Bleacher Report - Articles by BigReg

Michael Phelps: Olympic Swimming Machine or Crazed Eating Machine?

BigReg — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 08:12:05 -0400

Michael Phelps is a hungry, hungry boy.

In a recent NBC interview, he stated that he eats something along the lines of the following for breakfast, every day:

THREE fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese and mayonnaise (gross),
A five-egg omelet (your normal restaurant will serve a three-egg omelet),
A bowl of grits (yummy—stick to the ribs),
Three slices of french toast (alright, I would have barfed by now),
And three chocolate-chip pancakes (a healthy desert).

One would guess that Phelps has a nice, small lunch, but one would be wrong. Phelps spends lunchtime gorging himself with:

A pound of pasta (how is his stomach not sticking out like a balloon?),
Two large ham-and-cheese sandwiches covered with mayo (he swims after? I can barely walk/waddle after a good meal),
And 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks (that is five Monster energy drinks; how is he not convulsing in the water?).

Let's not forget dinner. Are you ready for this?:

Another pound of pasta (WHAT? Two pounds of pasta in one day? I can't eat that in a week),
A whole pizza (I do that and my wife yells at me. Granted, I weigh 240 pounds on a good day),
And another 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks (how does he sleep at night? I have a Monster at 7 p.m. and will be up until 3 a.m.; if I drank five of them you'd find me running around pretending to be the Dread Pirate Roberts).

So, in the course of an average day, Michael Phelps consumes over 10,000 calories (That is more then Alicia Sacramone and the rest of the gymnastic team eat in a week) . The average male should be eating around 2,000 calories a day, and competitive eating masters like Takeru Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut will generally eat around 6,000 calories a day. Phelps takes in 4,000 calories more per day then a professional eater?!

In the end, when you are burning five figures worth of calories a day, you are allowed to eat whatever you want. When you are winning gold medal after gold medal, you can top your three chocolate-chip pancakes with bacon grease, if that's your thing.

Me, I just burned 35 calories writing this article. I guess I'm allowed to eat a piece of lettuce.

Worst and Best Nicknames in Sports

BigReg — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 05:13:07 -0400

Alright, I can't stand it anymore and have to say something about it. What better place then right here on the bleacher report to vent about the trend of unoriginal nicknames in sports. So with out further adieu, here is the worst (and best, because I was having a good time looking them up) nicknames in sports, sport by sport.

MLB

Worst

A-rod, F-rod, and I-rod. We get it, your last name is Rodriguez.

At least come up with something somewhat creative. This reminds me of the 80's when any Hispanic pitcher who could throw above 90 mph was automatically dubbed "Senor Smoke"

Best

"Fat Elvis"—Lance Berkman. Some nicknames are just dead on.

"Roller Coaster Jones"—Todd Jones. Sadly, it looks like it has come derailed permanently—but it was so true while it lasted.

"Big Papi"—David Ortiz. Ah, just like the father you wish you had, if only your dad didn't drink and swear all the time.

NBA

Worst

J-Kidd, D-Wade, B-Roy, and so on. LAZY Jerks. This is worse then the MLB because anyone can do it.

Best

"Agent Zero"—Gilbert Arenas. His nickname along with his jersey number being zero makes this a great nickname. How exactly do referees signal a foul on him?

"Sheed"—Rasheed Wallace. I know this breaks my rule of nicknames not being part of the players name, but being in the Palace when the crowd starts chanting it would give anyone goosebumps. If you listen to a game on TV you will hear it also every time he touches the ball.

"The Human Victory Cigar"—Darko Milicic. Ah, the humiliation that is Darko.

NFL

Worst

T.O and LT. Oh my freaking word. That is it, from now on I will only be referred to as B.R. or B-Reg (I would also like to be referred to as B-Rod, but my last name isn't Rodriguez...stupid parents.)

Best

"The Bus"—Jerome Bettis. Big Runningback + Yellow and Black Uniform = Great Nickname.

"T.J Whosyamama"—T.J Houshmand.... (whatever). Alright this is my third and final time of breaking my no real name nickname, but it works so well. Can anyone spell or pronounce this last name? I thought not.

"The Tuna"—Bill Parcells. It works even better now that he is a dolphin.

"The Black Hole" --Oakland Raiders fans. I have always been a fan of this nickname for a group of fans because they back it up so well. Now where else in sports will you find a group of fans that are so outlandish and crazy come game time.

That is it for my list. Feel free to add your own.

B Rod out. (Screw it, I kinda like the sound of it. I am changing my last name tomorrow.)

MLB: Tim Lincecum Missed the All-Star Game Because of "Flu-like Symptoms?"

BigReg — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 03:17:07 -0400

Now I understand that we all can catch a nasty bout of the flu. I understand that it is no fun to be sitting on the can and have to try to make it to the sink to puke.

But what I don't understand is why whenever any major league sports player has this happen, they call it "flu-like symptoms?"

Isn't it just the flu? Wouldn't we all get the picture if everyone just said he has the flu? We would understand that he couldn't pitch.

None of us could if we needed to make a mad dash to the crapper every fifth pitch, so why call it "flu-like symptoms?"

We don't call a torn ACL "Torn ACL-like symptoms," or a concussion "Concussion like symptoms."

This got me thinking, why do we call it "flu-like symptoms," and I think I have a reason. What happens when you go out partying all night? You get a head pounding, gut-twisting, bowel-moving, nauseating hang over. In other words, these are self induced "flu-like symptoms."

So there you go, pro athletes might be able to throw a baseball 100 mph or run a 4.3 40, or even hit a baseball 514 feet, but they still get hangovers like the rest of us, only they call theirs "flu-like symptoms."

Ode to CC Sabathia

BigReg — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 08:14:07 -0400

As a Detroit Tigers fan I couldn't be happier that CC Sabathia is out of the AL Central. Countless times he made me cringe when the Tigers had to face him.

He was one of the main reasons that the Tigers didn't make the playoffs last year, and so I am giddy that we won't have to face him the rest of the season (unless the stars align and the Tigers meet the Brewers in the World Series.)

But I am also a little sad. Gone are the CC fat jokes. Gems like, Captain Calories, Corporal Candy, Count Chunky, and Slim will never be spoken by Tigers fans again.

We will no longer be able to say, "Byrd couldn't pitch today because CC bit his wing," or "Of course CC didn't make it out of the fourth inning, Denny's opened an all you can eat buffet at 8:30!"

And who could forget, "That wasn't a spit-ball, CC was just drooling because someone had a hot dog behind home plate!"

So I now will pass the torch onto the Cubs fans. I'm sure you can come up with some good ones. Maybe something like, "Thousands starve in Milwaukee after Charleston Chew and Prince go out for brunch together."

So farewell, Chubby Choker.

I love to see you go, but hate to see you waddle away!

Flip Saunders Fired by Pistons: Who'll Be the Next Head Coach in Detroit?

BigReg — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 07:34:27 -0400

The Pistons announced today that they are parting ways with Flip Saunders, their coach for the past three seasons.

So, I got to thinking about who will be next. Where do they go from here? We know that Pistons coaches have a short shelf life, but at least we can trust Dumars to have a replacement better than, or at least equal to, what we are losing. Take a look.

Rick Carlisle

He took the Pistons from an average team and started this great run of Eastern Conference finals. He was there for three years and only once got the Pistons to the ECF. He was replaced by Hall of Famer Larry Brown

Larry Brown

In his first season with the Pistons they won an NBA Championship. The second season, they made it back, but he started talking to the Knicks about "his dream job." They lost, and he was fired and replaced by Flip Saunders.

(On a side note, F U Larry Brown for messing up a good thing. Glad to see the Knicks worked out so well for you!)

Flip Saunders

He had previously led the Minnesota Timberwolves to the playoffs for five-straight years and had a very high winning percentage during the regular season. His knock was that his Timberwolves' team only made it to the Western Conference Finals once.

He may not have been quite the same caliber as Larry B. but he was a good replacement who helped the 'Stones reach the ECF for three more straight years (six is the running total).

So I ask you, who is the equal or better replacement out there? Michael Curry, Bill Laimbeer, or Tom Izzo?

These are all names brought up, but not one has NBA coaching experience. That is scary when you have a team that is this good, but at the same time has some ups and downs.

What about Avery Johnson? He took his team to the finals only three short years ago. True, but he also blew a two-game lead in the finals and lost to an eight seed the following year. However, this year, I can't say that it was all his fault.

So who is it going to be? Who will coach the Pistons for the next three years? Maybe Joe D. has something up his sleeve?

I hope so, because I am not sure we didn't just fire the best coach out there.

Bonds to the Tigers!?!? It Could Happen!

BigReg — Tue, 06 May 2008 09:22:23 -0400

Before yesterday and the release of J. Jones, I would have thought this was as crazy as you currently think I am. But the release of Jones opens up a big, huge hole that could be filled with one big, huge, enormous head. The head of Barry Lamar Bonds.

Why this could work....

1. The Tigers need a big left handed bat.

Barry Bonds could become the left-handed bat that would balance out this lineup made up primarily of right-handers.

2. Leyland has always been a Bonds man.

If you have the respect of the manager and you respect the manager, there is a lot of differences that can be agreed on.

3. Bonds still wants to play the field.

The Tigers could rotate Bonds, Maggs, and Sheff into right and left field, leaving one of them to DH. Their defense will not suffer that much by having Bonds out there compared to Sheffield.

4. The Tigers are now willing to spend the money.

This past off-season Mr. Illich showed that he is not afraid to spend some money and take some chances. Why not one more to give this season a fighting chance?

5. Bonds is a free agent, so the Tigers would not lose anymore prospects.

This goes back to the Yankees way of thinking. Hey, it's only money!!

Why this could never work...

1. Bonds could possibly go to jail in the near future.

This would make a contract a very hard thing to put together since you would need to work in a clause stating what would happen should he end up going.

2. Bonds would need to DH

Seriously, do the Tigers really need another DH. Let's see, they currently have Sheff, Cabrera, Guillen, Maggs, and Thames. Most nights they are already putting three or four guys on the field that should be full time DH's.

3. Dombrowski likes his teams to be good upstanding players.

Bonds does not fall into that category.

4. Bonds is an A-hole.

Do the Tigers really need someone to come in and disrupt a clubhouse that is already had to deal with so much this year?

In the end, I don't think that Bonds will ever become a Tiger, I think there are to many hits against him for anyone to take a chance. But what if....

Granderson, Polanco, Sheff, Maggs, Bonds, Cabrera, Guillen, Renteria, Pudge.

'Nuff said.

Detroit Tigers Still on Pace to Score 1,000 Runs

BigReg — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 05:00:15 -0400

Don't worry, Tigers fans. Your team is still on pace to drive in over 1,000 runs. Don't believe me? Look at the numbers.

In the first seven games, the Tigers have scored 15 runs. In effect, 2.14 runs per game.

That is pretty awful.

Plus, they have given up 44 runs in the first seven games. Meaning they are giving up 6.29 runs per game.

So let's look at what needs to be done for them to reach that milestone of 1,000 runs. First they have to score 985 more runs in the remaining 155 games, or 6.35 runs per game.

Okay, that is not out of reach. They are going to have to start doing that anyway if they want to become competitive (see above 6.29 runs given up a game).

So there you go, Tigers fans. They will become the first team since the 1999 Indians to score over a 1,000 runs, as long as they win the rest of their games!

P.S. 155-7 is feasible. They will just need to win every game 6.35 to 6.29! Or at least seven to six. Good luck, Tigers—you're going to need it—and may God be with you.

Detroit Tigers: Opening Day Tidbits

BigReg — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 04:03:51 -0400

Here are a couple of quick thoughts about Opening day.

Fans are crazy on Opening Day!

I saw a Jack Nickolson look a-like dressed in full Justin Verlander get-up. IE Jersey, baseball pants, stir-ups, socks, and cleats. (Might have had a cup on but I didn't look that close) Also, I also saw a couple in caveman outfits? (Not sure of the link between Fred Flintstone and the Tigers, but ok).

Men must be the only ones able to sneak out of work for it!

The line for the mens room was almost around the stadium whereas the womans room had no line? (My buddy had to go so bad that he snuck into the womans restroom to piss)

Jets flying overhead are not very cool on cloudy days!

45K people looking up dumbly as the noise passes by but no jets.

People get really, really drunk on opening day!

I am not above this but come on people there is a baseball game to watch. Yes I am talking to you couple that passed out in the 2nd inning 3 rows in front of me. I am also talking to you, lady dumbly looking off into space while standing up RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME but too drunk to hear me say sit down or to notice peanuts being thrown at you!

Maggio Ordonez does not want to marry any of the fans!

Ladies, and a few men, Maggio is married! Please stop standing in front of me to profess your love to him. And when he throws a ball to the little child sitting next to you DON'T knock him over and steal it! (Yes, I did see that)

Homeruns going over you head are the best things in sports!

Thank you Carlos Guillen (and Alex Gordon, you jerk) for showing me this! Sit close to the field sometime and hope you get to look up at a ball going over your head. IT IS AMAZING!!

I AM SO HAPPY THAT BASEBALL IS STARTED AGAIN!