Bleacher Report - Articles by Rocky Getters

AC Milan Just Need To Forget the Derby Disaster: Things Aren't So Bad

Rocky Getters — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 23:02:02 -0400

It was a nightmare, it really was. For the thousands of Rossoneri fans present in the San Siro last Saturday, and for the millions more watching the game at home, that scoreboard right there, presented the most horrifying picture one could paint for a football fanatic—a humiliating derby loss.

That scoreboard, however, of the most one-sided Milan derby in recent memory, isn't the only reason Milan fans were so heartbroken. Almost everything that could go wrong...did! There was a red-card, a penalty, lack of creativity, lack of leadership and direction, flawed team selection and tactics—you name it.

One might put a majority of the blame on Gennaro Gattuso. It was him, who gave away the penalty, and later it was his aggression that got the better of him and earned him that red card. (The fact that Samuel Eto' fell to the ground faster than a granny on skates, may kindly be ignored here.)

Coach Leonardo will probably be everybody's target too. His selection of Marco Boriello ahead of Klaas-Jan Huntelaar made little sense, as did his tactics during the game. Some say his lack of experience did him in, while others say that he just isn't the same presence on the sidelines, as say...Carlo Ancellotti.

And then, as usual, one can come down to the slow defenders, Ronaldinho's lacklustre performance and finally crack a sly joke at the average age of the Milan roster and call the Rossoneri a retirement home.

Fans start losing faith, while experts start scripting odd prophecies about how Milan are doomed for eternity, and how this loss spells failure for Milan in the Champions League!

What everyone involved needs is a reality check.

This is the same team that reaped high praise, just a week ago, after they defeated Siena 2-1. The same people who are getting blamed today, were the heroes of that victory.

Yes, AC Milan lost the derby, and lost it badly. Some mistakes were made, there were some bad performances. But that is it. This defeat is NOT the snapshot of the entire season.

AC Milan just had a really bad day, on the same day when Inter were having a really good day!

Coach Leonardo is rebuilding this Milan team, in hopes of taking them to the same heights of glory which has made this team the most successful club in the world, and that takes time. Whatever he lacks in experience, he makes up for it with his deep understanding of the game and the mutual relationship of trust with his players.

All he needs to do, is to take it one game at a time and get his tactics right. Put his positive approach into practice. And start with either Inzaghi or Huntelaar up front, and not Boriello.

Those who make fun of Milan as an "old age home" perhaps may not be aware of young Ignazio Abate (who has made it to the Milan roster for the Champions League) or Gianmarco Zigoni (who has got a call from the under-21 Italian squad recently) or may be ignoring the fact that when Kaka or Pato arrived here, they weren't at all in their thirties or forties!

Fillipo Inzaghi and Alessandro Nesta, both legends, may have lost their pace but are still sharp and are great assets to the team. And while Seedorf may not be able to shine for the entire game, he showed last Saturday, that even against a mighty opposition, he can still play well.

No doubt, Gattuso should have shown more responsibility. But it was perhaps his passion and not aggression that got the better of him. How many times has this same passion for Milan been praised by the Rossoneri fans!

Just how bad is the situation at Milan?

It'd be delusional to say everything is alright here, but in all fairness, things aren't really all that bad...

Talk about defense, and young Thiago Silva has formed a solid partnership with Nesta, with the likes of talented Onyewu still waiting on the bench.

Fullbacks have not given their best performances yet, and have been a weak link. Lack of genuine pace going forward coupled with lack of devotion to their defensive duties has made Milan vulnerable at the back. But both of them are experienced internationals, and won't need Leo telling them where they are going wrong.

Milan have one of the toughest and most respected midfield in Europe. The quality of Andrea Pirlo, the ruthless aggression of Gattuso, and the commanding presence of Matthieu Flamini paints a satisfying picture, from the Rossoneri perspective.

Arrival of one of the most feared strikers in the world, Huntelaar, has sharpened the Milan offense. The golden triangle with Pato playing next to "Hunter" and Ronaldinho playing just behind them, is as good an attack gets, mind you.

"Hunter" didn't play the first game due to suspension. And as Milan were down to 10 men, owing to tactical compulsions, Huntelaar had to come on in place of Ronaldinho, late in the second match. So, really, Milan hasn't unleashed this trio in the Serie A; when they do, Milan will look a lot different.

Ronaldinho's form has been a topic of great debate. While it is true, that he is not the same magician he was at Barcelona, he is improving, and is comfortable working under Leonardo. He has the support of his teammates and we saw flashes of his old brilliance in the first game.

No doubt, Milan have a tough season ahead. In the Serie A and in the Champions League, both. But it's rather hasty to write them off just yet.

Many times the Italians have been written off, but they have only emerged stronger and better. And there is no reason why the Rossoneri can't do it this time too.

Milan have the players. These players are motivated and hungry. All they need to do is put this loss to Inter behind them and look to win their next game against Livorno.

One win is all it takes to make a new beginning.

AC Milan Announce Their Squad for the 2009-10 Champions League Campaign

Rocky Getters — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 16:14:57 -0400

Italian giants AC Milan have officially announced their 24-men squad for the Champions League (CL) campaign this season.

Here is the complete list:

Marco Storari
Flavio Roma
Christian Abbiati
Dida

Kakha Kaladze
Oguchi Onyewu
Alessandro Nesta
Gianluca Zambrotta
Marek Jankulovski
Thiago Silva
Massimo Oddo
Luca Antonini

Gennaro Gattuso
Clarence Seedorf
Matthieu Flamini
Ignazio Abate
Andrea Pirlo
Massimo Ambrosini

Ronaldinho
Alexandre Pato
Marco Boriello
Klaas-Jan Huntelaar
Davide Di Gennaro
Fillipo Inzaghi

There were no surprises in the list. All the expected veterans and new star signings made the roster.

Goalkeeper Abbiati is out injured and is expected to be back by the end of September. He would then, most probably, still be the first choice keeper for Milan. His experience and quality will be a vital asset in the European campaign.

33-year-old defender Nesta, who has made 57 CL appearances in the glorious red-and-black so far, will have bulk of the responsibilities in the Milan defense. His defensive pairing with 24-year-old Silva will be very crucial. Silva will be making his CL debut this season.

The reins of midfield will rest, once again, in the hands of the veterans Gattuso, Pirlo, Seedorf and Ambrosini. Gattuso has reignited injury concerns in last Saturday's match, but should be fit soon. Young Abate is expected to make his CL debut in this campaign as well.

Davide Di Gennaro is out for at least two months with a broken metatarsal. But the coach has shown enough faith in his ability to include him in the squad.

While Milan fans cannot wait to see the Huntelaar-Pato partnership to start terrorizing defenses, there is one name which shall always warrant even more respect, when we talk of the Champions League: none other than Italian legend Fillipo Inzaghi.

"Super Pippo" has scored a stunning 37 goals in 64 European appearances for Milan. Inzaghi has held and broken many scoring records, but perhaps the best moment for Pippo in the Milan jersey came in the 2007 Champions League final against Liverpool, when he scored both the goals for Milan.

The 36-year-old may have lost his pace, but his hunger and sharpness hasn't eroded even one tiny bit. This year, in the disappointing preseason, he was the only Rossoneri player who radiated class.

AC Milan are placed in a tough Group C with Real Madrid, Marsielle and Zurich.

Milan will have to put everything they have into this campaign and more, to prove to the entire world, that they are still a force to be reckoned with.

Rossoneri Heartbreak: Inter Milan Beats AC Milan 4-0

Rocky Getters — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 17:48:08 -0400

Rossoneri dreams of beating the Nerrazzuri and opening up a four point lead over them were shattered to a million pieces, as Inter Milan defeated AC Milan 4-0, in what was, perhaps, the most one-sided derby this great city of Milan has ever seen in recent years.

Milan were heading into this game with an advantage, having beaten Siena 2-1 quite impressively, last Saturday. On the other hand, Inter had a disappointing 1-1 draw against the newly promoted Bari.

Milan Coach Leonardo Araujo knew that this game was going to be a completely different affair. But the side was pumped up and ready to avenge the preseason losses on the American tour and in the TIM trophy.

Leonardo didn't tinker with the side and used the same 4-3-1-2 formation. Alessandro Nesta and Thiago Silva at the back, with Gianluca Zambrotta and Marek Jankulovski as the fullbacks. Gennaro Gattuso, Mathieu Flamini and Andrea Pirlo in the midfield with Ronaldinho playing just behind Alexandre Pato and Marco Boriello.

Though new signing Klaas-Jan Huntelaar was available for this crucial game, Leonardo decided to keep him on the bench and use him later as an impact player.

Inter Milan went in with the expected side as well, importantly though, Wesley Sneijder played the side, playing right behind Diego Milito and Samuel Eto'. Keeping this front trio quiet was always going to be a tough task for the Milan defense.

Milito made his intentions quite clear when he took a shot at the Milan goal, but Marco Storari watched it go wide.

Two Inter players had an exceptional game today. One was Maicon and other was Sneijder. And it was Sneijder who forced an early first save out of Storari.

After getting yellow-carded in the seventh minute, Flamini made a slick move down the left hand side, only to be stopped in his tracks by Maicon.

It was quite an open game for a derby. For the next few minutes, while Sneijder tried to find Milito and Eto' at one end, at the other end Ronaldinho's header and Pirlo's free-kick were dealt with relative ease by the Inter defense.

Eager Rossoneri eyes spotted Gattuso in discomfort. It seemed as though he had aggravated his old injury again, from which he had just recovered. But he returned to the field shortly.

Finally the deadlock was broken in the 29th minute, when Eto' and Thiago Motta played a nifty one-two combination and Motta drove in the ball past Storari to put Inter in the lead.

Milan were barely recovering from that setback, when Gattuso conceded a penalty in the 35th minute. Eto' was served a long ball from the back by Maicon which was chased down by Gattuso right to the penalty area. But Eto' went down to the ground at the slightest of contact and a penalty was awarded.

Whatever maybe one's view on the validity of the penalty, the execution of the penalty kick by Diego Milito was stunning. He fired one in straight down the middle, while Storari leaped to his right. Inter were up by two goals.

Things went from bad to worse in the 40th minute. Gattuso committed an unnecessary foul on Sneijder near the halfway line. Not just that, his response after committing the foul was also not taken kindly by the referee. Gattuso, who had already earned a yellow card, now was shown the red.

If beating Inter with 11 men was going to be difficult, with 10 men and two goals down, it seemed impossible now.

Just when thoughts of calming things down and getting back to the dressing room to regroup may have entered the Milan minds, a swift move by Inter caught Milan unawares. Milito fed a sweet pass to Maicon who made no mistake putting it past Storari.

Halftime arrived, with Rossoneri three goals down to the Nerrazzuri.

Leonardo decided he needed some calm heads and experience in the middle. He took off Flamini and Boriello, and brought on the old warriors Clarence Seedorf and Massimo Ambrosini. The plan was to let Pato play up front with Dinho, close down the midfield with Ambrosini and let Seedorf make runs from the midfield to assist the forwards.

That plan would have worked if Milan had actually managed to keep any decent possession.

But Milan looked scrappy, and every time the ball made an entry into the final third, some Inter player got to it before a Milan one.

Around the half hour mark, Jose Mourinho also made his first change of the night bringing on Sulay Muntari instead of Motta who seemed to have pulled his calf muscle minutes earlier. A couple of minutes later, Huntelaar made his Milan debut in the Serie A, replacing Ronaldinho.

Inter continued to mount wave after wave of attack. And then finally came, what can possibly be termed, as the best goal of the night. In the 67th minute, Dejan Stankovic was served a ball right in his path, which he gave his everything with his right foot and the ball thundered into the top corner. Storari had no chance of saving that one.

Milan were genuinely facing a drubbing here. Leonardo looked disappointed and unenthusiastic; the players looked unmotivated and drained. Many fans wearing their precious red and black shirts were seen leaving the stadium early.

It was Stankovic again, who in the 78th minute, took another massive shot at the Milan goal, which was blocked by Storari. Eto' was quick to get to it and hammered it at the Milan goalkeeper, but Storari blocked it again, though by then the assistant had flagged for offside for Eto' anyway. That double save was probably the only positive thing for Storari tonight.

The game got a bit mundane from then on. Both sides seemed to have settled for the result. Inter still looked in control. But Seedorf looked impressive going forward.

Huntelaar showed a little something of what has made himself the prolific icon he is today. He got to the end of a long cross into the box and tried his luck with his left foot, only to be denied by Julio Ceasar.

But the misery ended, as the final whistle blew. Inter had defeated Milan 4-0. A resounding victory for Inter indeed.

It was a disappointing and frustrating game for Milan. Perhaps a tough, bitter lesson for Leonardo. Rebuilding isn't yet complete.

Perhaps, the next time these two teams meet, the result will be different. But for tonight, the Rossoneri hearts were truly broken.

Eight Factors That'll Decide the Fate of AC Milan in Serie A This Season

Rocky Getters — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 19:21:33 -0400

AC Milan have started their new campaign on a high note, beating Siena 2-1, away from home, in an entertaining game of football. All "expert" predictions of stumbling on the first step, drawn from their disappointing preseason, have been rubbished by the way the Rossoneri played last Saturday, and there is a refreshing positivity in the Milan camp.

This Saturday, AC Milan will play against city rivals Inter Milan, in what is probably the toughest football derby in the world. Unlike Inter, who had a disappointing draw on the opening day, Milan will go into this derby full of energy and optimism.

Despite all this, even the most ardent of Milan fans will agree, that this is just the beginning of the season and as always, we can expect a lot of drama in the Serie A. As the Rossoneri prepare for their war, lets take a look at the different factors that will decide the fate of the Italian giants this season.

1. Winning majority of the points outside of the big four games

Encounters against Inter Milan and Juventus are always going to be tough. And when two strong teams collide, it is often the team that is that little bit better on that day that wins it. Points off a win or a draw against these two oppositions are always going to be crucial, but it's an absolute sin to drop points against teams outside of your major oppositions, and often those games can eventually decide your fate for the season.

Last season, Milan lost eight games and drew another eight. Though the loss against Roma in the second-last round of matches hurt the most, Milan also lost to Bologna and Genoa at the start, and Sampdoria, Udinese (whom Milan had drubbed 5-1 at home earlier) and Palermo.

Milan also dropped crucial points against mid-table sides, which they were expected to win.

This season, Milan will need to ensure that they collect maximum points from these matches and not slip up against a lesser opposition.

2. The Away matches

Every team plays stronger at home, but the best teams play well away from home as well.

Last season, out of the 19 away games, Milan lost five and drew six. Though their goal difference is positive, it is almost one-third of that at home. Milan clearly are more comfortable at home and score more at the San Siro.

But to win the title this season they will need to expand their comfort zone, be more adventurous away from home and convert those draws into wins. Even though the odd losses and draws are expected, Milan need to be more positive and take the game to the opposition and bag the points away from home too.

3. The right attitude

Far too many times, Milan have been accused of losing/drawing games from winning positions, or allowing the opposition to score right after they have scored or not putting up a decent winning streak together in the league (last season the max being five).

Coach Leonardo has laid plenty of emphasis on how he has some amazing players at Milan, but they will need to gel together as a team, and enter the field with the right frame of mind. Attitude change is all this team needs to start winning it big.

4. The performance of the Golden triangle

Imagine an offense with Ronaldinho playing just behind Alexandre Pato and Klass-Jan Huntelaar. Sounds menacing for the opposition, doesn't it?

Last year, it was the golden triangle of Kaka-Pato-Inzaghi who scored nearly 60% of Milan's goals. This year, a lot will depend on how well the front two—Pato and Huntelaar— can play together, score and create opportunities for each other.

Huntelaar will make his Serie A debut in the red and black this Saturday against Inter, as he missed the first match due to suspension. But this Saturday itself, we saw Ronaldinho and Pato play extremely well together. Ronaldinho anticipated Pato's movement well, and his passing was exquisite. Pato scored both of Milan's goals and has already put the Serie A on alert.

Huntelaar will need time to adjust to the tough Italian league, where defenders are anything but kind to the presence of forwards and where tackles are anything but refined and playful. But knowing the quality of "Hunter," he should start scoring big, as soon as he adjusts.

Ronaldinho is the key somehow. Both Adriano Galliani and Silvio Berlusconi, have said this earlier. The Brazilian playmaker has been a shadow of his glorious self at Barcelona, but is fast improving. If he gets back to his best or thereabouts, he can dazzle and shine and the Golden triangle will be a real force to be reckoned with.

5. Mind the goal!

Milan's first choice goalkeeper Christian Abbiati is out injured and will return sometime after September. The injury would have kept him out for more than six months by then, so he will take a few more weeks to get "match ready."

Till then, all will depend on Marco Storari and new signing Flavio Roma.

In the match against Siena, Storari played really well. Even though Milan conceded a goal they could have prevented, Storari was kept busy by the Siena frontmen for quite some time. And towards the end, Storari made a couple of really good saves.

Leonardo has a lot of confidence in the Italian and he will be in the goal for Milan till the return of Abbiati, unless he makes some major mistakes and allows Roma a look-in. Roma is a respected goalkeeper as well, but being the first-choice keeper for now, Storari will need to give his absolute best and be as miserly in the Milan goal as possible.

6. Keeping the two engines running

Alessandro Nesta and Gennaro Gattuso are the two engines on which the Milan side works. Nesta is the brilliant, experienced defender who marshals the defenders and protects the Milan goal. Gattuso is the energetic, robust, fierce presence in the midfield, who can be seen breaking down opposition passes, fighting for possession and occasionally running down the right flank.

But last season, both of them suffered injuries. With Nesta and Gattuso out of the side, Milan are not their best.

These two guys always give their best on the field. But the biggest challenge for Milan is to keep them both fit throughout the season.

7. Winter reinforcements

The summer transfer window was a busy one for Milan. Superstar Kaka went OUT and Dutchman Huntelaar and American Oguchi Onyewu came IN. But with majority of the side on the wrong side of 30, and with Maldini retiring and Kaka's departure, some might say these signings were not enough.

Milan's activity in the January transfer window will be important. David Beckham is almost certain to return to Milan on another loan deal. Although a permanent move cannot be ruled out either, a loan deal at the very least is guaranteed.

Apart from Beckham too, Milan will need to bring in some reinforcements, based on the team's performance and squad fitness. Those signings will be crucial for the second half of the season.

8. The next generation

Milan have been criticised for having many old players, and the average age of Milan squad has always been at the receiving end of many jokes. But the reality is, AC Milan have a lot of talented, skillful, young players just waiting to burst out onto the scene.

22-year-old Italian midfielder/winger Ignazio Abate and 18-year-old compatriot striker Giianmarco Zigoni are two shining examples, with plenty of potential and loads of talent. Coach Leonardo used them a lot in the preseason games against notable oppositions, and both of them have received praise from the team veterans.

Similarly, Milan have the highly talented Uruguayan pair of Mathías Cardaccio and Tabare Viudez. Not to mention the returning Davide Di Gennaro.

Perhaps, the best among these is the 24-year-old Brazilian center-back Thiago Silva, who has gained immense trust of the coach and also has garnered plenty of praise from Nesta.

All these young players need to step up, and when given an opportunity, play to their fullest potential.

AC Milan have started on a winning note. But the road ahead will be a tough one. Apart from all these factors, the most important one is going to be the presence of that pure, unadulterated, wild passion to win the title wearing that glorious red and black, and do the Rossoneri fans proud.

If the players have that, nothing can stop Milan from winning.

Pato And Ronaldinho Shine As AC Milan Beats Siena 2-1

Rocky Getters — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 17:47:10 -0400

AC Milan started their Serie A campaign on a winning note, beating Siena 2-1 at the Artemio Franchi stadium. Brazilian superstar Pato scored both the goals for Milan.

Heading into this season opener, there were many doubts about the Rossoneri and their performance this season. Having lost a couple of key players this summer, Milan had a terrible preseason where they not only lost a majority of games, but also experienced a drought of goals and creativity.

But coach Leonardo Nascimento de Araujo remained optimistic about his team's chances and it seems like the team has responded.

Leonardo started with Marco Storari in the goal, and had Alessandro Nesta and young Thiago Silva in the center of defense, with Gianluco Zambrotta and Marek Jankulovski as the fullbacks.

As expected, the team played a 4-3-1-2 formation, with Mathieu Flamini, Andrea Pirlo and Ivan Gennaro Gattuso in the midfield with Ronaldinho playing just behind Pato and Marco Boriello.

Star signing Klaas-Jan Huntelaar was suspended for this game, as he had received a red card on the final day of last season.

Siena, always a tough test for Milan, started with Gianluca Curci in the goal and Massimo Maccarone and Abdelkader Ghezzal up front.

After the first few apprehensive moments, both teams started to get into their own.

The Siena defense was alert and whenever the Rossoneri tried to make a quick move into the final third, they caught them offside.

In the 10th minute, Pato's volley was kept out effectively but Milan started to mount some pressure with the set pieces. More than once, Pirlo's free kicks were launched into the area without any Milan player getting on the end of it.

At the other end, Storari had to make his first save of the night as he blocked Ghezzal's effort. Storari was kept busy all night by the Siena front two.

The deadlock finally ended in the 29th minute, when Pato got to a Ronaldinho pass and scored.

But the joy was short-lived for Milan, as Lukas Jarolim took a shot from a distance, which Storari could only manage to block, but Ghezzal got to the rebound first and equalized for Siena in the 34th minute.

Milan then tried hard to regain an advantage before halftime, but couldn't do so.

Whatever talk coach Leonardo had during halftime worked, as Milan came out of the blocks firing. They directly launched an attack on Siena.

It was Ronaldinho again who created room for himself in the congested midfield and passed the ball on to Flamini who sent in a cross to the far post from where Pato scored his second of the night, making it 2-1 in Milan's favor in the 48th minute. Siena had to play catch-up for the rest of the game.

Around the hour mark, Milan substituted Gattuso with Massimo Ambrosini. Gattuso who had recently recovered from injury, made his 400th appearance for Milan in today's match.

Though Boriello had a quiet night, Pato and Ronaldinho remained a constant threat to Siena all the time. Ronaldino looked more energetic and his passing was more fluent tonight.

Around the 75 minute mark, a curling free-kick from Ronaldinho looked menacing but was kept out. Having cleared the danger from the corner kick, Siena stepped up the momentum and for the remainder of the game scurried hard for the equaliser.

Storari made two crucial saves, one from Daniele Ficagna and then an amazing diving save to deny Maccarone in the 81st minute.

Ronaldinho was at it again, as his long-range effort hit the wrong side of the net in the 88th minute. In the very next minute he created a great opportunity for Boriello who could have put the game out of the reach of Siena, but he failed to capitalize on it.

After playing two minutes of stoppage time, the ref finally blew his whistle and the game ended 2-1 in favor of AC Milan.

This victory will be very important for AC Milan. Not only will it mark a victorious entry into this season's campaign, but will also serve as an influx of positivity and self-belief, which is vital for the team.

Leonardo should be pleased by the performance of Storari in the goal, while Ronaldinho's form is a welcome sign as well. Pato's hunger for goals should alarm rest of the teams in the Serie A. And add to that Huntelaar, who will debut in the Italian league with his next game, Milan look to be a real force to be reckoned with.

In seven days time, Milan will face bitter city rivals Inter Milan. This game is less of a football game and more of a war, wherein the great city of Milan gets sharply divided into two parts, the Rossoneri and the Nerrazzuri.

That will be a tough test for the men in red and black, but for tonight, Milan can celebrate their win.

Can I Kick It?: AC Milan Season Preview in the Form of a Rap Song

Rocky Getters — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 01:48:59 -0400

I will give you exactly what the headline suggests: A serious season preview for the Italian giants AC Milan, and yes...I'll rap. It's titled, "Go Rossoneri."

Milan has had a tough preseason so far, having lost all but two friendlies. Despite making two high-profile signings in the form of Klass-Jan Huntelaar and Oguchi Onyewu, the team has had defensive and offensive problems aplenty.

A tough season lies ahead in Italy and Europe, but this Milan fan(atic) believes that Milan will do well.

Ahem... *clears throat*

Go Rossoneri!

Rocky G's in da house...let's do this boyz...

Yo!

AC Milan is on a mission
We ain't crazy, we ain't juz dissin'
With or without your kind permission
We'll hand you out a nice a**kickin'

Inter and Juve, you ain't got nothin' on us
We'll touch the sky, you'll juz bite the dust
If you're Monica, we're Hillary
Don't mess with us!

Boom, boom!
Go Rossoneri!
Boom, boom!
Let's go Rossoneri! [chorus x 2]

You say our attack ain't good? Listen to thiz...

Dis season Pato and Huntelaar will score like a mean machine
Then Inzaghi will come off the bench and score another fifteen
If Ronaldinho strikes form, he'll be like Hulk—green and mean
So shut yor mouth haters, we were born ready like James Dean

Our youth structure is strong, folks waiting to burst on to the scene
One kid Ignazio Abate, he's got stuff you ain't seen
We ain't blank, ya fools, we're rebuilding;
We juz have a slate wiped, polished and clean

Boom, boom!
Go Rossoneri!
Boom, boom!
Let's go Rossoneri! [chorus x 2]

Defensive problems? Ha!

Nesta is back from injury, and he's raring to go
Favalli ain't that bad, he can hold his own
Oddo and Zambrotta can run down the flanks and flow
When Onyewu gets a match, he'll be sure to whoop your a** some more

Hell, we can play without a proper defense, we got Gattuso
The man's a beast, he lives to see you suffer and moan
Dance and prance, but you can't get past him ye know
Once "the bull" tackles you, your a** gets nailed to the floor!

Boom, boom!
Go Rossoneri!
Boom, boom!
Let's go Rossoneri![chorus x 2]

Our midfield is sluggish, boring and slow? In your dreams, sucka...

Pirlo is the man, he can do no wrong
His free-kicks hit the net with the sound of a gong
Dinho can move fast like he's playing ping-pong
Seedorf can chase a ball from Milan to Hong Kong!

Captain Ambrosini is the King Kong
He's got more class than that Limo parked on the front lawn
Our midfield is classier than Katherine Heigl in an evening gown
Compare our hairstyles, Jose Mourinho; I'm Patrick Dempsey, you're just a clown!

Boom, boom!
Go Rossoneri!
Boom, boom!
Let's go Rossoneri! [chorus x 2]

I'm telling all ya haters for the last time
Milan will win the title and the CL crown
I like Juventus, so I ain't coming after thee
But Inter Milan, you're going down, down...down!

Boom, boom!
Go Rossoneri!
Boom, boom!
Let's go Rossoneri! [chorus x 4]

Boom!

Peace.

PS: The above work is meant for humorous purposes only. No team, player, fan, or entity is directly or indirectly meant to be insulted or belittled.

I hope you all have a good sense of humor...assuming this actually turned out well.

Grazie.

AC Milan and Italian Golden Boy: Gianni Rivera

Rocky Getters — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 23:02:24 -0400

In the footballing realm, Italy is a European powerhouse indeed. Since forever, the Italians have been known for their elaborate, tactical superiority and a monstrous defense that can make even the best attack in the world look helpless and feeble.

They don't always play a beautiful game. They frustrate and wear out oppositions, play a tough game, never shy away from a rough tackle. Scoring a goal against the Italians is an achievement that should be engraved on your tombstone.

It's slightly shocking then, that in such a defensive and tough mindset, a rather frail-bodied, shy but graceful, creative genius was born. What is not surprising though, considering his talent, is that he went on to become one of the best footballers of all time.

Gianni Rivera is truly a legend.

Giovanni Rivera was born in Alessandria on August 18th, 1943. His love for football was evident right from an early age and his unique silky style and creativity soon caught everyone's eye. Though he started out on the wings, he would find himself more suited in the central midfield position, playing deep and creating opportunities.

He made his Serie A debut at the age of 15 for his hometown Alessandria. His debut match was, as luck would have it, against AC Milan's bitter rivals—Inter Milan.

Gianni scored six goals in 25 appearances the next season. It was a splendid return for a midfielder of that age in the toughest league of the time, defensively speaking.

And it was not long before the Italian giants AC Milan recognized his potential and brought him over to the glorious red-and-black side of Milan, where he would stay until the end of his long and illustrious career.

The transfer fee was a record one at that time: An earth-shattering $200,000, for a 16-year-old who had played only one real season. But having watched Rivera play, few doubted the youngster's potential, and everybody knew Milan were an even bigger offensive threat now.

By this time, he was already dubbed "The golden boy." Throughout the 1960s, he would dominate the midfield, and etch a name for himself in the history books as one of the finest and the most refined players of his time, and indeed, of any time.

His playing style was unique and radically different from his Italian teammates, even in the midfield. He was never a physical player—his body structure wouldn't allow him to be so.

Though he wasn't a rough player, it would be a mistake to say he wasn't gritty. He compensated his on-field physical inferiority with supreme intelligence and creative flamboyance. His vision for passing was immaculate; he created room for himself and provided high-percentage assists.

His midfield dominance was not one warranted by an intimidating presence, but more so by his tactical and technical brilliance, of which there are few parallels.

After his arrival at the San Siro, Rivera wouldn't have to wait long to taste success with the Rossoneri. He smashed in 10 goals in the 1961/62 season and AC Milan would go on and win the Scudetto.

That same year, Rivera also made his international debut for Italy, but his international career, though memorable, would be more painful for him in years to come.

But his days of scripting the glory days of the Rossoneri were just beginning. 1962 also saw AC Milan beat Benfica 2-1 in a memorable match and Milan won the European Cup, now known as the Champions League.

The latter half of the decade saw Rivera become an absolute phenomenon as Milan won the Italian Cup, the Serie A league title, the European cup, the Cup Winner's Cup, the Europe/South America cup—all in just two years.

Milan was undoubtedly the best club in the world, and Gianni Rivera was the hero.

In 1969, the 26-year-old Rivera won the prestigious Ballon d'or award. He was the first Italian to do so.

Rivera continued to churn out good performances during the 70s, as Milan won another couple of Italian cups, and a Cup Winner's Cup in the decade.

But Rivera's international career was not as he would have expected it to be. For bitter city rivals Inter Milan had another brilliant star midfielder by the name of Alessandro Mazzola. The Rivera-Mazzola rivalry, though only on field and fueled mostly by the Milan-Inter rivalry, was one for the ages.

It was so intense that even though both were brilliant players, the Italian national coach would only select one at a time as he thought they could not co-exist together on the field. He employed a strategy known as staffetta wherein Mazzola played the first half, and Rivera would play the second.

Each of them had their own style and their own assets and weaknesses. Mazzola was more physical and controlling of the midfield, playing on the right hand side; Rivera was the more refined, silky smooth, creative midfielder who played at his own pace in the center.

The strategy paid rich dividends as Italy would reach the finals of the 1970 World Cup against Brazil. Wait....Pele's Brazil. That adds a whole new dimension to it all.

But when the world's best offense squared off against the world's best defense, the Italian coach made the biggest mistake of his career: He didn't bring on Rivera in the second half, thinking that the tougher Mazzola was the better option against the quick, aggressive style of the Brazilians.

Rivera finally came on to the field with only a few minutes to spare, and Italy lost.

He represented the Azzurri once again in 1974, but age and time were not on his side. Not winning the World Cup for his country was probably the biggest disappointment of his career.

Rivera would help Milan win yet another Scudetto in 1979, his final year at the club.

By that time he had made, in total, 658 appearances for Milan, scoring 164 goals. Prolific, by any standards.

Rivera stayed at the club helping in administrative matters, and even became the vice-president. But when Silvio Berlusconi, lying on the opposite political spectrum of his, bought the club in 1986, he had to leave. Rivera soon joined politics.

There is a reason this footballer was so prolific—and it goes far beyond a mere list of the awards and titles he has won.

Some say talent is a natural gift. Some say talent is a result of hard work. Well, Rivera is the unadulterated personification of both these aspects unified, amplified several times.

He had talent, but he applied himself the right way. Like all great players, he was aware of his strengths and weaknesses. His graceful passing, shrewd understanding of the game, and above all, his uncorrupted desire to play the beautiful game of football, is what makes him the legend that he is today.

The "Golden Boy" celebrates his birthday on August 18th. Happy birthday, Gianni!

AC Milan Coach Leonardo: We Have All the Ingredients to Win

Rocky Getters — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 01:48:12 -0400

AC Milan coach Leonardo sent out a message of optimism to the Rossoneri fans in a press conference ahead of the Tropheo Berlusconi later tonight, but also remained realistic about his expectations and the team performance.

The match tonight against Juventus, for the Berlusconi trophy, will be the last friendly before a long and testing season begins for Milan this Saturday when they face Siena. A string of defeats and worse yet, the lack of goals, has pronounced a drought of hope in the red and black camp. But coach Leonardo tried to send the right message, to the fans as well as his players.

"Realistically what must change in this team is the attitude." said Leonardo. He went on to emphasize that Milan had a lot of quality, and had all the right players. They just need to step up their game and give everything they have, every time.

"The talent is undeniably there in this team. There's also spirit of sacrifice, order and discipline. The ingredients are all there to win."

He sent out a strong message of optimism, and yet, as all coaches must, remained sensitive about the realistic obstacles his club is facing.

"We cannot enter a tunnel of pessimism. The team must do better, but I am calm; now is the time to restart, I believe in it."

"If we give everything we have, we can have a good season. The basis is there, as is the playing idea. We just need to restart."

Leonardo cited Alessandro Nesta's example and praised his attitude and motivation, and expected the rest of the team to follow his lead and play to their fullest potential. The Milan coach was also happy that the new signing Huntelaar had a taste of the Serie A competition in the TIM trophy after just arriving at the club, but also admitted that the striker needs time to settle.

Leonardo also demanded more consistency and dedication from Ronaldinho. The Brazilian playmaker is a shadow of what he was at Barcelona and has been a subject of criticism for not giving his best at his new club. Leonardo has seen improvement in Ronaldinho but for the club to start winning again, he knows it's important that Ronaldinho starts performing well.

Leonardo also hinted at the possible arrival of a fullback before the transfer window collapses. Real Madrid left-back Royston Drenthe has been linked with Milan, but Drenthe has time and again said that he wants to stay with Real.

Even as Leonardo remains optimistic, as his job dictates him to be, he is fully aware that his work is cut out for him. Milan have looked shaky at the back, sloppy in the midfield, and haven't scored many goals. A tough season in Italy, and in Europe, awaits them.

Milan will be facing Siena on Saturday and then just seven days later is the big Milan derby. Any humiliation or poor performances there will definitely leave Rossoneri fans angry. As it is, in the preseason, Milan have lost to Inter twice, once on the American tour and recently in the TIM trophy.

For today, Milan will concentrate on the Luigi Berlusconi trophy encounter against Juventus. Leonardo has called up 20 players, including Inzaghi, Zambrotta, Gattuso and Pirlo. It'll be interesting to see whom Leonardo selects to be in the goal, Storari or Roma and whether he employs the same 4-3-1-2 formation he has used recently or changes things up a bit.

Either way, one thing is for sure. In Leonardo's own words, "Now is the time to restart."

AC Milan Continue Their Losing Streak, Have a Poor Showing In TIM Trophy

Rocky Getters — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 01:06:05 -0400

AC Milan had their worst ever showing in the TIM trophy last night, as they finished bottom with zero points behind Inter Milan and Juventus, and failed to score a single goal in their two matches.

The Rossoneri were optimistic going into the unique and prestigious Tropheo TIM, after the recent signings of Huntelaar and Flavio Roma. But the same old problems haunted Milan as they lost both their 45-minute matches to Inter and Juventus.

In the first match of the tournament, Juventus beat Inter on penalties, after the game ended in a 1-1 draw. That meant that Milan would face Inter next.

Leonardo chose to go with Marco Storari in the goal, with Nesta and Favalli in the center of defense. Huntelaar made his first start in the red and black as well, playing alongside Pato up front, with Ronaldinho playing just behind the two.

The Nerazzurri were tested early on by Antonini and then Pato, but Inter keeper Cesar kept out both attempts.

Inter won a free-kick in the 22nd minute which was immediately converted into a goal by striker Mario Balotelli, as he fully exploited the sloppy Milan marking.

Inter's defense was strong enough to deny Milan any hopes of an equalizer and Inter went on to win the match 1-0.

Against Juventus in the next match, new signing Flavio Roma replaced Storari in the goal. Leonardo maintained the formation he played against Inter and hoped that Milan would be more creative against Juve and bring in a better result.

But things would only go from bad to worse for Milan as Juventus scored first in the 14th minute with Amauri.

Keeper Flavio Roma looked unsettled in the goal, but still managed to make a couple of crucial saves after the Amauri goal. But it wasn't long until Amauri's strike partner at Juventus, Iaquinta, scored a second one and crushed all Rossoneri hopes.

Milan would try to launch an attack but were denied by Juventus, who went on to win the match and lift the trophy for the first time as well.

Three-time winners, Milan finished last.

Pato, probably Milan's best player on the pitch, was adventurous and seemed to work well with Huntelaar. It's only a matter of time before we see goals from the duo.

But Milan just failed to control the midfield and creativity was sporadic. The enigmatic Ronaldinho needs to step up his game and feed the strikers often, for us to see some goals.

Though Oddo and Antonini were decent going forward, the full-backs failed to do their defensive duties to the fullest. The Milan defense looked anything but solid. And then, it was the old ghost of set-pieces that once again lost them the match against Inter.

A disappointing preseason and this performance in the TIM trophy is anything but good news for Milan. It's a tough road ahead for them, if they intend to challenge Inter and Juventus for the Serie A title.

Milan do need time, for the new players to settle, and for all the players to gel as a real team under Leonardo. Even as he remained confident and optimistic about Milan's chances this season, he is fully aware of the challenge.

Each loss is a lesson learned. But the question is: How many more lessons before we see the Rossoneri win again?

AC Milan: Kalac Out, Roma In, Gattuso Admits It'll Be A Tough Season

Rocky Getters — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 03:43:26 -0400

AC Milan have now officially released goalkeeper Zeljko Kalac and brought in Monaco's Flavio Roma as a direct replacement.

The 6' 7" Australian goalkeeper who had joined Milan in the summer of 2005 had made 38 appearances for the club, as he was, for most parts, the third choice goalkeeper behind Dida and Abbiati. Kalac was released after reaching a mutual agreement and rumors suggest that he maybe on his way to Parma.

The Italian Flavio Roma is a product of the Lazio youth team and had spent time at various Italian clubs before making a move to Monaco in 2001. He has made 247 appearances for that club over the past eight years and is a respected goalkeeper.

However Roma's arrival has made the goalkeeping scene at Milan interesting.

AC Milan already have Dida, Storari and Abbiati, all big-name goalkeepers. And still, Milan have had problems in the goal, which have already been exposed this preseason.

Abbiati is out injured, while Storari has not exactly been convincing, while injuries and a general dip in form have made Dida a subject of criticism as well.

The 35-year-old Flavio Roma may not be preferred ahead of Storari, especially considering that Milan will face bitter city rivals Inter in their second Serie A encounter at the end of this month. But his arrival is seen more as an insurance policy in case Storari is not able to deliver.

Whether that actually works out remains to be seen.

In other transfer news: German giants Bayern Munich are reportedly interested in Milan defender Kakha Kaladze, while Milan are almost set to make a deal with LA Galaxy over David Beckham in January. In all the transfer rumor chaos, relief for Rossoneri fans comes in the form of an official AC Milan statement confirming that Pato will definitely be staying at Milan.

Meanwhile midfielder Gennaro Gattuso sounded as pragmatic as one can ever get, in his interview to the Milan channel.

First, he assured that he's doing better, in terms of his physical fitness, and let the fans know that Milan intend to put the disappointing preseason behind them and look to the future.

He expressed his disappointment on having to let Kaka go, but was happy that Pirlo has stayed on. He said that Pirlo was like his brother and that his presence in the team will be an asset and his role in Milan's performances pivotal.

Most importantly, Gattuso admitted that the season ahead will be a tough one but that they are prepared.

"They're all waiting for us, so we have to convince ourselves to give something extra."

And indeed, Milan have a tough road ahead. One filled with doubts, one that will test the character of the team and the fans, one that will warrant immense strength of mind.

AC Milan are a complex side right now.

They have young superstars like Pato and Huntelaar upfront, who can terrorize the best defenses in Europe. They have what remains of a defense once considered the best in the world. They have an enigmatic Ronaldinho who is still searching for his best at Milan and experienced veterans like Inzaghi, Pirlo and Gattuso who never give anything but their best on the field.

Leonardo has the tough task of rebuilding such a team and taking them to glory. It won't be easy, he knows it. But the fact that nobody expects them to script miracles this season means that they can play without pressure.

And then, whenever "experts" have written off this team, they have come back stronger and better.

Millions of fans whose hearts beat to the rhythm of the magnificent red and black, will hope for nothing else, this season.

Can Sachin Tendulkar Really Reach 15,000 Test Runs and Play in 2011 WC?

Rocky Getters — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 21:49:53 -0400

I just couldn't believe it! I was seeing it all with my own eyes, but it seemed so unreal.

India had lost their second wicket and the batsman had a long walk back to the pavilion. Mind you, India were playing at home, and the stadium was filled with more than 50,000 cricket-fanatic Indians.

Normally, a loss of wicket would warrant a disappointment, saddened groans and moans, curses even! But when that batsman got out, the whole stadium erupted with delight!

The deafening cheer was, of course, not for the departing batsman, but simply because him getting out meant that now Sachin Tendulkar (batting at No. 4 that day) would step onto the field to bat!

It's only fair to insert this cheesy, overused line here—In India, cricket is a religion, and Sachin Tendulkar is a God.

This prolific batsman, today, holds all the "big four batting records." This is the guy who literally gave nightmares to the best spin bowler of his time: Shane Warne. It seems impossible to make an all-time cricket dream-team, test or ODIs, without him.

Sachin Tendulkar can arguably be called- the best batsman this world has ever seen.

And it is this legend—Sachin Tendulkar, who recently said that he has two dreams left to realize now:

To get to 15,000 test runs.
To win a World Cup playing for India.

As great as Tendulkar is, can he really do it?

Right now, Sachin Tendulkar has amassed 12,773 runs in test cricket. Getting to 15,000 runs would warrant him playing test cricket till 2012 at least, and that too assuming he generally stays fit and scores at a prolific rate.

Test cricket can take a toll on the body and fitness has been a key issue for the 36-year-old. Back problems and overall fitness have affected Sachin's performances over the past few years. Every time he seems to get better, some injury sidelines him.

A book can be written about his form over the past decade or so. He has seen highs and lows in his long career. But it cannot be denied, that with age, his aggression and prolific rate of scoring has reduced.

Opposing teams now consider the dismissal of Virender Sehwag more important than Tendulkar. A few years ago, opposing bowlers feared Tendulkar; now they just respect him.

Then he faces a threat from the young guns. There are a number of young, talented Indian players who have put on good shows in the domestic circuits. How long can the Indian selectors resist the temptation of giving a younger player a test cap, sidelining Tendulkar?

ODI World Cup seems a more probable adventure. Winning a World Cup is a team effort, and with the best part of two years still to go, early to say anything. But it doesn't seem too improbable that he can play in it.

Even right now, Tendulkar is rested for some tours and “used” in important series. He can prepare himself and focus specifically on the WC.

2011 WC will be held in South Asia, many matches will be played in India. Considering the stature of Tendulkar, BCCI will find it impossible to keep him out of it.

But then again, BCCI did axe the popular Sourav Ganguly and Rahul “The wall” Dravid from ODIs, once considered the backbone of the Indian batting, after some poor performances. So, staying in good form, and fitness will still be very crucial for Tendulkar.

One shouldn’t write off Tendulkar though.

This guy has single-handedly carried his team across the finish line many times. Anyone who has watched him during the Sharjah Cup in ’98, knows that he can really perform miracles in cricket. He doesn’t like losing and must have considered all this when he made that statement.

But can he really do it?

Silvio Berlusconi: More Than Just the Club Owner, A True AC Milan Fan

Rocky Getters — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 02:21:57 -0400

Italian Prime Minister and AC Milan supremo Silvio Berlusconi has been in the news a lot lately. But mostly, for all the wrong reasons.

To say he has a colorful personality would be an understatement. It's still a puzzle whether he chases controversy or controversy chases him.

His name is being thrown around in many scandals, he is facing political and social criticism, and he is at the receiving end of many jokes.

But to the Rossoneri nation, he's the man! He has been with the club since forever, has seen good and bad times here, and has given a lot to the club.

He is not your typical, boring politician; neither is he your average, greedy sports-team owner.

Berlusconi's recent Milanello visit is the perfect example.

AC Milan have had a horrid preseason. With the exception of a mundane win against Varese at the start and a draw against LA Galaxy, Milan have lost every other match so far. The porous defense has been exploited, the midfield has shown lack of creativity, and, unless you are Inzaghi, you are not scoring goals for Milan.

The red and black part of Milan was already high on emotions this time round, knowing that their beloved Paolo Maldini will no longer lead the Rossoneri onto the field. Kaka's departure further led to disappointment. Berlusconi, understandably, even faced protests on the Kaka issue.

Then, whatever positivity was invoked by the appointment of young, ambitious Leonardo at the helm was washed away by the poor performances in the friendlies. Adriano Galliani's wonderful "We will see!" transfer window policy was anything but an assurance for the Milan fans, and the thought of Pirlo leaving the club could only send shivers down the Milan camp.

Enter Berlusconi.

He talked with Leonardo and Galliani, and Milan right away issued a statement to the effect that Pirlo would stay with them. He even confirmed Milan were passionately pursuing a quality striker (Huntelaar! Shhhh...). Soon enough, Cesc Fabregas' name also was linked to Milan.

As always, he declared his complete trust in Leo and laid emphasis on building a young, positive Milan side.

True to his style, he didn't forget to take a friendly swipe at the recent spending spree of Real Madrid, either!

Berlusconi's visit has sprouted a renewed sense of hope and optimism in the Rossoneri realm. Milan's problems are by no means solved, but the fans are relieved to see a positive attitude from the management. Berlusconi, above all, gave the prime message—Milan fans, we are listening!

Berlusconi takes genuine interest in the club. He follows the team and understands the sport and "the game." He is a true football fanatic and loves the Rossoneri—not as an owner, but as a fan.

He thinks as a fan would, and not just as an owner. He listens, not just hears, what that 12-year-old boy proudly wearing the Milan jersey or that 35-year-old fan sitting in a cafe has to say about the club. He enjoys the game, loves watching Milan play, relishes their rivalry with Inter, celebrates watching Milan win a trophy and is saddened when they lose.

In his long association with the club, he has faced a lot of criticism. But every time, the larger-than-life Berlusconi has always emerged with a smile.

Only time will tell, what this upcoming season will bring for AC Milan. But one thing is for sure—the charismatic Silvio Berlusconi—not the prime minister, not the owner, not the investor, not the business and media tycoon, but the Milan fan(atic) Berlusconi will be cheering for the Rossoneri.

Andrea Pirlo Reunion With Carlo Ancelotti Dead: He Will Stay With AC Milan

Rocky Getters — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 14:41:45 -0400

Finally, the Pirlo saga is over. AC Milan have announced that Andrea Pirlo is officially off the market and will end his career playing in the glorious red and black jersey.

Rumors about Pirlo, and maybe Pato, joining Chelsea had been making the rounds as soon as Carlo Ancelotti became Chelsea manager. During his time with Milan, there is no doubt Pirlo that was one of Carletto's most trusted players, and sure enough Ancelotti wanted him at Stamford Bridge too.

Right from the start Adriano Galliani had stated that Pato would definitely not leave the club, but there were evident doubts whether Milan could hold on to Pirlo.

One can understand Chelsea's interest in the Italian central midfielder. His creative genius and free-kick taking ability are world-class, his experience is invaluable. He would be an asset to almost any team he joins.

Negotiations were at full throttle between Chelsea and Milan. Many "insiders" had even predicted that the deal was almost done.

But the torment for Rossoneri fans was finally ended when club president Silvio Berlusconi announced at Milanello that Pirlo will be staying with Milan.

Leonardo definitely had a huge say in this. Performances in pre-season friendlies have been disappointing so far, to say the least. The departure of the experienced Pirlo, with no quality midfield replacement in sight, would have been a telling blow for the club.

Andrea Pirlo is very happy to stay with Milan, of course. He did not forget to thank Berlusconi and Leonardo, as he expressed his delight at the news, and stated that he was optimistic about the upcoming season.

They will all have to be optimistic.

Milan have many problems to sort out, and they know it. If they have to prove the critics wrong, they must stay positive.

Berlusconi also announced that they were passionately pursuing a quality striker. Huntelaar's name has been linked to the club several times recently, with reports emerging from Italy that Huntelaar is set to sign tomorrow. But Berlusconi refrained from talking any names just yet.

Pirlo staying, Berlusconi's visit and the spirited search for a good striker are all positive signs for Milan. They will look to build a balanced, quality side and carry this positivity into the upcoming season.

Disastrous Pre-Season: Sign of Things to Come for AC Milan?

Rocky Getters — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 01:57:24 -0400

The pre-season American tour of AC Milan has gone anything but according to plan. And three defeats in three matches in the World Football Challenge has dealt a severe blow to any optimism about a good season ahead.

Following the much hyped departure of Kaka and Carlo Ancelotti, some optimism had sprouted after the signing of defender Oguchi Onyewu, the declaration of Adriano Galliani that Pato and Pirlo won't be leaving the club, and the general positive outlook of Leonardo.

And that optimism was displayed in the first match on the American tour, against Los Angeles Galaxy. Even though the game was over-shadowed by David Beckham's friendly reunion with his Milan teammates, Milan played well. The game ended in a 2-2 draw.

Just when one thought that things were getting better, Mexican club "Club America" gave the first taste of defeat to Leonardo, defeating Milan 2-1, much to the distress of the Rossoneri.

Things would only get worse for the Italian giants, as Chelsea—under Carletto Ancelotti—would beat AC Milan 2-1 in an entertaining but disappointing game for Milan. And the final nail in the coffin would be the defeat to bitter city rivals Inter Milan on Sunday, a game which finished 2-0.

In the first match of the competition, the Mexicans fully exploited the Milan defense in the first few minutes. In the last match against Inter, Milan looked tired and boring. On the whole tour, they lacked creativity in the midfield, were bereft of sharpness up-front, and looked anything but assured at the back.

Once again, on the aggressive front, Milan had to depend on veteran Inzaghi for goals. He has already scored four goals in the friendlies so far.

But Inzaghi aside, goals were hard to come by for Milan. Ronaldinho did hit the woodwork a couple of times, and Seedorf played well, but they are shadows of the amazing players they once were revered as.

Problems are plenty at Milan. They, as usual, have too many players on the wrong side of 30; haven't exploited the transfer market successfully; and definitely are in need of a good striker up front.

Leonardo remains positive, as he should, citing Milan's spirited performance against Chelsea, and though not thrilled, is satisfied with the performance.

Even though some football pundits have already started predicting a horrendous future for the club, it's rather hasty to do so.

No one can deny, Milan will need time to rebuild their squad.

The departure of the inspirational and irreplaceable Paolo Maldini, the superstar Kaka, and the experienced Ancelotti, meant that Milan were left without their spirited captain, their brilliant forward and their tactical genius. The alleged financial problems haven't helped them either.

Arguments about whether Leonardo was the right man for the job have also gathered more attention now after such a start.

Leonardo's work is cut out for him. He has always emphasized on playing good, positive, entertaining style of football, but only has a squad of past superstars and inexperienced young talent to work with.

But still, his calm presence and positive outlook can help Milan build a good team. Especially if Milan do succeed in getting hold of a quality striker before the season begins, Leonardo can passionately put his aggressive football tactics to practice.

Milan should hold onto their prized Brazilian asset, Pato. If Pato gets back in form, and Ronaldinho keeps climbing back to his best, offensively, Milan will be strong.

The defense does need some sorting out. Keeping Nesta injury-free will be a challenge, Onyewu was a good signing but will need time to settle. It was thought that Dida will be replaced in goal, but Storari and Kalac haven't exactly dazzled with their performances.

It's not the first time AC Milan will have to rebuild. Many times they have been written off, but have only come back stronger and better. Sure enough, the Rossoneri faithful will hope for nothing else this time as well.

The American tour can be looked at as a good reality-check, a tough test for Milan. There were many lessons to be learnt.

But will things really get better for AC Milan?

Or is this a sign of things to come?

Some Unbelievable Facts and Figures from the World of Sports

Rocky Getters — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 03:13:38 -0400

No, not those figures above....

I'll dedicate an entire article to cheerleaders some other day. This article is solely devoted to some unusual, unbelievable, amazing facts and figures, about different sports and sports-persons, which you may not have heard or read before.

1. Every year the USA imports 1.3 trillion tons of beef. In unrelated information, NBA star Shaquille O'Neal and WWE wrestler The Big Show together have 1.2 trillion tons of beef for lunch on an annual basis.

2. The number of Roger Federer dolls Pete Sampras made and experimented with in order to stop Federer from breaking his record is 1,583.

3. Looking at the talent there is in the MLB, statistically speaking, there are 183 players who can break Barry Bonds' most home runs record in the next 15 years. In unrelated information, there are 183 players who are accused of using steroids in the league as well.

4. Statistically speaking, 100 percent of male readers who have clicked on this article are not even reading this and are still drooling over the picture of cheerleaders above.

5. Statistically speaking, in his NHL career, Patrick Roy has kept out pucks from his goal more effectively than Paris Hilton has kept intelligence out from her brain.

6. There are 1.5 billion cricket fans around the world! In unrelated information, the population of the Indian subcontinent is 1.5 billion.

7. Zero is the number of players who have gotten up without a scratch after getting tackled by Gennaro Gattuso.

8. Exactly 1,980,876 articles were published on the Internet related to the Brett Favre issue over the past few months. Oh wait! As I wrote this, 43 more were written.

9. Michael Schumacher is not human. He is an alien. Have you met a German who smiles?

10. One-third of Americans religiously follow NASCAR. In unrelated news, 33 percent of the American population possesses a gun, drinks more beer than water, thinks hunting is a sport, loves riding ATVs, and are referred to as err...anyways.

11. The number of marriage proposals Rafael Nadal has received from girls, so far, is 179,546.

12. There is only one player in the world who can beat Tiger Woods in golf. That person is "a Tiger Woods from the future brought in today's time via a time-machine."

13. The average number of women a football quarterback dates, per month, is 1,389.

14. David Beckham is actually bald. That is why he can sport so many new hair-dos—he uses wigs. He is rich and married to Victoria, so he can get away with it.

15. The number of times the British media reported David and Victoria have split up is 189,456. Zero is the number of people who believe in what the British press says.

16, There are 2 million men in the world who love rugby. In unrelated information, according to a survey, there are only 2 million men in this world who are not sissies.

17. Statistically speaking, 57 percent of WWE fans love John Cena. In unrelated information, 57 percent of WWE fans are below the age of 12.

18. The sharp increase in the number of hazardously obese men and women in the United States is a serious concern for President Obama. The good news is Americans are quickly emerging as a force to be reckoned with, in the sport of competitive eating!

19. Twenty-one minutes is the average time Steffi Graff needs to beat Andre Agassi 6-0, 6-0, 6-0, as they play tennis in their backyard every day. Twenty minutes is the time Graff would have required to do the same, if Andre had not pleaded her to play with one hand, a blindfold, and a stipulation of not to approach the net.

20. The number of posters I have in my possession of Maria Sharapova is 1,321,714. Incidentally, that is also the number of love letters I have sent to her, and as luck would have it, that is the exact number of death threats I have received from her father.

Disclaimer: The above article is meant only for laughs. The statistics, facts, and figures mentioned above are all made up for the sake of humor. No one is directly or indirectly meant to be belittled or insulted.

Roger Federer in Conference Call with Nadal, Roddick, Serena, and...WWE?

Rocky Getters — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 08:34:17 -0400

Bleacher Report's most awesome writer, yours truly Rocky Getters, is always there whenever something spectacular happens in the world of sports.

And indeed, something extraordinary, something unexpected, something hilarious happened last night, which Rocky feels must be reported to the entire world.

Nah...as good as Federer's win was, something else happened behind the cameras, that was just out-of-this-world fantastic!

Late at night, Roger Federer made a phone call to his errr...friend, Rafael Nadal. A whole bunch of other tennis stars joined in, as did some very, very unexpected guests!

Thankfully, this reporter recorded every single word spoken in that conference call, and has posted it here!

Roger Federer (RF): "Hello, Rafa?" (his happiness was evident in his tone.)

Rafael Nadal (RN): "Hey Roger...." (in a very gloomy tone.)

RF: "How is your knee, my friend?"

RN: "It is good, I called the doctor and he said..."

RF: "Good, good. I WON the Wimbledon final! I won, I won, I WON, Rafa!"

RN: "Well... good for you, I guess..."

RF: "I mean it was an easy match. I just demolished Roddick!"

Andy Roddick (AR): "(sniff, sniff) You know that's not true Roger... *sobbing*... you know I gave you a run for your money... *sniff*"

RF: "Andy?"

RN: "Yeah, he came here to meet me, and well...share his grief. I've got your call on the speaker and he heard what you said..."

RF: "Well...I mean, yeah...he gave a good fight and all. But still, I won! I won the Wimbledon!"

Andy Murray (AM): "Oh bloody hell you did! Another f***ing title, and the whole f***ing media is going ga-ga over you! I hate the f***ing media, I bloody hate 'em!"

RN: "Is that the Brit?"

RF: "Yeah, Murray is here, I have the call on speaker too."

AM: "Arrrrgggghhh! Now till the next Wimbledon, the British media will be writing hundreds of f***ing editorials on how one more time a British player failed to win the Wimby."

RF: "Hold on, I have a call...I'm gonna put every call I get on conference now....Hello, who's this?"

Serena Williams (SW): "Hey Roger, well played last night. Congrats."

RF: "Thanks Serena! So, you heard, right? That I won? That I won the Wimbledon? I won the Wimbledon, Serena!"

SW: "Yes. I think both of you played really well, and I admire both you and Andy, and think this was a..."

RF: "Thanks Serena! I cannot believe you are praising me so much! Wow, thanks!"

RN: "I'm getting a call here too...wait..."

The caller: "Hey Maryse, how you doing mami?"

AM: "What the bloody hell? Who the f*** is this?"

RN: "This is not Maryse's number...who are you?"

The caller: "You mean you don't...you don't recognize MY voice? You don't recognize the voice of The Rock? The greatest, the most ellllllectrifying athlete, the people's champion - Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson!"

SW: "Hey, aren't you that has-been talentless WWE wrestler, who went into movies and his acting career failed too?"

The Rock (TR): "What...? No, no, no! That... that sounds like John Cena. You see, this is the Rock, baby! The people's champion -The Rock!"

RF: "Hey, I am the people's champion! I won the Wimbledon!"

TR: "What the...? Who.... in the blue hell... are YOU?"

RF: "I'm Roger Federer, I'm the Wimbledon champion. I won the title back last night!"

TR: "You think you are the people's champion? You think...oh.. you think you are better than the Rock?! Tell you what..yeah, the Rock tells you this, the Rock tells you this..Roger Federer, you can take that Wimbledon title...turn it sideways and..."

Click. Roger Federer disconnects that call.

RF: "Where was I...?"

AM: "You were pulling out every bloody word from the English language to praise yourself, that's where you were. And Roddick... for god's sake, stop crying! I can hear you over the phone here!"

AR: "Sorry..I can't help it *sniff, sniff* I was so close...*sniff, sniff*"

SW: "Hey Andy. Don't cry please. I think you played really well, and I guess sometimes in life it just comes down to..."

RN: "Hey, I'm getting another call..."

Andre Agassi (AA):"How's everyone doing there Rafa?"

RN: "Well, Federer won. So for the next one month, we will be discussing just that I guess."

RF: "Andre...is that you? I broke your record, didn't I? No wait... it was Pete Sampras. Doesn't matter really...hehe"

AA: "Congrats Roger. I just want you to know, that tonight, you go home with the Wimbledon title. But every night, I go home to Steffi Graf. Now, who's the real winner?!"

AM: "Oh look, the Las Vegas kid is bashing too. Why don't we just bring every f***ing player who has ever won any f***ing title in tennis into this conference call, eh? Where's Pete Sampras?"

Pete Sampras (PS): "I am here. I don't know how. But I am always there, everywhere."

RF: "I've got another call..."

The Undertaker (TU): "REST...IN...PEACE!!" *in a spooky voice...*

AM: "Who the bloody hell died now?"

TU: "Errr... sorry. My name is Undertaker. I'm a WWE superstar. That's my gimmick, I am a dead man."

RF: "The dead man? Are you here to...like...kill me, or something?"

TU: "What? Haha, no. That's just my gimmick. I am a real estate agent during my holidays. Would you be interested in buying some property in Miami?"

RF: "Uhhh...to be honest...No, thanks. Sorry."

TU: "Its alright. Goodbye then...and again, Rest in peace!"

AM: "I'll bloody rest in peace once the f***ing media rests in peace."

SW: "Guys, guys, guys. I think we are getting out of control. Look at the positives. The media reports what it..."

RF: "I have another call..."

Madonna (M): "I don't have much time. I heard someone crying. Was it a baby? Do you have any babies here that I can adopt?"

RN: "No, sorry. It was just Andy Roddick crying cause he lost yesterday..."

M: "Ok, no probs."

RF: "Damn it, I've got another call here too. Hello?"

Vince McMahon (VM): "You're fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired!!!!!"

RF: "I don't work for you...or anybody really. Who are you?"

VM: "Huh? Oh, must have dialled the wrong number again. You see, my eyes swell when I get angry, and I dial the wrong number. I am Vincent Kennedy McMahon, by the way; I own the WWE and I like firing people from their jobs for no reason."

AR: "Fire? Did someone say fire? *sniff, sniff*... Federer fired some powerful forehands past me yesterday...ohh...the pain...*sniff, sniff* "

A caller: "You gotta man up, kid. You gotta learn to salute and respect what you got, like my boys in the chain gang."

RF: "Who now?"

John Cena (JC): "John Cena...the Champ...is...here!"

AM: "You sound more like a chump."

RF: "I am the champ John, I won the Wimbledon title yesterday!"

RN: "I have a call..."

Paris Hilton (PH): "Hey there Poo-poo!! How are you?"

AM: "What kinda f***ing name is poo-poo? Who the hell is this bloody poo-poo anyway?"

PH: "Why is my poo-poo swearing today? Awww... bad poo-poo!"

AM: "Lady, you call me that bloody name one more time... and I'll..."

PH: "So...you're not my pet chihuahua Poo-poo?"

RF: "Wait...you're calling...your dog...on the phone...and expecting him...to answer...in a human voice?"

PH: "I gave my dog a satellite phone so he could talk with me when I'm partying out! I bought a US$ 20 million dog-to-human speech converter over the Internet!"

RF: "There is no such thing...anywhere."

PH: "What? Then who was talking with me for so long and texting - "I love you", "Send money to this address, that address.." messages from my Poo-poo's phone?"

SW: "I can't believe this! I really can't!"

Rocky Getters (RG , the writer): "Serena, do you have Maria Sharapova's number??"

SW: "Rocky! Forget her! She thinks you're a stalker! She changes her number, then you get it from me, and start calling her... its not good. You should focus on your career at this age and then try to..."

RG: "Ok, so you don't, fine. Roddick, help me out buddy."

AR: "Sure Rocky...*sniff, sniff*... her number is... 7...6...6... 7...9...*sniff, sniff*...oh god, that sounds like the score by which I lost, god... this pain...*sniff, sniff*"

RG: "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I guess, I'll just..."

Maria Sharapova: "Hey guys, just dropping in. Please don't give my number to some guy named Rocky, ok? He's such an uffff... anyways. I've got a restraining order against him. Yay! Bye everyone!"

A minute of silence.

RG: "I meant Sabine Lisciki... what's her number, please?"

RF: "I won the Wimbledon, and no one cares!! I can't believe it!"

RN: "I can't believe I'm listening to this nonsense instead of resting my knee..."

PH: "Poo-poo?"

AM: "I can't bloody believe the journalists are still out there. I mean, get a f***ing life! I can't...^&#$^@ without having to look out the window and ##$% ....... for god's sake!"

PS: "I might just make a return to the tennis circuit. Pete Sampras is not done yet, boys!"

AA: "In your dreams, Pete!"

RG: "Or maybe Ana Ivanovic?"

SW: "All you guys are just the same, all of you! Men, uff! Tell you what, next Wimbledon, I'm gonna compete in the men's circuit. and I know I can beat all of you! Goodbye, and goodnight!"

AR: "*sniff, sniff...sniff* So, I'm not gonna win even next year! My life has no meaning now... *sniff, sniff*

TU: "So, are you sure, none of you guys want to buy a property in Miami, the rates are gonna climb soon now,...no? Oh well... Rest in ..."

PH: "Poo-poo!"

For the next one hour, I could only hear incoherent ramblings. And no, I did not get Ana's number.

Things are back to normal now, I guess. I'll be sure to record some more fun stuff soon. Until then, see ya!

Disclaimer: The above article was meant for humorous purposes only. It does not intend to, directly or indirectly, insult or belittle any person, in any case, anywhere. Thanks.

PS: PH: "Poo-poo? Poo-poo!"

July Fourth Special: How Sports Have Kept the American Spirit Alive

Rocky Getters — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:10:09 -0400

I’d like to thank fellow B/R writer Leroy Watson for helping me with this article.

So...which MLB player was accused of steroid use today? Or, who was the latest Hollywood teen superstar to waste their life? Any new politician admit his affair this week?

While the suits and ties among us will ask for a huge bailout package, we will sit at our homes, out of work, feeling helpless, blaming something or the other for this catastrophe.

And that’s the vibe going around right now. One of helplessness, frustration, anger, sadness, and depression.

We are so divided right now, so uninspired. Worse than the depression of economy is the depression of spirit, hopes, and dreams.

The younger generations are growing up in this hollow, fragile society today, whose spirit has been colored in the mistakes of the Hollywood rock stars, while the hopes of a common man are simply to survive the day and not get fired from his job, and the “American dream” is just that—a dream.

Yep, it’s a twisted world today, so unfair, so corrupted, everything is going wrong, everyone is against us, and the American spirit is truly dead and gone.

I won’t blame you if you think that way. But now, wait just a minute...

Didn’t we survive a civil war and end up abolishing the evil of slavery? Didn’t we survive a great depression and come out stronger than ever before? Weren’t we at war before, and didn’t we emerge victorious?

Every society, every nation, every generation faces problems of humongous proportions. And it is at these times the mettle of the common man is tested. It is at these times people reach deep, deep down within themselves, feel that great spirit running through their veins, and accomplish the unbelievable!

The American spirit is not lost. It is there in our hearts. All we need to do is get inspired, let that adrenaline rush take over our system, let those memories fill our hearts with hope, erase the word “impossible” from our dictionary and believe that anything is possible. Anything!

Sports have always embodied that American spirit. And as we celebrate this Fourth of July weekend, not as happily or hopefully as we’d like, maybe reliving some moments and people in sports that united us, that thrilled us, that are etched in history forever, that made us believe that dreams do come true...maybe, just maybe, it’ll be worth something.

“Do You Believe in Miracles?”

The 1980 Winter Olympics saw a U.S. team of young and inexperienced amateurs go up against a brutal, professional unit considered worldwide to be the very best hockey team ever—the Soviet Union.

And the United States won!

Not even the biggest believer gave the U.S. team the slightest chance, and their words seemed to be coming true, as the Russians took the early lead. Schneider tied the game for the US, but Makarov brought the USSR right back into the lead.

But with one second remaining in the first period, Johnson scored and put U.S. on level terms. The crowd at Lake Placid, New York, started going wild! Imagine the excitement and atmosphere inside the arena that night.

The upstart U.S. team gained a 4-3 lead in the match, and faced the impossible task of keeping the Soviets at bay for the last 10 minutes of the third—and final—period.

Sportscaster Al Michaels delivered the now-historic call:

“Eleven seconds, you’ve got ten seconds, the countdown going on right now! Morrow up to Silk. Five seconds left in the game. Do you believe in miracles? YES!”

Right in the middle of the cold war, this victory of the underdog stands as the single biggest adrenaline rush in history for me.

It taught us to keep faith in ourselves, that hard work can achieve everything, that dreams mean something in life, and that miracles do indeed take place...if you only “believe.”

“I Ain't Got No Quarrel With Them Viet Cong...”

Muhammad Ali, considered by many as the greatest sports person of the last century, is known for his unrivaled skills inside the boxing ring, and his unparalleled vocal abilities outside it.

But he is also known for saying “no” to being drafted in the U.S. army during the Vietnam War. Any war was wrong, and there was no sane reason for him to take part in 'Nam, he believed.

Whatever your political opinions may be, whatever your views on war may be, there is no denying the man took a stand. He stood by what he believed in and come what may, he didn’t budge.

They stripped him of his title, his right to fight anywhere in the U.S., even threatened an arrest, but he rose above the chains of national bond and stood by his emblem of humanity.

Soon, the public sentiment echoed his words.

Years later, The Dixie Chicks took a stand, said what they felt. Sadly, we didn’t learn our lesson back in the '60s, and they faced criticism. Natalie even got a death threat.

It isn’t about the war, really; it isn’t about politics. Patriotism isn’t just waging wars on anyone, it's about doing for your country that what is right. Like President Lincoln said, “I don’t know if God is on my side, I care if I am on his side.”

Shut Up, Male Chauvinists!

Sept. 20, 1973 is the date when a female tennis player beat a male in the historic “Battle of the Sexes” and dealt a severe blow to those morons who discriminated against women, at home and professionally.

When Billy Jean King beat Bobby Riggs, 6-4, 6-3, 6-3, the world admired the spirit of a woman who was tired of hearing that the female tennis circuit was inferior to the male one, and that in general, “Men are better than women.”

She didn’t file a lawsuit, or give a sappy TV interview, or cry in public to gain sympathy.

She went out there, and let her tennis racket do the talking. And talk it did, it shut up the biggest mouth of the time, and sent a message of gender equality. It inspired not just future tennis stars, but girls of all generations and career paths.

God has created everyone equal, and that match was a living proof.

“It Doesn’t Matter If You’re Black or White”

When we salute our forefathers who fought for our freedom, established a democracy based on principles of liberty and equality, we should also salute a few others.

What about Don Haskins of Texas Western, the coach who won a National Title in college basketball with an all-black starting lineup? In the Deep South, no less!

What about that NFL player (to whom history has not been so kind; I could not find his name anywhere) who gave an earful to his close friend on the opposing team for racially abusing his colored teammate, whom he didn’t even know so well?

What about Jackie Robinson, the first African-American MLB player of our times, who brought an end to a 60-year long reign of segregation in baseball?

What about Althea Gibson, the first African-American tennis player to win a Grand Slam event in 1956?

The contributions of these sports men and women cannot be described in words. Today, as we stand divided on so many fronts, we should recall that decades ago, we stood divided on the issue of racism.

Sadly, that evil still exists to some extent in our country, but when these men and women broke through those barriers of color, by the force of their will, it sent us all a message of unity and equality that cannot be encompassed even by the most gallant of words.

Dad and Me

Remember the days when dads and sons used to play catch? Or when they played hoop in the backyard?

Of course not. It’s a sin these days to step out of the house. Why go out when you can play the same thing on your Wii, PlayStation, Xbox, or whatever?

It was more than just a social ritual, that game between father and son. It was something special, when dad and son bonded. They used to discuss jobs, studies, girls, teenage angst, family, home, problems, dreams—life.

It meant something back then and I am sure, even today, those fathers and sons who do that, know what I am talking about.

It's not just these few people or events, of course; there are many, many, many examples in our sports history from which we can feel inspired.

From that extraordinary Michael Jordan to the current U.S. soccer team. From that last-minute touchdown in football to that great, diving ninth inning catch in baseball. Sports IS inspiration.

Sports, my friends, have an amazing ability to bond us all, unite us under that common emblem. Athletic endeavors teach us so many things.

Sports have had an immense role in keeping that flame of hope burning in our minds. Every time, sports have given us something to believe in, told us to fight for what we want, prescribed us a medicine of dreams as a cure to our lack of creativity.

It's not just America. American sports can and have inspired everyone around the world. Magnificent feats achieved by American sports persons stand as inspiration for one and all. The social ramifications of these events, have had far reaching effects.

This is not, of course, to minimize the accomplishments of sportsmen and women all over the world.

Sports gave us Franz Klammer barreling down the slopes at Innsruck, health and welfare be damned, to win a most stirring gold medal in 1976.

Or, how about Nadia Comaneci and her perfection, later that same year?

Pelé. Do I have to speak on his artistry and transcendent greatness on the soccer pitch?

Sports brought Yao Ming across the expanse of the Pacific Ocean, showing the world that a big man from China could play basketball anywhere and be a smash success.

It has united us, it has pumped into our veins adrenaline that can drive even a dead guy to rise. It has told us to hold our heads high with pride, never to accept defeat, be audacious, be gallant warriors in the war of life.

Do the right thing, achieve the impossible, script miracles, make the unbelievable happen.

Do it, you know you can do it. You know it can be done, so do it. Do it damn it, do it now! Do it!

That spirit is not dead. As long as sports are around, the spirit will never die. Reach within your souls, and you’ll find it.

The Official Bleacher Report Handbook

Rocky Getters — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 08:00:46 -0400

Note: This is a humorous article, meant only for laughs.

As Bleacher Report's most awesome writer, Zander's best friend, and the most enlightened soul on this web site, it is my responsibility to write a proper, up-to-date, useful, and eye-opening handbook/user manual for the best sports site in the world: Bleacher Report.

This article should serve—no, wait...will serve—as a guide for newbies and as a source of uncorrupted, inspiration, and profound enlightenment for the regular writers.

If you're stuck as a scribe hoping to be a senior writer, you have written a dozen articles and not earned the "syndicated writer" tag yet, you're new and trying to figure out why this site is the best, or you're a senior writer who has never won an AOTD, this article is what you must read.

Do not doubt what I write here; don't dare to disagree with me. I am awesomeness personified.

I may not be as experienced as Dorothy Willis, as talented as Leroy Watson, as gifted with words as Richard Marsh, or as crazy about a sport as Rohini Iyer or JLB or MJ, but I am...uhh...well...you know...I'll tell you later....

Let's get on with it.

How To Start

You're new here? Wonderful.

Now, your profile picture is very, very important.

If you are a woman, upload your real photo. Seventy-five percent of readers on this site are male, and I don't even need to explain the rest.

Don't smile in the photo. Have an angry, demented look. If you are blonde, awesome; if not, use a wig. Blondes get more views. I mean...their articles...you know...oh well.

If you're a guy, unless you're Brad Pitt, don't even try your own photo. Search for some unusual and weird photos on the net.

How To Get Fans

If you're a woman, all you have to do is to post a couple of comments here and there. If you have followed my directives on your profile picture, you will have 50 fans by the second day, at least.

If you're a guy, you have to work hard. Go to every damn writer's page and fan-add them. Whether you know them or not, whether you understand their sport or not, whether you have read their articles or not—doesn't matter. Give a POTD to their latest article if you want to take that extra step.

Chances are half of them will be delighted and will fan-add you back.

First Article

The mistake newbies do is to play it safe. Don't.

You have views about rebuilding the Colorado Avalanche? Keep them to yourself.

You can write a semi-decent article why Kobe Bryant is overrated, or why you hate the Boston Red Sox, or the latest scandal an MLB superstar is in? Go to work; now you're talkin'!

List It Out!

NFL, NBA, NHL, NCAA-BB-CC-DD, whatever—all those sections love making top-10 lists for some reason. You make one, too.

It doesn't even need to be a rational list. Make a list called "Top 10 Cross-dressers in Sports Today" or "Top 10 NBA Players I'd Like to Punch in the Face" or "Top 10 Referees I'd Like to Make Voodoo Dolls of and Pin."

Apparently, Insanity = Humor.

Beware!

AOTDs mean everything here.

Do one thing: Search Leroy Watson, Blaine, Sulayman, Marsh, and other writers. Casually ask them when their next article is coming out...and make sure you do NOT publish your article on that day!

Those folks are AOTD machines; don't mess with them.

Human Interest Stories

Oh boy, the big one. A big hit on B/R right now is telling people your life story and how it is connected to sports.

Did your girlfriend dump you? Where? At a restaurant? Nah—doesn't fit. Make her dump you at Yankees Stadium and there's your story!

Did you lose a tooth on Super Bowl? Or shave for the first time on the day of WrestleMania XXV? Even if you didn't, make people believe you did, and there's an AOTD waiting for you, buddy!

Go Against the Flow

Anyone can write why Favre is the best, or why Ronaldo's move to Madrid is important, or why Pakistan deserved to win the T20 Cricket World Cup. You write on those lines, and you will go nowhere.

Write against the flow; it doesn't matter even if you disagree with it personally!

Write an article titled "My 80-Year-Old Neighbor Can Outplay Ronaldo—Even Without His Cane," or "Why the L.A. Lakers Suck." People will read those headlines, get angry like hell, and wanna leave comments on that "stupid" article...2,000 views, baby!

Wrestling Community Warning

Here's your 11th commandment: "If thou be a sissy, thou shalt not post in the B/R wrestling community."

Tennis Wonderland

Tennis section has the sweetest and the kindest people on B/R. They are helpful, sweet, positive, amazing people who really can never be rude and always give you support and...

Take advantage of them. Be merciless.

If you can't think of anything one day, a safe bet is to write an article titled "Roger Federer or Rafael Nadal: Settling Who's the Best, Once and for All!"

Cricket, yawn, yawn, yawn...

The funny thing about less popular sections on B/R is that you may get only four reads on an article, but the people there are so kind, you will get four POTDs, as well!

Yes. Only four or five people write articles there, and all of them read each other's articles and give each other POTDs.

So, if you want to bolster your ego, you know where to go!

Select the Best Photo

Photos are so important for an article. Don't screw up in that department.

If you can't find a good photo, the best and safest bet is always to search for "cheerleaders."

Like I have done here for this article. See? Practice what you preach.

Publicity

You think you write a good article and your job is done? Keep dreaming.

Post a link to your article on every damn bulletin board you find. Even if it drives them mad, even if your article is one-sport specific and may not be understood by casual readers, and even if you have never read the articles of that writer—does not matter.

Curious Case of Comments

Reply to every comment faithfully. Even if someone has said "you're welcome" to your "thank you," slap a smiley face, but comment!

Have a Gimmick

You must have a gimmick. It is your identity. You have many to choose from.

You can be a 35-year-old jobless, obese bum living in your parent's basement, but if you have the right profile picture, you can pose as "the arrogant SOB."

Then there are "simple Sams," the "friendly Franks," the "Weirdos who hit on every female writer on B/R," and the ever popular "Jerks."

The most popular gimmicks can be found in the wrestling community. If you are a precocious character, emulate your favorite WWE superstar.

Outside of the articles themselves, spell "right" as "ryte," "like" as "lyk," and speak as if you're a "gangsta." You may be afraid of a cockroach in real life, but, on the Internet, you are dangerous.

OK.

Had some laughs? I hope none of you are angry at me. If we can't laugh at ourselves, what's the use?

Bleacher Report is an amazing Web site with hundreds of talented writers—a community growing together, bonding together, and experiencing a wonderful journey together.

Keep the ridiculousness of this article away; this was just for fun.

Let us help and encourage the newcomers. Let us nurture each other's talent. Let us enjoy sports. Who's with me?

P.S.: I forgot one important point. Always end your article on a high emotional note. Especially if it is a humorous one, and even if it was a silly rant worth less than half a quid, make it look as if it really had a "serious message" embalmed in it for the entire community.

Disclaimer

This article was indeed a humor piece only. No one and nothing was directly or indirectly intended to be hurt, belittled, or disrespected.

I respect all writers and all communities. Bleacher Report is a wonderful Web site, and I endorse its awesomeness.

Seven Signs That You're Obsessed with Sports in a Weird Way

Rocky Getters — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 01:48:31 -0400

We all love sports. We really do. Some will say sports is a huge part of their lives, some will say sports is their life.

We are all dangerously addicted to sports.

But this addiction can get weird, and I mean really, really...really weird.

Here are some sure-shot signs that your obsession with sports is slightly unhealthy, maybe disturbing, probably borderline crazy, but definitely a concern.

1. The Proposal

Did you propose to the girl you love, the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, your soul-mate, your angel etc...in the following manner?

"Honey, you're almost as beautiful as Maria Sharapova. Your kiss is sweeter than the entire squad of Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. You mean more to me than Patrick Roy meant to the Colorado Avalanche during their two Stanley Cup wins.

"I love you more than I love my LA Lakers. Will you sign a life-time contract with me, and make me happier than a Real Madrid fan after they signed Ronaldo?"

I do not claim to understand women, I repeat, I DO NOT, ever. But I think a majority of women would find that kind of proposal...rather unromantic.

Then again...like I said, I do not understand women....

2. Goodnight, sweet dreams

So...you're a 30-year-old guy who loves wrestling. That's all right. That's normal.

But if the walls of your room are filled with Hulk Hogan posters, if you call your colleagues as your "peeps", you walk the "power-walk" like Vince McMahon even though in reality the recession has left you broke, or if you you use any of The Rock's catchphrases daily at least once...it's getting weird.

BUT, if you (still) kiss your Sgt. Slaughter action figure goodnight before going to sleep each night, you're officially a psychotic case.

3. Grunt it out!

We all have wonderful ring-tones in our mobile phones, don't we? Favorite songs, movie dialogues, musical notes, animal noises, crying babies, laughing clowns, alien laser guns...heck, the list is never-ending.

And you are of course a tennis fan, and you want the world to know it. That's OK.

But the ring-tone to your mobile phone is set to the unearthly "grunts" of your favorite tennis player....OK, that is weird.

Imagine yourself talking with your kid's school-teacher or your boss or the father of your fiance, and the mobile phone rings and your ring-tone plays, "Oooohh...ahhhh. Ehhhh...aauuuhhhh..!"

4. Federer and me

Talking about tennis...

So...you're a fan of Roger Federer.

You have 15,957 photos of Federer saved on your computer, you even "Photoshopped" two dozen of them to paste yourself over his wife.

You have hundreds of his videos saved on your YouTube account as "favorites."

Your Bleacher Report profile MUST be set to a Federer pic.

All that, though on lines of insanity, is acceptable.

But if while reading this article, you're still drooling over his photo above, you have right-clicked it and saved it, maybe you already have set it as your desktop background & are probably dreaming about him right now...you're not even reading this now...I've lost you...you are in Roger-world...

You need help. Believe me.

5. Happy to be stuck with you

Are you married? And do you love sports? Accept my sympathies.

You are a middle-aged guy, married (happily, I guess...) for many years now, have kids and all. And you love sports.

That's normal.

But you do not remember the date you got married, you can only take an educated guess of your wife's birthday, you only pretend to recognize everyone from your wife's side of the family you have met a dozen times, and you often forget to give a nice compliment to your lovely wife once in a while.

But you remember EVERY statistics of your favorite football team, you know by heart how many times Shaq has missed a free-throw, you can recognize ANY player or staff member who has ever been with the Detroit Red Wings, and you really care for the Yankees.

I rest my case.

6. EX-pect trouble

This is the ugly part...

Do the Boston Red Sox, or Manchester United or Barcelona or Inter Milan, or the Cleveland Cavs, or any other of the teams you dislike/hate/despise/have a "hope they rot in hell for an eternity" kind of feeling...

...remind you of your EX-girlfriend?

Or worse, your mother-in-law?

And you spend nights imagining a diabolical story about them, hoping it comes true? Write hate-mails, create voodoo dolls & pin them, try your hand at black magic even?

It's not normal. Really, it is not....

7. Bleach it, baby!

It'd be strange if you are addicted to sports, are aware of using the Internet, and still not be addicted to the premier sports Web site in the world: Bleacher Report.

Did I say it right?...let me underline it—the best sports Web site out there...Bleacher Report.

(Zander, you're reading this, right?)

You have the homepage of your Internet browser set to B/R. You spend more time here than MySpace or Facebook. You'd even vote for Richard Marsh, or MJ or Shane Howard in a Presidential election.

That's...alright.

But if you're taking this to the next level, its slightly unhealthy.

If you see your editors, who pamper you with eternally positive feedback as possible candidates as your best man in your wedding...

If you have a HUGE crush on those lovely ladies who edit your articles, change a hundred words and still say, "I loved it, only minor changes from me..." and are thinking about seriously asking them out...

If you are going to send Christmas cards to everyone who gives your article a "Pick of the day"...

...beware! Your addiction is beyond insane!

These are only a few signs, of course there are dozens more. As a responsible writer on the world's best sports website, I felt it was my duty to raise this important issue.

If you or someone dear to you suffers from these signs, sure, laugh at them! But remember, a psychologist is only one phone call (and $1,000 per appointment) away.

May God help everyone. I just hope he starts with me.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is obviously meant for humorous purposes only. Nothing and no one is directly or indirectly meant to be insulted or belittled. The writer does not consider these signs to be necessarily psychotic, neither does he recommend a psychologist for the same.

P.S.: The writer also does not endorse any of the people mentioned above, in the Presidential elections. Well...not yet, anyway.

India Eliminated From ICC Twenty20 World Cup: Who Is to Blame?

Rocky Getters — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 01:30:37 -0400

Defending champions India lost to England last night in a thrilling match that went right down to the last over. Considering that South Africa have already qualified for the semifinals, this defeat also has eliminated India from the ICC Twenty20 World Cup. Their last match against South Africa will now be just a formality.

After a rather surprising defeat to West Indies, all eyes were on India, expecting them to bounce back strong and in fact dent England's hopes instead.

The stage was set for a do-or-die match for both sides, and Lord's was the perfect venue for a match of such epic proportions.

Looking at the huge support for India at the venue, it was easy to mistake Lord's for the FerozShah Kotla or Wankhede stadium, but we were indeed still in England.

Accompanied with a huge burden of expectations, ruthless criticism from the Indian media, hopes and prayers of one billion people, not to mention personal ambitions and an uncorrupted thirst for success, the Indian team took the field.

Indian captain MS Dhoni put England in to bat first. And they got off to a bad start. RP Singh got rid of Wright early.

But a big stage warrants a gallant warrior. And for England it was Kevin Pietersen. His presence seemed to take the game away from India, as he scored runs with ease and flare.

His battle with Indian spinner Harbhajan Singh was worth watching. At one point, Pietersen, known for his "reverse-shot", was all but ready to smash one out of the park, but Singh slyly pulled away from bowling.

Smiles all around at the sneaky contest, but Pietersen had the last laugh.

He was well assisted at the other end by Ravi Bopara, and later it was Dimitri Mascarenhas who took England to a total of 153/8, after a mini collapse at the end.

In reply, India had a terrible start as well, as IPL superstar Rohit Sharma got out cheaply. English seamer Ryan Sidebottom bowled extremely well and was assisted by some shaky batting at the top by Indian batsmen, as pressure started to take its toll.

In what will be perhaps the most debated and criticized decision, and in hindsight certainly looks like a huge mistake, Ravindra Jadeja was sent in ahead of Yusuf Pathan and Dhoni. He looked completely out of sorts and wasted a lot of deliveries.

The run-rate started to climb and something had to give.

Yuvraj Singh came in and smashed two sixes in quick succession to give Indian fans some hope, but the glory was short-lived, as Graeme Swann craftily got him out stumped and it changed the whole complexion of the game.

Finally, Yusuf Pathan got to the crease. And with captain Dhoni at the other end, nothing seemed impossible.

But Dhoni was not himself either, managing to scrape boundaries off edges only. Yusuf tried hard to hit a few big hits, but the run-rate by then had gotten out of control.

When the last over came, India needed 19 runs. Though Dhoni smashed a four off the last ball, India could only manage 150 runs, and thus lost by three runs in the end.

In a press conference Dhoni apologized to Indian fans and expressed his disappointment.

Now that the firm favorites are out of the competition in such a fashion, many questions will be raised, and the best one will be, "Who is to blame?"

Captain MS Dhoni will surely be one of the first to be crucified by the media. Many of his decisions made little or no sense.

Why was Jadeja sent in ahead of Yusuf?

Was it right to persist with an out of form Ishant Sharma?

He promoted himself to the number three slot instead of Raina in the first few matches, and only in the crucial game put Raina to face the music. Was it right?

Is Dhoni's personal form good enough to continue with the side as a captain or a player?

Of course, the rest of the team cannot escape criticism either.

Terrible shot selection by the top and middle order, Jadeja's inability to score quickly, failure of all bowling plans for Pieterson and Bopara to name a few.

Or was the IPL to blame? Some say, too much cricket tired out Indian players and they were not passionate enough about the World Cup as they were about the money-laden IPL.

Shouldn't the media take the blame? Just before the start of the tournament, the Indian media ruthlessly criticized Dhoni on the matter of Sehwag and raised questions about team unity. True or not, was it the right time to ask those questions?

Was the glorified Indian team overconfident?

Was the team selection right? Was the management/coaching/team strategy right?

It will take some time for the Indian fans to really accept this defeat. And some more time to answer all these questions.

But one thing is sure. The blame game has begun.

My Utterly Silly Poetic Tribute to Real Madrid and Cristiano Ronaldo

Rocky Getters — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 23:51:16 -0400

Real Madrid have a charismatic yet slightly hysterical boss at the helm with an uncorrupted thirst for unadulterated success, willing to shell out the last shilling in Madrid to assemble an army of gallant footballing warriors, and establish their supreme authority over the footballing realm.

A jaw-dropping 56 million pounds for AC Milan magician Kaka. A record-breaking 80 million pounds for Manchester United superstar Cristiano Ronaldo.

And if you believe the rumors, they are not done yet. Names like Ribery and Xabi Alonso are still on their shopping cart.

Global recession? What the hell is that?

Nothing in this world can stop Real Madrid now!

With that in mind, Bleacher Report's most charming writer, part-time funnyman and resident poet, yours truly: Rocky Getters, got down to work, jotting down his impromptu poetic ramblings on the subject.

The stimulus was unhealthy amounts of caffeine. Believe me, if Real Madrid put me on their payroll, I would write much better. But still..

Here goes nothing...

All hail Real Madrid

O great city of Madrid
Thou hast summoned a dozen warriors best,
Whose ruthless might is known across the three worlds
Who have defeated many, and destroyed the rest.

Crowning of the little Brazilian angel was not yet over
When now the Portuguese magician has joined hands with you,
With every Titan that enters your army
Wide-eyed and speechless, others stand petrified for true.

One wonders, with all the money you have
Who will be next thou will want to scout,
Maybe build a time-machine & go back in time
Kidnap a young Pele, and put him in the Madrid dugout?

No doubt, the Gallacticos have risen like the Phoenix
And looks like there is nothing on heaven or hell, that can stop them now!
But I suggest you spend a dollar to light a candle and pray too...
Cause injuries to some & a loss of form for others, would really really dampen the spirits somehow!

Farewell, Cristiano Ronaldo

Some call you the greatest footballer alive
Some say you could be the greatest of all time,
Of course, Chelsea or Manchester City not included
Hell, even some in red part of Manchester don't like your arrogant side

Some say, they will miss your magic tricks
How you dazzled and enthralled with your amazing skills,
Of course, some say they will miss your "dives" for free-kicks
And how you cried when the ref didn't give a decision your way!

But with critics and fans, love or hatred
One thing cannot be ignored,
There was hard work behind your sweat, passion on your face
You're one of the best to ever play the game of football

The EPL won't be the same without you
None Sir Alex can bring to replace you,
Take a bow, many times you have made Manchester proud
Red Devils will spend their 80 million, but you will always be YOU.

Grazie.

Ashes Series: John Buchanan Joins English Camp, Trouble for Australia?

Rocky Getters — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 23:47:58 -0400

Former Australian cricket coach John Buchanan has joined the English camp, just days before the commencement of biggest war in test cricket: "The Ashes Series."

It was not unexpected; far from test cricket, when the cricket world was immersed in the magic of its biggest extravaganza: the IPL, there were talks of Buchanan joining hands with the English. Finally, its official.

Buchanan will be part of the "Elite Program", and oversee the progress of the English Under-19 team, and the Lions team. The Lions team takes on Australia in a crucial warm-up game before the first test of the Ashes series.

But its highly unlikely that Buchanan will not extend his stay and give his precious advice to the English test team during the Ashes series.

John Buchanan brings with him a mixed bag. A bag full of talent, ability, a genius cricketing mind, but also controversy and confusion.

There's no doubting Buchanan's cricketing brain. Australia have scripted many memorable victories under his reign, Ashes Series and a small matter of two World Cups included.

He knows how to get the job done. He has an unparalleled hunger for uncorrupted success. Whatever it takes, victory will not be compromised under him.

And of course, he knows the Australian cricket team inside out. He knows their strengths, their weaknesses, their tactics, their mindset...hell, don't be surprised if Buchanan even has a list of the favorite food dishes & pet peeves of all the Australian cricketers stored on his laptop.

This guy means business.

But his presence doesn't guarantee success.

The Kolkata Knight Riders in the IPL are a perfect example, of how an amazing team of glorious cricketers completely fell apart under his regime. The more power he assumed at the helm, the worse the situation became in the KKR camp.

Besides, he can only work with what he has got.

Not to belittle English hopes or their courage, but England don't exactly have a team that will terrify the opposition. They have their problems, which they must work on.

With the era of total and arrogant Australian domination over, of course, England will be more than hopeful of winning the series.

But one wonders whether Buchanan's entry into this scene will be favorable to the English or not.

One wonders whether it has spelled doom for the Australians, or merely tickled their aggression more.

But one thing is sure.

John Buchanan joining the English camp has definitely added an extra spice to the already mouth-watering recipe!

My Utterly Silly Poetic Tribute to Kaka: "From AC Milan to Real Madrid"

Rocky Getters — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 04:14:25 -0400

Kaka's transfer from Italian giants AC Milan to Spanish powerhouse Real Madrid is old news in the soccer world now.

The reasons, the money involved, the effects on La Liga and Serie A, predictions of success, apprehensions of fear...all these have been nutritious fodder for every precocious footballing brain out there, dishing out their own epiphanies and enlightening us on the situation.

Don't expect that here.

Really, I'm not an expert.

This is quite simply, a crude set of poetic ramblings of a football addict high on caffeine.

Here goes nothing...

From AC Milan to Real Madrid

A joyous city celebrates and waits
And the rest of Spain shudders and faints,
That gallant Brazilian warrior has cometh to Madrid
A glorious future, that city awaits

Farewell, our beloved little angel!
Here at Milan, we still worship thee
Gourcuff's not coming back, gone is Carletto
And now no more shall San Siro chant thy name, Ricky

You scored goals, and entertained us all
When hope there should have been none, you made us believe
We enter Champions League again this year
Its sad, that you have to leave.

Our boss tells us, we will still recover somehow
We will bring better, more precious gems to this town
My evil ex-girlfriend made more sense than that
Its hard to imagine Galliani, thou can erase this frown

Kaka, we really do wish you well
But questions, tickle my mind, a fair few,
Can you fall in love with another city again?
Will that heavy pay-cheque be really good?

I still and always will support Milan
I have hated the rest too many times to change sides now
Maybe a part of me will rally for Madrid
But hope, we don't meet in the CL somehow

Because if Real and Milan do meet in a battle
I will have no option but to hope you fail,
Don't mind my Gattuso's wild tackle then
Eat dust, thou be condemned to hell!

Grazie.

The New "Ashes" in Cricket: Australian Cricket Team

Rocky Getters — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 01:19:28 -0400

In the realm of cricket, the term "The Ashes" was coined by an innocent reporter in the English media in a mock obituary he wrote after the "death of English cricket," when England suffered their first test cricket loss on English soil to the Australians in 1882.

One wonders now, looking at the current state of Australian cricket, whether it's time for another eulogy in cricket, this time dedicated to the once "invincible ones."

After the West Indians dominated the 70s and the 80s saw the surge of the Indians, it was the Australians in the late 90s whose might and fervor shook the cricketing circles.

For more than a decade, they were the most feared team—a victorious army of gallant knights and courageous warriors, who mercilessly destroyed every opposition which showed the audacity to challenge them.

They broke old records and set new ones. They made that 22 yard cricket pitch their own personal toy.

But come to the 2009 ICC Twenty20 World Cup, and the Australians get eliminated from the first round itself...

And this isn't the first battle they have lost.

For more than a couple of years now, the audacious Indians, the committed South Africans, and the enigmatic New Zealanders have all, time and again, challenged the Australian supremacy, and quite successfully so.

Some might say they are still at the top or somewhere near the top in the test, ODI and T20 rankings...Well, all those rankings should mean to you as much as your mother-in-law's opinion about you.

The reality is, Australian cricket is in some serious trouble.

The reasons?

There are many.

While one cannot ignore the quality, commitment, and passion shown by other teams, there are internal problems as well.

Is the team united?

Was Andrew Symonds sent back home purely for disciplinary reasons?

Was the decision of some key Aussie players to avoid the IPL a purely cricketing decision, and, if so, was it right?

Is the team selection right?

Is it time for Ponting to step down?

This 2009 ICC Twenty20 World Cup was perhaps the first World Cup in the past decade where the Aussies were not entering as the firm favorites. And looking at the other two teams in the group, it isn't really a jaw-dropping event that they were knocked out so early.

The question is, is the golden era of Australian cricket really over?

Can Australia bounce back from this?

What is the future of Australian cricket?

Cricket History: The Catch Worth Dropping in Cricket

Rocky Getters — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 00:40:12 -0400

Generally in cricket, if you're the fielder who has dropped a catch, especially an important one, you are destined to invite the utter wrath of the frustrated bowler, who will not shy away from a few choice words and make you feel miserable for the next 15 minutes, at least.

But has it ever happened, that you have dropped an important catch...a catch of the last batsman which would seal a test match victory for your side, and the bowler runs to you and scolds you...not for dropping the catch, but for even attempting to take that one?!

Yes, it has happened, perhaps only once in test cricket.

It happened at Delhi's famous Ferozshah Kotla ground, the battleground for the second test match between India and Pakistan, on Feb. 8, 1999. An all-important second test match, which could tilt the series in the favor of the winner.

It was the fifth and final day of the test match. Pakistan had lost nine wickets in the second innings, and were staring at defeat.

Indian ace bowler Javagal Srinath, who was in fine form leading up to the test match, was for some reason bowling all over the place. As if just going through the motions, disinterested in snapping a wicket.

But somehow, quite hilariously, a batsman managed to get bat to the ball, and it was launched high up in the sky.

A fielder in that region set his eyes firmly on the cricket ball. Heart beating fast, wary to even blink an eye so as not to miss the ball in that crucial moment, focused.

But somehow he managed to drop the catch.

Javagal Srinath was visibly disappointed. His eyes said it, his face showed it. He was upset, big time.

But he wasn't upset over the fact that the fielder had missed the catch. He was upset that he attempted to take it.

Why did you run towards the cricket ball? Why did you attempt to take it?

The reason...?

Well, some guy named Anil Kumble was bowling at the other end. He had taken all the 10 wickets in the first innings, and had dismissed all the nine Pakistan batsmen in the second innings as well.

He was standing on the doorsteps of etching his name in history. Only the great Jim Lakers had managed to take all 20 wickets in a single test match. And Anil Kumble had the opportunity to repeat that magical feat once again that day.

Javagal Srinath was not just a teammate of Kumble, but also a good friend. No wonder then, he didn't want to do anything that could steal that honor from his pal!

What happened? Well, as they say... the rest is history.

Anil Kumble kept bowling well, kept troubling the last pair of batsmen, kept giving everyone many "Ooh-Aah" moments.

And finally, destiny bestowed upon him that honor. Anil Kumble took that last wicket, and the entire stadium erupted in joy.

Teammates and opponents alike, experts and fans, friends and family. Everyone knew how difficult it was to achieve such a feat in cricket.

But if there was ever a man to repeat this historic feat, it had to be the patient, talented, hard-working, mechanical engineer turned cricketer—Anil Kumble.

My Utterly Silly Poetic Tribute to Roger Federer and Maria Sharapova

Rocky Getters — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 03:17:42 -0400

If you're expecting an ounce of quality in my poetic tribute, I urge you to read some other article.

On the other hand, if you expect utter silliness and a random chuckle along the way—welcome.

I'm high on caffeine, sitting in my congested room with literally no oxygen supply, and my new neighbor spying on me with those binoculars is seriously starting to get creepy now.

I was talking with a fellow b/r writer—"Gil" who is a proud recruit of the "Federer army." Oh yes, they have armies now, and I'm pretty sure there are cults with secret practices to please the ancient Annunaki Gods to make sure Federer wins matches.

Anyway...

One thing led to another, and I decided to write a poem for Federer. I was amused at my own impromptu effort and decided to make it into an article.

How could I leave my beloved Maria Sharapova out of such a thing?

So, I had to write a poem on her too.

Take it as an excuse for pathetic poetry or shameless boasting if the poem has turned out well, but the truth is the truth.

I wrote these following few lines just now in a couple of minutes.

Here goes nothing.

Roger Federer

"There is some guy, some Prince Charming I hear
Who has captured the hearts of many a girls these days
He comes from the land, known for chocolates
No wonder sweet are his flirting ways

The Swiss are also known for knives, mind you
And sure enough, Roger has an aggressive side
He vanquished a dozen and then conquered the rest
That slender frame surged ahead like a tide!

Who is Nadal? Who is Murray?
No one can challenge this mighty knight
Roger is the best of the the best
forever, learn this fact tonight

Oh, thou art so wonderful Federer
Swifter than winds, brighter than sun!
But I'm a Djokovic fan buddy...
So in my dream, Novak always beats you 6-1, 6-1, 6-1."

Don't worry. I will provide my real e-mail address to those who are itching to send me hate-mails.

Moving on...

Maria Sharapova

I can't take my eyes off you, Maria
You're the prettiest face I have ever seen
I confess I fell for you head over heals
That first moment I saw you on my TV screen

I have your posters all over my wall
But it's your smile embossed on my heart that matters the most
I wish I could know what it feels to be with you...
But more than that, I wish I knew what rhymed with "most"

You may never know, there exists a man somewhere
Who is so madly in love with you
He mentions you in every article he writes...
Even though it has nothing directly to do with you

If I wasn't so afraid of "Daddy Dangerous"
I'd definitely call you every once in a while
I would not be able to sing a romantic song perhaps
But maybe my silly lil' poem would make you smile!

I was gonna write about Nadal and Ana too, but I'm finished with my coffee, and I think this much stupidity is enough for one article.

I will get a POTD for this one, surely—The Pathetic article of the Day.

Grazie.

Michael Jordan Ends the Debate Over LeBron James and Kobe Bryant

Rocky Getters — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:35:51 -0400

The hot topic of discussion amongst all NBA fans right now is, "Who is the best basketball player of all time, LeBron James or Kobe Bryant?"

Several talented writers have written hundreds of amazing articles, taking an in-depth look at each player, their performances, their statistics, and their abilities while backing it up with mind-boggling facts, exploring all their strengths and weaknesses, turning pages of history for comparisons, and making predictions based on their sharp opinions...

Phew.

Well, safe to say, this is not one of those articles.

Yesterday, I was discussing this topic with my good friend—Michael Jordan, who knows a thing or two about basketball, I guess.

He said he was sick and tired of bloggers having endless wars over who is the best!

I agreed.

So, he suggested we hold a contest: a one-time only one round competition between LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. Each player had to impress the judges by an awesome dunk.

The harder it is, the more points you get of course.

And whoever wins it will be declared the best of the best...ever.

He called up Kobe and LeBron, they agreed too, and the war was on!

We also invited many special guests, including: Stone Cold Steve Austin, Simon Cowell, Paris Hilton, a clown, that guy who did that thing in that movie, & Barney the dino.

We had also invited Al Gore, but we had violated so many environmental regulations while setting up the place that he instead decided to take action against us.

Geez, I can't believe I voted for that guy in 2000. Not that my vote "got counted"... but still!

Back to basketball.

The stage was set, metaphorically speaking.

We were actually just outside my garage. Apart from the unearthly smell, the mess, and the odd raccoon it wasn't such a bad place.

First up was Kobe.

Taking some inspiration from his famous YouTube "stunt" video, he had arranged five cars outside the garage out on the road. And, one by one, they sped up toward him at full speed.

He jumped over one, bounced the basketball on the ground, and then jumped over another one. Then he did a 180 degree turn in mid-air as he jumped over the third car and bounced the ball off the hood of the fourth one.

Then, taking one last definitive look at the basket ten feet away from him, he jumped high up above the fifth car and wham!

He slammed that basketball down the throat of that basket, sending the crowd into an uproar.

Judges were impressed.

Paris said, "Its hot."

While Steve Austin gave it a "Hell Yeah!" rating.

Now, it was LeBron's turn. He was determined to outdo Kobe.

He stacked up three life-size statues of Yao Ming one over the other, blindfolded himself, and tied one hand behind his back.

He bounced the basketball on the ground, and, between each bounce, he successfully kissed one dozen cheerleaders. He did that until he was a few feet away from the basket and all the cheerleaders were done kissing with.

Then he jumped up high, soaring across the sky, tension riding all the faces, hearts beating fast, and people silent in that moment. There he went over the three "Yaos," did a back-flip in mid-air, and slam dunked ever so sweetly!

"That was absolutely awful. I was waiting for it to end the moment it started," said Simon Cowell.

But everyone else loved it.

In fact, the jury loved both the dunks so much they couldn't decide which one was better.

So we were at a tie.

Barney suggested we hold a hamburger eating contest, and so we did.

But again, both ended up eating exactly 16 and three quarter hamburgers in two minutes.

Unbelievable, I know, but I can't possibly be lying about this!

We got a phone call from Susan Boyle and she suggested we hold a classical singing contest to end the dispute. Sing opera even, in high notes...because it is such a wonderful thing. Singing is such a beautiful blessing of God, that we...

They rapped.

But yet again, we couldn't decide who was worse. Uhh...sorry, I meant who was... better. They both were so...uhh...good. Yeah. *avoids eye contact*

We held 63 contests after that from a "yo momma" joke contest, to MMA style fighting.

But, no clear winner. It always ended in a tie.

Finally, Michael Jordan said, "Listen guys, I have an idea."

Everybody paid attention.

"On one of the islands in Hawaii, I have hidden a golden medallion. You both will be flown there.

There are many clues and hints peppered all over the island. Whoever finds the medallion, wins the contest. Deal?"

In a rush of adrenaline, they both agreed.

By dawn, they were both well on their way to Hawaii. We were at the airport as we waved goodbye and good luck.

I looked at Jordan and asked, "Who do you think will win MJ?"

"Win what?"

"The contest. Who will find the medallion on Hawaii?"

"Dude, that private aircraft will drop them on a remote South Pacific island."

"Wait...what? Then...how...what...who will win...how will we decide who is the best player in the world?"

He put on his sunglasses and calmly said, "Forget that. Drive me to Detroit. Oh, by the way, I'm making another comeback to the NBA. I just signed a multi-million dollar contract!" He said all of this with the widest grin you can ever imagine!!

*YES. I ADMIT, I AM A MICHAEL JORDAN FAN. AND HE IS THE VERY BEST!*

Disclaimer: The above article is purely fictional; its a comedic look at the present "great debate." The writer has no direct or indirect intention to harm, insult, or belittle ANY person or their achievements.

This is meant for purely amusement purposes. All sports-persons are wonderful in their own way, and the writer strongly believes it is wrong to compare them.

Six Reasons Why Tennis Should Be Banned

Rocky Getters — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 01:47:15 -0400

I now hold in my hand, medical reports which prove without a doubt, just how dangerous Tennis is. Doctors and researchers from different fields have been working for a long time on this sport and have concluded that Tennis is a dangerous sport and must be banned. In the following few slides, I will detail a few dangerous diseases, disorders, harmful effects of tennis...

Begin Slideshow

Carlo Ancelotti: Is He the Right Man for Chelsea?

Rocky Getters — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 05:25:04 -0400

It seems it's just a matter of time until Chelsea will announce Carlo Ancelotti as their new manager.

Though Chelsea has ended the season on a high note by winning the prestigious FA Cup, they look anxiously toward their future.

And many wonder...Is Ancelotti the right man for Chelsea at this stage?

Seems like at least Chelsea owner Roman Abramovic thinks so.

Carlo Ancelotti is no doubt available after parting ways with Italian giants AC Milan after reaching a "mutual consent." And have no doubts, managing an EPL team is a dream job for anyone in the business.

It's no secret that the Russian billionaire wants his team to taste European success. He wants, he craves, and lusts for that elusive Champions League title for his beloved club.

And Ancelotti is the man to do it.

Records speak for themselves.

Ancelotti is one of the few distinguished men to have won the Champions League title, both as a player and a manager. He understands the game better than most and knows what it takes to perform on European stage.

He took Milan to that European glory two times as a manager during his stay at Milan in 2003 and 2007.

Chelsea has performed well in the Champions league, coming close a couple of times, but the title has evaded them.

Maybe Ancelotti is the man who can finally get the results.

But for true English fans of this West London club, it's the EPL that needs to be snatched from Manchester United.

Carlo Ancelotti is a great manager.

He is a master tactician, has a profound understanding of the game, and knows how to handle pressure in big matches. And most teams would be happy to welcome him in a managerial role.

Motivating players for big matches shouldn't be a problem for him. He is neither passive nor too eccentric. But he has the right attitude toward the players as individuals and as a team on the whole.

One of the many things Chelsea will need to go the distance in the EPL next season, is a strong bench. Chelsea has had a habit, especially with unlimited Russian money at their disposal, to bring in big name players and expect them to win them titles right away.

Ancelotti has shown two things at Milan.

Firstly, his knack of bringing in the right young players and ensuring that they play well, as in case of Kakas and Patos. And secondly, his ability to handle big names and keeping the team strong and united.

One thing I hope Ancelotti will do, if and when he assumes that post, is to bring in more young English players from other English clubs and from the Chelsea youth team.

I have said it before, and I'll say it again, we need more English players in the big four. There is immense talent in England, someone just needs to care enough.

He had his fair share of criticism while at Milan.

Settling for a 1-0 instead of sealing the game up, not getting the team through some mundane matches they were expected to win, depending too much on the star players, and the like. He was also the first person to be dumped with blame whenever the team slumped in form.

Besides, EPL is different from Serie A in many ways and poses many challenges in front of Ancelotti, and his debatable English-speaking abilities is not even one of them!

There's no doubt, Ancelotti is great.

But can he achieve with the Blues, what he achieved with the Rossoneri?

ICC Twenty20 World Cup: 11 Players to Watch Out for

Rocky Getters — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 02:46:37 -0400

The IPL extravaganza is past us now, and we all eagerly await a battle of different kind. The ICC Twenty20 World cup is merely a few days away, and the question on everyone's mind is - Can India defend their title this time round? Or will Australia, South Africa, England or Sri Lanka be able to dominate this time, and conquer the Twenty20 crown? Either way, we are in for one hell of a tournament. And here's a list of 11 "must watch" players, who will definitely make an impact in this tournament!

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