Brett Favre Named to Vacant New York Senate Seat (Satire)

Tim Bax — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 07:50:05 -0500

The flames of man-crushes all over the nation were stoked this week with the news that New York Governor David Paterson has named Brett Favre to Hillary Clinton’s vacant seat in the U.S. Senate.

The appointment is the second unearned accolade in as many weeks for Favre, as he was recently named to the Pro Bowl as well.

While the schedule of a U.S. Senator is very demanding, Favre announced in a tearful press conference today he still hasn’t ruled out returning to the New York Jets in 2009. This news delighted Favre’s many fans, as it implies he can strengthen his grip on several NFL records including most interceptions thrown and most playoff losses by a starting quarterback.

Sales of Wrangler blue jeans and Vicodin pain pills rose sharply Wednesday morning.

AROUND THE NFL

Plaxico Burress

Authorities raided the controversial wideout’s New Jersey home on Wednesday in an effort to seize his small cache of unregistered weapons. Items confiscated included a 9mm handgun, an M1A1 Abrams tank, a broadsword, and a death ray. Burress was at a convention with Terry “Tank” Johnson and was unavailable for comment.

Ed Hochuli

The muscular referee who has sparked more man-crushes than Brett Favre has boldly guaranteed a Broncos victory over the Chargers this Sunday.

Cowboys-Eagles

Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb is reportedly miffed that the tie against the Bengals in week 11 all but dashed the Eagles’ hopes of earning a playoff spot in their match up with the Cowboys this Sunday, and he has asked the NFL for a re-do.

Merry Christmas sports fans!

Rams-49ers: St. Louis Makes Me Want To Gouge My Eyes Out

Tim Bax — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 11:55:28 -0500

ST. LOUIS, MO - For the second straight week, the St. Louis Rams blew a double digit lead in the second half. And for the second straight week, the Rams' game was blacked out on local television.

Thank God for that.

The Rams failed to capitalize on four turnovers during the game, and the hapless San Francisco 49ers bumbled their way to a gift-wrapped 17-16 victory. A typical and fitting ending for the dreary Rams in their last home game of the year in the equally dreary Edward Jones Dome.

There was one bright point in this game for Rams fans: seeing (or hearing, since the game was not on TV) the Reverend Isaac Bruce chalk up his 1,000^th career reception for a touchdown in the 4th quarter. This feat was a painful reminder to Rams fans of how good things used to be.

In February, the Rams front office, in an incredible display of stupidity and ineptitude, released Bruce to make room on the roster for wide receiver Drew Bennett. Bruce now has team-high 827 receiving yards and seven touchdowns for the 49ers this year. And Bennett? He played one game and netted four yards for the Rams this year.

Great move...

HIT OF THE GAME

Rams running back Kenneth Darby was completely decimated in the first quarter by a sweet open-field hit by one of the officials. It would probably behoove the Rams to hire that ref as the defensive coordinator for 2009, as he tackles better than anyone on the Rams defense.

STATUS QUO FOR BULGER

Marc Bulger threw one of his signature interceptions in the waning minutes of the game, begging the question: What else is new? He now has 13 interceptions and 10 touchdown passes on the year.

ANOTHER BAD PLAY CALL

The Rams inexplicably went for it and failed to convert on 4th-and-3 in the first quarter while within field goal range (on San Fran’s 36). The game was tied 0-0; why not kick the field goal? Those three points would have come in handy at the end of the game.

How can the Rams seriously consider hiring Jim Haslett in 2009?

Bleacher Report - Articles by Tim Bax

Brett Favre Named to Vacant New York Senate Seat (Satire)

Rams-49ers: St. Louis Makes Me Want To Gouge My Eyes Out