Bleacher Report - Articles by Gavin Brownstein

Mike McCarthy: "Maybe I'm a Pansy" (Humor)

Gavin Brownstein — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 08:50:54 -0500

The Green Bay Packers simply had their game against the Carolina Panthers wrapped up for them on Sunday. Tied at 28 at the two-minute-warning, the Packers faced a fourth-and-goal from inside the one.

Seeing as they had been overwhelming the defensive front of the Panthers the entire second half, it seemed that going for it was the obvious choice.

"We were stopped on second and third down, remember," McCarthy tried to explain himself after the game. "I remember as a kid playing in the sandbox, other kids would come up to me, pull my pants down, and throw sand on my bare behind."

McCarthy went on to say, "Since then I have always played it safe. Maybe I'm a pansy." A reporter from the Green Bay Gazette, Timmy Shea, asked a controversial question, "Coach, is it true that you have no business coaching in any level of organized sports, let alone NFL Football?"

To this McCarthy fired back, "I may be a moron, but you are a big bully! Now leave me alone!" As McCarthy walked away from the podium a large wet spot had formed in his groin area, which created laughter and pointing started at first by ESPN's Rachel Nichols.

Milwaukee Brewers: Playoffs? It's in the cards...The St. Louis Cards!

Gavin Brownstein — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 15:14:28 -0400

The Milwaukee Brewers spent Sunday afternoon climbing the mountain against the Los Angeles Dodgers. As they saw the apex, the mountain came crashing down on them.

An Andre Ethier homer in the bottom of the ninth off of Carlos Villanueva sent the Brewers to a devastating 7-5 loss on Sunday. The Brewers finished the series dropping two of three to the Dodgers.

Milwaukee sits at 71-54, five-and-a half games behind front-running Chicago and two games up on St.Louis for the wild card. With 37 games left in the season the Brewers look to be in a very advantageous position, but wait, it's getting late in the season and these are the Milwaukee Brewers.

The Brewers have a severe problem in the bullpen. The problem is, they don't have one. Eric Gagne is almost unusable, his 6.68 ERA and ridiculously high salary has Ned Yost using him in mop-up situations a-la throwing at Jim Edmonds with the team down ten runs at home when about to be swept.

Guillermo Mota was an asset in the first two months of the year but since has once again emerged as journeyman Guillermo Mota. Salomon Torres has been better than most thought he'd be but do the Brewers really trust David Riske, Seth McClung and Carlos Villanueva to get the game to him?

Ah yes, but the Brewers have CC Sabathia now! With him pitching they don't NEED a bullpen! Thus far, for the most part you'd be right.

But let's take a quick look at the teams Sabathia has thrown against since his acquisition by the brewers: Jul. 8—Colorado (57-69); Jul. 13—Cincinnati (55-70); Jul. 18—San Francisco (52-71); St.Louis on Jul. 23 was the only team over .500 he's beaten since becoming a Brewer.

The rest of the teams he's faced have are a combined 76 games under .500 (Wash, SD, ATL). Good teams will make a pitcher work, CC has faced one really good team and they knocked him around. The Brewers are at a point with him where he needs to finish the game or risk this porous bullpen coming in blowing the game for him.

Ben Sheets is another question mark. With 11 wins he has certainly been a major reason why the Brewers are where they are right now. Unfortunately he has little second half experience due to his string of major injuries over the years.

That being said, he's healthy now. Disconcerting is that he is 3-5 in his last ten starts. Even more disconcerting is that Manny Parra is coming back to earth and the rest of the rotation is laughable. You can't tell me that you trust Dave Bush or Jeff Suppan in a crucial game!

That being said it is of my opinion that either the St. Louis Cardinals or someone from the NL East will overtake the Brewers and they and the rest of Milwaukee will be watching the playoffs on TBS and FOX at home this Fall (except Bill Hall who always seems to be a playoff expert on Baseball Tonight) The main reason for this thinking is the fact that the Brewers are managed by Ned Yost.

Ned Yost has a managerial record of 362-410 with the Brewers as of Aug. 17. His team was in a position to take the NL Central numerous times last season and the only real highlight of that run was a fight that broke out in the Brewers' dugout during and afternoon game.

He is Vanilla, he shows little or no emotion, he is far to loyal with certain players (Rickie Weeks for example) His on-field decisions can be so confounding, that fans are left wondering what has happened.

In the media he also comes off as arrogant. He leaves people thinking that we don't know as much about baseball as he does so therefore any opinion you have is invalid.

If Tony LaRussa was manging this team, they'd be much closer to the Cubs and a real threat to do something in the post-season.

Instead it is the St.Louis Cardinals whom Cubs fans should worry more about than this flawed Brewers squad. LaRussa has made magic out of a team that was picked for the basement.

It pains me to say that because I hate the Cardinals. The fact of the matter is, the Cardinals are a better team from top-to-bottom and will finish ahead of the sad Brewers when it's all over.

NCAA Tournament: Memphis Survives Thanks to Dumb Coaching

Gavin Brownstein — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 09:51:10 -0400

Congratulations Memphis Faithful!

Your team lucked out at the end and advanced in the NCAA Tournament Sunday. I believe that any or all deficiencies pointed out in previous articles on this website came to fruition on Sunday. Memphis shot 15 for 32 from the free-throw-line (rounded up that's 47%). The Tigers blew leads and let Mississippi State back into the game.

On the bright side of things ,the Tigers out-rebounded the Bulldogs 42-31 and had 19 assists to State's nine. The Tigers also had 11 blocked shots. With those numbers alone, without looking at the score, the Tigers should have won this game by 20 points or more. The only problem is they didn't.

Memphis won this game in large part to the poor decision Bulldogs coach Rick Stansbury made at around the two minute mark of the second half. With 1:46 left, the Tigers had the ball and a six point lead. It was at this time the Bulldogs should have played the let's-extend-this-game card and fouled anybody wearing a white jersey on the floor.

Chances are the Bulldogs would have had a better shot at winning the game, or at least tying it, than the out-of-control running three pointer attempted at the buzzer.

Mississippi State is going home though, and the Memphis Tigers are moving on. Memphis fans rejoice, for now. Michigan State is coached by someone who actually HAS won an important game in his career.

Tom Izzo has a team that is likely less athletic than the Tigers, but has better basketball players, smarter basketball players, and that makes me sick because I hate the Big Ten. Tom Izzo is they type of coach that will find a team's flaws and expose them. Unfortunately for Memphis, they have a lot of them!

Memphis received a stay of execution on Sunday from the kind folks from Starkville Mississippi. Don't look for the Tigers to survive this weekend. I would put the house on it! I just hope Gus Johnson is calling that particular game!

Why No. 1-Seeded Memphis Won't Win The NCAA Tournament

Gavin Brownstein — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 17:56:18 -0400

Some of you may have read an earlier article written in which I called Memphis the worst No. 1 Seed in NCAA History. Thanks to those who did.

Some critics said my analysis wasn't up to snuff. Okay, I accept that criticism—I'm a humble guy.

This follow-up is aimed at those scholars, skeptics, and meathead Memphis fans who wanted some further explanation. Here it goes...

1. Strength of Schedule

Memphis' nonconference Strength of Schedule (SOS) is seriously impressive. But their in-conference SOS ranks 101st in the NCAA.

Though they've been tested out of conference, the Tigers essentially play nobody during the meat of their schedule. It's not like C-USA was a multiple-bid league this year.

Memphis can't expect to go long stretches of the season without getting tested and then turn it on for six games.

2. Coaching

John Calipari has quite a resume.

His .750 career winning percentage is very impressive. His 18-9 record in NCAA Tournament games is better than that of most coaches. Calipari has won eight conference tournaments and nine regular-season championships.

But he's never won the big one—not in college, not in the pros. Never.

He's a great coach when he wants to be, but history says that when it has mattered, he just hasn't been able to do it.

3. The Half-Court Game

In the course of an NCAA Tournament, the champion is almost invariably tested in at least one half-court, grind-it-out foul-fest.

This hurts Memphis in two ways.

First Memphis is very athletic, meaning that they will likely have better athletes on the floor than the other team. The other team, on the other hand, will likely have better basketball players.

Memphis has always had outstanding athletes under Calipari, with nothing to show for it. In this case skill will win out over athleticism.

4. Free-Throw Shooting

Free-throw shooting is an absolute must if the Tigers want to win it all. Of the 65 tournament teams, only Winthrop has a lower FT percentage.

Yes, the Tigers shot over 70 percent in the C-USA tournament. They also were never challenged—and had an average scoring margin of +20.3 points per game.

Put to the test in real pressure situations, Memphis may well prove to be a team that gives away points at the charity stripe.

So from top to bottom, the 33-1 Tigers are dangerously flawed. In the event of a nail-biter, fans should have their Pepto-Bismol nearby—because it won't be pretty.

I really hope Gus Johnson is calling that game.

Tyler Hansbrough: X-Factor Now, 12th Man Later

Gavin Brownstein — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 10:23:23 -0400

There is no doubting North Carolina Junior Forward Tyler Hansbrough's collegiate prowess. His numerous accolades, double-doubles, and domination of the ACC over the past three years have been something for the history books.

At 23 points and 10 rebounds per game, he is perhaps the most dominant player in the ACC. His team, the North Carolina Tar Heels, is many people's choice to win the NCAA tournament this year.

After the season ends, the long list of early entrants to the NBA Draft will begin to form. It is likely Hansbrough's name will end up on that list for what else does he have to accomplish on the collegiate level?

The hype machine around Carolina's gifted forward has been and will continue churn out bouquets for the 6-foot-9-inch junior from Poplar Bluff, Mo.

The question is, "Will Tyler Hansbrough be an NBA superstar?"

The answer is "NO."

Recent players with similar skill sets to Hansbrough's have come into the NBA and languished on the bench. At 6'9", he is undersized and strikingly similar to former Duke F/C Shelden Williams.

Both men are 6'9" and 250 lbs. Williams' numbers with Duke were strikingly similar to Hansbrough's. Tyler averaged six more points per game in college, while Williams had a slight rebounding edge.

Williams has never averaged six points or six rebounds a game throughout his NBA career, which this year has him riding the pine for Reggie Theus' Sacramento Kings.

Perhaps Hansbrough's goals should be to emulate another 6'9" forward, former NBA-er Armon Gilliam. He played 13 seasons in the NBA and averaged 13.7 points a game for his career.

I'm not sure if Hansbrough has quite the offensive prowess Gilliam had, but it is certainly a way to extend your career.

Whichever team Hansbrough is drafted by will have a project on their hands.

I have nothing against the guy. I could have written this same article about D.J. White of Indiana who is 6'9", 250 as well. I think they should just enjoy college as long as they can because the NBA is going to eat them alive, especially Hansbrough.

Memphis Tigers: The Worst Number One Seed In History?

Gavin Brownstein — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 05:50:30 -0400

The Memphis Tigers will not win the NCAA Basketball championship this year. To those Memphis fans reading this, I sincerely apologize. You Memphis fans can take heart, my school, the Arizona Wildcats will be lucky to make the tournament at all and will most likely lose in the first round.

The fact that Memphis won't win it all shouldn't come as a surprise to anybody. They cannot make a free throw to save their lives. At 59.6%, they rank at or near the bottom of the NCAA. We've seen it over and over, close games in the tournament that come down to a free throw fest in the last two or three minutes. No team is immune from it.

Derrick Rose is certainly an amazing athlete and a sure fire NBA Lottery Pick, and at just a hair under 70 percent at the free throw line, he qualifies as the Tigers' best free throw shooter. Chris Douglas-Roberts who seems to me to be in his eleventh season with Memphis is an adequate player who shoots 45 percent from three-point-range. But can Memphis rely on his hot shooting to blow out all of their opponents?

If I am an opposing coach, I tell my kids to foul Joey Dorsey whenever humanly possible, the guy shoots under 40 percent from the line. Memphis will likely destroy their first round victim, but as the tourney gets going, they will be tested by a smart coach who will expose this fraud number one seed. How Memphis responds is anyone's guess. My guess, they will fold like a tent. If a game is close (five-seven points) in the final four minutes, see if Memphis is put to the test at the line and watch them crumble.

I only hope that Gus Johnson is calling that particular game.

Chicago Bulls: What the Hell Happened Here?

Gavin Brownstein — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:06:54 -0400

OK, so as a 32-year old Bulls fan, my life has been a roller coaster. In the early 80's, when I started watching the team, they would barely compete with mediocre players and end up in the bottom of the Eastern Conference.

Michael Jordan arrived on the scene and the team made the playoffs every year in his career. As they got closer and closer to that championship, they had to get by the Pistons. Once they did, the titles came in droves!

They won six, probably would have won eight had Jordan not "retired" in 1993. All was great, in the Jordan years, there was never any doubt that my Bulls would win the NBA Championship in the 90's.

So Jordan retired from the Bulls and the team got blown up. 1999 brought a 13-37 record under new coach Tim Floyd. Chicago had drifted back to NBA Purgatory. Names like Fred Hoiberg and Kornel David dominated the headlines in Chicago's newspapers. Times were tough, and they became tough awfully quickly.

As some of Chicago's other professional sports teams became more successful in the late 90's and early 2000's the Bulls fell into obscurity in Chicago fan's eyes. John Paxson was hired as GM and Scott Skiles was brought in to coach the team and the team took a turn for the better.

In the 2004-2005 season, the Bulls made the playoffs for the first time since the Jordan era. Their 47-35 record was impressive especially when you consider the team started off 0-9 and at one point were 4-15. The trademarks for this and future Bulls teams were defense, hustle, and unselfishness.

They made the playoffs three straight years, last year losing to Detroit in six games in the second round. Needless to say, the arrow was pointing up.

Then came this year.

The usual slow start came as expected. On November 27, they defeated Atlanta to improve their record to 3-10. A bad start, but pretty normal for this team who can not win on the Circus Road Trip, which is the first trip out West every season.

But these guys were showing no heart, no passion, no guts and most importantly—no defense. They couldn't stop my sister!

The offense was all over the place and in fact rather offensive. Something was telling me the Bulls were not coming back from this early season slide. Scott Skiles, though tough, was the perfect coach for this team.

Skiles was fired just before Christmas. Most players were happy. As a fan, I wasn't.

Jim Boylan was named interim coach and has set the precedent that the inmates shall run the asylum. The offense is still offensive, the defense has almost completely forgotten the coaching that Skiles taught them and what made them an Eastern Conference contender.

The team is now unwatchable. Guys I used to root for like Kirk Hinrich and Ben Gordon, I now wish the Bulls just got rid of. Chris Duhon and Tyrus Thomas have recently been suspended for blowing off practice.

In a very short time span, this team has imploded into maybe what the Portland Trail Blazers were a few years ago minus the drugs. The Bulls may be within striking distance of the playoffs, but who really cares? Great! We'll get swept by the Celtics or Pistons! I say, blow this thing up Mr. Paxson, it's only going to get worse from here.

With Favre Gone, Craig Counsell Assumes Title of Wisconsin's Best Athlete

Gavin Brownstein — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 16:55:55 -0500

After a hastily-planned statewide caucus Wednesday, the voters of Wisconsin have spoken, and their choice as new overly-admired athlete is Craig Counsell.

Counsell, a 10-year veteran of Major League Baseball has spent the better part of two seasons with the Brewers. CNN earlier Wednesday had erroneously projected that Wisconsin would go to former Wisconsin Badgers sharpshooter Duany Duany.

The voting certainly was tight, our exit polls showed that Counsell received strong support from Wisconsin white men age 25-54 who still live in their parents' basement with Duany and Milwaukee Bucks center, Yi Jianlian lagging behind. Wolf Blitzer said in an interview that Yi's chances were slim because Wisconsin currently has no Chinese population of any kind.

The final tally shows that Counselll received 42 percent of the vote. Duany Duany received 37 percent; Paul Mokeski, 12 percent; Yi, five percent; Vince Lombardi, three percent; and Mitt Romney, just under one percent.

Counsell, born in South Bend, IN, sports a career .257 batting average in ten major league seasons. He resides in Whitefish Bay, WI.

Counsell, you may remember, scored the Series Winning run for the 1997 World Champion Florida Marlins in game seven.

With the victory, Counsell now will be given the key to the state of Wisconsin.

Counsell had no comment after hearing news of the victory and a conciliatory phone call from challenger Duany Duany. Counsell will also be honored on opening day in Milwaukee, April 4th with a life-sized statue in front of Miller Park showcasing his excessively awkward batting stance.

Hank Aaron's statue will be moved to a less crowded area of Miller Park to accommodate Counsell's likeness.

Men Play Odd Game, Kick Ball

Gavin Brownstein — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 18:22:05 -0500

There really wasn’t much on TV last night, so I checked out the local offerings. That’s when I stumbled upon this fascinating station showing men dressed in shorts and t-shirts, all with different numbers on their backs. I tried to listen to what the announcers were saying, but they were speaking in another language!

When I was a kid we played a game called kickball, but this was different. These funny looking folks were kicking the ball to the left and then to the right. Sometimes up and sometimes down.

It looks to be the sort of primitive action sport that might lead to some weird mating ritual. Sometimes they even kicked the ball with their heads!

The teams playing this kooky game were the Americas and the Cruz Azuls. At one point, a group of the Cruz Azuls stood shoulder to shoulder, hands covering their junk, as one man (who must be their leader) ran up and—get this—kicked the ball!

I’m convinced that this kicking of the ball must be the practice of some sort of secret society—like a fight club kind of thing—because nobody I know has ever heard of it. This must be why the different groups of people who play go by covert names like Man U, UNAM Pumas, or Brazil.

These events do seem to attract lots of people, though. Most likely they are locals. The whole thing almost has the feeling of an illegal street race. For about three seconds it's really exciting!

Maybe one day this peculiar "sport" of ball kick will make its way to the good old US of A!