Bleacher Report - Articles by Michael J

A 2008 Patriots Retrospective in the Hour Before Kickoff

Michael J — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 04:40:35 -0500

60 minutes.

This could all be over in 60 minutes. This roller-coaster season could come to an end in one mere hour of gameplay.

The scariest thing is that my beloved Patriots could (and should) win this game. And it still might not be enough.

I had Sunday, September 7th circled on my calendar ever since I got over the initial shock of the "Super Bowl Win that Never Happened." Every time I saw David Tyree come down with the football, I felt like I got punched in the stomach.

It was not supposed to end like that. I really thought all season that I was watching a team of destiny, akin to the 1998 Yankees. The fact that the Super Bowl loss came at the hands of the New York Giants, a team I have despised for longer than I have been a Pats fan, made the end result all the more heartbreaking.

Week One was supposed to be all about the beginning of vindication. I was certain that the Patriots would come out against the Chiefs and make a statement. That statement, for the first few drives, seemed to be "I wish we had Tom during the preseason". Fumbles and missed opportunities were killing the Pats. I thought the game could not have started off worse.

In an instant I was proved wrong.

Tom Brady has always been the toughest son of a gun on the football field. The guy is able to take a pounding and hop right back up. As I watched him writhing on the ground, I kept thinking the same thing.

Get up.

For the love of God, get up.

He did not.

Enter Matt Cassel. Cassel was so atrocious in the preseason that he just barely beat out Kevin O'Connell and Matt Gutierrez as QB No. 2. All of a sudden, the real-life equivalent of Matt Saracen was trotting onto the field.

The Pats held on to win the game, but it was a sad day for their fans. I recall sitting in church receiving a text message that brought back my David Tyree feelings. "Brady out for season. Torn ACL".

That night, I told anyone that would listen to me what New England brass needed to do to salvage the season. They needed to call Daunte Culpepper.

They did not. Thank God I do not have as much pull with the franchise as I believed myself to have. The Culpepper experiment was tried in Detroit. They are currently looking for their first victory.

My friend kept updating me throughout the season about how Cassel's 2008 stats were better than Brady's 2001 stats. I was not buying it though. The game is more than just stats. If Drew Brees breaks Dan Marino's record for yards thrown in a season today, would anyone argue that Drew Brees had the best season ever?

To say that it took me a while to warm to Matt Cassel would be a massive understatement. I was bitter about our MVP and unquestioned leader being reduced to a spectator. I famously told my roommate that watching Matt Cassel run the Patriot offense was comparable to watching a 16 year old girl who just got her permit driving an Aston Martin.

To be honest, I am still not sold on Cassel being good enough to lead the Pats to Super Bowl XLIII. And when I hear people that claim to be Pats fans say things like "trade Tom", it makes me want to scream. Matt Cassel will need to look elsewhere if he wants to start next year (assuming Tom is 100 percent).

The Pats were the most hated team ever last year. All hyperbole aside, no non-New England fans were rooting for the perfect season last February. This year, when forced to become the plucky underdogs, they have shown me something. Your team can have all the raw talent in the world, but if you do not have heart, it would not be worth a damn.

This Pats team has heart. And no matter how this season ends, playoffs or no playoffs, I am proud of the 2008 New England Patriots.

Now let's make the playoffs.

I Run In The Front: My Life on the Bandwagon

Michael J — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:27:14 -0500

I've been called the f word more times than you could imagine.

Not the f word you're thinking of.

The word haunts me. I wear it like a Scarlet Letter. I hear it from everyone: my friends, my enemies, strangers that meet me on the streets.

My whole life, I have taken offense to the f word and denied it vehemently.

But no more.

I have come to grips with reality and I'm ready to stop living a lie.

My name is Michael J. And I am a Front-Runner.

Every time The Karate Kid comes on TV, I root for the Cobra Kai.

If I were a senior in high school right now, I would make my senior quote "ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!!"

My iPod is full of Kanye West and Justin Timberlake. I have no patience for indie junk.

I correctly predicted last year's NCAA Men's Basketball Final Four.

My computer wallpaper is Tom Brady wearing a Yankee hat.

I have begun to refer to Tim Tebow as "The Chosen One." Thanks, Dan Patrick.

I play Blackjack just to root on the house.

You might think the life of the Front-runner is an easy one.

And it is.

We Can Work It Out: My Lunch Meeting with the Dallas Cowboys

Michael J — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 05:31:38 -0500

I don't know about any of you, but I heard that there is trouble brewing in Dallas. In an effort to bring peace to this franchise in turmoil, Bleacher Report decided to send their media darling Michael J to mediate a lunch meeting.

He politely accepted. The following is a transcript from that meeting.

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All right, gang. Let's see if we can get to the bottom of our issues.

Jerry Jones: I don't need this. I have a football team to run.

Okay, Jerry, but I think this will help your team run more harmoniously. So I think it would be in everyone's best interest if you sat down. See, right now, you're just standing behind Wade, hovering over him. You're giving him no room to breathe.

Wade Philips: No. I don't mind. He can do what he wants. He's the owner, after all.

You really don't mind it when Jerry hovers over you on the sidelines?

WP: Well, that's just Jerry's way of saying, "I am here to support my team."

JJ: Actually, that's my way of saying, "I'm looking for the first possible excuse to hire Jason Garrett."

Okay, so we've touched on one of the elephants in the room. Jason, do you really think it's helpful that Wade is just a sitting duck until Jerry deems you ready to coach?

Jason Garrett: I don't feel that way at all.

Jason, the business card you gave me says "Jason Garrett-Future Head Coach of Dallas Cowboys".

JG: A man has to have dreams, doesn't he?

Okay, moving on. Now Marion, do you have...Tony, I said no cell phones.

Tony Romo: Jessica needs my help, though. She keeps texting me. She's buying new towels and she doesn't know if they would be in the Bed section, the Bath section, or the Beyond section.

This is one of our problems. There are too many distractions here, people. Like Jerry's comments about Marion this week. Was that really necessary?

JJ: I fire up my players any way I can. Sometimes, I have to question the toughness of my running back, even though he is arguably one of the toughest guys in the league.

Marion Barber: I have no problems with what Mr. Jones said.

Seriously? He questioned your manhood. How does that not bother you?

MB: Listen. This guy fired Jimmy Johnson after he won back-to-back Super Bowls. I have no problems with what he said.

Fair enough. The last thing we need to address is the latest Ed Werder report about TO being upset with Tony and Jason.

TO: You know, Ed sort of embellished some of the facts. I'm not that upset, I just thought that...Jason, what's that on your wrist?

Jason Witten: What's what?

TO: What's on your wrist?

JW: Oh, just a silly necklace that my sons made for me.

TO: Can I see it?

JW: No.

TO: Is that because it's actually a friendship bracelet that Tony made for you?

JW: No.

TO: Tony's wearing the same exact type of bracelet right now.

JW: Um...my sons made Uncle Tony a bracelet, too.

TO: That's it. I'm calling Drew.

Don't call Drew, Terrell.

TO: I'm calling Drew.

TR: (answering phone) Hi honey. No, Barnes and Noble is one store. I know it has an "and" in it. I'm 100 percent sure that Barnes and Noble is one store.

JW: Wade, are you going to do something about this?

JG: Wade left.

JW: Where'd he go?

JG: Oh, Jerry just took him out to the back woods about five miles in where nobody could hear them.

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I didn't see Wade for the rest of the day. My only assumption is that him and Jerry went off to have a heart to heart and decided to make their own friendship bracelets. But one thing is for sure: This team is focused on one thing right now and one thing only:

Winning.

NFL Week 14: The Facebook Mini Feed Version

Michael J — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 09:23:31 -0500

Fantasy Owners Everywhere wrote on LaDainian Tomlinson's Facebook wall:

"Hey, thanks for finally showing up, buddy. You realize I'm not in the playoffs, right?"

Harris Smith and Ron Mexico are now friends.

Daunte Culpepper wrote on Kevin Williams’ wall:

“Seriously? You’re playing?”

Carson Palmer is reminiscing about the days at USC.

Kyle “NeckBearD” Orton is back to playing NeckBearD football.

Kevin Kolb joined the group “McNabb=Overrated?”

Matt Ryan wrote on Roddy White’s wall:

“I’m just going to close my eyes and throw you the ball. How’s that sound?”

Kevin Kolb has left the group “McNabb=Overrated?”

Jeff Fisher is attending “Playoffs”.

Visanthe Shiancoe wrote a new note: “Watch The Postgame Show!!!”

Marty Schottenheimer wrote on Romeo Crennel' wall:

“Later, buddy.”

Gijon Robinson has joined Facebook.

Matt Ryan and The Falcons Defense are no longer friends.

Lee Evans and Marshawn Lynch have joined the group “Trent Edwards: The Lesser of Two Evils”

Dwayne Bowe is not missing Nnamdi Asomugha at all.

Jerry Jones wrote on Marion Barber’s wall:

“Where the hell are you?”

Brett Favre wrote a new note: “Go East, Young Man: It’s Time To Abolish West Coast Football Teams.”

Seneca Wallace wrote on Deltha O’Neal’s wall.

“You know that I’m Seneca Wallace, right? Just making sure…”

Brandon Marshall is BACK BABY!

Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie is winded.

It’s Complicated between Terrell Owens and Tony Romo.

Jim Zorn has left the group “Offense for Dummies.”

Derrick Brooks has removed "tackling DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart" from his favorite activities.

Dear Diary, It's Tim Duncan: An Intimate Look into the Mind of the Spurs Center

Michael J — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 07:25:42 -0500

Dear Diary,

Pop suggested I get a diary to express my actual feelings. He thinks if I just let loose a little bit and express myself without worrying about my reputation, it will help me grow as an athlete and a person.

I resisted the temptation to tell him he looks homeless with that beard. I think he finally rented The Fugitive on his Netflix and decided to look for inspiration for his look from Harrison Ford.

The season's been going OK, considering that Manu decided to be a "team player" by hurting himself in the Olympics. Thanks, Manu. Enjoy your bronze medal, jerkoff.

I had sex with Eva Longoria. Last night. I have the video tape to prove it.

I would have laid Joey Crawford out.

David Robinson was kind of a jerk. Just saying.

I could kick David Stern's puppy and he'd still love me.

I'm really happy for Kevin Garnett finally winning a title. Good for you. It just took you 13 seasons. But, seriously congratulations on your ring. You know Malik Rose has two of them, right? Even Darko has one. But congrats. Anything is possible.

I wanted to release a rap single in which I ask Kobe how my posterior tastes. Shaq is always stealing my material.

People think the person who ratted out Mark Cuban for insider trading is anonymous. That's exactly what I want the people to think.

I'm serious about that Longoria thing.

People always ask me who the better player is between Deron Williams and Chris Paul. I always answer the same way: "Tim Duncan."

More later, Diary!

The Iceman Cometh: How Matt Ryan Has Brought Back Hope To Atlanta

Michael J — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 11:43:16 -0500

To say Matt Ryan had his work cut out for him when he was drafted third overall by the Atlanta Falcons in April would be quite the understatement.

Thanks to the Michael Vick Experience and Bobby Petrino's blink-and-you-missed-it stint as head coach, the Falcons had become the punching bag for the entire NFL.

The Falcons were entering this 2008 season with a rookie quarterback who threw the second most interceptions amongst collegiate quarterbacks in 2007, a rookie head coach, and the memories of broken dreams at the hands of the former face of the franchise.

Sports Illustrated's senior writer Paul Zimmerman predicted a 2-14 record for the Falcons before the season started and most did not take exception. The Atlanta Falcons were supposed to be worse than the Bengals, the Rams, and even the Detroit Lions this season.

So what happened? Why are the Atlanta Falcons 8-4 and banging on the door for January football this season?
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One of the most polarizing figures in the NFL ever since he was drafted was Virginia Tech graduate Michael Vick.

Vick was, at times, both overrated and underrated as a player. While his accuracy has always been considered below average amongst NFL quarterbacks, he made up for his shortcomings with his ability to improvise and use his legs to make plays.

Three of the four seasons in which Vick started at least 15 games, he was elected to the Pro Bowl. His career record as a starting quarterback stands at 38-28-1 and he made the NFC Championship Game in 2004.

While Vick was a star on the field, off the field he could not help but find himself in trouble.

In March of 2005, the name Ron Mexico became familiar to the world after news broke of Vick using the pseudonym to receive treatment for genital herpes, a disease he did not share with one of his sexual partners that would later file a civil lawsuit.

Vick also drew heat for flipping off fans during a November 2006 loss. However, the largest blemish on Vick's record would come thanks to his involvement with the Bad Newz Kennels.

The rest, they say, is history. He currently remains imprisoned.
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When Bobby Petrino signed a 10-year, $25.6 million contract to remain the head coach of the University of Louisville Cardinals on July 13, 2006, few thought he would gain the notoriety he has today.

Petrino would later turn his back on Louisville in January of 2007 when he signed a five-year, $24 million contract to become the new head coach of the Atlanta Falcons, replacing the fired Jim Mora, Jr.

While the incarceration and suspension of Vick were impossible to project, Petrino stood by his team. For thirteen games. After the Falcons began the season 3-10, Petrino left the Falcons to accept a deal to coach the Arkansas Razorbacks.
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Matt Ryan began his 2007 senior campaign for Boston College as a Heisman trophy candidate. Ryan's start to the year was fantastic, proving that his inclusion on the preseason All-ACC team was warranted.

Ryan's first misstep of the year was came against the Florida State Seminoles in a nationally televised prime-time game. In the game, Ryan was responsible for throwing three interceptions, ruining his chances for winning the Heisman and for appearing in the National Championship game.

While Ryan threw for an impressive 31 touchdowns and won awards for being the nation's best quarterback, he also threw 19 picks and failed to win the ACC, losing to Virginia Tech in the title game.

After Ryan was drafted by the Falcons, he was rewarded with a massive $72 million contract, making him the third highest paid player in the NFL, behind Super Bowl champions Peyton Manning and Ben Roethlisberger.

Ryan's contract became the issue of some debate amongst pundits of whether or not a rookie salary cap was essential. Even after signing the big contract, Ryan was thrust into a competition in training camp.

Quarterbacks like Brady Quinn and Carson Palmer held the clipboard for the extent of their rookie seasons, being given a year to study the pro game. When Ryan was named the starter over Chris Redman, many thought rookie coach Mike Smith had made the incorrect choice.
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They call Ryan "Matty Ice". He has earned that nickname thus far in 2008. While Michael Turner has been just as responsible, if not more, for the resurgence of the Atlanta Falcons, Ryan has shown that he possesses ice water in his veins.

The Atlanta Falcons have become relevant again thanks to Ryan's wisdom beyond his years every Sunday. Ryan's ability to not turn the ball over has been surprisingly effective, being responsible for just six picks and one lost fumble in twelve games.

Ryan has become a clubhouse leader and one of two serious candidates for Offensive Rookie of the Year.

If you look carefully at Falcons home games, you can see Falcons 7 jerseys in the stands. No matter how many games Ryan wins with the Falcons, he'll never be as ESPN friendly as Michael Vick.

Some Falcons fans might even call for Arthur Blank to bring Vick back to Atlanta when his jail sentence is over. But, for the time being, the guy they call Matty Ice has warmed the hearts of all the Falcons fans that have lost hope. The Falcons needed a savior.

They have one.