Bleacher Report - Articles by Aaron Liebman

Forget the Coaches, Kickers Like John Carney and Jason Elam On the Hot Seat

Aaron Liebman — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:41:11 -0500

Being a placekicker in the NFL is a strange job. You’re pretty much either a hero, or a goat. There is no in between. And if a kicker becomes a hero, it is quickly forgotten and credited to the quarterback who got him in the position to kick it.

It used to be that positional players would double as kickers. But as the two-way player ended, new breeds of “athletes” entered the league. They have strange names, some cannot speak English, and some kick without socks (although those are a dying breed).

No one ever acknowledges how tough it can be to kick a ball through goal posts. Since they don’t play any other times during the game, their value is underestimated. Bill Parcells once said of a hurt Matt Bahr “He doesn’t have to play. All he has to do is kick.” A kicker is not viewed as someone who can make a team great. But he certainly is someone who can break a team.

Since kickers don’t really have to run or hit or even barely get off the bench, most can and do play through their forties. Although they may not work as hard as others, a foot and a leg are still body parts that can get old. Some just are inconsistent and don’t make enough to last past their twenties let alone into their forties. This season has seen many examples of such.

Let’s start with this week’s nappy-headed-ho of the week and the kicker who’s missed two potential game tying kicks in less than a month. Kris Brown, kicker for the Houston Texans, is the only “player” to suit up for every game in team history. But after constantly missing kicks, including two 49-yarders Monday night, he might go the way of the old Houston team, the Oilers.

John Carney is going through a second stint with the New Orleans Saints, which isn’t very unusual. Since kickers can play so long, they often run out of teams and need to go back around. Carney went to the Pro Bowl last season as a member of the Giants mostly due to the team’s frequent scoring and extra point opportunities. But when the team needed him in the cold in the playoffs, he could not deliver.

This season is almost identical. The Saints offense is not stalling and all they really need is someone to kick the extra points. Carney has not cost his team a game yet, but he has missed extra points, and some chip shots. Being a dome kicker, watch out for when he is forced to go outdoors.

Jason Elam is a legend. Okay, for kickers, he’s a legend. He has two Super Bowl rings with the Denver Broncos, and tied a league record with a 63 yard field goal, doing it without a boot like his counterpart, Tom Dempsey. But this season, as a member of the Atlanta Falcons, Elam has been shaky at best. He’s missed chip shots and with that goatee, definitely does not look like himself. After losing to the Giants in overtime this past weekend, you can’t help but notice that, had he made all his kicks, there wouldn’t have been an overtime.

Elam’s counterpart this past weekend, Giants kicker Lawrence Tynes, gained notoriety for kicking the Giants to the Super Bowl two years ago. People choose to forget he missed two others in that game, and sat out all of last season due to an “injury.” He hasn’t blown any games yet, mostly because Eli Manning has engineered some great drives to give him second and third chances to redeem himself. But he has missed some easy kicks, and like Elam, had he made all his kicks, there wouldn’t have been an overtime. As a Giants fan, I think I speak for us all when I say that whenever I see Tynes lined up to kick, I have to cross my fingers and sometimes avert my eyes.

Redskins kicker Shaun Suisham accounted for all of the scoring of his team this Sunday, but missed two kicks and his team wound up on the losing end of a one point game. For a team that has had quarterback, and now injured running back, problems, to have a kicker steal the show as its Achilles heel is an accomplishment.

Even kickers David Akers and Adam Vinatieri, who have had their own jerseys worn by fans, have struggled at times. Akers in particular missed two kicks in a game in Oakland that would have won the game. And Vinatieri has suffered an injury and been replaced by Matt Stover.

Stover’s former team, the Ravens, have been the only team to take action in changing their kickers, by replacing the man hired to replace Stover in Steven Hauschka. But as more kicks sail right and other forty year old kickers decide they want back in the game, who could be next?

Cleveland Browns-Detroit Lions: Toilet Bowl II

Aaron Liebman — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 12:56:04 -0500

Believe it or not, this article is not to hate on the ineptitude of these two Pop Warner teams (OK, maybe I just screwed that one up). Nor is it to mock the Detroit Lions for losing the first toilet bowl, granting the Rams their first "win."

And Brady Quinn, I know you want to be like Brett Favre, but that doesn’t mean throwing a low block and getting fined for it. And at least when Favre did it, it wasn’t on an interception. Quinn's attempt at playing linebacker nets him this week's Nappy-Headed-Ho of the week award.

Instead, I have to ask about the scheduling of this game. Now I know due to schedule rotation, these teams had to play. But why now? Why in November? Why not put these teams against each other in Week One? That way at least one of these teams would know what it’s like to be over .500 (who knows, maybe it’ll end in a scoreless tie).

But now that it is being played at this time of the season, the question is, could the Browns actually be WORSE than the winless Lions of last season? Let’s be honest. The reason why Dick Jauron lost his job in Buffalo was because he gave up the Browns’ only win this season. And that’s another reason why Jim Zorn will lose his, for giving the Lions their first win in nearly two years.

With all the buzz in Jacksonville over blacked out games, you have to figure this one has absolutely no hope whatsoever. Maybe they should’ve made this the game that was played in Europe. After all, it is an interconference game. Sure, the NFL may not gain as many new fans of football from watching this game, but at least neither of the team’s fans would be subjected to having to watch it.

For entertainment purposes, this game has the appeal of watching a train wreck. Or watching an Ed Wood movie. Or listening William Hung sing cover for Ricky Martin. Neither team really has an upper hand, and when picking this game it really is coin toss choice. I’m tempted to go with the Lions because they are playing at home. Then again, that was the case when they played the Rams.

Jauron's Firing Confirms How Biased The Coach Of The Year Award Is

Aaron Liebman — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 11:48:59 -0500

Fired for the second time (third if you count not being offered the position after being an interim in Detroit) Dick Jauron was named Coach of the Year in 2001. That was his third season coaching the Chicago Bears in which he led them to a 13-3 record after seasons of 6-10 and 5-11, respectively. After that 13-3 season, Jauron never posted another winning season—or even an 8-8 season—for the rest of his coaching career.

The fact that he can put coach of the year on his resume really should mean nothing to general managers looking for head coaches, or even coordinators. Jauron receiving the honor proves that the award really doesn’t go to the coach of the year, but instead to the coach of the most surprising team that year.

This year, Josh McDaniels is all but guaranteed the recognition because NOBODY would have expected a 6-0 start for him after all the drama that happened in the offseason. Yet, nobody has mentioned Jim Caldwell, the first year head coach of the Indianapolis Colts, because the Colts are expected to win every year. This year however, the Colts have had injuries and fewer weapons to work with on offense, and yet and they are still 9-0.

Even Romeo Crennel, former coach of the Cleveland Browns, finished second for coach of the year in 2007 simply because nobody thought the Browns would finish without double digit losses. For this, he was given a contract extension, and hopes rose for the Browns (an odd concept I know), who then finished 4-12 with the fans asking for Crennel’s head.

Back to Jauron, all may not be lost for him. He has some exclusive company in Dan Reeves, Norv Turner, and Wade Phillips as coaches who have been fired twice. Phillips was even an interim coach like Jauron, ironically because Dan Reeves was fired for the third and final time during the middle of the 2003 season.

And Norv Turner’s continued head coaching positions in the league always convince me that if this guy can get a coaching job, anybody can. So we may not have seen the last of Jauron. But if that’s the case, he’ll have to start from the bottom and work his way back up as a coordinator. However given his track record, he might want to stick with a job as a coordinator instead. It’s worked out for Dick Lebeau now hasn’t it?

Tom Cable: "I Coach The Raiders; I Had To Beat Somebody"

Aaron Liebman — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:46:50 -0500

This past summer, Raiders coach Tom Cable faced allegations for assault on a former assistant coach. Apparently he has upgraded now over beating up women, as we've learned he's done in his past.

Maybe the women were just warm up for him to get tough enough to fight a man (even if it's just an Assistant Head Coach.) In light of news of these further assaults, many women's groups are calling for Cable to be disciplined.

Cable recently had these comments regarding the incident. "None of these women understand football", he began saying. "If they did, they'd see that I coach the Raiders and a violent past is necessary to gain employment for Al Davis."

Asked if he had a particular issue with women, he simply responded "I may look big and tough, but deep down I'm small and weak. I tried fighting men my own size, and even some smaller, but realized I was in over my head.

So, I knew if I ever wanted to coach the Raiders, I'd have to start beating up people I knew I could take. I tried children, but they're surprisingly tough. After failing to win fights against cripples, I was left with no other fighting options than women. It was nothing personal. It was all about business, and those particular ones just happened to be there."

Being the Raiders' fifth coach since 2003, Cable admitted he needed a way to standout to his owner. "If Davis every tried to fire me, he might get afraid that I'd make him my next victim. He may not be a woman, but at his age, I think I might be able to take him."

Although Al Davis would not respond to the claim, sources near him say that the idea of Cable taking down Davis is "laughable." One even went as far as to say "Al Davis is not a human being, and thus has no feelings. No punches or any other forms of violence against him could do any damage."

Cable understands that some people will look down at him for his violence against the opposite sex, but counters that he should not be judged until you walk a mile in his shoes. "If you had to coach the Raiders you'd be beating up women too. Although I like my job as coach, especially since I can order people around, dealing with the lack of talent and a quarterback who hits his targets less than I hit mine can take its toll."

When asked about his future in Oakland, Cable laughed. "Who else is going to want to coach this team? Even if I didn't return, many of Al's former coaches have only improved their careers by leaving. Jon Gruden won a Super Bowl. Norv Turner coaches San Diego. And even Lane Kiffin coaches in college football. Perhaps I'll lower my standards and go for a coaching job under Dan Snyder in Washington."

Top Coach-Player "Almost" Fights in the NFL

Aaron Liebman — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:12:06 -0500

This past Sunday saw Falcons coach Mike Smith get in the face of former Falcons player and current Redskin Deangelo Hall on the sidelines after a play. After the game, Hall seemed ready for round two, saying that Smith was talking (bleep) and if he was ready to continue, he knew where to find Hall.

Not to take sides in any of this, but since Smith's team was the winner, I need to name Deangleo Hall as this week's nappy-headed-ho of the week.

As embarrassing this is for a white haired coach to get into a scuffle with a player (also entertaining), it's not the first time it's happened and won't be the last. Perhaps it's the fact that the coaches simply coach and most of if not all of them used to play, but are now out of the action.

Below are just some of the more memorable feuds between players and opposing coaches in backwards chronological order.

Ladanian Tomlinson vs. Bill Belichick: Following a home playoff loss to the New England Patriots, league MVP and record setting touchdown holder (seems so long ago doesn't it) Ladanian Tomlinson witnessed Patriots players imitating teammate Shawn Merriman's "lights out" sack dance on their field.

Tomlinson claimed that the team had "no class" and that it came "from their head coach (Belichick)." A few weeks later, the two apparently buried the hatchet as Belichick, being the losing coach in that year's AFC championship game, coached the Pro Bowl team.

With all the hatred towards Belichick, I'm sure he figured that this feud was small potatoes and focus his attention on bigger things (like shopping for at Radio Shack's home recording department.)

Warren Sapp vs. Mike Sherman: In a game between then very much rivals Tampa Bay and Green Bay, Warren Sapp was criticized by Packers coach Mike Sherman for throwing a huge block on a defenseless player on a defensive interception return.

Sapp being Sapp, he was ready to throw down right on the field in response to Sherman's snide remarks, telling Sherman that if he was so tough to strap on a helmet. I guess Sherman must have seen Sapp up close and suddenly his desire to for conflict disappeared.

Jerry Glanville vs. Every Player He Went Against: Before there was Bill Belichick, there was Jerry Glanville. For those of us who watched him as an analyst with bad puns on Fox (Charles "show me the" Way), it's pretty shocking to learn that he used to have snow balls thrown at him when trying to get to the tunnel. He instigated fights with officials ("N.F.L. stands for Not For Long") and even drew flags from them.

Buddy Ryan vs. Luis Zendejas: A lot of people didn't like Buddy Ryan and vice versa. But of all the players to have a feud with, for it to be a kicker earns him a place on this list.

Known now as the Bounty Bowl, Cowboys kicker Zendejas claimed that when he was playing for Ryan in Philadelphia, Ryan would offer bonuses to players who would knock out opposing kickers and punters. Zendejas was knocked out of the game with a concussion, and although this precipitated a feud more with coach Jimmy Johnson, it still was kicker Zendejas that kicked it off (no pun intended).

Chuck Noll vs. George Atkinson: Following a clothesline on a defenseless Lynn Swann that would make any WWE performer proud in back to back consecutive playoff games, Noll took the Raiders and Atkinson to court for assault. Swann was knocked on conscience both times and Noll labeled the Raiders as a whole as a "criminal element."

Atkinson countersued for defamation, but neither side ever received any compensation and as well all know, the Raiders never eased up on any opponent (except for on their own coaches that is.)

I'm sure there are some that I'm forgetting so please feel free to list them.

2009 New York Giants: This Year's Dallas Cowboys?

Aaron Liebman — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 09:01:57 -0500

Going into the 2008 season, the Dallas Cowboys were everybody's favorite to at least win their conference.

They were coming off a season in which they were the No. 1 seed and had a first round bye, but lost at home to a wild card team that also happened to be a division foe.

Once the '08 season started, the Cowboys justified these expectations. For the first few weeks anyway. A midseason losing streak set up the debate of whether America's Team would even make the playoffs.

Sound familiar?

The New York Giants, the divisional foe that beat the Cowboys in that playoff game, entered this year pretty much the exact same way.

Like the Cowboys, they also had the No. 1 seed last season, a first round bye, and lost at home to a divisional foe.

They stormed out the door winning their first five games, but have now slumped to 5-3. And like with Dallas last season, there is talk of big blue actually missing the playoffs for the first time since Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin's first season (2004).

The Cowboys DID have an excuse for their mid-season losing streak. Their quarterback, Tony Romo, who makes ballerina Tom Brady look like Chuck Bednarik, was out with an injured pinkie.

The Giants, although dealing with injuries, have been able to overcome them, especially during their Super Bowl year.

Last week in Philly, Eli Manning looked like a rookie again in the sense that if he didn't see anyone open and just threw the ball up. His performance last week nets him the nappy-headed-ho of the week award.

Disciplinarian Coughlin is definitely a different breed of coach from Wade Phillips, who is a stringed marionette for owner Jerry Jones.

Coughlin was always able to at least get the Giants winning no matter what injury befell the team (I don't count Plaxico's "absence" as an injury).

Another difference is Coughlin will definitely not be on the hot seat for at least another year. He would definitely need two consecutive losing campaigns for that.

Another striking similarity is that the Giants will move into a new stadium next season like the Cowboys did this year. That does make a difference in the eyes of fans who have to sell their first-born to afford the PSL's.

And if the losing does continue in the Big Apple, Super Bowl or not, it will always become a case of "what have you done for me lately."

Favreageddon: A Once in a Lifetime Opportunity We Get to Witness

Aaron Liebman — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 20:32:18 -0400

There are few momentous sporting events that take place in our lifetime that we have the privilege to witness firsthand.

The Miami Dolphins completing their perfect season of 1972.

Mark McGwire and then Barry Bonds breaking the single season home run record (before we knew how they were able to).

Pretty much everything Michael Jordan ever did (except for his hall of fame speech).

This Sunday will see another of those as the Brett Favre, once the face and forever legend of the Green Bay Packers, returns to play his former team as a member of their most hated rival.

The events and backstories behind the scenes of this matchup are enough to create a Broadway show. Despite all that has been accomplished between Favre and the Pack, there are feelings of bitterness and resentment, as well as words being thrown back and forth then dismissed as out of context.

When asked about Favre's motivation to come back, he gave the old political answer of just wanting to play and win a Super Bowl, but when a reporter asked why not just come back with the Jets, Favre didn't have an excuse lined up, and merely said that it's over with and to move on.

Now the teams have already played once this year, but in Minnesota. The Vikings stymied the Packers for a win, but Aaron Rodgers refused to go down without swinging. Even after being sacked and intercepted multiple times, he kept firing away. Maybe it's a good thing these teams have played once already but not in Green Bay.

The feelings of Brett Favre's return were at first mixed, but now after seeing him beat the Packers in a Vikings jersey, it is unanimous. And there is the burned and destroyed Favre memoribilia to prove it.

The team, organization, whole city and state, and Packer fans across the world are huddled for this game, an almost war if you will. The Vikings are in first place and up by two games. The Packers and specifically Aaron Rodgers NEED to win this game if nothing more than to justify the business move of not catering to Favre's diva wishes to come back before training camp in 2008.

I think the pressure is more on the Packers than on Favre. Winning this game may be, er who am I kidding, IS more important than winning the Super Bowl, at least this year. Even if the Pack don't make the playoffs and the Vikings win the Super Bowl, they could always brag that Favre couldn't get it done IN Green Bay. But what if he does?

What if Brett Favre comes into the stadium he was worshipped in, wearing a Vikings jersey, throws for 300 yards, 4 touchdowns, does one of his celebratory knock down of players in an attempt to seem like he's still young and cool, not to mention tries to throw a block on a Packers defender? Well, that isn't as much of an issue if he is unable to beat the Packers IN Green Bay?

But how would the fans react? Unhappy is the least descriptive word. Can we expect beer bottles thrown onto the field ala the Cleveland Browns in 2001 on an unpopular call by the officials? What if it snows, and we could see snow balls hurled to the ground like in Giants Stadium back in 1995 (against the Chargers of all teams)?

However, one has to wonder, is this what Favre wanted all along? Even though we heard the almost as redundant statement "I've never taken steroids" that he was not interested in coming back again, the evidence tells a different story.

He booked several hotel rooms for this game back when he was still "retired." He convinced the Jets to release him, which was the only way he'd get to play for any team in the NFC North (part of the clauses in the trade to the Jets).

Instead of signing with Minnesota right away, he manipulated the media as he has been doing into hyping it up. Then, waiting until after the Vikings actually play a preseason game, he decides to play for them. Therefore, other teams do not have as much time to study up on Favre as the Vikings quarterback and will not be as prepared for him.

Now other legendary players who left their original teams only to come back in another uniform have happened before. Alex Rodriguez was initially booed in Seattle with a Texas Rangers uniform on, but has since become an after thought. Mark Messier returned to New York as a member of the Canucks and was greeted with open arms. Michael Jordan, when he returned with the Washington Wizards, was not villified.

So why is this particular case of same guy, different shirt so emotionally different? Other than the whole reasoning of how this all happened (which really does play a hand in it), playing the position of quarterback in the NFL is different from any other position in any other sport.

What if John Elway came back to play in Denver wearing a Chiefs jersey? Or Peyton Manning playing in a Patriots jersey in Indianapolis?

I can only assume Favre will have extra security on hand. But since this is something he's been planning since the summer of 2008, I'm sure he's left no note unchecked.

The Cheap Way to Dress As Your Favorite NFL Star For Halloween, Vol. 2

Aaron Liebman — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 12:53:27 -0400

For those of you who are looking to be particular NFL players but don't want to spend a whole lot, I offer up these following suggestions...

Just go around punching people out and say you're Raiders coach Tom Cable (and those of you who like props, pick up a pair of boxing gloves)

Dawn a Peyton Manning jersey and (if you're at an office party) aggravate your boss and say you're Titans coach Jeff Fisher .

Sneak up behind everybody in the room and surprise them and say you're Broncos coach Josh McDaniels .

Run around the room mooning people and say you're 49ers coach Mike Singletary .

Constantly be looking over your shoulder the whole night and say you're Redskins coach Jim Zorn .

Have somebody accidentally bump into you and then cry foul and make a big deal about it, and say you're Patriots quarterback Tom Brady .

Put on a diaper and suck on a pacifier and say you're Bears quarterback Jay Cutler .

Whenever you're asked to pass a drink, give it to the wrong person and or drop it and say you're Raiders quarterback (for the time being) Jamarcus Russell .

Talk a lot of smack about an old friend of yours, claim it's water under the bridge, but secretly harbor a grudge and say you're Vikings quarterback Brett Favre .

For those of you who do need a costume, but on the cheap, just dawn a white ghost sheet and say you're Bills wide receiver Terrell Owens (or just say you're the invisible man, either would work in his case).

Constantly forget specific numbers and times, i.e. claim the liquor store is still open for another hour even though it's closed, or say there is plenty of refreshments left but they're all but gone, and say you're Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo .

Be silent and make no impression for the whole night, and then suddenly do something worthy of attention, and talk as much smack as you possibly can, and then be silent again and say you're Saints tight end Jeremy Shockey .

Why We Shouldn't Be Surprised by the Start of the Broncos and Titans

Aaron Liebman — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:03:39 -0400

Going into this season, records of 6-0 and 0-6 did not seem like too much of a stretch for the Tennessee Titans and Denver Broncos—except it was supposed to be the other way around.

The Titans, coming off of a league best 13-3 record were expected by most to not only return to the playoffs, but advance in them.

The Denver Broncos are coming off an offseason that had even more drama than Dallas faced when T.O was in town. I even read a piece by an ESPN analyst predicting the Broncos to finish 3-13!

Now that both teams have done complete 180's, we must reflect on how this could have happened and why we didn't see it coming. In retrospect, we shouldn't really be that surprised.

The Tennessee Titans lost their best player, defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth, as well as defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz. Instead of taking advantage of free agency to fill in the gaps this past offseason, they seemed comfortable to rest on their laurels, and were confident that their success last season would carry over.

They also play in a very competitive division, which includes powerhouse Indianapolis, rising Houston, and enigmatic Jacksonville.

Many people forget that Broncos QB Kyle Orton had more victories as a starter with the Bears than Jay Cutler did in Denver—not to mention the fact that Orton led his team to the playoffs, something Cutler has yet to put on his resume.

And unlike the Titans, the Broncos play in one of the weakest divisions in the league. The Chiefs and Raiders have a combined three wins this season (one of those wins was when the two teams played each other), and the San Diego Chargers clearly are not the Super Bowl favorites we all thought they were.

As both teams began this season with their respective streaks, everyone thought given just a little more time, the Broncos would collapse and the Titans would break out. But after this past week's performances, it seems we can stop waiting and believe what we've seen so far.

After beating three mediocre teams in Cincy, Cleveland, and Oakland, the Broncos have now defeated Dallas, New England, and San Diego.

The Titans are coming off a 59-0 drubbing in New England. Sure, it was snowing, and sure the Patriots ran up the score (any other team would have rested their starters at halftime), but it became obvious the Titans just wanted to get out of there and didn't seem motivated to even play.

Over the hill quarterback Kerry Collins solidified his position as washed up by throwing for minus yardage. His performance will net him his second Nappy-Headed-Ho of the week award.

Longest active tenured coach Jeff Fisher has recently had not only his coaching but his judgment questioned. At a charity event, he showed up wearing the jersey of division rival Peyton Manning. The first thing he said after revealing it was, "I wanted to feel like a winner for once." Ouch.

There is no job security in the NFL, and Jeff Fisher's lack of results on the field and his current antics, which he has said he doesn't see as a big deal, might just cost him his job.

Meanwhile, Josh McDaniels now looks like a genius for his work and his once thought of insane decisions. His Coach of the Year Award is being shined right now.

If Fisher does lose his job, though, he probably won't have to wait too long to get another one. Imagine him on the sidelines in Washington or maybe even Dallas. Hmmm...

Bottom of the Barrel: Do Wins Really Determine Who Is the Worst?

Aaron Liebman — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:19:48 -0400

After five weeks of the NFL season, there are four teams still winless and five with only one win. Some are familiar (Oakland, Detroit, Cleveland) and some are shocking (Tennessee and, depending who you are, Carolina). But in ranking the bottom of pack, how can we really tell who is the worst.

Should it be number of wins? Usually yes. But some of those teams with one win won games with very sloppy performances against other horrible teams. This past weekend, the Cleveland Browns got their first win by beating the also one win Buffalo Bills by a score of 6-3.

A horrible game, and hardly a victory, they still have one more win than the Tennessee Titans. But does that mean they're better than the Titans?

A consensus might say that since the Oakland Raiders have won a game, they cannot qualify as the worst. And leading on that, that since the Raiders are still SO bad, that the one team they beat, the Kansas City Chiefs, are automatically the worst. But the Oakland Raiders have been pathetic this season, and for them that's saying something.

JaMarcus Russell is making Jason Campbell look like Joe Montana, and it's sad that he's not even getting the opportunity to throw interceptions because he fumbles the ball before he can throw it. Without a Giants muffed punt, the Raiders would've been—and SHOULD'VE been—shut out. Russell, already fined for showing up to camp looking more like a linebacker than quarterback gets this week's Nappy-Headed-Ho of the week award.

Kansas City, although winless, played a very tough game against Dallas and even put up some points on the New York Giants. But that one loss to Oakland must sting most of all. I'd say they are better than their division foes, but they've already lost to them.

Of the four teams still winless, three of them have rookie head coaches (Jeff Fisher being the exception). But last year we saw three rookie head coaches take their teams to the playoffs, and this year we have Josh McDaniels and even Rex Ryan finding success in new positions. And it is pretty depressing when even the Detroit Lions have more wins than you.

Ironically, a team that isn't in the winless club is the first team that went completely winless in a 16-game season, the Lions. Losing is one thing, but it has to be pretty demoralizing knowing that Detroit has one more, or even just as many wins as you do.

The Washington Redskins, although having two wins, have given the first victories of the season to two teams, the above-mentioned Lions and this past week the Carolina Panthers. They also nearly blew a game to the 0-5 rookie coach and rookie quarterback commanded Tampa Bay Yuccaneers (not a typo). So even though they have two wins, should they be lowered into that category with these teams?

I'd have to go with the St. Louis Rams, who are not only winless, but have been shutout twice by divisional opponents, and I'm sure their new head coach Steve Spagnuolo is trying to construct a time machine to warn himself from leaving the New York Giants.

Steven Jackson appears to be on his last legs. Marc Bulger seems like he'd rather get injured than play (who would blame him). And their defense seems more giving than David Letterman's office assistants.

Of course, time will tell who really is the best, or rather the least worst. But whoever wins that, it'll be a definite dubious achievement. Then again, that seems to be the most they can hope for.

The Aging NFL: No Country Left For These Old Men

Aaron Liebman — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:18:32 -0400

Sure, 30 may be the new 20 and hitting the big 4-0 is no longer as old as it used to be. But for the NFL, you pretty much have to double those years to equate age. For running backs, hitting 30 is more dreaded than reaching 40, 50, or even up to 100.

Being a wide receiver it's not as bad, but they will most likely start getting less looks and won't be able to get as open, as well. Quarterbacks are able to continue playing and succeeding a little longer (i.e. Brett Favre), but even then, at least lose a little step.

With young bucks like Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco racking up numbers, those ages now seem even more senile. This season there have been a few players who are trying to push the limits of the fountain of youth, but are now to the point where they have to resurrect Ponce de Leon for another voyage.

Much had been made about LaDanian Tomlinson not only losing a step, but losing his toughness. After all, the last two seasons he's failed to finish the team's playoff games and last year they were able to find success WITHOUT him.

When he fumbled, was ineffective, and finally injured against the Oakland Raiders opening night, it seemed to prove that he is in fact the running back's equivalent of a senior citizen.

What LT has also seemed to lose is confidence in himself. He's tripping and falling flat on his face, and dropping passes out of the backfield. It's sad to see, since LT pretty much peaked before the Chargers did.

Ageless Kerry Collins was one step away from being out of football when Vince Young was injured/quit on the team and he was able to lead the Titans to the best record in the league a year ago.

However, this year with him as the starter, the team has already lost more than they did last year and his play suggests he's trying to re-enact his five interception Super Bowl performance with the Giants.

His fumble on the last drive against the Texans sealed his team's loss and negated a great performance from his running backs. His horrible play against the Jaguars almost made it impossible to even set up the run since they were down for so long.

With Vince Young's lack of leadership, Jeff Fisher might have to channel the spirit of Steve McNair with a seance/dig up.

And finally, Terrell Owens, whose consecutive games with a catch streak was snapped last week. When he has gotten looks down field, he's dropped them as if they were bowling balls falling onto his hands.

However, TO in his old age seems to not have the energy to fight in press conferences anymore. When baited and pushed into corners, he doesn't fight back or even cry or anything anymore.

On the other side, linemen are able to keep playing almost into their 40s (and some even into their 50s). So why are linemen able to keep playing? Simple. Their position has little to do with speed and all to do with strength. The position players must rely on their quickness, but as long as the linemen stay big and strong, they will always have a job.

So what's next for these individuals? They may have to accept the fact that their days as "the guy" on their team is over and grow comfortable with playing a role as a backup. And even if they're not willing to accept that, their recent play could make that decision for them.

Either that, or become broadcasters. And if you put Terrell Owens in front of a camera, you know he would make sure the viewer would never be able to see the game and he would purposely talk over all of the action to bring the attention back to himself.

Ideas For a BETTER Brett Favre Commercial

Aaron Liebman — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 13:36:39 -0400

When I heard Brett Favre would be starring in a commercial poking fun at his “inability” (the nicest word I can put it) to make decisions in life, I thought to myself, “Okay, good, the guy is at least poking fun at himself.” But after reneging on retiring the second straight year (this time waiting until the team actually plays a preseason game), the commercial now looks redundant and pointless.

For those of you who haven’t seen it, it is Favre standing in a store trying to make a decision about a purchase with a sales clerk talking to him about how many people have hard times making up their mind. Favre then responds that he can’t stand those types of people. Predictably, he proceeds to second-guess his purchase and the commercial ends.

Now about the commercial, either Brett Favre really can’t act or he just isn’t into the scene. He had a great opportunity to join in on the joke about himself and show another side to his personality the way William Shatner and David Hasselhoff do, but failed. He seemed to want to make light of himself, but his ego just couldn’t let him.

In terms of promotion and sales, the ad does nothing whatsoever. Now most ads really do have nothing to do to promote the product (especially those featuring NFL players), but those do have one thing…watchability.

They would be funny or in some cases epic (I still love that Nike commercial with Shawne Merriman from 2007). This commercial just seems like Favre wanted to get out of there and maybe work on another Wrangler jeans ad where he doesn’t need to showcase any personality.

Of course, this commercial was shot before he “pulled a Brett Favre” and changed his mind about retirement. With that development, I think a better commercial would be the ones we see for the Brinks Home Security ads.

You know the ones. A girl is saying goodbye to her parents and they leave her alone for the night and then an intruder attempts to break into the house. Or a girl says good night to her date and her ex-boyfriend attempts to break down the door. Or a mother and child are at home when the father leaves, and well, someone tries to break down the door.

It would be a perfect metaphor for Favre, especially the one about the ex-boyfriend. He would see someone else getting the spotlight, making the plays, and would just have to act to destroy that. It would also work with Sage Rosenfels and Tarvaris Jackson just standing in the house, having a conversation, and then Favre just breaks down the door.

Of course in that case, I guess the only person they could call would be coach Brad Childress, who would let Favre rob the house of anything he wanted.

A series of commercials that have been popular are the Coors Light ads that have a group of bumbling average Joe’s interacting with (fired) coaches during some of their famous press conferences such as the famous Dennis Green “they are who we thought they are” and the Jim Mora “PLAYOFFS!” speech. Since Favre is almost as old as those coaches, maybe they could use some of his press conference footage.

For commercials in general, players such as Peyton Manning and even Eli Manning have no problem poking fun at themselves or hamming it up for laughs. Even Mark Sanchez appears in a car ad in which a dealer doesn’t even know who he is and just talks about Eli. But God forbid Brett Favre would ever do anything to make himself seem un-godlike.

Jim Zorn: Hired To Be Fired?

Aaron Liebman — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 09:28:20 -0400

Redskins head coach Jim Zorn was not hired the normal way. He was hired as an offensive coordinator to the team before they had a head coach. After looking and failing to find a worthy candidate, Zorn was promoted to the position

With that said, Redskins owner Daniel Snyder doesn't exactly handle things the normal way. Here is someone who fires a coach in the middle of the year with three games to go (Norv Turner in 2000), a proven veteran coach to embrace a big name college coach with no pro experience (Marty Schottenheimer for Steve Spurrier in 2002), and rumors circulated he would have no problem at all firing Redskins hall of fame coach Joe Gibbs had the team failed to make the playoffs in 2007.

Gibbs was smart, knowing there really was no way to win in Washington even WITH winning and bailed out. That brought on the search that ended with Zorn. During the course of it, other coaches applied, including former Giants coach Jim Fassel and now Rams coach Steve Spagnuolo.

Coaches seemed to get the picture that working for Daniel Snyder carries with it no rewards.

Zorn was already hired by Snyder so he had already agreed to be his employee. So that brings up the question, was Zorn hired just for the time being until they could find a more suitable head coach, ie Bill Cowher, and now Mike Shanahan?

Zorn led the Redskins to an 8-8 record, which happened to be the exact record Marty Schottenheimer had in his one season with the Skins that resulted in Snyder forgoing all the cash he signed him for just to fire him.

So with the Redskins being the first victim to fall to the Detroit Lions since December of 2007, that seems to more than warrant a pink slip under the standards of Snyder. In addition, million dollar man Albert Haynesworth was injured by sacking Matthew Stafford. Let me repeat that.

DEFENSIVE LINEMAN Albert Haynesworth was injured and had to be carted off the field from tackling ROOKIE QUARTERBACK MATTHEW STAFFORD. Haynesworth left the game with a towel covering his face. I wouldn't be surprised if he shows up to next week's game wearing a bag on his head.

For that action, I have to name Albert Haynesworth my nappy-headed-ho of the week.

But back to his, at least current head coach. Did Snyder ever believe in or even want Zorn to be his head coach? Was this the sign he was looking for? Now if he fires Zorn now, there obviously isn't a large pool out there to replace him this instant.

And the only interim head coach who returned to be head coach of last season was aggravated assault Tom Cable. So maybe Snyder will stick with Zorn just for the rest of the season. But even if he does achieve any success, it may not be enough.

NFL Marketing: Please STOP Showing Animal Cruelty Ads During Games

Aaron Liebman — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 11:10:58 -0400

Okay, let’s get this out of the way. Yes, Michael Vick participated in the murdering of dogs and is now reinstated. And the league does have to do some public relations for this sensitive subject.

And yes, I realize that from a marketing standpoint, a company must advertise its product during a program that will have a significant amount of viewers to at least be informed of it.

And of course, saving animals is definitely an important issue.

But when we watch football, we want to forget about all the horrible things in the world.

It’s not just the issue of animal cruelty; it’s the way it is presented. Right as we begin seeing animals with only one eye open we hear the most depressing music from Sarah McLachlan as more and more abused animals are showcased.

The only bigger guilt trip they can give us is actually watching an animal get beaten.

Now there are children watching these games, and of course, children will be the ones most affected seeing anything with an animal. Is the object of it to make the children cry enough that it forces their parents to make a donation?

Again, my problem is not the cause, but the ad itself. It’s one thing to spread your message; it’s another to beat it into the ground.

The ad is so long you have to wonder if during a TV timeout, if the referees on the field have to tell the players to wait a little longer just so the commercial can finish. Now when people watch games, in addition to beer and food, they’ll have to bring tissues.

I know some programs have ratings of TV-PG, TV-14, etc., but with this ad it seems that even commercials should now have ratings or at least a warning that we’re going to be subjected to it.

The ASPCA is a good cause and this is an important issue. But there are better ways of getting your message across. You shouldn’t have to resort to shock value to make awareness, especially when advertising during a sporting event.

Dallas Cowboys Open New Stadium the Same Way They Closed the Old One

Aaron Liebman — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 16:36:09 -0400

On Saturday, December 20, the Dallas Cowboys took to the field for the last time at their home of Texas Stadium to play the Baltimore Ravens. At the beginning of the season, it seemed the football gods smiled down on the Cowboys by scheduling the Baltimore Ravens, a team with a first year head coach and quarterback as the last opponent they would play in the stadium.

Coming in with a record of 9-5, America's team was still in prime position to earn a wildcard spot. There were several Cowboy hall of famers in attendance to close it out. Jerry Jones might have wanted to dust off their old jerseys and put them. They could not stop the running game and Tony Romo was unable to lead his team back from behind.

Well, the Cowboys opened up their brand new multi-BILLION dollar stadium this past Sunday with a record crowd of over 105,000 people.

Jones looked very happy with himself, shaking hands with several people in his private box during various stages of the game basically just because he could. He also invited John Madden and even former president George W. Bush to commemorate the opening.

A lot had been made about the stadium's huge jumbo screen that had to make you wonder why anyone in attendance would watch the action on the field. Well, no kicks hit the tron, but with Jeff Feagles directional kicking, you have to wonder if perhaps Jones had that in mind constructing the stadium to combat him. It didn't work.

Their opponent was the New York Giants, a team that Romo probably still has bruises from (physically and psychologically) their playoff meeting in Dallas in 2007. A bit of irony, it was the Dallas Cowboys that played the New York Giants in THEIR brand new stadium for the first time back in 1976. Once again, it would be the road team that spoiled the homecoming.

But as opposed to the way they closed out their old stadium, it definitely wasn't the opponents' running game that did the Cowboys in. It was their own quarterback and captain, Tony Romo. His only bright spot was RUNNING in a touchdown. Through the air, he threw three picks that all led to Giants touchdowns.

As the game went on, Jones's box demeanor changed from exuberant to seemingly scared. A few points the camera even caught him picking his nose. Romo himself put on the pouting sad face with the backwards cap that we've all seen many times before.

Now everyone is going to get on Romo's case about this, including me as you've already noticed. Obviously, that means nothing, but when former Cowboy players are critical, specifically Troy Aikman, himself a former quarterback of the Cowboys, Romo definitely earns my Least Valuable Player of the Week award, otherwise known as the Nappy-Headed-Ho of the Week award.

A poll conducted on ESPN asked if the Cowboys would ever win a Super Bowl with Romo under center. EVEN THE STATE OF TEXAS voted no. It's the first time I've ever seen a map America shaded all one color. Jones got rid of Terrell Owens and kept Jason Garrett to help out Romo. If only he could now acquire of leadership demeanor to give to his quarterback.

Fumbles and Interceptions: Which One Is Jake Delhomme Better At?

Aaron Liebman — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 10:58:48 -0400

Hoping to justify his new contract and shake off his horrible performance of six turnovers in last season's playoff game, Carolina quarterback Jake Delhomme played like we were watching a rerun of last January’s game.

Not only did he throw interceptions, he threw the ball right to the Philadelphia defense. Not only did he fumble, but the ball seemingly jumped behind him right to the goal line, but not quite touching the end zone.

After leading his team on an opening drive, clock consuming touchdown, Delhomme was embarrassed more than Jeff Van Gundy at Michael Jordan's Hall-of-Fame induction.

It wasn’t just making mistakes; it was the way he made them. It seemed as if he transcended the act of the turnover, and turned it into an art form.

Delhomme finished the game with four interceptions and a lost fumble, before being taken out of the game. He only threw for 73 yards.

Now, Carolina must make some tough decisions.

It seems as though Delhomme's best days are behind him, but with the money they just spent on him, either way they seem to lose.

No one will trade with them and inherit his contract. If they cut him, they don't get a single thing in return. And if they keep playing him, the losses will mount and the fan base will grow weary.

Obviously, the Player of the Week must be Drew Brees. And obviously, the Flop of the Week must be Jake Delhomme.

But instead of giving out a Least Valuable Player of the Week award, I’d like to go the Don Imus route, and name Jake Delhomme my Nappy-Headed-Ho of the Week.

Josh McDaniels 1 Jay Cutler 0

Aaron Liebman — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 10:15:37 -0400

Yes, it was just one game. And yes, Josh McDaniels’ team played the Cincinnati Bungels while Jay Cutler played the much-improved Green Bay Packers. But, the standings in the newspapers will still have one win next to the Denver Broncos and one loss next to the Chicago Bears.

Much hype and publicity went into Jay Cutler’s first game as a Bear (mostly generated by him). The media dubbed him as the greatest quarterback to wear a Bears uniform since Jim McMahon, and already people are bringing up “first time” stats, as in this is the first time a Bears quarterback made the Pro Bowl since (blank) and the first time a Bears quarterback threw for 300 yards since (blank).

Instead, Jay Cutler showed not only his ineffectiveness by throwing four interceptions, but also his immaturity whenever a defender would merely touch him he would shove him back.

People seem to forget that although Cutler has put up good numbers, he has never led his team to a winning record, let alone a playoff appearance. So when push comes to shove, and it will with him literally, he might put up the points, but won’t be able to lead the final drive.

It got to the point where Al Michaels reported that a Bears fan in attendance wearing a Jay Cutler jersey had turned the shirt backwards.

Now everybody has a bad game every once in awhile. But some of them have the personality to make you forget about them and wait to see what they can do next week. Cutler definitely does not have one of those.

Meanwhile, Kyle Orton, supposedly the Achilles heel to the team, but one who has actually led a team to the playoffs, led his team on a game winning last minute drive.

Now maybe Orton will be someone who holds the team back…but not yesterday.

And yes, Cutler would’ve beaten the Bungels had he been in a Denver uniform…but he wasn’t.

On the Bears first possession, it seemed Cutler might be colorblind since it seemed he was just throwing the ball right to the Packers defense. The first two were dropped, but not the third pass thrown in a row in the direction of a Green Bay player.

The Bears defense kept them in the game and the team found itself up by two points (thanks to a safety on a sack) in the final minutes. But after an Aaron Rodgers touchdown pass to put them ahead, it was down to Jay Cutler to show just how great he was and how wrong Josh McDaniels was…unfortunately the wrong thing about hype is you start mentioning it before the person actually accomplishes it.

2009 NFL Season Predictions

Aaron Liebman — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 14:57:57 -0400

It's that time of year again. Here are my team preview predictions barring any significant injuries or if Brett Favre retires again. Starting with the AFC...

AFC EAST

1.New England

2.Buffalo

3.Miami

4.Jets

DIVISION STORYLINES: New England's almost infinite luck ran out last year when injured Tom Brady took his infinite luck with him and seemingly ran out on his teammates as if they were a pregnant girlfriend. The team will be back in form now and Bill Belicheat—er—"check", always has a few tricks up his sleeve.

It seemed Buffalo had a tight hold on the division after a 4-0 start, but only won three more times to finish last. Terrell Owens may be the biggest acquisition of the season, not because of his play, but because of enthusiasm and perhaps some confidence for the team and its fans.

The Dolphins shocked everyone last season by winning the division and spreading the wildcat around the league. Well, the league has had a whole offseason to catch up, and Chad Pennington, who wins Comeback Player of the Year every two years because after winning it his play goes down the toilet, is due for a disappointment.

The last two first-year head coaches of the Jets led them to the playoffs, so why can't Rex Ryan? Well, those two coaches (Herman Edwards, Eric Mangini) didn't leave New York on great terms, so maybe it is a better thing for them to evolve. Give Sanchez a year under center.

AFC NORTH

1.Pittsburgh

2.Baltimore

3.Cleveland

4.Cincinatti

DIVISION STORYLINES: The last time Pittsburgh won the Super Bowl, their title defense did not go as smoothly as one might expect. This year will be different due to their competition in the division.

Of all the surprise teams last season, the one that got me the most was the Baltimore Ravens. I mean, Miami had Bill Parcells in the front office and a veteran QB in Chad Pennington. The Falcons acquired Michael Turner who burst onto the scene. But the Ravens just seemed too old and I couldn't fathom any quarterback named "Flacco" to make a difference. I don't think lighting will strike twice.

Many people, including myself, thought the Browns' time had come last season. Instead, they were just the same "ol" Browns. This year, without expectations, they'll be better, but that's not saying a lot.

Marvin Lewis is fighting for his job. Carson Palmer seems content with his injuries keeping him off the field. And Chad Johnson, I'm sorry "ochocinco" looks like he's practicing for MLS. Get ready for the old "Bungels" nickname by midseason.

AFC SOUTH

1.Indianapolis

2.Houston

3.Tennessee

4.Jacksonville

DIVISION STORYLINES: At first, I thought Indianapolis's reign as the longest active playoff team was over. After all they replaced almost their entire coaching staff and parted ways with Marvin Harrison. And if it wasn't for an MVP season out of Peyton Manning, it looked like that would happen last year. But as long as Manning doesn't have a Tom Brady like injury, I think the Colts will top the division again.

The Houston Texans are definitely a team to watch. They've gotten better, not saying much, and seem primed to take the next step. As long as Matt Schaub continues developing, they should get a wild card.

Now why don't I see Tennessee going back to the playoffs? Honestly, I'm not sure. The obvious reasons would be the departure of Albert Haynesworth and their defensive coordinator. For some reason, I don't foresee another trip to the postseason for them.

The Jaguars are like Chad Pennington, they have a good year, then a significant dropoff which makes experts doubt their value, and then they prove them wrong...only to fall apart again the year after. This is the toughest division in the league, and the Jags just don't seem able to compete with the company.

AFC WEST

1.San Diego

2.Oakland

3.Denver

4.Kansas City

DIVISION STORYLINES: It's been Super Bowl or bust for the Chargers the last two years, but this year it is definitely true. Last year, they had an awful start and seemed dead by midseason, but matching the Broncos' collapse, never gave up and won the division and a wild card game. The window of opportunity is closing. LT is getting older and many are doubting him. But I think he'll have something to prove this year. Add to the fact that Shawn Merriman will return from injury and I don't see anyone competing with them.

The Oakland Raiders are always hard to read. Their off field antics is often what we talk about. And this year it was an original one of a head coaching beating up an assistant. Well, this division really is in a transition. As long as the Raiders can keep their hand off each other, they should get better.

Now everyone is dogging on Josh McDaniels for his handling of the Jay Cutler situation. I am not. Cutler showed his immaturity and now he's Lovie Smith's problem. I think Kyle Orton is a lot better than people say (at least he's led a team to the playoffs, something Cutler couldn't do) and he was great weapons around him. It may be a tough first year, but in the long run, McDaniels will show he made the right choices.

Kansas City's biggest offseason progress might have been nabbing the player that created all the drama in Denver. Matt Cassel will long for the days of carrying the clipboard in New England though. And you can add Larry Johnson to the list of overpaid, ungrateful jerks (I could use worse words). He holds out at camp, then gets his big contract, and now wants out. The only thing they might be able to brag about is not being the WORST team in Missouri.

NFC EAST

1.Giants

2.Dallas

3.Washington

4.Philadelphia

DIVISION STORYLINES: Towards the end of the season, the Giants were already proclaiming themselves as better than the team the year before that won it all. Then Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg and the Giants lost four out of their last five without any available receivers to take his place. (Insert cough.) Unfortunately, they haven't found a replacement for this year, hoping that two rookies and a few number three receivers will step up. The Giants will continue consistent play, a lack of a receiving threat will keep them out of a return to the Super Bowl.

Terrell Owens is gone, and Tony Romo is running out of scapegoats. As long as he wears a guard over his little precious pinky, the Cowboys should be able to at least get a wildcard. Getting their first playoff win since 1996 however is another story.

Washington has always seemed to be the team left out of discussions in this division. Could it be that they just don't have enough juicy soap opera moments? Well, with Jason Campbell upset over reports he would be replaced along with his poor preseason play thus far, that may be the reason why we don't hear from the Redskins.

I do not see why everyone is jumping on the Philadelphia Eagles bandwagon. Yes, they did get to the conference championship game. But that was only after a huge midseason tear that also saw the Cowboys and Giants collapse. Donovan McNabb says he's not threatened by the presence of Michael Vick, but for the money Vick is being paid, he can't be a backup much longer. The team also lost some notable players in the offseason, and McNabb and Andy Reid look like they're one bad game away from facing off at each other.

NFC NORTH

1.Green Bay

2.Minnesota

3.Chicago

4.Detroit

DIVISION STORYLINES: Perhaps the division with the most drama, the team that stayed out of the limelight will be its best. Aaron Rodgers has had a full season under center and got better as the season progressed. As long as the Packers recover defensively, the burning of Brett Favre jerseys will not only be more justified, it'll be what they'll have to do to make room for their new Aaron Rodgers merchandise.

The good news is that all of the trouble of getting Brett Favre in purple happened. The bad news is that it's now officially all or nothing this year. With the best running back in the league in Adrian Peterson and a tough defense, they should have no problem with the Super Bowl or bust tag. But the so called savior may be their Achilles' heel. This is not the Brett Favre of ten years ago or even five years ago. This is the same guy who threw a pass right to a Miami Dolphins defensive linemen and then gripped his shoulder in pain to almost give himself an excuse. Still, he should be able to at least get them back into the playoffs.

Just as they're doing in Minnesota, Chicago is now claiming to be the class of the division based on the arrival of a new quarterback. But Jay Cutler will not have the same talent he had in Denver. And when things start to go sour, his lack of leadership will show.

The Detroit Lions might be in the best position of any team in the league. One win, they're automatically improved. Flirting with 0-16 wasn't able to bring enough change to the team, but now they've "accomplished" the feat, and gotten rid of Matt Millen, they might be able to get four, ah heck, let's shoot for the sky...five wins!

NFC SOUTH

1.New Orleans

2.Atlanta

3.Carolina

4.Tampa Bay

DIVISION STORYLINES: The New Orleans Saints had the No. 1 offense and the No. 1 quarterback last season...and still finished in last place. So why will this year be different? First of all, their division will not be as competitive. The rules of the NFC South dictate whoever makes the playoffs in the division misses the next year. Supporting that theory is the fact that neither of the playoff teams from a year ago, Carolina and Atlanta, have ever had back to back winning seasons. The Saints also lost at least two games because of poor placekicking. If the defensive improvements step up, this should be the class of the conference.

Atlanta seemed to only have gotten better by getting Tony Gonzalez from the Chiefs. But I get the same feeling with them as I do with the Titans. I just don't see a return to the playoffs. Here's a stat though: in the last four instances the Falcons did make the playoffs, the following seasons they have won three, four, four, and eight games.

Jake Delhomme got the big contact in the offseason, and he will have to prove it. If the Panthers are going to return to the playoffs, they will have to rely on him.

The Bucs are basically rebuilding again. Give them a few years.

NFC WEST

1.San Francisco

2.Seattle

3.Arizona

4.St. Louis

DIVISION STORYLINES: If Mike Singletary and Shaun Hill been coach and quarterback from the start of last season, things could have been much different. But getting those two into those roles late last season has prepared them for this season. They have the longest playoff drought of anyone in the division, but look for that to end this season.

The Seahawks may have been an even bigger flop than the Dallas Cowboys last season. At least the Cowboys had a winning record. After having made the playoffs every year since 2003, the Seahawks staggered to a 4-12 record. Their new coach, Jim Mora Jr., once inherited a 4-12 team in Atlanta and led them to an appearance in the conference championship game. Unfortunately there are only six spots in the playoffs.

The Cardinals finally brought some football spirit to the dessert. But even with an NFC title, they were very unimpressive in games not against their very pitiful division. Sure, Kurt Warner and company are back. But so is that defense that gave up score of 40 and 50 points at times. The Cardinals don't really have too much history to look up in terms of years after making the playoffs since, quite frankly, it happens about every ten years or so. I don't think it'll take as long for a return. But it won't be this year.

Steve Spagnuolo leaves the cushy job as Giants defensive coordinator to lead the Rams. Coming off only two wins and a ten game losing streak, there's not much pressure. But that also means there won't be too many wins.

AFC PLAYOFF TEAMS: Pittsburgh, San Diego, Indianapolis, New England, Buffalo, Houston

NFC PLAYOFF TEAMS: New Orleans, Green Bay, Giants, San Francisco, Dallas, Minnesota

SUPER BOWL XLIV: I said it in June and am going to stick with it. It'll be the Drew Brees Bowl...SAN DIEGO OVER NEW ORLEANS.

Steelers or Cardinals: Which Super Bowl Participant Misses the Playoffs?

Aaron Liebman — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:40:50 -0400

The last time both Super Bowl participants qualified for the playoffs the following season was in 2000 (the Rams and Titans). Since then, it has only been one or the other, with the losing Super Bowl team missing the postseason seven out of eight times (both teams have missed twice). So that fact might not bode well for the Arizona Cardinals…except that that one year where the Super Bowl winner missed the playoffs the champions were the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Perhaps it could also coincide with Ben Rothlesberger getting into trouble off the field after winning the big game. First there was his motorcycle accident, and now the assault charges. Maybe the guy just can't handle success.

I say it's the other way around this time. Going into the playoffs last year, absolutely no one would have picked the Arizona Cardinals to even get out of the first round let alone win the conference. After all, it seemed like they got blown out in any game that wasn't against a team in their horrendous division. They went 6-0 against those teams, and 3-7 against the rest of the league.

The Cardinals shocked their way to a George Halas trophy, but their defense is still suspect. And although you still have one of the most potent offenses in the league, they still just mustered nine wins with that. Add to the fact that San Francisco is getting better and Seattle is looking to be healthy, and the Cards could continue the runner-up trend.

Of course, both teams could still make the playoffs, although history is against them. Even the invincible New England Patriots, following a 16-0 regular season, succumbed to the curse.

It's also possible neither of these teams could go back to the playoffs. One thing's almost certain though...and that is that neither of them will go back to the Super Bowl.

Brett Favre: The Best Thing that Could Happen for Tarvaris Jackson?

Aaron Liebman — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 09:57:41 -0400

Just ask Chad Pennington who was the odd man out for the Jets in Brett Favre's previous change of heart on retirement. He only went to the Jets's rival Miami and was comeback player of the year, leading them to their first division title since 2000 which included a victory the last weekend of the season against the very same man who replaced him.

Now Jackson must be the one on his way out since Sage Rosenfels was traded for in the offseason. Plus, we haven't really seen what Rosenfels can do. He's had some moments as a backup but never fully as the guy. Jackson on the other hand has had many an opportunity.

I doubt if and when Jackson is released the same scenario will happen with Chad Pennington. FIrst of all, the rest of that division is pretty much set at the quarterback position, and at this point his best possible choice is competing for a backup role. But if something happens to the one he's backing up, look who's back in.

So many players especially quarterbacks have been released then showed what they could do in other cities. Again, look at Chad Pennington for exhibit A. Jim Plunkett was run out of New England and then San Francisco before winning two Super Bowls with the Raiders. And pretty much any quarterback ever exiled from Tampa Bay (Doug Williams, Steve Young, and even Trent Dilfer) lands on their feet.

Even if Favre didn't play or even if he gets injured, he'll still most likely have to wait in line behind Sage Rosenfels. And if he does get in the game, you can expect not only the crowd, but perhaps some of the team to lose confidence.

Someone who may be more affected won't even suit up for the Vikings. Head coach Brad Childress knows his job is on the line. But having Brett Favre might not be the boost he needs. Just ask Eric Mangini, Favre's ex-coach with the Jets who was fired after the team had a meltdown.

Mangini was able to find another head coaching position in Cleveland, a place where losing is common place so there won't be as much of a rush to win. But depending on job availability, Childress might have to wait out a season or two for a head coaching job or go back to being an assistant again.

If he does lose his job and Brett Favre unretires again next year with another team, Childress could always be Favre's chauffer, a role he didn't have a problem with on Tuesday.

Michael Vick Leads Lions to First Super Bowl Victory (Satire)

Aaron Liebman — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 20:25:15 -0400

Michael Vick, who at this time last year was trying to avoid dropping the soap, has now led the Motor City to its first NFL championship in over 50 years. Vick, the game’s MVP, threw the game-winning touchdown pass to receiver Plaxico Burress with only 17 seconds left in the game to defeat the AFC Champion Denver Broncos.

The Lions achieved their first playoff victories since 1991 first by defeating San Francisco, causing their coach Mike Singletary to moon the entire team on the sideline.

Then, in the NFC championship game, they defeated division rival Minnesota and Comeback Player of the Year, Tarvaris Jackson. Even though Jackson led his team to victory this season, his three interceptions in the game prompted Vikings ownership to make their annual phone call to Brett Favre to come out of retirement. Favre answered that he was staying retired but would continue to throw as well as put on pads and a helmet and even simulate throwing interceptions and falling on the ground.

The Broncos, with league MVP Kyle Orton, now have become the first team in the NFL to lose five Super Bowls, but that does not take away all they accomplished this season. Criticized for his handling of former quarterback Jay Cutler, coach of the year Josh McDaniels led his team to a surprising conference title.

In other news, the annulment of Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady’s marriage was finalized the Friday before the Super Bowl. Bundchen cited irreconcilable differences as the reason for the split, and specified it was due to Brady wearing all of her makeup, cosmetics, gels, and hogging the mirror.

After another disappointing season, Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has now asked owner Jerry Jones to bring back Terrell Owens now that his one year contract with the Bills is up. Romo also demanded that in order to help with his development that Jones fire the water boy, tee boy, hot dog vendor, and finally, re-signed placekicker Mike Vanderjagt, who called Romo out on the show “Rome Is Burning” by questioning his lack of leadership.

Finally, it was confirmed this week by Commissioner Roger Goodell that in addition to the annual European regular season game, more would be played at other foreign places including Sydney, Australia; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; Bangkok, Thailand; and finally the Congo.

Meanwhile, Los Angeles has been granted the right to host a Pop-Warner scrimmage of the first place winners of the Punt, Pass, and Kick Competition. Goodell also announced that since more homes get transmission of the Versus Channel and Soap Opera Network than NFL Network, that the weekly Thursday games will now be Pay-Per-View.

UFL: Potentially a Bigger Flop Than The XFL?

Aaron Liebman — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:48:42 -0400

The so-called Xtreme Football League, still the butt of late-night talk show jokes and considered one of the biggest sports flops, let alone business flops in history, opened play in 2001 and ended in, well, 2001. WWE wrestling promoter Vince McMahon announced the league the day after the 2000 Super Bowl and promised to bring a new brand of football. What he meant was he intended to mix storylines with actual football play, similar to his wrestling organization.

He even got Jesse the “Body” Ventura, who also had a part-time job moonlighting as governor of Minnesota, to comment on games. In one specific instance, an angle was setup where Ventura criticized New York Hitmen coach Rusty Tillman for being conservative on offense, calling him “gutless Rusty.” The only problem was that this was an actual sport and Ventura and Tillman weren’t able to go at it.

It's kind of amazing how, as the league was failing, McMahon never had the idea of having those two throw down at the 50-yard line during halftime of one of the games. Perhaps, if the league survived, we would’ve seen a halftime on-field throw-down between the two.

Needless to say, the league flopped, and just when it looked like everyone learned their lesson about more football leagues, the announcement of the United Football League came. Before we could even grasp the concept of how another league would, or even could work, word came that the league would play its season during the same season as the NFL!

At least the XFL recognized the potential of luring football fans who had no other options for watching football by playing in spring. League spokesmen then explained that the games would be played on weeknights and Saturdays. Uh, haven’t they heard of something called college football?

To make matters worse, the league still doesn’t know where its teams will play. So far there are four definite locations—all without team names—in New York, San Francisco, Las Vegas, and Orlando. Okay, New York is a given, but San Francisco already has a known football team, while Orlando is proportionate enough to other teams in Florida. What type of crowd are they hoping to attract in Las Vegas? How many permanent residents could they have there to build a fan base; and any tourist who comes to Vegas will have football, at least watching it, as the last thing on their minds. Isn’t this the last thing Las Vegas wants, for people to leave the casinos?

It must be a complete slap in the face to Los Angeles for not being guaranteed a team. Now, the City of Angels is in the process of consideration, but still not a definite. I guess the league feels the high rollers in Las Vegas will make up a better crowd. Also in the running for teams, or who knows, maybe leagues trying to avoid being named a location are Hartford, Salt Lake City, and Chester, which is in Penn.

Even if all those cities do get teams, how much of a season could they get playing with that few? As of right now, there are only four, which would only mean like a six or seven-week season. Maybe the league officials are planning on it to fail and thus not wanting to plan too far ahead.

As of right now, the league will televise its games on the Versus cable network. They couldn’t even get MyNine, or whatever UPN is calling itself these days, or even SpikeTV, who would rather air reruns of MXC.

The NFL and sports in general have built themselves up through television. With only a handful of teams to go see in person, how else will the league catch on if they can only be seen on an obscure cable channel?

The teams are currently made up NFL cast-offs, which includes coaches. Former Giants coach Jim Fassel, apparently unable to get a job with the Oakland Raiders, will coach the Las Vegas franchise. It seems New York doesn’t want him back, even coaching in another league. Former Saints coach and Rams interim coach Jim Haslett will lead Orlando, Ted Cottrell will be in New York, and Dennis Green “they are who we thought they were” will coach in San Francisco.

You have to wonder: Which is more embarrassing, having to coach in the league, or getting to play? I would have to say coaching, because as we all know Rod “He Hate Me” Smart was able to parlay a career in the NFL from his time in the XFL. Most significantly, high draft choice flop Tommy Maddox won the league’s MVP and resurrected his career, albeit shortly, in Pittsburgh.

So far the most noted names, or at least names I’ve heard of, are, of course, the quarterbacks. They include J.P. Losman, Tim Rattay, Ken Dorsey, and Brooks Bollinger. The San Francisco team might want to keep a jersey warm for Alex Smith.

What will be the result of the UFL? The American Football League rivaled the National Football League in 1960 by playing not only the same season, but the same days, and in similar cities like New York and Dallas. That league not only survived, but brought several innovations to football, and this season its teams will wear commemorative jerseys celebrating its 50th anniversary. The All-American Football Conference produced the 49ers, Colts, and the Cleveland Browns, who shocked the existing NFL by becoming the team of the 1950s and beating up its competition. It could be that we will soon see the Las Vegas Gamblers—my choice for the team’s name—as a team in the NFL.

Favre From Home: The Adventures Of Yellow Quarterback

Aaron Liebman — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 15:36:22 -0400

With Brett Favre leading the Jets to an 8-3 first place record, analyst and former “prime-time” Deion Sanders went on a rant against his former team, the Green Bay Packers. The Pack, who were in the midst of struggling to a 6-10 record, had refused to take Favre back after he changed his mind about retiring.

Neon Deion pointed out how the Packers were in the NFC Championship game the year before, while the Jets finished with a 4-12 record. He did not take into account the fact that if the Packers took Favre back, they would be mortgaging their future by having him play just one more year.

The Jets, on the other hand, were more than willing to do that, considering that not only had they had inconsistency at quarterback, but needed a commodity to compete with the defending Super Bowl Champion, not to mention the Jets’ landlord, New York Giants.

Perhaps Favre, bitter at Sanders for intercepting him many times, wanted to prove him wrong. Because Favre absolutely collapsed at the end of the season, and the supposed Super Bowl bound Jets missed the playoffs. Their coach was fired, and Favre retired—again.

Of course, the only one to recant on retirement more than Favre was Michael Jordan, hence there were rumored possibilities of returning again—but this time to the hated Minnesota Vikings.

Why?

Apparently Brett Favre has a score to settle with the team that made his career. Let’s be honest. If Favre had stayed with the Atlanta Falcons (the team that traded him to Green Bay), he would be as famous as Browning Nagle or Bobby Hebert. There’s no way Favre could have handled the run and shoot and his development would have hindered.

What is Brett Favre so angry about? What does he feel he has to prove? That he WON’T choke at the end of the season like he did last?

I began to think Favre planned it all along just so he could get to experience life in New York. But life in Minnesota can’t differ that much from Green Bay. What else is there besides ice fishing

Now in its defense, which is actually its offense, Minnesota lost their playoff game against Philadelphia due to poor quarterback play. The stage was set for incumbent Tarvaris Jackson to be challenged by newcomer Sage Rosenfels. Somehow, the team had forgotten that it was journeyman Gus Frerotte who really was the one that guided them to the playoffs. Sure, Adrian Peterson is one of if not the best running backs in the league. But Frerotte brought stability to the position.

So let’s say Favre joins the Minnesota Vikings.

Anything less than a Super Bowl would be a failure. Why? Because they’re basically pushing away their existing quarterbacks for just this one season. Brett Favre will not play beyond one more season, if he even plays this season.

And let’s say he doesn’t.

After all this talk and hype about him, the missing link, the great white hope, coming to lead the Vikes to its first ever Super Bowl, if he doesn’t play, or even just doesn’t play up to form, it’ll be a disaster, and you can guarantee Brad Childress will suffer the same fate as Eric Mangini. And there may not be a team as horrible as the Browns who are so desperate for a head coach to employ him.

Now I admit the possibility of seeing Brett Favre running out to Lambeau Field in a purple jersey would be an intriguing situation. But other than shock value, this whole deal could end up hurting Minnesota more than it helps them.

Just ask the New York Jets.

Will Steve McNair's Personal Life Determine His Place in History?

Aaron Liebman — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 12:30:23 -0400

In a time span where we lost an actor (Karl Malden), an actress (Farrah Fawcett) and a musician (Michael Jackson), it seemed almost inevitable we’d lose an athlete.

But I doubt any of us could have predicted that athlete would be Steve McNair. When I heard how he had died, I definitely had to pinch myself.

I mean, this wasn’t Pac Man Jones, this was Steve McNair. A league MVP, a team leader, and a man who played through the pain.

It just didn’t seem right.

Here was a player who was never suspended, never arrested, and never went to rehab. He wasn’t someone that would have brought this action on himself.

Before there was Michael Vick or even Donovan McNabb, there was Air McNair. Drafted by the then Houston Oilers in 1995, McNair seemed to be the heir apparent to the most mobile quarterback in league history, Randall Cunningham. And unlike Vick or Cunningham, his main objective was passing with running only as a last resort.

He retired as a player with great respect for not only his acts on the field, but for his charitable causes off of it. But with recent news of his off the field retired life, even people who aren’t football fans have taken notice to him.

A married professional athlete with children who is having an affair is one thing, but to be murdered by that person having the affair with pretty much guarantees an episode of “Law and Order” based on this situation.

So how will McNair be remembered now?

Certainly sports fans are able to look at the bright side of every athlete. Lawrence Taylor is still considered one of, if not, the greatest linebacker in NFL history, despite his rampant drug use and associations with pimps and prostitutes.

Tom Brady is still looked at as the golden boy of the league even after running out on his pregnant girlfriend.

It seems the only ones whose legacies can be tainted are ones who actually did some hard time.

People like O.J. Simpson, Donte Stallworth, and Michael Vick have had their images tainted for actual crimes. But I doubt any of us will remember Warren Moon for beating his wife. Or Chuck Noll for attacking Chuck Bednarik during his playing days.

And what about Paul Hornung and Alex Karras’ suspensions for gambling?

So compared to some others, McNair really seems like a choir boy. His only problem seems to be getting caught red handed in death. Then again, if the NFL took into account off the field behavior, we might not even have a hall of fame.

Super Bowl XLIV: It's the Drew Brees Bowl

Aaron Liebman — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 12:16:52 -0400

We had the Jon Gruden Bowl in 2002. Then last year we had the Ken Whisenhunt Bowl. We even had the Craig Morton Bowl in Super Bowl XII.

This year, I say we have the Drew Brees Bowl.

The San Diego Chargers will meet the New Orleans Saints in Super Bowl XLIV, barring any significant injuries.

The Chargers showed great resiliency in winning their last four games, when they had a snowball in hell's chance of making the playoffs and clinching their division. They will be at an even greater strength this season, with the return of Shawne Merriman and the determination of LaDainian Tomlinson and his mission to prove that he’s not over the hill.

For the Saints, Drew Brees had as good a season as you can ask for a quarterback...and the Saints still finished in last place. So why are they Super Bowl bound in 2009?

Well, first of all, two of those losses were a result of a poor kicking game (games against Denver and Minnesota).

Also, they have the curse of the NFC South on their side. Ever since the division was created in 2002, no team has made the playoffs in consecutive seasons. So there go Atlanta and Carolina (although I do think Atlanta will challenge), while Tampa Bay is pretty much back to square one.

The Arizona Cardinals showed last year what a team with a high-powered offense can do, even if they have a poor defense. I mean, the Cardinals were blown out in games against the Patriots, the Jets, and the Eagles. But when it came to playoff time, they stepped it up.

However, because of that less than stellar defense, the San Diego Chargers will defeat their former quarterback and win their first ever Super Bowl.

Again, this is an early prediction, and who knows what could happen with injuries and whatnot. Heck, I still remember predictions being made last year before Brett Favre joined the Jets. But as of right now, this seems to be as sure a matchup as you can predict.

If only we could get Marty Schottenheimer to do the coin toss, then it would be perfect.

Can The New York Giants Win With Two Rookie Wide Receivers?

Aaron Liebman — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 13:15:30 -0400

Let’s face it. The New York Giants collapsed at the end of last season not just because they did not have Plaxico Burress, but the fact that they thought they already had enough tools to replace him.

But, as was proven, that position was their Achilles heel to a repeat season.

Amani Toomer was aging and is now a free agent. Domenik Hixon, although showing flashes during the season, is still just a third down receiver at best. And Steve Smith, his most memorable pass was the other helmet catch of Super Bowl 42 in which the ball went off his helmet and was intercepted.

Yet, as the Giants beefed up even more on defense through free agency, they ignored the one spot they desperately needed. Sure, there were trade talks about getting such high profile wide outs as Cleveland’s Braylon Edwards or disgruntled Arizona star Anquan Boldin. But these talks proved just to be talk.

And when Commissioner Roger Goodell walked to the podium to announce the Giants draft choice, every Giants fan sat with anticipation of news that they had traded the pick for either one of those players.

Heck, the Cleveland Browns were trading away their entire draft, why not getting one or two back? And then we heard Goodell say the name Hakeem Nicks. HAKEEM NICKS?!

Before we could even ask ourselves just who he was, we had to accept the shock that Giants did not made the trade for a veteran receiver. So as we all Googled Hakeem Nicks and tried to find out more about him, the Giants selected Ramses Barden, another mystery receiver that made Nicks look like a household name.

Now, it’s good that they at least recognized that they needed help at the receiver position, but does this mean they’re going to start two rookies?

With their other options on the team limited at best, that seems to be the only choice. As June 1 (the day when many teams release veterans) came and went, no additional news came out of Giants camp.

So what exactly is Tom Coughlin thinking? Once he figures it out, hopefully he’ll let us know.

Is Josh McDaniels in Danger of Being Fired Before Coaching a Game?

Aaron Liebman — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 13:03:08 -0400

Following the 1999 season, Bill Belichick was set to be introduced as the new coach of the New York Jets at a press conference. Instead, he resigned from the position. However, he did it for another head coaching position.

In the case of new Broncos coach Josh McDaniels, that really doesn’t apply. This is his first head coaching gig, and the way things are going, he may not even be able to get a job as a waterboy.

The new coach has already caused a stir by flirting with the idea of trading Jay Cutler for Matt Cassel. Cassel instead went to Kansas City, while Cutler found out, pouted, and demanded a trade. And who did they get to replace him...Kyle Orton, the guy who had trouble beating out Rex Grossman in Chicago.

As bad as that was, it might be getting even worse now with the news that receiver Brandon Marshall also wants out of Mile High. This might be the worst situation a first-year head coach has ever faced. Remember, the Broncos did finish with an 8-8 record last season, so there isn’t too much room for error.

The Broncos had been a model of consistency under former coach Mike Shanahan. Even when they missed the playoffs, they were at least close, for the most part.

Rebuilding in Denver is as foreign an occurrence as going to the beach on Christmas Day. So, the only way McDaniels can really redeem himself would be to improve the team, and that would mean at least a winning season.

You have to wonder, what else can go wrong here? Or rather, can anything go right for this team, and more specifically their new coach, who is already under scrutiny without having coached a single game?

Fans and media have been pointing the finger at him for the team’s faults. Of course, if the team improves, and Cutler continues to be a bust, it’ll all be a different story. But right now, Josh McDaniels seems like a coach already on the hot seat.

Perhaps the Broncos will pull a Lakers move and re-hire Mike Shanahan. As of right now, that not only seems like a strong possibility, but maybe the only way to regain the prestige of this franchise.

So Dogs Mean More Than Human Life In The NFL...

Aaron Liebman — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:53:59 -0400

The official sentence was recently handed down to Browns’ wide receiver Donte Stallworth for hitting and killing a pedestrian while driving under the influence of alcohol. The sentence…30 days in jail and 1,000 hours of community service. That’s it. 30 DAYS IN JAIL for killing a human being.

Quarterback Michael Vick, convicted of dog fighting, spent nearly two years behind bars for executing dogs. So I know dogs are man’s best friend and everything, but does that mean they’re more important than man itself?

Sure, he has permanently lost his driver’s license and is suspended indefinitely. But what about the life that was lost? What justice is there for him? Unless Stallworth will be performing community service working on the new Joe Buck HBO show, it won’t be punishment enough.

Yes, Donte Stallworth the suspension is indefinite, but so was Pacman Jones'. And no matter how stupid Jones was when he was drinking, he at least had the small amount of brain power not to drive and kill someone.

Now I know that famous people usually get a slap on the wrist compared to what the average Joe would get for the same crime. But a harsher punishment for killing dogs? Unless the person killed was Al Davis, a human life is much more important.

We Got Rid of Tony Kornheiser...Next Step Is Joe Buck

Aaron Liebman — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 12:21:02 -0400

Tony Kornheiser's stint as a commentator on "Monday Night Football" mercifully came to an end when it was announced former coach Jon Gruden would be taking his place.

For those of you who don't know him by his name, he was the one who made you mute the TV when he chimed in with celebrity gossip and pop culture references that made you feel like you were watching the E! network.

Okay, now you know who I'm talking about.

With Kornheiser gone, the worst broadcaster in the game becomes Fox announcer Joe Buck. Teamed with Troy Aikman for Fox NFL Sunday, the only purpose for his presence seems to be setting up Aikman to reminisce about his playing days during the game as well as promoting other programs on Fox.

During a broadcast, he claimed to be a "big" Ryan Seacrest fan. Wow, mentioning Ryan Seacrest during a football game? That's like bringing up Gene Simmons during a performance of "Les Mis."

Kornheiser was at least entertaining with his stupid, pointless and irrelevant observations. Buck is so boring he makes Al Gore look like a rock star.

During a preseason game between Carolina and Philadelphia, a thunderstorm caused a delay.

Seemingly unprepared and definitely without notes or a monitor of what to say, Buck and Aikman attempted to improvise commentary. It got to the point that the network finally decided to air an "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader" rerun instead of risk losing viewers because of their rambling.

He takes the expression, "I could do better in my sleep" to new levels because when he talks, it sounds like he's still sleeping. Who knows, maybe he'd give better commentary if he was unconscious and had night terrors.

For whatever reason, he and Aikman were tapped to call Super Bowl 42.

With Buck's lack of enthusiasm, one had to come to the conclusion that he was either a Patriots fan or had money on the game. I'm guessing the latter, because I don't think Buck knows enough about sports to have allegiances to a team.

Even during big plays, such as David Tyree's helmet catch and even the game-winning touchdown reception, he just seemed like he didn't want to be there. Maybe he had a mini-TV in the booth and was catching up on "Grey's Anatomy."

Now I know we haven't really had a great sports commentator since Howard Cosell, but we should be able to find others who at least talk with a little bit of life and enthusiasm.

Kornheiser is gone, and past-his-prime John Madden has retired. Let's keep the streak going, continuing with Joe Buck.

Director's Cut of "Space Jam" Reveals Different Movie and Players (Humor)

Aaron Liebman — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 12:11:29 -0400

Recently, Warner Brothers released the 2 Disc Director's Cut Collector's Limited Ultimate Edition DVD of Space Jam. One of the many features on the disc is over an hour of never before seen footage that shows almost a completely different film.
Despite the fact that half of the movie's cast is animated, producer Ivan Reitman wanted the basketball scenes to be as close to the real thing as possible. That meant that he wanted the Monstar aliens to act especially like the players whose powers they possessed.

In a bigger change, the viewer now learns that Patrick Ewing, Mugsy Bogues, Larry Johnson, and Shawn Bradley were not the original choices for the players whose powers are lost.

In an effort to bring out the squeakiest clean players, those four were chosen, which Reitman, on his DVD commentary, says should be obvious. “If you were going to steal any player's powers, why would you choose Bogues or Bradley,” he asks.

The additional footage reveals not only the players originally envisioned for the film, but ways in which that particular player’s actions would affect the climactic game.

Instead of Michael Jordan leading his team to a comeback victory, the original Monstars merely brought themselves down.

That would include a big change to the climactic game between the Monstars and the Toon Squad was that the alien who took Charles Barkley's powers never made it to the game because he was pulled over for drunk driving on his way to the arena.

When pulled over, he attempted to spit at the officer, but unfortunately hit Granny. That's why she is barely seen towards the end of the movie.

When it came to selecting the players after Barkley, naturally, the first one chosen was Shaquille O’Neal, then the second biggest star next to Jordan.

Originally, it was scripted that with the Monstars trailing by one, the alien who took O’Neal’s powers would be fouled and get a chance to win the game by sinking two free throws.

The shot attempts were way off and the Monstars lost. The alien would then choose to stay in cartoon land and pursue a rap career.

Another player whose powers were stolen was Pacers guard Reggie Miller. During the face off against the Toon Squad, the alien begins squabbling with a particularly loud fan in attendance. He would then run into the crowd and being fighting with fans, earning an ejection.

Then New Jersey Nets player Jayson Williams was also tapped for a role. Once he got to the arena, he would see Wayne Knight’s character, that of Jordan’s assistant and driver, and shoot him down.

Even other retired players were considered to be featured, such as Isiah Thomas. For him, once the alien stole his powers, he would be suspended from the game for sexually harassing Lola Bunny.

The heads of Moron Mountain would have to sell all their assets to pay her off in a following lawsuit that would have been featured in the sequel.

Every team needs a sixth man, and for that role, Reitman wrote in Latrell Sprewell to have his powers stolen by an additional alien. That alien would be ejected from the game and storyline when he strangled Bill Murray.

That is the reason why Murray only shows up towards the end of the game. He would need time to heal from the assault.

Although the film was a financial success, Reitman ponders what might have been. He had planned a sequel/spinoff in which after Moron Mountain is bankrupted by Lola Bunny’s sexual harassment suit, they are forced to play an intergalactic baseball game.

The aliens would attempt to get powers from such major leaguers as Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, and Sammy Sosa.

The film never happened however, because the players said they would never participate in any project where someone takes the shortcut to victory.