is underachieving. Again.

-FeldHues

A. Ahh, Big-10 football. It’s officially surpassed the Khloe Kardashian-Lamar Odom wedding, as the easiest punch line in sports.

I think things officially hit rock bottom when two weeks ago I got this text from a friend. It said, “AT, Michigan State is officially the worst football team I’ve ever seen. By the way, have they ever had a non-white QB even once?”

I like it. As a matter of fact, I think that should be the conference’s new motto: “The Big-10, where white QB’s have been running mediocre offenses into the ground for over a century!” Kinda catchy isn’t it?

However, despite that, I’ve got to let you in on a little secret. The Big-10 really isn’t that bad. I’m even ready to start on the Scott Tolzien Heisman Trophy campaign trail (Ok I may have exaggerated a little on that one).

But seriously, hear me out on this Big-10 thing. I’ve seen all these teams a few times (And who cares if it’s only because no one else plays football on Saturday’s at noon?). And having seen them all, here are my thoughts:

Ohio State, Iowa, Michigan, and Penn State (I think) are legitimate Top-25 teams. Could any of them beat Florida or Texas? No. But four top-25 teams is pretty good. And it’s more than the ACC (Miami, Virginia Tech, Georgia Tech), Pac-10 (USC, Oregon, Stanford) or Big East (Cincinnati and South Florida) can claim.

Wisconsin: Definitely a Top 30 team and may be in the top-20 by the end of the weekend. Don’t let their unofficial title of the “Whitest Collective Skin Pigment in College Football,” fool you. These guys can play.

Minnesota and Michigan State: Two teams good enough to beat anyone in this conference on any given day. Unfortunately, they are also so unwatchable at times that you contemplate pouring gasoline on yourself. Now if that isn’t the definition of middle of the road, I don’t know what is!

Northwestern and Purdue: Watching these two is like sitting down for an episode of My Name is Earl. You go in with absolutely no expectations, and come out thinking, “You know that wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be.”

Indiana: I wouldn’t call them good, but I can’t see them losing to Louisville, Washington State, or Texas A&M either.

Illinois: Ok they are pretty bad. Like transcendently bad. Like I’d rather use rubbing alcohol as contact solution than watch them play ever again bad.

So there you have it: Five top-30 teams, two decent teams, two not awful teams, one awful but not ungodly awful team, and Illinois, which is so bad there hasn’t yet been a word created in the English language to describe them.

Overall, I’d say not too shabby.

Q. Was the excessive celebration penalty on A.J. Green the single worst call you’ve ever seen?

-Kyle

A. Sorry guys, but it’s time for me to stand on my soapbox and get serious for a second.

The reason I love college football more than any other sport, is because of the do or die, make or break feel of every game. That’s what happens in a sport where one loss means your season might be over.

So, if that is the way that you’ve chosen to structure your sport, how can you penalize A.J. Green for jumping into his teammates arms and getting excited for the single biggest play of their season? He didn’t taunt an opponent or give the crowd the middle finger. He didn’t pull down his pants and pee on the pile-on. He just celebrated a huge moment like he should have.

So, when you ask me if it was the single worst call I’ve ever seen, there is no doubt it absolutely was. Without going off on a rant, if you’re not going to let the kids celebrate the biggest plays of the season, why play the games at all? Why not just hand out trophies to everyone for showing up, like in Little League.

And I’m sorry, but when you have non-Georgia fans like me sitting on my couch and feeling like I got punched in the stomach when the game was over, well that’s a pretty tell-tale sign of a bad call.

I’m done ranting, but the rule needs to be changed. Let the kids play.

Q. In your “College Football Quarterly Report,” you put Bama at No. 1 even with the loss of Dont’a Hightower. Explain.

-Dave S.

A. I could get into great detail, but realistically we’re going to know a lot more about the contenders in this conference come Saturday.

Just know this: From what I’ve seen, Alabama has the best defense in college football. Javier Arenas is one of the biggest special teams difference maker in the sport. Greg McElroy doesn’t make mistakes. They will wear you down with three-four good running backs (see, Virginia Tech).

Now, maybe if they play a close one in Oxford or if Florida goes to LSU and wins 27-3, I’ll feel different come Monday. Until then, they’re the best.

Got a question, comment, thought or concern for Aaron? Think he’s smart? Think he’s dumb? Let him know what your thinking, by commenting here or e-mailing him at ATorres00@gmail.com. Also to read the remainder of this article, please visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com

Boston Red Sox: Author Previews the 2009 Major League Baseball Playoffs

Aaron Torres — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 15:08:02 -0400

Hello, fellow Bleacher Creatures. I wanted to let you know that early this afternoon I was able to track down John Frascella, author of Theology: How A Boy Wonder Led the Red Sox to the Promised Land (which can be purchased on Amazon.com and Borders.com), to discuss the upcoming Major League Playoffs.

Frascella was granted never before access into the front office of the Boston Red Sox for his book, on the rise of Theo Epstein as the Sox General Manager. Now he is here to discuss what he learned, and give insight into who will be baseball's ultimate champion this October.

Amongst the topics we discussed:

Who will win Tuesday’s Detroit-Minnesota one game playoff?

Why Game One is more important to the Yankees than any team in baseball?

Will this year be different for the Anaheim Angels?

What the Phillies have to do to repeat as World Champions?

And much, much more.

Unfortunately, because it is an audio clip, I can not post it on the Bleacher Report. But to listen to the 20 minute interview, just click here or visit my web site.

Alabama-Kentucky, UGA-LSU and The Rest Of Week 5 In College Football

Aaron Torres — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 10:11:49 -0400

With Florida and Texas off this weekend, Alabama takes college football's center stage. Are they as good as advertised? Can they put away a pesky Kentucky team early and rest their starters for an SEC West showdown at Ole Miss next week?

Aaron Torres has Week Five of the College Football season covered and is ready to go. To read his entire preview, including Miami-Oklahoma, Notre Dame Washington, and Auburn-Tennessee, please click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com

Alabama (-17 ½) over KENTUCKY: Saturday, 12:00 p.m.

I’m just gonna throw it out there: Do you think Nick Saban even shows up for this one? Or does he lets his assistants handle things, stay back in Tuscaloosa and watch Ole’ Miss tape for next week?

Penn State (-7) over ILLINOIS: Saturday, 3:30 p.m.

What fun! A team that hasn’t covered a spread in four games, against Zook, the single worst game day coach of this decade! Please excuse me while I stick my head in the oven.

All joking aside, it would actually make me physically ill to wager money on this game. But I did have a thought.

You know how America has a trillion dollar deficit or whatever it is right now?

What if President Obama just went to Vegas and put a trillion dollars on whoever was playing Illinois that week? Honestly, is there a safer bet in sports? I mean what’s the chance this fails? Three percent? Five percent? I think it’s worth the risk. Besides even if we lose, what’s another trillion dollars down the tubes?

I can hear President Obama’s speech now:

As a proud resident of Illinois, I want to thank Coach Ron Zook for the courageous way he goes out and coaches his team week after week, repeatedly snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory.

It is because of Coach Zook’s courage, and a 37-3 loss to Ball State, that this beautiful country of ours—my country, your country—was able to eliminate hundreds of years of fiscal debt in just half a Big 10 football season.

So on behalf of all the citizens of the United States, thank you again coach Zook. Thank you Illinois football.

YES WE CAN!

Florida State (-4 ½) over BOSTON COLLEGE: Saturday, 3:30 p.m.

Is there any team that plays better, when there are no expectations on them then Florida State? I’m convinced that if they played all their games at three o’clock on Tuesday’s in an empty stadium, they’d go undefeated and win the National Championship game by three touchdowns.

Anyways after last weeks egg-laying against South Florida, there is literally no one left on Florida State’s bandwagon. (Well except maybe the guy at the retirement home who plays canasta with Bobby Bowden.)

And you know what that means: Florida State 48, Boston College 10

GEORGIA (-3) over LSU: Saturday, 3:30 p.m.

Although I went over this earlier in the week in my “College Football Quarterly Report,” it bears repeating. Georgia defies every, single conventional wisdom of what we think makes a successful football team. Every one.

Look at the stats: They are ranked 100^th or worse in turnover margin, turnovers lost, penalties per game, and opposition kickoff return yardage. They aren’t ranked in the top half of college football in total offense or total defense.

Their quarterback has thrown five interceptions in four games. And other than A.J. Green and Rennie Curran, I can’t think of one player on this roster that I consider “elite,” relative to their SEC counterparts.

How do they keep winning games? That’s like asking me why people still pay to see Carrot Top. I have absolutely no idea.

But that’s the bottom line, it doesn’t matter how Georgia keeps winning, but, that (to steal a line from Ron Jaworski), “They just win football games.”

So I’m going to throw the stats out the window. I’m going to throw out all logic too, since logic left this team weeks ago.

Georgia just wins football games. And they’re going to do it again Saturday.

USC (-5) over CAL: Saturday, 8:00 p.m.

So as I’ve mentioned in the past, USC makes me nervous. Their quarterback play is erratic, they don’t close out football games.

I was even ready to go into a full-fledges comparison with the New England Patriots earlier this year, how everyone just expects them to win this game because they’re the USC Trojans. And we know how well that worked out for the Patriots against the Jets.

But I just can’t get past the flashbacks to all those games in the Pete Carroll era. The one’s where everyone asks, “Is this finally the year that Arizona State/Oregon/Cal unseats USC as Pac-10 champs?

And we talk ourselves into it, and we chat on the phone with our buddies and throw out ridiculous comments like “Yeh this is definitely the year man, Arizona State is so gonna shut down Reggie Bush. I saw him last week, he’s not even that good.”

And then the game happens, USC puts up one of those 34-6 “Nobody Believed in Us,” beat downs, and you sit there and look at your friends with a pale face, like you just saw a ghost.

Look, I like Cal, and honestly think they can beat USC.

But I’ve just seen this movie too many times. The ending never changes.

To read the remainder of Aaron's Week 5 College Football Preview, including his thoughts on Miami-Oklahoma, Auburn-Tennessee and Notre Dame-Washington, please click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com

Daily Rant: Eric Mangini Already Driving Cleveland Browns into the Ground

Aaron Torres — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:18:37 -0400

From the latest episode of “As the Mangini Turns,” here’s a real doozy out of Cleveland: On Wednesday, Browns coach Eric Mangini named Derek Anderson his starting quarterback for this weekend’s game against Cincinnati.

Hmm, where have we heard this before?

Hey coach, sure you don’t want to wait a few more days before making the big decision? Maybe you could have just picked a name out of a hat on the sidelines Sunday afternoon. No rush; it’s not like your team is 0-3 and an impending train wreck or anything.

By the way, this must be like Christmas for Anderson. In what other organization can you complete 57 percent of your passes and throw three INTs to zero touchdowns and win a quarterback derby? Somewhere right now, Vinny Testaverde is looking on and thinking to himself, “Hmm, do I have one more comeback in me?”

I mean seriously, how great must it be to be a Browns fan right now? Last year your football team was coached by the living dead in Romeo Crennel, who has since been replaced by Mangini, a guy who’ll be selling instructional VHS tapes out of the trunk of his Buick within five years.

You do need to give credit where credit is due, however, as the Man-Genius has done one thing that none of his peers in coaching can say: He’s figured out a way to ostracize an entire fanbase and locker room in just three games. Hey coach, Jim Zorn is on the phone and looking for some pointers.

Mangini’s reign of terror actually began this summer when the new ball coach made his rookies take a 12-hour bus ride to work one of his youth camps.

I know what you’re thinking: What a great display of community service by my Man-Gini! Except coach decided he himself wasn’t fit for the bus, choosing instead to take a plane. Now I know where he got the nickname Man-Genius. Way to bond with your boys, coach!

If things weren’t rosy enough after that incident and an 0-2 start, Coach Eric again made headlines when he fined one of his players $1,700 for not paying for a bottle of water at the team hotel.

What’s the matter coach, couldn’t get an extra five-hundo out of him for swiping a Snickers bar? Maybe charge him 10 grand for a $10 spanktro-vision movie.

Yet the coach carries on. You’ve got to give props to Mangini for benching Brady Quinn this week, in the process completely killing the confidence in the one guy in the organization who’s actually shown promise over the last few years.

While you’re at it, why not just take it one step further and ruin everyone else’s morale? Maybe you could casually remind running back Jamal Lewis about his drug arrest a few years back. Or ask Braylon Edwards how he was ever a top five pick.

What have you got to lose coach, a little dignity? That ship sailed a long time ago.

My only question if I was a Browns fan would be why I ever wanted this joke of a franchise to come back to Cleveland in the first place. Sundays were so much more fun without them.

I guess there are two silver linings in this whole thing. One, the No. 1 pick in next year’s draft is all but a certainty at this point.

The other? Only a month or so until LeBron James and the Cavs tip off.

(To read all of Aaron's work, including his take on all things NFL and College Football, please click here, or visit www.aarontorres-sports.com.)

College Football's Quarterly Report: Top 25 Countdown

Aaron Torres — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:32:34 -0400

(With the College Football season a quarter of the way done, it's time for Aaron Torres' Quarterly Report. To see the report in its entirety, including where he has the Alabama Crimson Tide ranked, please click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com.)

With four weeks of the college football season in the books, it’s time to see whose stock is up, whose is down, and who might want to start cleaning out their desks.

So fire up your printers and head on an extended cigarette break. It’s time for College Football’s Quarterly Report!

(Author’s note: I realize that most college football teams are actually through a third of their seasons. But let’s be honest, quarterly report sounds a lot cooler than “thirdly report” or “tri-report.” So unless someone can come up with something more clever, we’ll stick with quarterly report.)

25. Auburn

Mark my words, Gus Malzahn will be a head coach at a BCS school within two years. The scary part? He might be running the world within five.

24. South Florida

Enjoy your win over Florida State, Bulls fans. Because the leaves are starting to change, which means it’s time for one of my favorite fall traditions...that’s right folks, it’s time for South Florida’s midseason meltdown!

In 2007 they started the year 5-0 before finishing 8-5. Last year they were 6-0 before ending up 9-4. What do they have in store for us this year? An eight-game losing streak? A winless Big East season? Stay tuned to find out!

23a. Cal

23b. BYU

I couldn’t really distinguish between these two, since they’re basically the same team. Each entered the season a bit overrated, had some big wins early, caught the wrong team on the wrong night (BYU against Florida State, Cal vs. Oregon), and now has basically been left for dead.

But here’s what they really have in common: The loss that each team had was crippling, and they might never be able to recover.

For Cal, you’ve really got to feel for their fans, because honestly, if they’re not going to the Rose Bowl this year, when are they? USC is younger than the cast of Hannah Montana, Oregon State has looked awful so far, and Oregon was reeling coming into Saturday.

Now with the loss, Cal has the Trojans coming to town this weekend, and even if they win, they will still need a miracle to get to Pasadena.

As for BYU, if they could’ve just gotten past Florida State, their schedule played out where they likely would have run the table (Utah, TCU, and Air Force all at home). Now realistically it might be a trip to the Las Vegas Bowl for, what is this, about the 11th straight year?

22. Michigan

Seriously, who thought Michigan would be 4-0 at this point? Anyone? It really shows what 12 hours of practice a day can do for a team! Zing! I’m kidding, of course.

Here’s the thing though; do I think Michigan has enough talent to win the Big Ten? Yes. But if Saturday showed us anything, it’s that you don’t win championships when relying on so many young players. Championship teams don’t let Indiana stay in a game for four quarters like Saturday, especially at home.

Tate Forcier is still my favorite player in college football, Rich Rod one of my favorite coaches. But I’m still thinking they’re a year away.

21. Oregon

Remember that line from the movie Blow? You know, the one that spawned approximately 27 million Facebook status updates, AIM away messages, and yearbook quotes:

Sometimes you're flush, and sometimes you're bust, and when you’re up it’s never as good as it seems, and when you’re down you never think you’ll be up again. But life goes on.

That in a nutshell is basically where I stand on Oregon. They’re not nearly as bad as they looked against Boise State, but I still find it hard to believe they’re as good as they played against Cal.

I know Oregon fans are ready to kill me since I’ve been bashing the Ducks since before Labor Day, but can we seriously calm down a little? Wasn’t it just two weeks ago that Jeremiah Masoli only completed four passes...the entire game against Utah?

20. Kansas

So we’re four games into the season, and what do we really know about Kansas? (Besides that there aren’t enough girls in Lawrence to satisfy both the football and basketball teams.)

The Jayhawks are 4-0 and have a bye, a visit from Iowa State, and Colorado on the road in the next three weeks. In other words, we won’t know anything until Oklahoma comes to town Oct. 24.

19. Penn State

I said it in the preseason, but nobody wanted to listen: Penn State’s offensive line was going to cost them against good teams.

Did I think it was going to happen this early? No, but it was going to catch up with them eventually, which is exactly what happened Saturday night against Iowa.

In my eyes, 8-4 is a lot more realistic than 10-2 is. I’m sorry, but the truth hurts.

By the way, where do you think “Beating Iowa” is on Joe Paterno’s bucket list? Top three? Top five?

18. Ole Miss

All right, so Penn State was one of my preseason predictions that went right. Ole Miss? Not so much.

Yes, that was me that had the Rebels at No. 4 in August and spent half of my preseason preview gushing over them like a teenage girl fawning over her first boyfriend. Then I got a bunch of e-mails—mostly from Arkansas fans—reminding me that when the heat is on, Houston Nutt never comes through.

And you know what? So far they’ve been right.

While I’m not ready to write off Ole Miss just yet, it’s never a good sign when your quarterback spent most of Thursday night’s loss to South Carolina on the sidelines, mumbling to himself with no teammates in sight.

A question for Nutt: When Ole Miss started beating good teams last year (at Florida, at LSU, etc.), they did it by putting the ball in their playmakers' hands as often as possible. So why wasn’t Dexter McCluster in the mix offensively until the fourth quarter on Thursday?

I’m not ready to jump off the Ole Miss bandwagon just yet. But I’m getting close.

17. Nebraska

Just a week later, and Nebraska’s last second loss to Virginia Tech is already looking a lot better.

Can I just thank them for being a bettor’s absolute dream? Sure, they had that loss at Virginia Tech. But besides that game, they’ve outscored Florida Atlantic, Arkansas State, and Louisiana-Lafayette by a combined score of 142-12. The only safer bet in sports right now is Shaq looking like an idiot on Shaq Versus.

16a. Oklahoma State

16b. Houston

I know, I know, I know, Houston beat Oklahoma State already this season. I know. But after watching the Cougars on Saturday night against Texas Tech, I’m not so sure they could do it again.

The offense is explosive, but the defense, well, it still needs some work. Did you know that out of every team in college football, Houston is last in tackles for loss? That’s right, friends—dead last.

Of course, part of that is the teams they’ve played. But I just can’t see the defense holding up for another nine games this season, even if Houston will likely be favored in every single one.

As for Oklahoma State, I’m still not sure what to make of them. On one hand, they get Texas at home, and their cross-sectional games are at Iowa State and Missouri and Colorado at home, so it’s not unfeasible they win the Big XII South. On the other hand, they’ve already lost to Houston and were actually outgained in victory by Rice.

(Random side note: I think before we bet on Oklahoma State, by law we should get one shot of Boone Pickens in his luxury suite. More often than not he has one of those “If Mike Gundy loses this game he’ll be working an oil rig in Odessa by the morning” looks on his face. And these are things we, the gambling public, need to know. If gambling were legal.)

15. South Carolina

They’ve already beaten two ranked teams and were a blocked PAT from maybe pulling an upset at Georgia. Not to mention that after their win over Ole Miss Craig James said they’re a top 15 team. And if the last white running back to rush for 1,000 yards in an NFL season says you’re legit, well, who am I to question?

14. Miami

So coming into last weekend’s game, Virginia Tech’s players read about 45,000 “The U is back” articles, and said to themselves, “Wait a second—we came into the ACC the same year as Miami, and we’re the one that’s won three conference championships. Why isn’t anyone talking about us?”

It’s the oldest form of motivation, and the biggest reason why Virginia Tech won Saturday.

But here’s the good news for Miami and their fans: Relax. Virginia Tech was a lot better than people were giving them credit for. The playing conditions in Blacksburg were less than ideal. And besides Oklahoma this weekend, no one left on your schedule has the personnel to beat you.

So is an 11-1 finish out of the question? Nope.

Is 10-2 feasible? Sure.

Is there a possibility that within another month we could be reading 45,000 more “The U is back” feature stories? Absolutely.

13. TCU

I’ve got to be honest. I watched the Horned Frogs against Virginia a few weeks ago and wasn’t impressed. I watched them this past weekend against Clemson and wasn’t impressed. But credit needs to be given where it’s due, and TCU continues to go out and win games. There aren’t a lot of teams who can say that right now.

But here’s my question: What happened to Jimmy Young? This guy has put on a disappearing act so impressive it should be its own episode of Magic’s Biggest Secrets Revealed.

If TCU is going to beat Air Force, Utah, and BYU (which from what I’ve seen, I don’t think they will), they’re going to need Young to start playing more like he did last year (59 catches, 988 yards) than this year (six catches, 129 yards).

12. Georgia

Un-freakin-believable. That’s the only way I can describe Georgia.

The Bulldogs break every stereotype of what it takes to be a successful football team.

They turn the ball over too much (ranked 115th in the country in turnover margin, 113th in turnovers lost); they’re highly penalized (10.25 penalties per game, ranked 118th in the country); give up big plays on special teams (rank 107th nationally giving up 25.11 yards per kickoff); have a quarterback who has thrown five interceptions in four games; don’t rank in the top half of college football in total offense (74th) or total defense (67th); and they don’t have a pass rush (ranked 89th in college football).

And besides A.J. Green and Rennie Curran, is there a single player on this roster that you’d consider one of the top players at his position in the SEC?

After all that, you’d think the Bulldogs would be awful, terrible, at the bottom of the SEC barrel. Except that they’re 3-1! I can’t get over it.

I’ve watched Georgia four weeks in a row, against four good teams, and have absolutely no idea what to make of them. Are they that good? Are they lucky? Is the opposition just not as good as I think?

I really have no idea, but my brain is starting to hurt. Please excuse me while I get a cold beverage out of the fridge.

11. Cincinnati

The blueprint has been laid out to beat Cincinnati: Keep the chains moving, get first downs, bleed the clock. Oregon State did it two weeks ago, Fresno State a little better last week. But neither did it well enough to actually pull out the victory. At some point, someone will.

(To see the remainder of Aaron's "College Football Quarterly Report," please click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com.)

Who Ya Got? Arkansas-Alabama and The Week 4 College Football Preview

Aaron Torres — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 12:50:36 -0400

Ryan Mallett vs. Nick Saban's defense. It's the talk of the SEC football world. But as exciting as the action will be in Tuscaloosa this weekend, what about everywhere else?

Aaron Torres has Week Four of the College Football season broken down and ready to go. And to read his entire preview, including Miami-Virginia Tech, Arizona State-Georgia and Texas Tech-Houston, please click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com

CLEMSON (-2 ½) over TCU: Saturday, 3:30 p.m.

Clemson is a team I usually never, ever, under any circumstance, bet on. Especially when half their team has swine flu, like they did this week.

But Dabo Swinney has brought hope for change.

Sure, they basically handed Georgia Tech a win a few weeks ago, but did you see what they did against Boston College last weekend? Clemson held them to 54 yards of total offense. That my friends, is progression!

(What’s that? No, I know Boston College is terrible, maybe the worst team in any BCS conference. But shh! Don’t say anything, you’ll ruin my point. Quick, change the subject)

By the way, anyone know where can I pick up one of those “Yaba Dabo Doo,” t-shirts? They're pretty sweet looking.

Arkansas (+17 ½) over ALABAMA: Saturday, 3:30 p.m.

All right, I may have gotten a little too excited about Arkansas last week, but honestly it wasn’t my fault.

You see, Bobby Petrino actually came to my house, sat down with me and my parents and guaranteed a victory. After they lost, I tried to call him to get an explanation, but his number had been disconnected and last I heard he left Arkansas to coach the Toronto Argonauts of the Canadian Football League. Last time I trust him!

Anyway, in this one I have a tough time seeing Alabama losing, especially when they’ve held their past two opponents to a combined 62 yards rushing.

The way I figure it, Ryan Mallett makes just enough throws to make this one interesting, but the Tide still win by two touchdowns.

(Random side note: After watching last week’s Georgia-Arkansas game, I think it’s safe to say that it’s a two horse race between Mallett and Jacory Harris for, “The guy that could replace Michael Vick in that old commercial where he throws the ball straight out of the stadium .”

Seriously, did you see how effortless Mallett’s throwing motion looked against Georgia? It was the definition of pitch and catch. I just wish I could bottle it up and sell it on eBay. How many overzealous football dads you think would buy it? 20,000? 100,000?)

Cal (-5 ½) over OREGON: Saturday, 3:30 p.m.

You know, everyone’s making a big fuss about the whole Chip Kelly reimbursing an unhappy fan thing, but I’ve got to be honest, it kind of rubs me the wrong way.

Would Urban Meyer ever do that? Nick Saban? Pete Carroll might send a Beach Boys cassette as compensation, but never a check.

My point? The whole thing just reeks of amateur hour to me. It’s like something you’d see on Yahoo news, except on Yahoo news it’d be some Pop Warner coach in Nevada reimbursing an upset parent their $4 admission charge, not a college coach getting a guilty conscience about a season-opening loss. I just don’t like it.

As for this game, it absolutely terrifies me to type this, but Kevin Riley … gulp … is the best quarterback in the Pac-10 right now. In a related story, please feel free to put rat poison in my Cheerios. No I promise, it’s probably for the best.

And not only is Riley the best quarterback in the Pac-10, but after watching Cal play Minnesota last weekend, I’m convinced more than ever that Jahvid Best is the best player in college football. Period.

Except maybe adding a few pounds to his frame, I can’t think of a single attribute that I’d change about this guy. He’s got everything: Patience, vision, breakaway speed.

Mark my words, within the next two weeks you’re going to see approximately 851 articles on ESPN.com with the words, “Jahvid Best,” and “Heisman Frontrunner,” in the headline. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Notre Dame (-7) over PURDUE: Saturday, 8 p.m.

Watching Jimmy Clausen last weekend, made me realize that he’s entered the “I don’t care what the down or distance is, there isn’t a conversion I don’t think he can make,” quarterbacking zone. And yes, I just used a triple negative.

Needless to say, while that’s great if you’re a Notre Dame fan, it is absolutely terrifying to bet against him. I’m pretty sure last week’s game alone took at least a year off the end of my life. There was a point in that game where I actually thought Notre Dame was going to score 70 points on Michigan State.

Even without Michael Floyd, and possibly Armando Allen, Notre Dame wins this one going away.

Iowa (+10) over Penn State: Saturday, 8 p.m.

What I really like about Iowa (besides the fact that they’ve covered their last two games), is that while most coaches would rather quit the profession than make any scheme changes on the fly, Kirk Ferentz did exactly that, completely altering his offense after Jewel Hampton went out for the year. Without the change, Iowa might be 1-2 right now. Instead I think they can win the Big Ten.

Remember, last year alone, Shonn Greene carried the ball 307 times in Iowa’s run first, second, and third offense. 307 times! To put that in perspective, there were only five guys in the NFL that carried the ball more than Greene last year. And they play three more games! Coming into this season everyone expected Hampton to take on a similar workload.

However, I’ve got to give Ferentz credit. After Week One’s near loss to Northern Iowa, the “You know what, I don’t have the personnel to run this offense,” light bulb went off in his head, and he lit his playbook on fire. Instead of running the ball between the tackles 40 times a game, Ferentz now lets Ricky Stanzi beat teams on bootlegs, play-actions and other short passes, which is exactly what he’s done the past two weeks.

In the process it has given the defense time to figure itself out, and let Brandon Wegher and Adam Robinson emerge as co-running backs.

And if none of that sounds good to you, just know that Iowa has covered the past two weeks against Iowa State and Arizona, while Penn State has yet to cover this year against the likes of Akron, Syracuse, and Temple. I feel like these are things you should know.

Want the rest of Aaron's Week Four preview, including his thoughts on Miami-Virginia Tech, Arizona State-Georgia and Texas Tech-Houston? To read the remainder of this article, click here or visit him at www.aarontorres-sports.com

Oakland Raiders: Interview with Starting Safety Tyvon Branch

Aaron Torres — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 15:17:02 -0400

Hello fellow Bleacher Creatures. I wanted to let you know that early this week I was able to track down Oakland Raiders starting strong safety Tyvon Branch and interview him.

Amongst the topics we discussed were:

How the team is preparing for a visit from the Denver Broncos this weekend.

What it is like to defend some of the top wide receivers in the National Football League.

The impact of Richard Seymour on the Oakland defense.

Unfortunately, because it is an audio clip, I could not post it right here. But to listen to the 20 minute interview, just click here or visit my website www.aarontorres-sports.com

Rex Ryan and the New York Jets Are Heaven-Sent

Aaron Torres — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 12:49:53 -0400

I’m in love.

What’s that? Well, he’s about 6'3" and a shade under 300 lbs. He’s got a huge smile. Come to think of it, he’s got a huge everything, including a sense of self-confidence that can barely fit in his XXL polo shirt.

No, no, stop, you don’t need to call my parents—it’s not that kind of love.

I’m in love with Rex Ryan, the new head coach of the New York Jets.

If you missed Ryan’s performance on Sunday afternoon, let me give you the quick Reader’s Digest breakdown. Armed with an explosive defense and an unflappable rookie quarterback, Ryan and the Jets beat the New England Patriots 16-9. Yes, those New England Patriots.

Yes, I know that it’s only Week Two, and that Tom Brady is coming off major knee surgery. But to understand the significance of the game, you need to go beyond the final margin of victory and into the psyche of the New York Jets—not just the guys on the field, but the people in the stands.

This is an organization whose fans are so war-torn, so beat up, and so left for dead that even Lifetime is too afraid to make a movie about them. This is a place where on any given Sunday, 70,000 people in the Meadowlands and thousands more watching on television are routinely waiting for something to go wrong. They almost never go to bed Sunday night disappointed.

They are the Jets of Doug Brien’s missed field goals—the team that saw a simple Herm Edwards statement, “You play to win the game,” become an internet cult phenomenon and a term that gets thrown around about as much these days as, “Would you like fries with that?”

Heck, this is a franchise that’s been so brain-numbingly, mind-bogglingly bad that someone actually made a YouTube video called, “Jets Draft Blunders.” At last count, it had been viewed 788,795 times, with close to 2,000 people feeling the need to comment on it.

The best part of the video? Honestly, I don’t know. How can you pick a favorite part when all 98 seconds are filled with edge of your seat, uproarious, unintentional comedy?

Maybe it was when a fresh-faced Mel Kiper Jr. said, “It’s obvious to me right now that the Jets just don’t know what the draft is all about.”

Or the scene right from the 1983 draft, when the Jets took California-Davis quarterback Ken O’Brien over some kid named Dan Marino. In the shot, ESPN is interviewing a fan that is so confused, so befuddled that from the look on his face, you’d think he just saw his grandmother naked.

After being asked about the selection, here’s his response:

“Everybody said if Marino was going to be around at that time, they’d take Marino. Obviously the Jets know something the people here don’t.”

The Jets know something the people here don’t.

Twenty-six years later, that statement is just starting to hold water. Because what I want to know is how the Jets knew to pluck Ryan off Baltimore’s defensive staff last winter when everyone else in the NFL whiffed on the guy.

On the January day when Ryan was introduced, he immediately endeared himself to Jets fans everywhere. His opening comment centered on the idea that he was shocked to see so much media coverage for his first press conference. He assumed the President must be in town.

Of course, he followed up that statement by cooly saying, “I guess we are going to meet him in a few years anyways.”

Wait, what? I thought I’d misheard. A Jets coach talking about winning championships? That’s like hearing Michael Vick babble on about the cute puppy living next door. It never happens.