Bleacher Report - Articles by Ryan McCord

The New York Yankees and the American Dream

Ryan McCord — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 12:41:25 -0500

Like a good perfume smells better on Penelope Cruz, championships, perhaps, are best celebrated at baseball’s cathedral.

Whether you love them or hate them, you’re a capitalist or a socialist; the Yankees should be respected by every American because they are synonymous with winning and excellence.

By no means are the Yankees a model of perfection, however, but do you think you get to the top in America and stay there by shining everyone’s shoes?

Not only did they fire Joe Torre, but also proceeded to remind him on his way out that there was always a TV gig waiting for him on the franchise owned and operated YES Network. Now that’s the sound of the door hitting you on your way out.

While I love Torre as much as the next guy, last I checked the future hall of fame manager is probably going to make a lot more money with the Dodgers than you or I would in 10 lifetimes.

And don’t put too much stock into the “Evil Empire” propaganda. It was the Red Sox who decided Willie Mays wasn’t worth a tryout because it was raining and didn’t even hire a black man to play ball full-time until after the Boston Bruins—a hockey team—did so.

In brief, here’s a taste from my vantage point on Wednesday evening, amongst a Bronx party like it was 1999…

7:00 pm: I’m walking to Grand Central Station via 42^nd street with Bryant Park at my immediate right. In the park’s background was the sweetest sight my eyes laid on all day, the automatic pilot thankfully malfunctions as I marvel at a blue and white-lit Empire State Building.

For those of us living in this town whom are blessed to be green enough to, on occasion, appreciate the paragons, this was the definition of a stop and pinch yourself moment. The only thing missing in this backdrop was the Bat Signal itself.

7:15 pm: Waiting for the Bronx bound #4 train at Grand Central station. In the words of Carly Simon: Anticipation is making me wait. I’m excited for the opportunity to be a part of a cultural phenomenon.

7:35 pm: Circus clowns in a slug bug had nothing on this train car. You know how toothpicks sometimes come in a plastic cylinder shaped tube by the hundreds? You have to grab the tweezers from the medicine cabinet just to get the first toothpick out. That was my ride to Yankee Stadium. Only Raymond Babbitt could have come close to estimating just how many people were actually crammed into the car. I could only guess it was something comparable to a mid-town morning rush hour ride squared to the fifth power.

(And in this week’s installment of the popular “Irony is also a Funny Thing” segment: Leave it to the fattest guy on the sub car, who during one of the stops along the way, in typical New Yorker fashion quibbles, “It’s a nice view out there. Why don’t some of you get off and check it out.”)

8:00 pm: Fathers, sons and daughters are still lobbying for tickets for the sold out event. A recorded Mary J. Blidge could be heard singing the national anthem. The DirecTv blimp is seemingly a stone’s throw above us.

A mile of media vans equipped with large satellite dishes line the streets. This was my second “pinch me” moment within an hour. Ron Burgundy would describe this event as, “kind of a big deal.”

8:30 pm: My party and I finally make our way to the big screen television section at “The Dugout” directly across the street from the ballpark.

It was the Animal House Toga Party all over again. Only Yankee jerseys posed as the event garb, everyone was John Belushi, and a one-man band that goes by the name of “Godzilla” performed heroically in place of Otis Day & The Knights.

Hideki Matsui slugged an early two-run “Shama-lama-ding-dong” over the right field fence off of Pedro Martinez, and the Bronx Bombers never looked back.

Matsui is a free agent at the end of the season. Before Wednesday night, he was perhaps better known around baseball for his exceptionally abundant collection of pornography.

Now that he can go into the off-season with a very friendly bidding tag of “World Series MVP,” that could leave a general manager no choice but to throw enough cash in Godzilla’s way to actually buy Jenna Jameson herself.

8:45 The best fandom chant that modern day sport has to offer is heard when Yankee catcher Jorge (pronounced Hore-Hay) Posada steps to the plate. All together now; HIP, HIP, HORE-HAY!

To say New York fans are the most sophisticated in sports is a misconception. Every time a Yankee bat hit the ball, even when the ball flared out of play, the fans blew up in chorus similar to the way Seattle fans do when Ken Griffey Jr. hits a home run.

This might have been the kind of primitive-like hoopla that would have had Ned Flanders thinking twice about the theory of evolution.

This was definitely a senior thesis goldmine for current sociology majors.

I didn’t go to the Bronx in search of the American Dream on Wednesday night. The quagmire itself just played out in front of me, while surrendering my psyche for the next three days.

You could even say the whispering devil inhibited my left shoulder, and a hymning angel floated about my right side. The Devil said that this is good for the city, which is currently under the spell of an unemployment rate that is being oft mentioned in the same sentence as the Great Depression.

Parties and parades will be had. Shirts, jerseys, DVD’s, hats, newspapers and any and all Yankee paraphernalia will be consumed by all and make people happy again. Pleasure for all!

The angel said we are all God’s children. The black, the white, the brown, the privileged, the underprivileged, the whores, the virgins, the young, the old, the gay, the straight, the moderately smart, and the very, very stupid to come together for one common purpose—to cheer for someone else’s success (albeit vicariously) and to enjoy each other’s company in the process.

I had a few beers while hanging at the aforementioned bar/frat house, and I remember thinking, “I can’t even feel this. I am already intoxicated from spirits in the air.”

But that’s the big part of the Yankees essence that—in one true way—takes on the personality of New York City itself. It gives just enough power and opportunity to the little guy to make he/she feel important. Like you are part of something bigger.

The American Dream, unlike the on-field success of the New York Yankees, does not come and go. The American Dream, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. It's not something you can hold in your hand, but every once in a while we experience grand events like these that remind us why this is still hope for America.

Even as a self-admitted cynic of the average sport fan-or average American for that matter-what I saw on the streets surrounding Yankee Stadium was The American Dream (and it did have the feeling I assume I would have encountering a sasquatch, the Loch Ness Monster, or an entry level job offer at a major media outlet).

I saw thousands of people in the same vicinity, but saw nothing to scoff at. The Forefathers would be proud. Strangers were high-fiving each other. I heard at least, get this, five male New Yorkers say, “excuse me,” after bumping into someone else.

I saw another two males acting chivalrous towards females—even the homely ones. Hobos had dollar bills in their collection hats as opposed to corroded pennies. According to various local news reports the following morning, the only arrests that were made involved fans jumping on top of taxi cabs—and that may as well happen everyday.

This majestic night in the Bronx, using sports as its platform, showed us what sports can do that a relaxing Sunday at the Brooklyn Flea Market can’t. Sports in America still has the unmatched capability to connect all the dots that form society.

As long as we are capable of doing just that, then maybe the USA is not a dynasty that will ultimately crumble after all.

Because the only thing prettier than seeing LeBron James power his way to the basket en route to a powerful slam dunk, is seeing an abundance of civilians come together to form one giant smile.

New York Yanks in '09: Not Cheap, But Empty Pleasure

Ryan McCord — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 22:44:03 -0400

I do have a thing for red heads. And there’s something about blondes that can start wars.

But sexually, the experts say, humans are most attracted to those with similar physical features to their own, especially hair color. The theory holds true for me, I guess, as a dark brown haired individual; my eyes are definitely habitués of the brunette mold. I’ll even go as far as I proclaiming Jennifer Love Hewitt as the most beautiful woman on earth.

I once turned on a large HDTV, and Ms. Hewitt’s show, “The Ghost Whisperer” was on. It wasn’t until about ten minutes later, or until the next commercial break, that I realized that the sound wasn’t even on. Her natural beauty mesmerized me.

On the surface, Ms. Hewitt appears to be free of physical imperfections. She has a million dollar smile, a bold and beautiful facial complexion, and an hourglass figure that ensures the coveted Perfect “10” rating.

But let’s say, hypothetically, hard visual evidence was released that she in fact had nose job done before she burgeoned into a big time celeb. Or god forbid, she is actually a blonde, and spends hundreds of thousands to disguise her original hair color.

Presently, at 30 years old, supposedly a woman’s prime, she may even have had her breasts augmented already. Would I still consider her the most beautiful woman in the world if I knew that she was not all natural?

Well yeah I would…but…

Isn’t the J-Lo factor fall under the same principal as the mother who has two children, but one of them is adopted. Does she love both of them equally?

Well yeah, but…

In the same ballpark is the situation of a good friend of mine who recently married the “It” girl from high school. Not the golden prize “It” girl, I’m referring to the one who had a knack for turning boys into men, including three of the groomsmen. Anyways, the newlyweds will live happily ever after, right?

I’m sure, yeah, but…

Speaking of ballparks, the World Series will begin on Wednesday from the New Yankee Stadium, as the Bronx Bombers will take on the defending Champion Philadelphia Phillies. This is the most highly anticipated (and most attractive) World Series matchup in recent memory.

You could say three out of four baseball prognosticators and fans alike would probably assert that the two best teams Major League Baseball has to offer in 2009 will go head to head for all the cashews.

If I’m a Phillies fan, I’m thinking that if we win this series, we will have to go down in history as one of the better teams of the modern era. And if we indeed upset the Yankees, who have the home field advantage, we will forever carry the prestigious title of “Back-to-Back Champs.”

The Cincinnati “Big Red Machine,” with legends Johnny Bench, Pete Rose, and Joe Morgan didn’t even accomplish that feat. In pro sports, teams repeat as champions about as often as one of the Kardashians is excluded from being pictured in an US Weekly magazine.

If the Phillies are going to beat the Yankees, farm-raised cornerstones Ryan Howard, Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, Jason Werth, Shane Victorino, and the series “X” factor, ace pitcher and 2008 World Series MVP Cole Hamels, will all have to play up to their capabilities.

If I’m a Yankees fan, I’m thinking that if we win this series, the coming-of-age A-Rod and LCS MVP CC Sabathia, respectively, would just have to maintain the status quo—that is—Gangbusters.

Also if I’m a Yankees fan (regarded as the most sophisticated fan in sport) I know that pitching and defense wins championships; and CC’s light’s out performances are only as good as the guys behind him, most notably, the human bluefin tuna net at first base, Mark Teixeira.

I know we’ve been down this road before (hell it’s the essence of the franchise since George Steinbrenner bought the rights to Mr. October).

If I’m a Yankees fan and we beat the Phillies with the guy who slept with the “It” girl-former Red Sox hero Johnny Damon (who I still can’t get used to seeing in pinstripes) and the rest of his adopted teammates such as Teixeira, Sabathia, and A-Rod, I can’t help but think of it as somewhat-paid for to be played for.

Every champion constitutes a legacy. Almost every champion bears some kind of memorable label. If the Phillies win the World Series, the word association will forever be linked with “Back-to-Back.”

And if the Yankees win?

Yeah but…

11 Reasons Why The Lions Make The '2010' Playoffs

Ryan McCord — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:07:48 -0400

During a recent television broadcast of 60 Minutes, Michael Vick told James Brown, “It’s the only way I made it through prison...believing in God.”

When I mentally committed to taking the keys to the Detroit Lions for a season upon purchasing Madden 2010, I was thinking, "If I was going to make it through this, I too, would need a great deal of help from the man upstairs."

After all, I’m investing 45 minutes of my time, for 16 games.* The main reason I play those 16 games is to earn a reward of possibly playing for the Lombardi Trophy. If I don’t make the playoffs, you could say I wasted my time with the respective team.

Then again, you could say I wasted my time playing a video game anyways. But that’s a conversation for another day.

I’m a guy who loves a challenge: I moved to New York, unemployed, with $2,000 in my pocket. I graduated from college with a degree in Print Journalism, during a time when newspapers contribute as much to society as the Early Bird Special.

But after playing three games with the Motor City Kitties, and going 2-1 with two quarterbacks, I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that you can make the playoffs with this team. Just follow the guideline of eleven critical steps to take-in no order of importance-and I assure you an 11-5 season (barring the injury bug).

-Throw the ball to Calvin Johnson a lot; but remember to outsmart the defense first.
Everyone who is an NFL junkie knows that Calvin Johnson, a.k.a, Optimus Prime, is a freak and should be mentioned in the same breath of elite wide outs such as Larry Fitzgerald, Randy Moss, and Andre Johnson.

Johnson is a big target to throw to, and he can go get the ball with the best of them in this game. I have had a hard time keeping his receptions under a 20 yard average. Through three games he has shown me that he can make ALL the grabs. He was the difference maker in my week one squeak out win against the Saints, going for three TD’s and 160 yards receiving. Nobody on the Saints can touch him.

But if you want to hit the home run ball against a defense that will allow you to do so in the Saints, you still have to be creative, further meaning, don’t shove curl routes and straight deep balls on 3rd and 10 down Johnson’s throat.

On second and one, however, throw No. 81 the deep ball EVERY time, no matter who you are playing against. The defense in Madden has a tendency to bite on play-action, pump-fakes, and routes with double-moves. If you can buy yourself enough time, Johnson will come down with the big play 90 percent of the time.

Calvin Johnson will win you a game or two, single-handidly. He already accomplished that feat in week one. Just remember, as good as Calvin Johnson is, YOU still have to be 10 percent smarter than the defense. You can’t go through the motions anymore. It’s not Madden ’95-Brett Favre to Sterling Sharpe-anymore.

-Shuffle the offensive line around; they stink at pass protection, but you can run the ball with this team.
In case you’ve actually read this far, I won’t begin to bore you with overly-focused offensive line talk. For those of you who are overweight, nobody appreciates watching an above average offensive line move bodies more than I do. The game is won and lost in the trenches. Just not in the video game world.

Like almost every other position on the team, the Lions have no depth at offensive line. You’ll notice that the starting left guard’s rating is considerably lower than anyone else’s. When it comes to ratings, these are the only positions on the field that I pay a great deal of attention to. For sake of balance in ratings across the line, I just substituted the backup center, an 80+ rated run blocker, into left guard. Now everyone on the line was 80 or better at run-blocking. I like to run a lot of pitches, counters, and screens, therefore, it helps to have an above average run blocker pulling from his guard spot.

As far as pass protection is concerned, you’re on your own. Or you can pray. They don’t have it.

-Stick with running the 4-3 on defense, even if you prefer the complicated 3-4.
With Ernie Sims, Julian Peterson, and Larry Foote, the Lions have three sound veteran linebackers. But keep your fingers crossed, because it ends there.

I know a lot of Madden geeks like to run the entertaining and blitz happy 3-4, but the Lions simply don’t have four linebackers that should be on the field 75% of the time. They have three. Again, this team is already walking on ice 1/8th of an inch thick when it comes to overall roster depth. While the linebacker position is certainly a strength on this team, it is not the exception to the underlying theme.

The 4-3 is simple. Simplicity need apply with Detroit.

-Blitz on passing downs and press the coverage while doing it.
You would be amazed how well this works. The third down percentage will go down and the turnovers will increase in this situation. The personnel will obviously dictate which package you should use. I like to run nickel with Detroit because I believe in having your best players on the field (in this case Peterson and Sims) if you can help it, and blitz everyone in the box, including the nickel back. When I use dime, I will often simultaneously blitz the dime backs. This makes life hell on the computer because it NEVER calls an audible necessary for saving the quarterback from becoming a Life Alert Certified Member.

Detroit simply has no pass rushing threats. Where have you gone Robert Porcher? So you have to be resourceful on defense.

-Don’t pay any attention to the player ratings, especially at quarterback; Stafford and Culpepper can both make all the throws necessary.
In 2001, Daunte Culpepper premiered as the Madden cover boy for Madden ’02. A yacht scandal, reconstructed knee, and eight years later the former Pro-Bowler is now a Detroit Lion fighting for a starting job with a rookie.

While he maybe a fraction of his Madden ’02 talents, Culpepper can still move around well enough to make plays. And perhaps even more importantly, he can still throw a deep ball. With Calvin Johnson meeting him halfway, I like the odds.

With all that said, I decided to go with Stafford as my starter, and with the exception of a few brain farting/rum & coke decisions on my end, he has been exceptional.

To this point, I’ve played all three of my games indoors, but I like what I have seen from Stafford’s arm. The rookie’s arm is certainly live, but to my surprise, he’s accurate and mobile (enough) as well.

However, there is a But when it comes to Stafford, although it has nothing to do with his skills: the Lions cannot pass protect. I mentioned it before, I’m emphasizing it now. Stafford went down with a sprained MCL in the first quarter of my win over Washington in week three. This is where I learned two things: Daunte Culpepper is still effective, and I am going to have a hell of a time keeping Stafford healthy this season.

Stay tuned for further details on how to counter one of the team’s glaring weaknesses.

-Use Rookie TE Brandon Pettigrew as your second favorite target, and don’t even waste your time with the No. 2 TE other than for extra blocking.
Meet the next Jason Whitten: Not Will Heller, but Pettigrew, the rookie tight end out of Oklahoma State. He isn’t great at one thing (yet) but he’s good at everything, including run blocking.

The first passing play I called in week one, Pettigrew was my hot read. Running a go route from his spot on the line of scrimmage, and by the time he reached the secondary, he was already behind the linebacker. The safety double-teamed Calvin Johnson, who is lined up on the same side of the field as Pettigrew. This meant Pettigrew, who not only had a step on his man, but also nobody between he and the end zone. This made for an easy twenty yard gain.

Pettigrew could, and should conceivably catch 75 passes. The reasoning? A.) tight ends don’t get any extra attention from the defense B.) Pettigrew has Calvin Johnson, who will get the bulk of the double teams, to ensure single coverage (if any at all) for an entire season, and C.) by utilizing the slew of short, tight end friendly routes in the passing game, this limits the chances of Stafford taking an unguarded hit.

-Get used to the "pro formation," either three wide outs or standard.
I don’t even know which angle to attack this part of the article with first, so I’ll just go ahead and tell you to experiment with it for yourself-with caution, however.
Just remember that Detroit cannot pass protect, so make your decisions a split second earlier than normal. If you can get comfortable with this formation, you can make the defense look like school girls trying to stop it. With Calvin Johnson in the slot, the computer isn’t smart enough to make the adjustment and double team him. Good-night, Irene.

This is the bread & butter formation for a team with pass-catching running backs like Detroit has in Kevin Smith and Maurice Morris. You’ll find that Smith is a do-it-all back anyways, and Morris is too quick for linebackers to cover in the flats.

Back to that cautionary flag, before we move on. Just remember that the Pro-formation exposes the quarterback to limited protection. If it looks like the defense is going to blitz, then don’t hesitate to notify your backs or tight end to pass protect.

-Pick up a realistic No. 2 Wide receiver to replace the existing No. 2 in Dennis Northcutt.
I like to give myself one free-agent gift when I have a team with little overall talent like the Lions. Dennis Northcutt is the existing No. 2 wide out. I don’t mind Northcutt as a return guy, but I have never cared much for him as a receiver. I felt I needed a dependable guy who could move the chains in a pinch, so I went with Koren Robinson.

I know this is all fiction anyways, but if I can help it, I try to stay away from making free agent acquisitions that are 1,000-1 shots in real life. For instance, picking up Plaxico Burress would have been fun, but it would never happen. Koren Robinson I could see.

Now I have never actually thrown a pass to Dennis Northcutt a day in my life. So if you like him, by all means, keep him. Koren Robinson is one of “my guys” in Madden, like Parcells had Dave Megget and Bryan Cox.

-You will give up a lot of rushing yards, just live with it.

You see Reggie Bush (who looks like Marshall Faulk in this game), Adrian Peterson, Clinton Portis, Matt Forte to start the season.
Not a lot to emphasize here. The Lions have one of the worst d-lines in the NFL. You will give up a lot on the ground. Deal with it. Don’t let it frustrate you into throwing video-game fits. Just concentrate on your game plan, and continue to pray.

-The only position you are deep in is running back. Use your running backs in all phases; especially Kevin Smith, he can do it all.
Kevin Smith will not blow you away with Adrian Peterson-like talents, but like Brandon Pettigrew, he is pretty good across the board of skill set.

Run the ball with Smith 25 times a game if you can. If Smith is getting that many carries, chances are, you will win the ball game.

The Lions don’t take much of a step back on third downs, as Maurice Morris is one of the better novelty backs in the league. He’s quick, he catches most passes, and for reasons I can’t explain, he’s tough to tackle once he gets his wheels in full motion.
I like to bore the defense to death with Smith and Morris, then deliver the knockout punch with Calvin Johnson.

-If you can successfully accomplish all the above, you will make the playoffs if you can win the turnover battle. I lost to Minnesota in week two because of turnovers.
The Lions are simply not good enough to overcome a handful of mistakes in one game. I completely outplayed and outmuscled the Minnesota Vikings in week two, yet they beat me in the last :10 of the game. How? I turned the ball over three times. The Vikings scored three of their four touchdowns off of turnovers. It was that simple, yet that game told me a lot about the Madden 2010 version of the Detroit Lions.

It’s not impossible to make the postseason with a team coming off of a zero win season, but I would still make time to pray to the Madden gods anyways.

*Disclaimer: I play All-Pro level, five minute quarters, no game fatigue (I find I am in the minority with this option, but think about it, it is a 45 minute video game!). Everything else is pretty much default settings.

He Wore It, Won It, And Now He's Rich E(li) Rich

Ryan McCord — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:09:42 -0400

In life, they say to be careful what you wish for.

Eli Manning took it a step further in 2004, when he was originally drafted by the Chargers with the first pick in the 2003 NFL Draft. With Papa Archie at Eli’s side, the Manning brand demanded their latest quarterback prototype be showcased to the consumer via the New York Giants.

Five full seasons since his trade demands to the Giants were granted, Eli has accrued 42 wins, two division titles in the meat-grinding NFC East, a Super Bowl championship, and as of yesterday, he added the label of “NFL’s highest paid player.”

So, now the 100 million dollar question in the sporting media debates: Is he worth the money?

Are you familiar with New York City? Or are you under the spell of ether? In case your judgment is impaired, the answer is a firm yes.

The fan and media scrutiny Manning has dealt with and will continue to deal with alone, makes him worthy of the recent contract extension that guarantees $35 million—which is almost seven million less than Lions rookie Matthew Stafford is assured.

For those of you who are not from or have never lived in or around New York City during a football season, allow me to share with you a prime example of how difficult it is to please New Yorkers.

I was listening to WFAN a few years back (in fact I’m pretty sure it was the Super Bowl year) during one of those "Mike and the Mad Dog" days when fans called in as if they were on their shrinks' chair trying to figure out just who is Big Blue’s starting quarterback. I’ll never forget one caller in particular (who actually sounded educated, by the way):

Mike Francesca: Tim from Bayside you're on The Fan.

Tim: Mike, on a serious note here, you’ve been at fund-raising dinners and such and have had casual conversations with Eli, correct?

MF: Yes, I have.

Tim: Are all the tools in the shed, Mike? Seriously, cognitively, is he all there? Is there any kind of mental infirmity that you could detect?

Of course, Francesa assured the caller that Eli was all there.

But from my point of view, it was one of those moments where if I hadn’t made sense of what the whole “playing in New York” thing was all about yet, it became loud and clear from that point on. I felt embarrassed for Eli.

It’s one thing to have an unfavorable picture of yourself on the back page of every tabloid every time the Giants lost, but I never thought I’d see the day where a hopeful and committed fan base of any team begins to question the intelligence of the franchise quarterback.

And if you listened, read, and saw it long enough, you began to drink the “Eli will never take it to the next level” news that seemed to come off the media conveyor belt 24/7 during the season.

And half the reason why you started to believe it was because Manning’s own teammates began to either A.) buy into the negativity themselves or B.) contribute to the negativity; or even C.) they did both.

Former Giants running back turned NBC analyst Tiki Barber had this to say about Manning during his studio show in 2008:

"His personality hasn't been so that he can step up, make a strong statement and have people believe that it's coming from his heart. He didn't feel like his voice was going to be strong enough and it showed. Sometimes it was almost comical the way that he would say things."

Then a common public perception developed that said Giants fan-favorite Jeremy Shockey contributed in making Manning's life hell on the field of play. Some agreed Manning became a better quarterback when his emotional, outspoken—and sometimes prone to controversy—tight end missed the 2008 Super Bowl run with a broken leg.

The Manning and Shockey relationship just further symbolized the quarterback's inability to catch a break with anyone in The Big Apple. After all, a tight end is supposed to be a quarterback's best friend!

With the exception of Kurt Warner (age), if each one of the other three active Super Bowl Champion quarterbacks signed a deal similar to Eli’s tomorrow, would it be questioned?

Not a chance.

Eli Manning is the most criticized quarterback of our time not named Donovan McNabb. He throws footballs eight games a year in the windiest stadium outside of the great plains, yet still manages to put the Giants in contention for the Super Bowl every year.

If not Eli, then who?

Derrick Rose, S.A.T.'s: Superstars And Truancy

Ryan McCord — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 19:53:54 -0400

A youngster cheating on a college exam is as American as Sally or Johnny Commuter driving an SUV at 40 mph in a school zone while conveniently talking on their cell phone on an otherwise chirpy Monday morning in May.

In fact, the suburbanite taxpayers are the ones who can afford to regularly attend NCAA sporting events on their Saturdays off. Furthermore, these are the same people whom are shaming former Memphis guard Derrick Rose for allegedly not taking his S.A.T’s.

Relax. You were born to manage investments; he was born to dribble circles around defenders for your pleasure. Rose is getting paid to entertain Johnny Patron.

Whether he took the S.A.T.’s or not, I still support Rose because I hate on the game, not the player. What I don’t support is that he, and every other rookie of his stature, is granted millions of dollars before he proves that he can handle the hedonism that is the NBA lifestyle.

Whatever happened to getting the good job after you went to college or paid some kind of dignified chore to society?

The NBA moved a step in the right direction by enforcing an age limit when it did, but who wants to commit to college for a year? Before that age rule came into effect, nobody in the history of state college lore would have raised a hand for that question. There is a solution to the one and done epidemic, and it’s a win-win for everybody.

The NBA would lift its age restriction, then enforce all rookie and second year salaries to the league minimum with one exception: If they have two or more years of college playing experience under their belt, they could be free to earn as much as Rose did this year (reportedly close to $5 million).

Is two years of proving that you can manage the “panhandling-girlfriend-in-every-NBA city” lifestyle too much to ask? Once the player reaches his third season, then he could seek arbitration and a judge can decide how much money he is worth per season.

Now the NCAA and its vacuum rulebook could exercise some PR with clarity and attempt to fill in the modern transparencies behind the term “student-athlete.” I say, if you’re going to call them “student-athlete,” then institutionalize it: create scholarships for qualified student tutors who would be assigned to overlook each full ride athlete for the duration of his/her freshman and sophomore years.

Think of it as a buddy system. The Derrick Rose’s of the world could think of it as having a “personal assistant” to be their eyes and ears. The scholar could think of it as an authentic resume builder and/or having a protégé. The pair could meet for an average of an hour a day for five days a week. If they can’t meet for consecutive days, then they can make it up some other day. At the end of the week, the tutor has the athlete sign for his attendance and participation, while the student will have kept an NCAA designed log to be submitted. If the deadline is missed more than once, then games will be taken away.

Is this a perfect system? Absolutely not.

There will be the occasional wonk who will let the athlete off the hook after being bribed with court side tickets or valley girls that offer sexual favors. But at least one hand knows what the other is doing—and more importantly—one is accountable for the other. This would be the essence of portfolio building for the tutor-scholar, and it provides merit on paper for the student-athlete.

Charles Barkley was right when he proclaimed that athletes were not role models. How on earth could we expect young men like Rose, who has no role models of his own (if the S.A.T. allegations are true) to play the part of influential public figure for youngsters?

Athletes of all ages and both genders find ways to make their jobs easier, even if it includes breaking the rules.

“You’re trying to find where the holes are in the rule book,” Danica Patrick recently said.

Can you blame them? They have one short life, one shot to get to the top and stay there.

If Rose didn’t have the fortitude to take the S.A.T.’s like everyone else who goes to college, then $5 million and a shoe deal later, I assure you he still doesn’t. And that’s now the Chicago Bulls’ problem.

The Franchises That Guarantee Humility

Ryan McCord — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 20:24:17 -0400

The date was October 19, 2006, with one out in the top of the sixth inning. That was the last period in time a New York Met fan really had something to cheer about.

If you didn’t mind snow cones in the Fall, then Mets left fielder Endy Chavez was your guy that evening. Cardinals third baseman Scott Rolen seemingly drove the ball over the left field fence, when a chasing Chavez then mimicked the Michael Jordan “Jump Man” logo, further robbing Rolen of the go-ahead homerun in game seven of the NLCS.

Chavez defined the adjective “clutch.”

I was watching that game at Hofstra University, 20 miles away from Shea Stadium that night, and I swear the pandemonium that transpired after Chavez’s catch resonated that far.

Since then, the New York Metropolitans have been about as credible as a diabetes awareness pamphlet featuring Ronald McDonald. Fortunately, in the Mets, I only have one favorite team in the world of sports. Unfortunately, I have been reluctant to acknowledge that fact since Carlos Beltran infamously statued a curveball.

And now the Cleveland Cavaliers, who were already rehearsing for a June parade this season, are eliminated before even reaching The Finals. So now that the Cavs are purged, this had me thinking: Just who are the most humiliated fans in American sports today?

Because if there’s any fan base feeling more shameful about their team than the Mets faithful right now, it should be the Cleveland Cavalier fans.

As if the SI cover jinx wasn’t enough, absent from last week’s issue were four pages of the cover article itself that led me to believe that there really is a disadvantage in being a Cleveland fan. (Did that happen to anyone else?)

Then Cleveland’s All-Star point guard (and I use that tag loosely, because after all, Allen Iverson was an All-Star too), Mo Williams, decided to guarantee a Cavalier victory. As if shooting under 40% from the field wasn’t enough strain on his psyche.

Do you know how many guarantees in sports have been made? About 1,000 (998 of them in this decade alone). Do you know how many have held up? Three: Joe Namath, Mark Messier and Plaxico Burress.

No disrespect to Williams, but guys named Mo aren’t supposed to make guarantees. Guys named Mo remind me of a tavern and a patron named Homer. Outside of Sears Craftsman hand tools, do guarantees do any good for anyone?

Now that the Cavaliers have fallen short of their NBA title dreams, what would make this elimination more demoralizing than perhaps any other in Cleveland sports history, is that this team had the best chance to make history.

They have the league’s best player, and the best home record in an NBA season that has clearly not produced a prototypical title contender. The Celtics took Orlando to seven games with Brian Scalabrine in the regular rotation!

Here’s a look at a few other teams whose fans are currently dealing with irrefutable stigmas:

Chicago Bears

The team has had success from time to time, but the quarterback situation over the last 20+ years is worthy of having its own Wikipedia page. From Mike Tomczak to Rick Mirer to Rex Grossman: To say you’re going to make a career out of being the starting quarterback for the Chicago Bears is comparable to your local Denny’s manager having the same lofty expectations for his newly hired dishwasher.

Detroit Lions

Even before last season, the Lions were already the Ralph Wiggum of the NFL: When they probably didn’t deserve it, and the audience feared it, every season Detroit would get to participate in show-and-tell day (in this case, Thanksgiving). Meanwhile, Bengals fan is home saying, “Remind me why WE don’t get a nationally televised game this year?”

Also embodying futility…

These organizations have long been the butt end or punch line of sportscaster’s jokes: Clippers, Bengals, Pirates, Nationals, Royals, Raiders.

For one more year, Cleveland fans will just have to accept the fact that the city’s greatest sports moment of the last 30 years was when Pedro Cerrano finally connected with a curve ball in helping the Tribe in a defeat of the Yankees.

There's Still One Animal That's Fit for Vick

Ryan McCord — Sat, 23 May 2009 18:15:11 -0400

One our most respected modern day philosophers, Dr. Cornell West, once wrote:

“To prophesy is not to predict an outcome but rather identify concrete evils.”

The quote could apply to the state of San Francisco 49ers offense for 2009, as the word “evil” could be interpreted as weak, tame, boring, and ultimately, too predictable.

Then there’s the possibility of obtaining a necessary evil. Though we don’t know if he has completely exorcised his dark side yet, we do know he has paid his debt to society.

Michael Vick can give more color to an offense than a Monet portrait. Head coach Mike Singletary never ruled out the prospect of picking up Vick, the best football player the construction industry has to offer.

There are 32 teams in the NFL-at least 20 of which have more talent on offense than the 49ers-and one of them will eventually sign Vick.

You do want to get back to winning Super Bowls don’t you? The 49ers can play the meat and potatoes/small ball card on offense all they want in 2009, but until they can find that game-breaker on offense, they will remain an average team.

Rebuilding is for construction workers.

San Francisco is the right town for Vick to start over in (more on that later), and the wildcat offense was designed for a preeminent talent like the former No. 1 overall pick, to inject excitement into an offense.

Here are five plays that could potentially make the 49ers a top ten team in most pundit power rankings (with an emphasis on Vick, but feel free to insert QB Alex Smith into this formation with Arnaz Battle or Michael Robinson somewhere as well):

1. Wildcat dive

By faking the sweep to the slot-man (Rickey Williams) who is already in motion, this was the play that Ronnie Brown wrote history with against in New England early last season. The 49ers could put Vick either behind the center, or in the slot, where Frank Gore could take the snap.

2. Wildcat sweep

The only difference between this and the Wildcat dive, of course, is that the motion man would take the handoff, the left guard pulls as the lead blocker, the tight end seals the edge, and a potential exclamation point afterwards.

3. Wildcat play-action

Fake the sweep to the motion man, read your coverage, and possibly Vernon Davis has snuck past the linebackers and in-between the safeties for a nice gain. If a safety bites, with Davis’s speed, you could be looking at six.

4. Wildcat Counter

The underlying contingency with Michael Vick (besides the obvious) is whether or not his legs have anything left. Even if the 29-year-old is 90 percent of his old self, this could become his signature play. Because if the Wildcat is about deceiving the defense, than consider the Wildcat Counter a squared, double the cheese version.

The man behind the center fakes the sweep to the motion man, jabs right, then commits to the left, where he could have a two on one with the tight end versus a linebacker or lineman. When the defense is thinking, “Uh-oh”, this is where Vick is at his best.

5. “I formation,” half back dive

If Vick is not signed by the 49ers, this is a play that you will be get used to. New offensive coordinator Jimmy Raye prefers the traditional style of NFL offense. The I-formation, with a running back possessing a wide pallet of talents such as Frank Gore, is ideal for a team without potential weapons of mass destruction like the 49ers.

Gore runs low, he’s slippery, he’s agile, he’s athletic, he has the necessary field vision and he has no problem running into contact. With a fullback leading the way, this is the kind of offense set that could give teams fits-just as long as the passing attack is holding up their end of the bargain.

If there’s one thing the 49ers already have an abundance of, its “gadget” players, or the necessary personnel capable of both running and throwing. Alex Smith ran the Wildcat all the way to an undefeated season in college. Arnaz Battle ran the option as a quarterback at Notre Dame.

Michael Robinson was a successful college quarterback at Penn St. Revolve the Wildcat gimmick around Frank Gore and/or potentially Michael Vick, and the 49ers offense would now have more ways to beat you than the average NFL team.

Just imagine how wide open Vernon Davis could be, while linebackers have to deal with the improvisational phenomenon that Vick could be in this system.

How does the city of San Francisco feel about the idea of signing Vick? It just seems to me that Vick and the city are the right match-just so long as his priorities are in line with the rest of us who are honest and proud about our daily contributions to society.

For all Barry Bonds went through, despite his outwardly surly character, Giants fans supported him. Celebrated sports networks and the professional megaphones tied with it would imply that the fans were the losers during the Barry Bonds saga.

But whether or not you were disillusioned or seduced by the home run and its convenient entertainment value, you did what was right, in supporting the individual. That’s what makes the city great (I’m not saying Bonds wasn’t a habitual steroids user, but after all, the jury is literally still out on the whole thing).

If there ever was a city and a franchise brave enough (the 49ers did draft Alex Smith No. 1 overall) to take on the responsibility of a Michael Vick acquisition, its San Francisco and its professional football franchise.

Welcome To Our Broadcast: 49er Cliches to Seek and Avoid In '09

Ryan McCord — Tue, 19 May 2009 19:19:06 -0400

Keep an eye on the X-factor. They refuse to lose. He’s a game manager. Defense wins championships.

If you’re a sports reporter who is looking to get some payback on an editor who has a knack for painstakingly butchering an otherwise Pulitzer-worthy original copy, go ahead and infest your next assignment with as many clichés as possible.

Editors hate clichés like Sicilians hate the mainland.

Television-watching football fans, conversely, expect to hear the convenient figures of speech commonly used by announcers to describe their respective teams, players and coaches.

For the San Francisco 49ers, there is probably going to be a limited frame for error to work with during the average 2009 contest. Let’s face it; they just don’t have Patriot or Steeler talent, depth or wit.

After watching a week’s worth of playoff basketball, I was able to record the essential clichés that 49ers fans will both want and not want to hear during a Sunday afternoon in front of their Bay Area plasmas.

Sure to make your beer taste better:

1. “They’re a multi-faceted team.”

The defense is only a pass rushing threat away from becoming better than average. If you’re not going to make the quarterback uncomfortable—especially the elite ones—then be prepared to give up 40 points in a single game. (Donovan McNabb wasn’t sacked in a 26-40 loss in week six of ‘08.)

How many ways will the 49ers offense be able to beat you in ’09?

The 49ers have built a capable offensive nucleus, but they aren’t going to keep defensive coordinators “addicted to Red Bull and cigarettes” jittery until a lethal weapon can come to the forefront.

They don’t have guys who can score from anywhere on the field, i.e., Leon Washington, Brian Westbrook, Darren Sproles, Reggie Bush or Santana Moss. They have a third down running back that played quarterback at Penn State, and a starting wide receiver who’s been in the league since The Simpsons began airing.

2. “The players have bought into the system.”

After Hall of Famer Mike Singletary took over as head coach for a fired Mike Nolan after seven games last season, the 49ers were clearly a better team, having won more games than they lost (though none of those wins came against a team that made the playoffs).

“Cannot play with ‘em. Cannot win with ‘em. Cannot coach with ‘em. Can’t do it. I want winners,” Singletary proclaimed in his first post-game press conference that is sure to someday play part in a Coors Light commercial.

On the other side of the line, will the 49ers' players be able to stomach their passionate head coach from the first day of training camp through the deep end of a 16-game regular season?

3. “You could have driven a truck through that hole.”

Singletary is a self-proclaimed “old school” guy. In football terminology, that translates to “smash-mouth.” Expect to see the antithesis of the 2008 pass-predictable attack that Mike Martz ran.

The 49ers drafted Alabama power back Glen Coffee in the third round and fans should expect him to get eight-to-ten carries a game. Frank Gore, assuming he can stay healthy, could run behind a Division III offensive line blindfolded and still get 1,000 yards.

Although questionable in pass protection, the 49ers offensive line should have no problem catching on with the new offensive philosophy. Run blocking for professional offensive lineman comes as naturally as chickens laying eggs.

4. “They’re taking it one game at a time.”

Thank you very much, NFC West, where you can be four games under .500 and one game out of first place before the bye week.

5. “The rookie sensation that has silenced all the critics.”

The 49ers perhaps got the steal of the ’09 draft when the seemingly NFL-ready Texas Tech All-American WR Michael Crabtree fell to them with the tenth overall pick. If it weren’t for a hairline fracture, in what is now a passing league, Crabtree would have been a top five pick.

6. “He manages the game well/He does all the little things that don’t show up in the stat column.”

Shaun Hill has proven he can play quarterback in the NFL, but the franchise owes it to itself to give Alex Smith, the old No. 1 pick, the No. 1 job, just so long as he’s 100 percent recovered from injury. Smith now has more offensive talent to work with than in any other season as a pro. If he’s ready to avoid sacks and cut down on turnovers, the rest should take care of itself.

These lines will induce the bitter beer face:

1. “They’re a better team then their record indicates/They’re no pushovers.”

I think this is what most pundits would lead you to believe about this year’s 49ers. They will project confidence, pride and professionalism on the field, and probably prove to be a tough out for anybody on Sunday. Just don’t expect them to win the games they aren’t supposed to.

2. “They’re losing the battle at the line of scrimmage.”

This is happening if OLB Manny Lawson, a former first round pick who can run like a derby prize-winner, is not blowing by tackles and hurdling running backs en route to a quarterback sack with regularity.

If Lawson is now NFL-cognizant enough to locate the offense’s vulnerable protection spot before each snap, maybe the 49ers could exert the modern day pass rushing role known as “The Joker.”

3. “They’re overdue to break one.”

Allen Rossum has made a career out of performing as an above average kick return specialist, but he’s never mentioned as a guy who you have to keep the ball away from.

Who will be the guy that becomes the 49ers' game-breaker this season? Frank Gore is their best offensive weapon, but Vernon Davis needs to be (see bottom).

4. “They can ill-afford to lose him/He’s slow getting up.”

This has been a quiet factor throughout the offseason, but the 49ers don’t exactly have starting position battles that have coaches wondering how their going to manage to get the backup some needed game action.

Glen Coffee was drafted to carry the load between the 35 yard lines, not to carry the 49ers to another Super Bowl like Frank Gore has the potential to do (given the quarterback play is at least slightly above average).

But Gore has been on the injury report every week of the season since his Pop-Warner days. They need their franchise back to play at least 15 games.

5. "This one will be coming back/They’re looking at third and a mile."

The 49ers were tenth in the league in total penalties in 2008.

6. "They have to take better care of the football/That’s a costly turnover."

The 49ers were tied for last in the league in turnover differential. That number would be next to impossible to duplicate since Mike Martz and his "pedal to the metal" offensive system will no longer be needed. Potential snaps for fumble friendly quarterback J.T. O’Sullivan have since moved on to Cincinnati.

7. “This team is searching to find its identity.”

Of course, this term applies to any fan of any team. Diehards will always find an excuse to watch.

If you are a fair-weathered fan, then you probably stopped tuning in to watch during week three of the identity crisis. Being the cynic that you are, you will now hop on any chance to spite your local team after you invested what you feel are hours of “wasted time.”

For instance, if you own a home with a dog or two, you may apply the word association exercise for your weekend chores that you haven’t done yet:

The Mrs.: “Honey, the 49ers are on.”

Fair weathered fan: “Oh, that reminds me, I gotta pick up the dog poop.”

In conclusion, if the 49ers are to make it back to the playoffs, two things have to happen. Vernon Davis has to become Antonio Gates (because he can), and Alex Smith has to become the No. 1 quarterback (because he can).

If I’m Alex Smith, the first thing I want to hear in my initial dialogue with Davis, who is supposed to be my All-Pro target by now, is this; “Just throw the ball my way and I will get it. Trust me.”

One thing is for certain; We’re going to find out if Alex Smith and Vernon Davis have the fortitude to reach franchise goals for ’09, and finally stamp a status of their own in franchise prestige.

Can You Finally Be Wild About The NFC West?

Ryan McCord — Thu, 14 May 2009 00:09:26 -0400

Even as a baseball romantic, I’m willing to accept the fact that football is now our national pastime.

The logic, most would agree, is that the NFL is not only television friendly, but perhaps each and every fan of their respective team can come up with a halfway reasonable thesis as to why they will make the playoffs in the upcoming season.

In the baseball world, we’re only in May, and diehards of the Pittsburgh Pirates and Washington Nationals have already begun peeking at minor league stats in hopes of satisfying their optimistic deficiency.

In the football world, with the draft now over and all the big name free agents signed, the average NFL fan can begin filling out his/her respective depth chart, study the schedule, and perhaps even plot a Super Bowl run.

This is especially true if your pigskin allegiance is in direct association with the NFC West.

Take San Francisco, for example. I can come up with five substantial reasons as to why the 49ers have no shot at making the playoffs. Then I have to remind myself that, after all, the Arizona Cardinals are considered the class of this division.

Common epithets football pundits use to label the NFC West throughout the regular season include: unappealing, stale, weak, an afterthought. It arguably has only one marquee quarterback and irrefutably falls short of offering any compelling, intra-divisional rivalry. A 9-7 team, on occasion, has had a better chance of winning this division as opposed to a 10-6 wild card contender elsewhere.

But despite its lack of cachet during the season, there is nothing bland about playing virtual GM for each of the four teams during the off-season. In 2009, the NFC West will once again be anyone’s division.

Arizona Cardinals

What to like: A proven winner manning the sidelines, while the pieces on the playing field are there.

What not to like: Playing role of the hunted in the NFC, contract disputes with key players.

The Arizona Cardinals proved everyone wrong last season, while their personnel and coaching staff proved that it was possible to develop a juggernaut in the desert.

But the Cardinals’ penny-pinching ownership will not let that happen. For goodness sakes, they almost let Kurt Warner go. Now three more of the franchise cornerstones, Darnell Dockett, Anquan Boldin, and Carlos Dansby are unhappy with their current contract situations (and rightly so). Dockett and Boldin, especially, deserve the money they seek. They are bonafide playmakers that have the ability to change the complexion of a game with one play. No, you don’t want that kind of player!

So on top of carrying the Super Bowl loser burden (and history proves it is just that) the Cardinals will have to deal with the rigors of in house contract disputes with players they need to make it back to the playoffs.

So if not the Cardinals, who has the best chance of representing this division in the playoffs?

Seattle Seahawks

What to like: Impact draft picks Aaron Curry, Max Unger, the return of QB Matt Hasselbeck and DE Patrick Kerney, the signing of WR T.J. Houshmandzadeh.

What not to like: Underachieving, inconsistent players in key positions, Mike Holmgren’s absence.

Judging by their draft, the return of key players, and overall expectations, conventional wisdom probably would have to point to the Seahawks making the playoffs. The Seahawks made a habit out of winning this division before slamming into the wall of bad luck last season with injuries.

But Seattle has as many question marks as any other team in this division. And I couldn’t help but notice that those question marks are in all the wrong places.

Aging franchise quarterback Matt Hasselbeck is recovering from a back injury that essentially sacked his entire season, as is pass rushing specialist Patrick Kerney.

One of the best evaluators of talent the NFL has ever had to offer, Mike Holmgren, has retired. His head coaching replacement, Jim Mora, Jr., is fun to listen to. He could sell ice to an Eskimo in front of the camera, but will his coaching style work in leading Seattle back to the top?

San Francisco 49ers

What to like: Mike Singletary’s passion, underachieving talent with something to prove, running game, Michael Crabtree, a rational offensive system.

What not to like: Mike Singletary’s passion, uncertainty at starting quarterback, offensive line, overall depth, lack of pass rush, team speed.

Frank Gore and Alex Smith are now surrounded with enough help. If they can both return to their sophomore season form, and Vernon Davis can finally live up to expectations, the 49ers could win this division.

There are just too many “ifs” associated with this team, however. So many components must not only synchronize on the field of play, but stay on the field of play as well.

They don’t blow you away with team speed, but they make up for it with smart, powerful, and opportunistic players on the defensive side of the ball.

For some reason, the draft jury was out longer than expected on WR Michael Crabtree, the best wide receiver college football had to offer. For a guy who’s been compared to Larry Fitzgerald and Andre Johnson, with the resume he brings to the table, I can’t believe so many teams passed on him. All that over a little hairline fracture? If he indeed has the strength to get separation, he will make an impact immediately.

St. Louis Rams

What to like: Talented defensive line that’s ready to break out, running game, new leadership on the sidelines, speed.

What not to like: inconsistent play at quarterback, WR Torry Holt is gone, overall depth.

New head coach Steve Spagnuolo, Tom Coughlin’s main defensive henchmen in New York, is best known for helping dismantle the previously undefeated Patriots and its record-setting offense in the Giants’ Super Bowl upset two seasons ago.

In order to lead the Rams back to the playoffs, “The Greatest Show on Turf” identity will have to evolve to the defensive side of the ball, where three former first round picks in Leonard Little, Adam Carriker, and Chris Long will be depended on heavily to control the line of scrimmage.

If the offensive line can improve in protecting Marc Bulger, and Steven Jackson can stay healthy, the Rams could give teams fits the way they did against Dallas and Washington last season.

The 2009 NFC West: while it might be anyone’s division to win, its public response will still prove it’s not for everyone. (Until Los Angeles is granted a franchise, anyways.)

And unless Cardinal franchise staples Boldin, Dockett, and Dansby kiss and make up with the Bidwell’s, the chances this division represents the NFC in the Super Bowl again aren’t likely either.

Rocket Launched: Out of His Mind, Out of This World

Ryan McCord — Tue, 12 May 2009 20:29:27 -0400

Former All-American athlete Roger Clemens now lives on Sirius—more so than radio hosts Howard Stern, Chris “Mad Dog” Russo, Martha Stewart, or any ESPN Radio personality.

Mr. Clemens, however, doesn’t even have a radio channel dedicated to his persona, much less host his own show. He physically lives on the star known as Sirius.*

After listening to the former Cy Young winner continue to deny any involvement with illegal performance enhancing drugs on the radio today, I’m convinced that Clemens is no longer living on this planet.

All fans want is for Clemens to come back down to our planet and give them five minutes of contrition. This isn’t the WWE, dude. So please, quit trying to act like you’re Mr. Perfect and we’ll be happy to put all this behind us. An apology will set you free. (Of course not from perjury charges, but that is a story, and sure conviction for another day.)

But in order to set Clemens free from the lie he is living, we’ll need to get creative. We’ll need someone who resonates like fellow Texan and former legendary pitcher Nolan Ryan to invite Clemens to throw out the first pitch at the next time the Rangers host, say, the A’s.

Mr. Ryan, the emcee, communicating with the sellout crowd via microphone, summons for the conga line of former professional athletes/celebrities who have apologized or come clean about anything.

“What’s this all about, Nolan?” Clemens would ask.

“This is your intervention, Roger,” Mr. Ryan would earnestly say, as a large group would walk out of each dugout including the likes of Jose Canseco, Jason Giambi, Manny, Miguel Tejada, Chuck Knoblauch, Tony Mandarich, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Pete Rose, and local Little Leaguers. A-Rod and Andy Pettitte could join live via satellite on the jumbo tron from wherever they may be playing.

The war of attrition that is the Roger Clemens saga could finally come to an end.

As prone to petulance as Clemens may be, what’s the worst he could do here? Even if he decides to go to fisticuffs with Ryan alone, we all know he will lose (Google Robin Ventura).

The normally docile Texas Ranger crowd will embolden Clemens until he finally takes the mic after a minute of coming to terms with the fact that no neologism, i.e., “misremembered,” will dig him out of this hole. Time to set the record straight. And he would.

The fans would be shooting their guns in the air after Clemens sheds a tear in admitting and lamenting he used performance enhancers. He points to the Little Leaguers in Palmeiro-ian fashion and barks, “Don’t ever lie to America!”

Imagine the domino effect this could have on professional athletes. Telling the truth could finally become sheik.

“You mean if I tell the truth today, I won’t have to live life with King Kong on my back? Now that sounds logical,” the modern day athlete would begin to say to him or herself.

Clemens wouldn’t get paid to tell Charlie Gibson on TV at an hour when no youngsters were watching. He wouldn’t tell any crusading journalist, either. He would be doing it for free, where it should be done: on the field, on the stage, in front of everybody who spent all those years marveling at his high level of play. That’s why we’ll forgive him, because he was fun to watch. He entertained us. It’s a fair trade.

Does all this sound like a fairy tale? I know, Goldie Locks couldn’t have written a better script. But there’s nothing wrong with fantasizing the start of what could be the Steroid Era’s happy ending.

*Footnote: He chose to live on the brightest star in our galaxy because not only is it the brightest, and therefore, easier to find, but because property tax was cheaper. He wanted to move to the moon after he retired, but then President and respected “Texan” George W. Bush told him that America indeed owned it.

The Curious Case Of Eric Heitmann

Ryan McCord — Sat, 09 May 2009 23:34:51 -0400

On an unseasonably warm day in March about Northern California, Johnny 49er fan was walking his Jack Russell to Trader Joe’s and witnessed five super-sized men, face covered by pantyhose, rob his local neighborhood 7-11.

These behemoths weren’t doing it for the money, as it turned out, but because they were just 300 plus pounds of crazy like that. These were the kind of guys who get their kicks looting for Twinkies, Triscuits, Pokemon cards and the entire Squishee machine. They prefer slugging beers out of the hole they pierced by biting into the can, and get a high from pulling left in order to execute the ‘ol Packer sweep on a critical third and three. These are the kind of guys who are too weird to live and too rare to die.

Before you can spell trolley, Johnny was texting “Help!” on his Blackberry to the local police department. Little did Johnny 49er fan know, however, was that this is the kind of “team-building” exercise this particular ilk of goons orchestrate when they are jonesing for action in the offseason.

Detectives have a lead as to who these monsters are. As it turns out, these five men do indeed work together in public every Sunday afternoon in the Fall and Winter.

As a witness to the crime, Johnny is called in to police headquarters and asked to do his best in correctly identifying these five men of the 20 suspects who are standing in. To calm Johnny’s nerves, the detective brings you a stick of Wrigley Spearmint and whispers to no one in particular, “We were able to bring in the entire 49er offensive line for this one.”

As a football follower now that the Wall St. Journal has a sports section, the frozen Johnny, halfway from unwrapping the gum, responds, “You’re kidding?”

“You a football fan?” The detective fires back.

“Uh, yeah. I like the Niners,” Johnny replied.

The detective throws his arms up in frustration, “I knew it! This guy’s useless to us!”

Completely oblivious to the detective, Johnny continues to study the lineup and questions, “But who are these guys? And whatever happened to Larry Allen? That guy moved bodies!”

One of the men responsible for “The Inconvenient Truth,” Frank Gore’s record-setting 2006-07 season, legendary guard Larry Allen, is reportedly coaching high school football. In fact, the only holdover from that group who swept the division winning Seattle Seahawks is the center and 2008 team captain Eric Heitmann.

I don’t know if Heitmann, a Stanford alumnus, is a drinker. But just in case he is, here are the 11 barstool, belly-up, happy hour questions I would ask him about the upcoming season over an IPA:

Give me one good reason it is not fair to judge the quality of your offensive line as a unit by what I see on paper?

Who is the best offensive lineman on the 49ers that nobody knows about?

The 49ers did not draft an offensive lineman. Why do you think that is?

What is it about the offseason moves the 49er front office made and didn’t make that give you reason to believe you guys can get over the hump this season and make the playoffs?
You’re the center and a team leader. Who do think of as your starting quarterback, your guy, on a day-in, day-out basis?

What are head coach Singletary’s strengths and weaknesses as a head coach?

Would you rather do what you do now, protecting the starting quarterback of the San Francisco 49ers, or to protect an A-list celebrity as a full time job?

What would you be doing with yourself had you not pursued pro football?

Over the years, so many guys have played for both Bay Area franchises. What have you heard about what its like to play on the other side of the Bay?

I once was told by a former Giant linebacker that Mathias Kiwanuka is the most original trash-talker in the league. What’s the most interesting verbal jab that came your way from an opponent on the field of play?

If Sports Illustrated asked you to submit a scout’s take/testimonial of Frank Gore for its Inside the NFL page, what would it say?

Last Call For an Old No. 1

Ryan McCord — Fri, 08 May 2009 03:05:10 -0400

Go down the line of all 32 NFL franchises and try to find more than one handful of teams who are sitting comfortably with the state of their quarterback situation headed into the 2009 regular season.

Shaky, isn’t it? Shaky like that paint mixer in a Home Depot, especially for you football fans in the Bay Area. Some of you look at that hypnotic vibrating cylinder and can’t help but be reminded of the quagmire that is the inside the noggin owned by certain decision makers at your local pro football teams.

Did they drink or sniff the paint during adolescence? Or did their mothers just shake them as infants because they wouldn’t stop the crying? Maybe even a nicotine craving of genetics past came rearing, and craving its way through during the heat of the draft, somehow interrupting the decision making process.

After all, Lombardi had the advantage to be able to just light up a heater indoors, focus, pick up the phone, and say: “Give me Paul Hornung in Green or give me Johnnie Walker in Red.”

Ahh, then inside the peaceful snow globe, we see the state of Wisconsin, and the Green Bay Packer faithful. They are tipping their cheese caps in deference to the 49ers for selecting Alex Smith over Aaron Rodgers with the first pick of the 2005 NFL Draft.

Rodgers, the Bay Area college product with a lifelong affinity for the 49ers, nearly threw for as many yards last season (4,000+) as Smith has thrown (4,500+) in his career.

Take a deep breath. I know you just went from seeing shakes to feeling shivers.

But 49er fans, before you go and pencil in Shaun Hill as the projected starter (or backup for your fantasy football team), understand that you have a reason to exercise optimism, 100% humility free, when it comes to the 2009 model of Alex Smith.

Smith, now appropriately labeled as a bust, is playing on borrowed (and still very expensive) 49er/NFL time. For the time being, however, the term “bust” is still just a tag, a label. The branding iron is hot, but the cattle is not contained just yet.

More importantly, 49ers fans, you deserve to unashamedly cheer your franchise quarterback on. Because, technically, and financially, he is still a cornerstone for one more season.

And Smith is not Ryan Leaf. We all want him to do well. We’re just not sure he has (or ever had) the tools in his bag to lead the 49ers to the kind of greatness that comes with being a No. 1 overall pick.

When you’re getting your Spring cleaning done this year, don’t do to your $75 No. 11 replica jersey what you did with the No. 18 Elvis Grbac one, and throw it into the goodwill drop box. You, the jersey, and Mr. Smith deserve one more season of 49er Fridays at the office together.

I’m not ready to buy Smith’s jersey at Ross Dress For Less for $19.99 just yet (I’m still enjoying the Akili Smith one).

Speaking of shopping, if it helps, think of Smith as that entire Vanilla Ice album (To the Extreme) you overpaid for 20 years ago, off the momentum of one hit single, “Ice, Ice, Baby”.

Now take that No. 1 single, which in 2009 could still very easily climb to the top of your MP3’s playlist, just so long as it is backed up by worthy songs from other talent (Crabtree, Gore, Davis, Bruce).

If Smith can resurrect flashes of the upside he once showed, the 49ers will compete for an NFC West title once again.

Breakfast Bracket Buster

Ryan McCord — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 20:46:17 -0400

Great Northwest native and ESPN Radio personality Colin Cowherd recently spoke of the man’s obsession for filling out brackets of any kind.

Then he dropped the unexpected, and poignant "lol" bomb when he said, “You could match the best cereals on the market in a bracket, and men would love to fill that out.”

And he is absolutely right.

It would be awfully difficult to pick a champion of cereals, let alone a Final Four. And how would you go about seeding the whole thing?

Wheaties, the self-proclaimed, “Breakfast of Champions” would be a lock for a No. 1 seed. But if you had to pick only four of your favorite cereals to eat, would you go with the whole grain crunch? No.

You are an overweight American. You cannot tell me that Froot Loops or Cocoa Puffs was not one of the first of boxed breakfast delicacies that popped in your mind.

So without further adieu, I give you the cereal isle Final Four.

Froot Loops

I am convinced that God put Tucans on this planet for no other reason than to look cool and pedal cereal, so Froot Loops earns the mascot props.

But Froot Loops takes a backseat to no other cereal in terms of diversity with the assortment of colors, back of box entertainment which are usually crosswords at a respectable eighth grade level, and is as enjoyable with milk as it is dry.

Frosted Flakes

Again, two thumbs up for the mascot alone.

Tony The Tiger not only wears stripes and a bandana around his neck, but comes with a simple, yet effective catch phrase, “They’re Grrrrreat!”

Speculate all you want with the use of performance enhancing drugs, since he balanced a tray of a complete breakfast, while wake-boarding in one commercial. But spokesman Tony T. is to cereal like Hulk Hogan was to pro wrestling.

Oh yeah, the Frosted Flakes taste never disappoints.

Cocoa Puffs

And do not even bother to bring your mascot to the dance. Please. You ever heard the term, “Don’t go shopping hungry”?

At what point did the marketing executive at Cocoa Puffs realize, “We wasted time and money designing and writing commercials around a Do-Do Bird?” I mean, we are talking chocolate flavored Kix that turn your cereal into Nestle’s Quit. And for no extra charge!

This cereal is every big kid’s guilty pleasure at breakfast time. I cannot even look at it when I walk down the cereal isle-hungry or not.

And if it is on sale? What diet? Cocoa Puffs just sell itself.

Captain Crunch

Just the name of the cereal alone gets immediate consideration for this cereal mainstay. Any variation from Peanut Butter to Berries, or even regular will do.

Crunch Berries are not my favorite, but enchanting nonetheless. Some cereal fans might blow the whistle with this pick, because Captain Crunch will scratch your gums and claw his way to the national semifinals.

While they may not look pretty getting to this point, you just have to respect the Captain. 87-years-old and 14 hours sober, Captain Crunch himself doubles as a wily navigator and head coach, as well as admirable ambassador of the cereal industry.

He is the Dean Smith of mascots.

The rest of the field of 32

Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Cookie Crisp, Rice Krispies Treats, Kix, Corn Pops, Wheaties, Life, Life Cinnamon, Golden Grahams, Lucky Charms, Grape Nuts, Honey Comb, Raisin Bran, Cracklin' Oat Bran, Flutie Flakes, Fruity Pebbles, Cocoa Pebbles, Cocoa Krispies, Alpha Bits, Mr. T, Super Golden Crisp (w/Sugar Bear), Smacks (w/Dig 'Em Frog), Trix, Cheerios, Honey Nut Cheerios, Corn Flakes, Count Chocula, Apple Jacks

If Alex Rodriguez Wins, He's In

Ryan McCord — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:34:20 -0500

Just when you thought it was safe to anticipate the upcoming baseball season without anymore controversy or media hysteria, The Golden Boy himself, Alex Rodriguez, turned in his pride along with his Hall of Fame accomplishments.

Pyrite, Cubic Zirconia, or “A-Fraud” after all.

So after a week of what seemed like a 24-hour A-Rod news cycle casting a shadow over the rest of the world of sports (college basketball has been GREAT, by the way) the most common question being asked is if he deserves to be in the Hall of Fame or not.

There really shouldn’t be a debate: The answer should be a grand slamming NO. You can’t honor a scofflaw, who lied on national television, a gold plaque and hang it up in the same room with the Henry Aaron’s, Willie Mays’, and Tom Seaver’s of the world.

However, A-Rod still predicts that he has at least another nine seasons left. If he can put up the necessary CLEAN numbers he was capable of recording before he felt the pressure to “live up” to the pressure of his $200 million dollar contract he signed with Texas, then he should get enough support to make it in.

Or will he?

Not one Hall of Fame voter who left Rickey Henderson off the ballot came out and said he neglected the greatest leadoff hitter of all time because of a suspected steroid enhanced career. Actually, those who had the audacity to speak up of their decision, claimed they didn’t like Rickey.

That cannot be good news for A-Rod, who doesn’t exactly get the kind of public endorsement that one would expect of an athlete of his caliber. Maybe he should see if Madonna could hook him up with an acting career.

He can concentrate on obtaining an Academy Award or a star on the Walk of Fame, because the odds of getting enshrined in baseball’s mecca of a museum are looking bleaker by the day.

Besides committing to telling the truth, there’s only one remedy that could relieve the stigma surrounding his legacy. It’s the only thing Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, Roger Clemens or anyone else couldn’t do after they were caught with their respective hands in the cookie jar: Win a championship. And the more A-Rod could win in New York, the toughest town to earn acceptance in, the better off his Hall of Fame chances will be 15 years from now.

Of course, winning is always easier said than done. Especially in baseball, where we all know one guy, even if he is as good as A-Rod, cannot win you a tournament in October.

He said he never felt over-matched on the baseball field, so he went ahead and juiced up anyways. Some people just don’t know how to quit when they are ahead. Now he’s paying for it. If you want to write a compelling book on this guys life, then follow him around for the next 9 months. That’s one emotional roller-coaster that frightens me to even think about.

Good luck starting from the ground up again, A-Rod.

LeBron-Kobe Matchup: Good For Ratings, Not For Championships

Ryan McCord — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 16:09:08 -0500

Many hot-button debates have helped shape an era of pop culture over the years: Pepsi vs. Coke. Ford vs. Chevy. VH1 vs. MTV. Bush vs. Gore.

And now, there’s Kobe vs. LeBron.

In consecutive home games for the Knicks at Madison Square Garden, both superstars rose to the occasion in leading their respective teams to memorable victories because of their individual greatness on the court.

Kobe scored more than 60; LeBron equaled, if not surpassed, the reigning MVP’s performance by netting more than 50 while earning a triple double. While I understand the hype, and why we want to rush to crown one of these guys as “The Best” the NBA has to offer, it won’t guarantee smiles for Cavs or Lakers fans at the end of a season.

One basketball player does not win you championships. If you go down the line, every NBA champion has had at least a threesome of All-Star-caliber players.

Even the best of the best, Michael Jordan, had a legitimate wingman on each side. Scottie was always to his right and either Horace Grant or Dennis Rodman on his left. Before last year’s Boston Three Party assembled to win a title, Larry Bird, of course, built a Celtic dynasty with McHale and Parrish (not to mention D.J. and Ainge). Magic Johnson was the Grand Marshall of Showtime’s parade, with Kareem and Worthy as his escorts.

I will give David Stern and the rest of his NBA executives a respective bow for the timing of all this. Because all this prize fight-like attention really is the NBA building up an audience. In this month between the end of waving goodbye to the battles on the gridiron and waiting forever for March Madness to begin, the NBA is hoping to snag some more fans.

In theory, when March Madness has cut its last net down and Luther Vandross’ signature theme song “One Shining Moment” has cued for the exiting credits to roll, we will have Kobe, LeBron, and oh yeah, that defending NBA Championship team out of Boston to turn to. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, all three are intriguing to watch.

And as far as baseball is concerned, there’s really no need to invest your free time trying to figure out starting rotations in February or March. It’s a 162-game season! With pitching, the cream always rises to the top in time for your team to make its run. Unless you actually go to Florida or Arizona for spring training, don’t waste your time.

I'll be rooting for Kobe and LeBron to meet up in the Finals this year. But I wouldn’t bet my lunch money on it, because LeBron will not win a championship with a journeyman-like supporting cast in Cleveland.

And as far as Kobe is concerned, he will fail to do the same unless Andrew Bynum is on the court and playing to his potential. Pau Gasol is a nice sidekick for Kobe, but he lacks in the physicality department that any big man needs to have in the playoffs.

Would you want Pau Gasol in a foxhole with you? Though his skills are advanced, he’s still fits that classic European stereotype as a fundamental/finesse player (see Darko Milicic). And Lamar Odom is best served off the bench.

Having to deal with the burden of following football and March Madness, whether or not the NBA can ever catch the same level of attention and exceptional all-around game play it once had in the Jordan, Magic and Bird era is highly unlikely. But with LeBron, Kobe, Chris Paul, Dwight Howard, and the Celtics leading the way, the Association is once again producing above-average sporting entertainment.

Now if only the New York Knicks could catch up.

Pittsburgh Steelers: Your New A-Team

Ryan McCord — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 16:17:42 -0500

If last year’s Super Bowl outcome marked the revolution in pro football’s rise as this country’s sport of choice, then last night’s spectacle may have posed as the inauguration party in crowing the First Franchise.

Thanks to the resourceful and at times mystical play of their 26-year-old quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger, the Pittsburgh Steelers scored the go-ahead touchdown with under a minute left to play, defeating the Arizona Cardinals 27-23, in Super Bowl XLIII.

The win gave the Steeler franchise an NFL record sixth Super Bowl Championship, leaving many to wonder if they now should replace the Dallas Cowboys as owners of the highly respected public label, “America’s Team.”

Yes, the Cowboys may have written a Pulitzer-worthy historic memoir over the last four decades-the glitzy uniforms, the quintessential logo, the glamorous wide receivers, the nicknames (“Primetime”, “The Playmaker”), the hawkish owner, Hall of Fame quarterbacks and running backs, legendary coaches, breathtaking cheerleaders, even a unique stadium-that may all prove to be an impossible resume to deny.

But after years of Cowboy playoff futility, a new Sheriff came into town last night, registered gun and all. The Steelers legitimately became the sovereign franchise of the NFL. All that matters this day and age is winning.

By winning the most Super Bowls, you could now say the Steelers are now the Yankees of the NFL. Or if you prefer, the Yankees are now the Steelers of baseball.

So why did this take so long for this to happen? After all, the Cowboys haven’t WON a playoff game in 12 years! The Steelers have won nine-and that’s just during the Ben Roethlisberger era.

Primarily, look no further than the face of any franchise, the starting quarterback position. Thanks to Roethlisberger’s heroics last night, the Steelers have now joined the Colts (Manning, Unitas), the Packers (Starr, Favre), the 49ers (Montana, Young) and the Cowboys (Staubach, Aikman) as the only franchises to breed two elite, Super Bowl-winning quarterbacks.

Secondly, take a look at the ownership behind the Steelers and Cowboys, beginning with the Rooney family. The Rooney’s show their face on television, well, about as often as Mr. T did during the ‘90s.

Then there’s the Cowboys omnipresent, backseat driving owner in Jerry Jones, who scared Jimmy Johnson away from coaching football all together. Trust: It's no longer a fad!

Then there’s the “other guys.” From “Mean” Joe Green, to Hines Ward, the Steelers have always had likable, overachieving, team-first players who impress fans with their physical, tireless efforts. In contrast, T.O. and the Cowboys choose to get by with their seemingly effortless talents that will grab attention on the highlight reels but don’t guarantee championships.

As much as the game itself has evolved (from running friendly offenses to passing friendly ones) as demonstrated by a combined total of 93 yards on the ground last night, the Steelers just don’t win pretty. The Steelers winning philosophy, though many would label as “boring”, has never changed.

Maybe that’s why it took so long for NFL fans to give them the “America’s Team” label it deserves: low profile stars and ownership and a “fall asleep on the couch midway through the first quarter” playing style.

A disciplined, unselfish, detail-oriented, "boring" style of play earns postseason games and championships. Flashy, sexy and charming sells jerseys, tabloids, and Monday Night Football games.

Then again, maybe Dallas still is “America’s Team.”

Boom! Whap! Pow! Never Attack a Sacred Cow!

Ryan McCord — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 01:53:03 -0500

John Madden used to patrol the Oakland Raider sidelines wearing his signature Carolina Blue-colored rayon pants while exhibiting a liberal head of parted hair that has since been made infamous by former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich.

In 1969, Raider owner Al Davis promoted his linebacker coach, the 32-year-old Madden to the title of head coach. The veteran Raider players, however, didn’t share Davis’ optimism, even going as far as referring to their newest boss in training camp as, “this guy who looks more like a bowling alley manager than a head football coach.”

It wasn’t long before Madden proved his critics wrong then, by eventually becoming the youngest head coach to win a Super Bowl. This Sunday, Madden will co-announce the Super Bowl for the 11th time. Yet, almost forty years after leading his team to a victory on one of sports’ grandest stages, Madden is still dealing with critics despite his iconic status as an ambassador for a sport that has arguably become more popular in this country than casual sex itself.

In a recent issue, The Wall Street Journal, one of the most respected newspapers in the country, clearly went out of its comfort zone by blowing whistles at Madden’s job performance that simply left me scratching my head.

While I must praise the reporter for employing textbook patterns of objectivity throughout the article, I couldn’t help but come to the conclusion that this topic wasn’t up The Journal’s alley, and that they simply had to reach in criticizing Madden.

For instance, I felt like the reporter exposed himself for his lack of present day football knowledge when he cited that, “his grasp of the game isn’t so strong,” and backed that statement up with Madden’s characterization of San Diego as a “passing team”. Finally, the reporter then countered that opinion with clever statistical analysis: “In fact, San Diego called running plays this season about 5% more often than the average NFL team.”

Forget about the Darren Sproles coming out party in week 18. Because anyone who watched any other highlight reel of a San Diego Charger win this season knows that quarterback Philip Rivers was the engine that drove that offense, and not All-Pro running back LaDainian Tomlinson.

There was one more bit of criticism that I simply had to sneer at due to the reporter’s clear lack of football intuition:

“Mr. Madden said the Giants had planned to run the ball at an undersized Carolina defensive lineman, Tyler Brayton, and also that in recent games, Giants quarterback Eli Manning had automatically audibled, or switched, from run plays to pass plays whenever he counted eight defenders on the line of scrimmage. After the game, Giants players said neither statement was true.”

I’m reminded of an old Bill Parcells creed that he pounds into the heads of his players’ and assistant coaches: “We’re in the business of collecting information. We’re not in the business of exchanging information.” Under no circumstances will players-especially ones who are coached by disciples of the Parcells tree (like Tom Coughlin or Bill Belichek)-reveal game plan information or tendencies.

If this is all the muck we as journalists can rake up on John Madden, then keep the turduken’s, outrageous outtakes, and customized telestrator x’s and o’s coming, because I can’t get enough of the legend. The only thing that bothers me concerning Madden, the voice of the NFL, is that he can’t be heard during this special Sunday every season.

Kurt Warner: Still Great Despite the Debate

Ryan McCord — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 15:14:09 -0500

It was Colin Powell who once said, “Have you ever noticed that people will personally commit to certain individuals who on paper possess little authority, but instead possess pizzazz, drive, expertise, and genuine caring for teammates and products?”

Come Sunday night, should the Cardinals win, we should all commit to Kurt Warner’s validity as a Hall of Fame quarterback.

Hall of Fame debaters on the negative side continuously point to the five-season egg (2002-2007) he laid in the middle of his career. This reminds me of a variation of a sheik term that I’m convinced has evolved into the modern day Golden Rule: In life, you’re not measured or judged by the times you got knocked down. You’re judged by how you reacted afterwards.

Warner is not living the American Dream (again) by accident either; in fact, he’s a model architect of how to become a winner in life.

Forget about Warner’s lack of numbers. This is not baseball.

According to its home website, “The Pro Football Hall of Fame celebrates its 45 years of excellence in honoring the legends and preserving the history of professional football.”

I dare any author to write a complete historical review of the NFL without mentioning Warner. It’s going to be difficult enough for screenplay writers to do the same.

The first chapter of Warner’s Hollywood-like story was writing its script right before our very eyes, by leading the Rams franchise, a perennial doormat, to a Super Bowl victory.

If you’re still not convinced Warner should someday have his bust displayed in Canton, I’ll throw you my hypothetical theory in desperation.

Nothing beats the “grocery bagger” dynamic Warner’s original championship plot had, but now he’s threatening to write the sequel—and this one is arguably more impressive.

You could say that Warner leading the Cardinals to a championship is as unlikely as Tony Parker leading the Clippers to an NBA Championship. If Parker were to point guard the Clippers to a championship, that means he would have to do it without his Hall of Fame sidekick in Tim Duncan. Overnight, that would put Parker from “very good NBA point guard” to Hall of Fame lock.

So if Warner was to point guard the Clippers of the NFL to a Super Bowl title without Marshall Faulk, wouldn’t we have to label him as a “Great” quarterback from then on? Aren’t ALL “Great” quarterbacks enshrined in Canton? Again, purely hypothetical, but fun to think about nevertheless.

Hopefully, for Warner’s sake, the odds of the Cardinals actually beating the Steelers are not as far-fetched as his Hall of Fame potential appears to be.

New York Mets Signing Manny Ramirez: For Better or for Worse?

Ryan McCord — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 16:18:46 -0500

Remember the movie entitled “A Christmas Story”? It’s about the boy who is infatuated with the idea of obtaining a Red-Rider B-B Gun for Christmas, but everyone warns young Ralphie that he’ll “shoot his eye out.” That’s how I view the Omar Minaya/Manny Ramirez relationship.

For Omar, the seemingly elusive to acquire Manny (playing the Red Ryder) has long doubled as both empowering, with a conscience weighing chance of becoming destructive.

See Mets fans, it can’t be that Manny Ramirez, maybe the most feared hitter in baseball, hasn’t signed with the Mets just because of the money issue, it’s because like your organization’s play over the last two years, he’s scarred his reputation as a two-face.

And if there’s one thing the Mets don’t need, it’s another double-edged sword for David Wright to have to equivocate for to the ubiquitous media in the Big Apple.

And if Omar does sign Manny, just adds to the laundry list of talents on the Mets roster that already disappoint for their inconsistent play and questionable character. Carlos Delgado has a reputation of dogging it to spite Willie Randolph. Jose Reyes’ play and hustle blows hot and cold with the best of them.

And while Pedro Martinez is undoubtedly a fan favorite and carries an encouraging “good clubhouse guy” reputation, his performance on the mound was below average at best last season (for the brief period he’s healthy enough to play that is).

Mets fans do have their own reputation as being overly optimistic and hording for as many stars as they can piece together. But that was before the unprecedented catastrophic meltdowns of the last two seasons. Now they are bitter.

At this point, many Mets fans would probably rather have seen George W. Bush fill the empty seat in the New York State Senate than seeing Manny take the occasional seat after unsuccessfully chasing fly balls in the new Citi Field’s outfield.

What the Mets fans want is the truth. They want to see or hear Omar’s real take on the possibility of signing Manny. Omar continues to claim that the organization has to stay within the boundary of a $145 million budget.

Here is what his list of pros and cons concerning Manny probably look like:

Pros

1. Manny being Manny to loosen clubhouse.

2. The guy simply rakes-the later the season the better

3. I look like a genius if we sign him and win it all

4. More teams have won, and made it to the playoffs because they had Manny, as opposed to that one isolated season when he decided winning wasn’t important.

Cons

1. After the way the last two seasons have played out, this team could not overcome Manny quitting on us-no matter what our record at the time is.

2. If I don’t sign him, I depend more heavily on the likes of Jose Reyes and Carlos Delgado to produce runs.

3. By going over the budget in signing him, we have to at least make it to the playoffs in order for me to keep my job.

4. Not that I would say this publicly, but I can’t use “boosting fan morale” as a reason for signing Manny. Citi Field will undoubtedly help heal the wounds the past two seasons has created.

While it may look like the pros and cons are dead even in numbers, the meat of the cons most certainly outweigh that of the pros. The bottom line is that the Mets come into 2009 with enough “what-if’s” that need to work in their favor if they are to win the World Series.

The only black and white issue behind bringing in Manny would be the advantage of having a great hitter in your lineup.

Longevity + Consistency = Baseball Hall of Fame

Ryan McCord — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 13:38:00 -0500

Consistency in baseball, for an average of 10 seasons, should be the first and foremost issue in evaluating a player’s Hall of fame worth. As a country, we revered Cal Ripken’s consecutive games played streak, yet voters often don’t give respect to guys who played at a high level for countless numbers of years.

Yet, unsurprisingly, there is an unmarked asterisk that goes with that ever important consistency issue: Did he cooperate with the press or not? I don’t think there is any doubt that the athlete’s personality can put him over the top or keep him copped out by the press (see Jim Rice). Politics go much further in life than Democrats and Republicans. That’s America.

Look at Andre “The Hawk” Dawson, for instance. Dawson played at a high level for roughly 20 seasons in the Big Leagues.

The 1987 National League MVP earned eight all-star selections and gold gloves apiece. He totaled 438 career home runs and 1591 RBI. But for some reason, Dawson is never considered a shoe-in. Is it because he played in Montreal for so long, then moved to Chicago in Ryne Sandberg’s shadow? Or is it because Dawson put up only above average-and nothing else-numbers each season? Time is running out for “The Hawk”, who was a power hitter during an era when power hitting was at a premium.

If I was a baseball writer with a HOF vote, I would begin to evaluate with this sort of philosophy:
Automatic (*) credentials= 3,000 hits or 500 home runs, 280 wins for a pitcher

*(There are a few exceptions, and you know who they are!)

In my estimation, an everyday player needs at least eight great seasons. To justify a great season, I’ll look for any pair of these stats attained: .300 BA, 90 runs, 30 HR, 40 steals, 90 RBI for consideration. Of course, postseason, or any kind of awards or recognitions (all-star selection, gold glove, on-base percentage) help the cause tremendously in case the verdict is on the fence.

Of course, there’s no exact science in ruling what a great season is. Take Chipper Jones’ 2008 season. He only had 22 HR, 75 RBI and 82 runs. In this era, those numbers are common. But because Jones won the batting title, how could you not characterize his season as HOF worthy? If the HOF was based purely on some sort of formula or statistical system, Jeff Bagwell, Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds would be first ballot HOF’ers.

Attempting to vote in a pitcher is much more challenging. After all, he only plays once every five days and you have to take into recognition the teams he played for. Like everyday players, postseason accomplishments have to put the border-line guy over the top. I like to say that 15+ wins in a season, unless it was a losing season, automatically scores as a HOF season. Earn 10 of these seasons, and you’re guaranteed in my book.

I spent a great deal of time with a professional baseball team this summer. We had lengthy conversations that included most of the following individuals in both baseball and football. Of course, this was before we learned that the criteria just got stingier (see greatest leadoff hitter of all-time being left off of 28 ballots this year).

Roberto Alomar: I’m not sure why this is debatable. Spitting in the umpire’s face is embedded in every spectator’s memory, but that shouldn’t completely negate the suggestion that he was the best second baseman of the 90’s. Hands down, I think. Again, that’s an entire decade at the highest level as a middle infielder. All-star games, gold gloves, championships; there’s no denying Alomar’s resume. Character, on the other hand, wasn’t his strong suit. But the playing credentials are just too good to leave him out. In his prime, he might have been the best defensive second baseman ever.

Bert “Be Home” Blyleven:The Chris Berman-issued nickname probably wouldn’t make it to his plaque, but because he played in small markets his entire career, Blyleven was never a household name anyways. In 22 big league seasons, Blyleven won 15 or more games 10 times, totaling 287 career wins. Don’t fault the man, fault the system: Blyleven’s best seasons were in small markets such as Minnesota and Pittsburgh. As writers, we should grant HOF recognition to a guy that was able to pitch successfully in the Big Leagues for over 20 seasons. Think about how lofty of an accomplishment that really is.

Fred McGriff:The nickname itself, “Crimedog”, is HOF worthy. But he falls short on my automatic qualifier formula. But McGriff is still a guy that can really have voters pulling their hair out. Like Dawson, reserved with the media, but hardly reserved with his bat for a significant period of time.

Curt Schilling:The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear or read his name is: Biggest of Big Game Pitchers. The post-season numbers are nothing short of remarkable. Schilling was a champion in both leagues and a World Series MVP with Arizona. The bloody sock performance against the Yankees will go down in history as one of the most important in the history of baseball. His regular season totals don’t blow you away, but again, his postseason reputation will put him over the top. (Not to mention he is the posterchild under the category of “Media Darling”.)

Mike Mussina: Despite the fact that Mussina never pitched in a pitcher-friendly ballpark (or league), as of 2008, he has managed to total 270 wins. And if there is any merit to the idea that you’re only as good as your last season as an athlete, then the 39 year-old hit his pinnacle season in 2008, notching his first 20-win season. Hard to believe that a guy like Mussina, who has pitched at an above average big league level for most of his 18 year career, never hit that golden 20 win mark. Meanwhile, his Hall of fame worth is arguable most likely because the Cy Young award continues to elude him and he pitched most of his career in front of an all-star heavy Yankee lineup. Having retired within shouting distance of an automatic HOF qualifying 300 wins works in the favor of the stubborn HOF voters.

Orel Hershiser: This might be a reach, but what the heck. But before Manny was LA’s preeminent baseball star, Hershiser was arguably the last Dodger player that provided the franchise with a Hollywood-like swagger. It seemed like the Dodgers were just missing some excitement after "The Bulldog" and Kirk Gibson carried the Dodgers to a the World Series victory in 1988. Hershiser had one of the greatest seasons ever for a starting pitcher in 1988; winning the CY Young, a gold glove, World Series MVP, and setting a record of 59 consecutive scoreless innings pitched. Was one of the elite pitchers of the ’80’s.

John Smoltz: He’s more of a question mark because his career stats are somewhat misleading. He’s one of the only pitchers in the history of the game who was just as dominant in closing a game as he was starting it. He still is recognized as one of the best pitchers of his generation. One of the best big-game/postseason pitchers of his generation as well. A champion and Cy Young Award winner. Arguably the face of the Atlanta Braves franchise.

Jeff Kent: We don’t typically associate his name with his position. After all, he never won any awards for his defensive play. But nevertheless, he put up the numbers needed-for any position-let alone a second baseman, to earn HOF recognition. Raked in two handfuls of 100+ RBI seasons with the Giants, where his career began to flourish, winning the MVP in 2000. Another guy who’s lack of character leaves a sour taste in the mouth of a voter. Like Alomar, played second base for a long time. Unlike Alomar, was not known for his glove.

Bo Jackson: Shouldn't the defining sports poster of the '90's (see Nike's "The Ball Player") count for anything?

NFL

Ricky Watters: Consistency and durability were the trademarks of his career, evident in ranking 24th all-time in total yards from scrimmage. Arguably a transcending back in the pass-heavy modern-day West Coast system. Watters managed to rush for 1,000+ yards a season seven times throughout his 10-year career despite never playing under any other system. Scored over 100 touchdowns (regular and postseason combined) while earning the rare reputation as an every-down back who could run, catch and block.

A championship-winning back with the San Francisco 49ers, tying a Super Bowl record by scoring three touchdowns in a rout over the San Diego Chargers. Also set an NFL postseason record with five rushing touchdowns in a divisional playoff victory over the New York Giants in 1994.

Watters is part of an exclusive club, joining Walter Payton, Marshall Faulk, Marcus Allen, Thurman Thomas, Warrick Dunn, and Tiki Barber as the only running backs to accrue a combination of over 10,000 rushing yards and 4,000 receiving yards for a career.

You decide: Corey Dillon, Tiki Barber, Curtis Martin, Roger Craig, Edgerrin James, Jerome Bettis

Electoral College Football: Fans Should Vote on BCS Championship Participants

Ryan McCord — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 15:44:27 -0500

In December 2012, a little more than a month after we decide whether or not to re-elect Barack Obama for President of the United States, we should be sending our ballots in the mail once again.

This time, we will ultimately get to decide who we want to invest four hours of our time for the right to play football on a Monday night in mid-January.

That’s right—we should vote to decide who gets the right to play in the BCS National Championship game of FBS college football.

Here’s what I propose.

1) First and foremost, we need to form an electoral institution. So without further ado, let’s just go ahead and exercise conventional wisdom and hand the duties to ESPN. An appointment of this magnitude would create thousands of jobs, which the World Wide Leader could subsidize (and eventually rake in profits) through months of advertising.

2) One big advantage behind the voting process is early registration. The voters can begin to register online well before the season begins through ESPN’s newly created state-by-state websites. Voters (adults only) would need to be registered at least a month before the ballots are to be postmarked, which is the Tuesday following the release of the final regular season BCS standings.

3) To prevent as many potential voting inconveniences as possible (i.e. ballot lost in mail, insufficient time for ESPN to correctly count votes, etc.) the ballot itself will be sent out a few weeks before the conclusion of the regular season, listing every BCS eligible team.

The voter, however, can only choose two (and must choose two) of the top five teams in the final BCS standings who they desire to see play in the BCS National Championship Game. No write-ins, and only a fraction of a possibility of taking a vote away from a top-five team presents itself.

The ballot, of course, will not present the updated BCS standings. Therefore, it will be up to the voter to find the necessary information on his/her own. This may sound burdening, but it will be the year 2012, for goodness sakes. Information like that is all around us in now in 2008. ESPN will provide both state-issued hotlines and websites for registered voters who may have been locked in a closet for that particular week or two.

4) The two teams who receive the most overall votes, or popular vote, will play in the BCS Championship Game. Because the voting process will take more time to determine the final results as opposed to seasons past, the game itself will be pushed back a week.

When you consider the amount of dollars that a bowl game cashes in on (and amount of time to sell with), the idea that an eight-team playoff system will ever be installed still seems a little far-fetched. The playoff games, with only a week for sponsors to fanny shake and parade their product, will not appease corporate brass.

The only losers under this proposal could be the undefeated teams (like Boise State and Utah this season) from weaker or smaller conferences, because a playoff system gives them the best chance to compete for a national title.

This minor problem can be fixed, however. The BCS could work a deal with the NCAA to restructure its contract in the case a big fish from a smaller pond does run the table, then one spot could be made available in the top five of the final standings, therefore making them championship game eligible. If it happened to be two teams, like this season, then maybe a play-in game could be worked out.

The only glaring concern that stands out to me is the idea that we as voters ultimately get to decide. But we have to remind ourselves that the media, coaches, BCS formula, and a small group of teams dictate who makes up the top five anyways. This is a busy street, but the voters are guided across by hand. How much could voters screw up in selecting two of the top five teams to choose from?

For all you college football purists out there, you have nothing to lose. The Rose Bowl will still be played on Jan. 1, along with two handfuls of other bowl games on that same day. The rest of the BCS bowl games will still be played during their usual date and times as well.

An elected BCS Championship event would create a media buzz of unprecedented proportions. We’re talking Super Bowl-level hype here. Like Presidential candidates, coaches and universities can campaign all season long, while the media will eagerly provide the platform for them to do it on.

We’re talking about an election day for sports fans, with results finalized by sports fans.

Arizona Cardinals, Joe Flacco Aren't Who We Thought They Were

Ryan McCord — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 00:20:44 -0500

NFL Week 16: I thought that Joe Flacco's atypical rookie fortitude would finally surrender. It turned out to be the week that the Ravens, led by their Icy Hot first-year signal caller, dismantled America's Team, on the road, in prime-time.

Flacco and the AFC North runner-up proved to everyone that they, not the Cowboys, were ready to take their season to the next level.

Fast-forward to present day, Championship Weekend in the NFL. The Ravens are still alive and strangely, they have yet to win or lose despite the play of Flacco, who just last season, was studying film of Hofstra's defense while playing at the University of Delaware.

The Ravens play a style that seems to get its opponent to play down to their level. They play with a survivor's edge. That's why I like them to finally beat the Steelers in tomorrow's AFC Championship in the Steel City.

Just so long that "Joe Cool" Flacco doesn't finally screw one up. Flacco has had one hand on the Ravens proverbial wheel, seat belt seemingly unbuckled, driving underage without getting pulled over all season long.

With all the necessary publicity the Ravens defense gets, its their offense that continues to grow right before our very eyes. Coming into this season, I forgot how good veteran wide out Derrick Mason really is, let alone if he was still playing.

What he lacks in size, he makes up with in grit. Mason's a football purists type of guy. Mason's wide out partner in crime, Mark Clayton, always seems to make one big play a game. Todd Heap is still a dangerous tight end. Le'Ron McLain and Willis McGahee give this offense substance on the ground.

Together they exude an old-school mix that can be best described as: steady, sound, dependable, and capable on every play. The Raven offensive line has proved that there can be life after losing a future Hall-of-Fame left tackle in John Ogden.

All the conventional "betting man" cliches are stacked up against Baltimore: Injuries to key players, playing on the road, rookie quarterback starting the game, rookie head coach leading his team to battle.

It's just too much! Right? The only thing stranger than the Ravens winning this game would be if they lost the Super Bowl to the Arizona Cardinals.

And as much as I like the Ravens because nobody is giving them a shot, in contrast I love the Cardinals because they have all the elements lined up in their favor: 1. They're hosting the NFC Championship Game in front of a city buzzing from drinking the team's Kool-Aid.

2.) They have an experienced/proven/champion quarterback 3.) They're riding the high of a freshly developed team identity and, 4.) The likelihood of game-breaking wideouts Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin, and Steve Breaston seeing no double-teams because of Philly's blitz-first defensive scheme.

Because their opponent plays a similar smash-mouth style, the Ravens can overcome a "wrong place at the wrong time" situation. In comparison, Philly, the other road team, I don't think can do the same. You can't measure just how potent momentum can carry a team in the NFL.

Philly almost accidentally got into the playoffs and they beat two teams, in Minnesota and New York, that they were fully capable of beating. The Cardinals play like a team that doesn't know how to lose right now. I don't think I've ever seen a team rage like an inferno during the playoffs quite like they have. That could lead to a Lombardi trophy.

For you bacon lovers: stock up this week. Pigs could be flying out of farms next Sunday when either the Ravens or Cardinals win the last game of the year.