Bleacher Report - Articles by Jersey Chaser

Four People Who Can Help LeBron Win

Jersey Chaser — Thu, 28 May 2009 00:22:07 -0400

Its obvious: LeBron needs some help out there, somebody, anybody to help take some of the load off of his shoulders. And LeBron doesn’t need much…as a matter of fact, just about any player who is breathing will do.

So what we did was come up with a list of five players, who LeBron could play with and take to the Finals.

(1) Jason McElwain for Mo Williams: This is that special retarded kid who hit six six-pointers in the last game of the season back in 2006, because at least with him, you know you got someone who can hit the wide open jumper.

(2) Matt Scott for Delonte West: This dude is like the Kobe Bryant of wheelchair basketball. He’s been in the paraplegic league since he was 18. Bottom line is, he gets buckets and he has a killer first step, or push off, or whatever they call it.

(4) Rodney Rogers for Anderson: Rodney is sitting up, paralyzed from the neck down from his motorcycle accident, but he still can play D and give you some rebound put backs off his head.

(5) Candace Parker for Big Z: Yeah, we know, she just had a baby a couple of weeks ago, but we say she can go harder in the paint than Big Z right now. Plus, her handle and jumper are way sweeter than his.

Derrick Rose Might Have Cheated On the SAT

Jersey Chaser — Thu, 28 May 2009 00:08:43 -0400

Okay, so word is coming out tonight that the Memphis Tigers Basketball team did some cheating during the 2007-08 season. All the details have not yet been released, but the word is that someone on that year's squad "knowingly committed fraudulence or misconduct" on the SAT exam.

Now there is a whole bunch of court BS that says they cannot release the name of the player, but they are saying the player only competed during the 2007-08 season and the 2008 NCAA tournament. Sounds a lot like DRose to me. As a matter fact, I think he was the only freshman to bounce off that team.

And this is the same team that almost went undefeated, if it wasn't for the loss in the championship game to Kansas. And now, if these charges stick, they would have to give up their NCAA record 38 wins and tourney appearance. Just like that, erased from the record books.

And then, on top of the SAT cheating, the NCAA is saying Memphis also gave $2,260 in free travel to road games for one of the players' homies. Now Memphis just ain't going to do that for a scrub, so it had to be one of their top recruits. More on what went down on June 6 when the case goes to court.

Rick Pitino Now Caught Up in an ABORTION and Extortion Case?

Jersey Chaser — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:34:50 -0400

Something big is going to drop in this Rick Pitino vs Karen Sypher case and we just might know what it is. But first a quick overview of the case. Karen Sypher, who is married to the Louisville Basketball Manager, plead innocent to charges that she tried to extort close to $10 mil from Rick Pitino yesterday.

Now up until now no one knew what bit of info Karen had on Pitino to make her think that she could get him to pay for her kids college tuition, buy her two cars, pay off her house, on top of getting $3,000 per month.

We were all thinking he just beat one night and she was trying to get the money to keep quite. But now new evidence shows it might have been deeper than that.

Direct your attention to the photos above. That’s one Karen’s sons (Kaleb Wise the one with the Astrix next to him) and the one on the far right holding the sign that reads, “What’s The Price Of An Abortion?“.

Could it have been $10 million to Karen Sypher’s? And if you need proof that that is her son look no further than here.

For those that hate reading: We’re saying that Karen was trying to get paid from Pitino because she was pregs with his kid and he made her have an abortion and this all went down while he was married!

Mystery solved, call us Sherlock Holmes.

Get Connected to Derek Fisher's Stalker Via MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter

Jersey Chaser — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 12:04:33 -0400

Derek Fisher is over here in a real life fatal attraction!

This chick named Symone has been stalking him for years. You might know her as the "Real Mrs. Fisher" because that’s what she goes by on her MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter accounts.

And, yeah those are the real ones...

Fisher went and got the restraining order against the crazy ho today. And he is saying that he don’t even know her. Yet she’s been running around town telling her girls that they’re married and are about to have a kid. Word!

And the triv part is that the chick has already legally changed her last name to Fisher. Now that’s something that the white chick in Obsessed never did.

And she even sends him love letters and luckily for us he saved them so we all could see how crazy this ho was. If you have nothing better to do, read them here.

Sorry DWade Lovers, LeBron Is Still The NBA's MVP

Jersey Chaser — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:54:24 -0400

We can't believe it!

Are we really hearing all this talk over here at JerseyChaser of people claiming Dwayne Wade should get MVP this season? All because he had a few good games and is leading the league in scoring.

Whoopie! A whole one more point than LeBron. Please.

In case everyone did not know, LeBron and the Cavs notched their 50th win of the season last night. We know it was against the Clippers, but a win is a win.

And not only did LeBron get another triple double with 32 points, 13 boards, and 11 assists (his second one in just as many games) the Cavs took over the No. 1 spot in the East.

Sidebar: If the Cavs get the number seed, no one, we say no one is beating them four games at home in a seven game series. Not when they've only lost one game there all year! If they get homecourt not only is the Eastern Conference theirs, the Championship Ring is, too. How you like them apples?

Now back to the battle—both he and Wade have zero All-Stars on their team (Come on, Mo Williams doesn't really count—two people had to get hurt for him to make it) and yet 'Brons team almost has 20 wins more.

Not only that, but the Cavs have rarely been at full strength all year (Ben Wallace is out now) and he has still been killing.

With the Lakers on a little losing streak, the Cavs could very finish the year with the No. 1 record, with one big ass bright shining star: LeBron James.

Wade is cool, but if he were on LeBron's level, a Jordan-type level, he would be winning, no matter what the circumstance, regardless of who he was playing with.

The Return: Justin Gimelstob On Rodger Federer

Jersey Chaser — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 10:36:05 -0500

After some technical difficulties we would like to introduce you to our new guest blogger Justin Gimelstob. Yes, we said Justin Gimelstob the legend of the grass, the clay, and the hardcourt.

Coming to you live and in high definition from the Aussie Roo Open, he will be giving what he always does, the truth. Just call him Paul Peirce. Matter fact call him AI because he has all your tennis answers and he won’t be talking about practice.

With sound bites out there that rival Mike Tyson’s, he is the only one that we would roll with in an argument with John McEnroe. So it is with our great pleasure to bring you what the games been missing (although you can catch him on TV on the Tennis Channel), Justin ‘OG’ Gimelstob.

What does he have to say about the Michael Jordan of tennis, Rodger Federer. Well, since he wrote the blog and not us, you will have to come to the site to check it out. This is his first entry so if you do not want to come now be sure to check back later because while most of us merly report the news, what he says is news.

JerseyChaser - We Chase Jersey's So You Don't Have To

Here Goes Ed Werner Again: Why PacMan Is Smart For Suing ESPN

Jersey Chaser — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 05:43:46 -0500

We were just like "Damn ESPN, you’re wrong. Who do you think you are, the police?" We posted on the PacMan story when it broke yesterday, not knowing ESPN was claiming responsibility for the firing of PacMan. All as publicity for “Outside The Lines, come on.

“…a team source told ESPN’s Ed Werder that the move was made after the team learned of new allegations against the troubled cornerback from his time with the Titans.”

Here goes Ed Werner again with another one of his sources. The basis of ESPN’s claim is “three Atlanta-area men who allege that Jones arranged for someone to shoot at them” way back in 2007. If the charge was legit the police would have charged him instead charges were never brought against him or anyone because they didn’t see the shooter.

The other source is a police report saying they “obtained” where an informant said he heard PacMan set the dudes up. An informant that most likely is in jail for another crime, trying to get his sentence taking down by snitching. The true definition of a horser aka a pig that don’t fly straight.

Knowing this the police dropped the case and are no longer investigating. No blood, no foul. Then ESPN thinking they’re Sherlock Holmes tries to solve a case some professionals can’t. ESPN does not work for the police, but they are them people. You got too many sources with none of them being credible.

That’s why PacMan is suing you for all the bad PR and getting him fired.

Barack Obama Cut from College Intramural Team...Sucks at Basketball

Jersey Chaser — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 05:35:57 -0500

There is a nasty rumor that has been circulating around Eugene, Oregon for some time now concerning the legitimacy of President Obama’s skills on the basketball court. Tom Lininger, a professor at the University of Oregon and stone cold defender of domestic violence victims, says that back when he and President-Elect Obama were in law school together at Harvard, Obama’s game was so nasty he had to cut him from his IM team.

Seriously...Obama was cut from a College Intramural basketball team.

What makes this story even sadder is that Barack didn’t go to law school until he was 27, which basically means he was at his prime playing age at that time. In Obama’s defense, he was probably busy plotting his eventual takeover of the Harvard Law Review and path to the Presidency.

Unless he’s spent the last few years working on his game, it’s safe to say that playing in a pickup game with the President is similar to participating in a card game with The Wire’s Mayor Clarence V. Royce. You better do your best to make the President look legit or else. I wonder what happens to anyone who tries to give Obama buckets or refuses his request when he asks, “do y'all need one?”

We should have realized that Obomber, his nickname on the court, was no good based on the limited video evidence from his high school days at Punahou, including only one bucket, which came on a breakaway lay-up when Obama’s squad was already up by 20. Oh yeah, and they were playing in Hawaii, which really isn’t known for producing good basketball players.

Much love to Mr. Monday over at BiLB for sharing this story with me during a routine game of lawn darts.

The Sad Story of 'Twan Walker's Last Days As an NBA Player

Jersey Chaser — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 10:35:56 -0500

When I say Tis Tuff, in this case, I mean Tis Tuff. Our dude, ex-NBA star, Employee Number Eight, Antoine Walker, was arrested this morning on suspicion of drunk driving. And when we say suspicion, we mean most likely drunker than a frat dude on a Saturday night.

At least Charles was on his way to get some action, Twan was just alone, drunk, and chillin’ in Miami—and he don’t even play for the Heat.

Notice above we did say ex-NBA player. That is because at this time, Antoine Walker is no longer employed by the NBA, nor had he been for like a week. We do not even think he played a minute this year while he sat the bench for the sorry Grizz.

Riding the pine behind young fly dudes on a team below .500, he was one of your saltiest. Some days I would see him on the bench with a scowl that would give me nightmares for weeks after. That's how salty this dude was.

This is Employee Number Eight we are talking about getting a season's worth of DNPs. He’s only 32, not too, too old. Dudes like AI, Camby, Ray Allen, Kobe, Peja, Stevie Nash, Jermaine O’Neal, and even Big Z, who came out in the 1996 draft with Walker, are still balling. So he asked to be let go, thinking he would be picked up by one of the many teams waiting to get a championship vet.

So the Grizz bought out the rest of his contract. The word is he got 95% of his $9 million contract. Not bad, but that was on Dec. 15. That is darn near a month ago. No love from Boston, Cleveland, San Antonio…I guess those were just rumors, huh?

Rumors are only cruel if someone believes them—and Antoine did. Now he is rich, but jobless, forced into retirement from the sport he loved. So what do you do? Party it up in Miami, what else…

Too bad he thought drinking and driving would be fun. Now, with a DUI on the record, the only way this guy is going to get paid playing basketball is by going overseas. If any teams thought at all about rolling with him, they definitely aren’t going to be now.

So NBA and old school ‘Twan Walker fans (I am talking those that remember him from his days on Kentucky), most likely you have seen him play for the last time.

And you probably remember him from years ago when he was on the Heat. At least that was a good and happy time, but still his face was always distorted like he had smelled something that stunk. So, so long, Twan Walker, this is your official retirement post! Do that shake for us one last time…video here.

(P.S. And why would the officer mention in the police report that Walker appeared sleepy. Was this to insinuate that his eyes were red? Which would leave room to argue that the redness had something to do with smoking a little green plant. Naw.)

What Happened To The Money People Donated To The Vick Dogs?

Jersey Chaser — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 06:55:29 -0500

For what they call the best year in sports, SI puts of all things Mike Vick’s dogs on the cover. No Tiger Woods. No Celtics. Not even the much deserving Pete Newel.

Personally I do not understand, it has been shown over and over again that Mike Vick’s dogs are fine and dandy. But, we will link to his story published in the magazine to show you how slanted it is.

Basically the media, people, and various organizations have been out to get Vick and his money ever since the story broke. Just like in this new article—instead of covering the story, the compete story, they just tell you the bad. Well what happens when you flip it around and turn the light on them.

Well you will see organizations like the Humane Society of the United States, who received over $900,000 in donations from people trying to help out Vick’s dogs, are really a single Washington, D.C. lobbying group. No affiliates around the nation, just one politically tied office.

There is no telling where all the donations went now, but most likely not to pit bulls around the nation. We suspect it was used so they could fly people in to protest at Vick’s first trial, host fundraisers, or pay their CEO’s salary (is it normal for a non profit to have a CEO—we don’t think so).

PETA meanwhile has gone back to their tactics of harassing celebrities on the street, just ask Lindsey Lohan and her boo how they get down. They only had four people protesting at his last hearing and they were probably all locals. Why’d they pull support for the Vick Hate Campaign…because now the dogs are fine and they know they can’t squeeze another dollar out of the American public for their care.

Notice before they were saying the dogs couldn’t be rehabilitated, to make you feel sorry and open up your wallet…suckers. Next time feed the children or something with your donations.

Or what about the people who “rescued” Vick’s dogs. Some for good natured reasons, others for money and fame. Vick’s donation of $900,000 for the future care of the animals doesn’t even go to the animals, it goes to their caretakers. So if you were wondering why people were lining up and lobbying to take care of Vick’s dogs it is because they would receive a monthly check for doing so.

So you had old people trying to pay their medication bills, tattoo parlor owners trying to get a bit of free publicity, and a dog sanctuary trying to keep from closing. All of them won in the end…they got a ton of free press and money to not only take care of the dogs (dog food is not that expensive), but themselves as well.

So with the dogs winning, their caregivers winning…the real losers in all of this is the American public for being bamboozled out of probably well over $2 million in donations and Vick.

Dog lovers it is time to move on, focus on a new cause, go arrest another dog fighting ring leader, at least try and find one…why? Because your organizations you support have. It is no longer profitable for them.

The Luckiest Athletes of 2008

Jersey Chaser — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 00:49:51 -0500

4. Tom Brady

Some might question Tom Brady being on the list. Hurt in the first quarter of the first game of the year, he has missed the entire season. So why is he one of the more lucky guys on the planet? Because it could not be too bad when you are now sitting at home every day with one of the more beautiful women in the world, Gisele.

Instead of spending the end of the year traveling from city to city, sharing planes, buses, and showers with over 60 dudes...he gets to cuddle with Gisele day and night seven days a week if he wants.

3. Marko Jaric

Marco, how we would love to be you. A forgettable NBA player, one who most people do not even know what team he plays on, gets engaged to the baddest in the game right now—Adriana Lima, the sexiest virgin in the world. Yes...VIRGIN. The lucky bastard will be the first man in history to make love to the goddess that is Lima, who does not practice sex before marriage.

While he does not get to beat this year, the countdown has officially begun, with the wedding scheduled for June 2009.

2. Stephon Marbury

By true MOB standards, number 2 is SARSbury. No practice. No games. No traveling. $21 million. Getting paid for doing nothing—beautiful. Lucky does not even begin to describe this guy's situation. To top it all off, the dude moved out to sunny Los Angeles, instead of staying in cold-ass New York while he is on a leave of absence. Do not worry—we are sure he is having the organization forward his checks to his new address.

Now whoever said you can’t get something for nothing obviously made the statement before this year.

Number One—Richard Collier

And we were just like damn. Our dude got shot 14 times while sitting in his car waiting for some girls to come from inside their apartment. Everyone thought that this dude was gone, the next Sean Taylor. But ohhh no, luck was on his side.

Like 50, he is living to tell about getting shot. Shot 14 times, he wheelchairs away, being paralyzed from the waist down and having had his left leg amputated. All we have to say is the boy must have had an angel by his side.

Now that is one lucky guy. No, he didn’t get girls or money. He got the greatest gift of all...the gift and the blessing of getting to live another day.

Texas WR Jordan Shipley Staying for 6th Year... Almost Van Wilder Status

Jersey Chaser — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 00:42:23 -0500

Welp Texas has just locked up the Preseason No. 1 seed in football next year. With his No. 1 QB Colt McCoy already pledging to come back to school next year, Mac Brown now has his No. 1 WR to go along with him. Jordan Shipley was granted a magical 6th year of college sports!

With Van Wilder setting the record at seven years in college, Shipley is now one year behind him. One injury this off season and he could ascend to the legendaryness that is Van Wilder Status.

Even with only six years of college to his credit we think Shipley has done it way bigger than V.Wilder did. I mean come on…the guy has been on the one of the top football teams in the nation, in a state where football is life, at arguably the college with the most dimes. Life has been good to Shipley.

Enjoy the final year of the ride our friend, who knows it may end in a National Championship.

Brian Urlacher's Baby Momma and Her Goldigging Drama

Jersey Chaser — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 00:38:08 -0500

Urlacher’s baby momma was arrested this morning, so he had to go pickup his son before the big game versus the Packers because she was in jail. Arrested at her home for not paying down her $11 million debt she owes Riverdance star Michael Flatley for making a false rape claim.

She was trying to sue him for $100 million, but instead got sued herself for $11 mil for trying to extort money from him. And now they had to drag her to court because she was not paying. Talk about karma.

A legend in her own right, she has “dated” Andrew Golata, Michael Flatley, a cabinetmaker, physical therapist, and several pro ballers, including Urlacher. Yeah, she got around.

The ex-stripper claims to have turned down a six-figure offer to have an abortion when she was two months pregnant with Urlacher's kid, opting for the more lucrative monthly child support payments. Smart girl. It's nice to see a golddigger finally getting dug.

Drunk Mississippi Coach Fights Cab Driver and Is Arrested...The Day of Game!

Jersey Chaser — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 05:54:24 -0500

Mississippi Coach Andy Kennedy was arrested in Cincinnati at 1 a.m. for getting into it with a cab driver named Mohammed Ould Jiddou. Coach Kennedy is said to have “punched the victim with a closed fist while shouting racial slurs.” Smells like some alcohol was involved and it was something strong.

Seeing that there next game is against Cinci tonight, they must have bed checked the kids and went out on the town to get it cracking.

One report even says:

Armstrong, 31, was drunk and thrown out of the Lodge Bar downtown early this morning. Police say a person standing nearby witnessed the assault and that Armstrong was so intoxicated he refused to calm down when asked and requested that he be taken to jail.

Hahaha, noooo not the coacher. And to add insult to injury William Armstrong was also arrested and he is the director of basketball operations aka coach's drinking buddy. His charge, disorderly conduct. Ahhhh how we do love Big Nights!

Find out what drink specials where at the bar last night here..two words it was college night!

WTF...Mike Vick's Dog On Ellen Show

Jersey Chaser — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 08:03:23 -0500

Alright. Alright. Mike Vick may be taken out of the federal pen and sent to a halfway house in Virginia as early as late January. Halfway houses are cool, definitely way better than jail which is located just above hell.

Lets hope his lawyers can pull this off, I mean this is what you pay them for.

In other news, one of Mike Vick’s dogs appeared on the Ellen Show yesterday. And we were like WTF. She had on one of the Dog Town people who took in Mike Vick’s dog talking about the the dogs current status.

Video here.

Pay special attention as he says, “every dog deserves a second chance and every dog can be rehabilitated.” He said it, we didn’t. But, we do concur. Now are we saying, Vick as a human being, who is much more intelligent than this animal who can’t even wipe its own ass, can not be rehabilitated.

Well you can’t because the bold above is a fact because Vick’s dogs are better than ever, getting their own TV show and appearing on talk shows. Hell they’re more popular than Miley Cyrus.

Damn You Shelden Williams...The Player With The NBA's Biggest Head

Jersey Chaser — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 07:10:02 -0500

Candace Parker, how could you? I mean Shelden Williams?! Come on. You are better than that. I had heard they were dating, but I thought it was just a rumor or phase she was in. I figured she snapped out of it once she realized how big that dude’s head is.

I’m not hating or anything, but this is the only dude you know to wear a size 8-fitted in Kindergarten.

And you notice you’ve never seen him in a headband…it’s because they just pop from stress every time he tries to put one on.

You can’t even say this dude has a forehead anymore…it has grown to at least a fivehead.

His mom is still salty at him to this day for having to push out a baby with a head the size of a grown ass man.

He might be the only dude in history that is not physically able to wear a turtle neck due to the circumference of his head.

Allen Iverson: The Man, The Myth, The Dying Legend

Jersey Chaser — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 07:04:19 -0500

The Iverson/Billups trade is about a month old now, which makes it the perfect time to see who came out with the better deal. At first glance it looked like a win-win for both of the teams.

Billups would go back to his hometown of Denver and give them a true point guard. While Iverson would go to the Pistons, already being a “championship contender” he would take them to the next level.

But, it seems as though only one side of the story is working out as planned. Chauncey is sitting in Denver, with Carmelo…ballin’ and Iverson is just struggling to maintain. Averaging only 17 points a game, he is just not the same old G that he used to be.

What has Detroit done with the Iverson that gets more buckets than a town preparing for a flood?

Barely above .500 at 11-9, the team is in a downward spiral recently loosing to the worst team in the East, the Wizards. All this means is the Pistons are shitty with a capital S.

On the other side of the pond, in Denver things are better than they have been in awhile. Nene is playing like the Nene of old, Carmelo…well he just scored 33 points in a half. Add this to the fact that they are 15-7 and in second place in the West right behind the LakeShow and you have a beautiful situation.

A situation that is being made possible by none other than Mr. Big Shot, who is averaging 19, 7, and two. George Karl has a point forward duo that can get with any and everybody in the league, it might even be better than the classic GP/Reign Man combo.

Iverson just does not look right on the Pistons. One might be shocked that I am saying this, but he does not shoot enough. Everybody on HIS team is a role player, no superstars what so ever.

Prince sucks ever since he sat the bench on the Olympic Team. Rip Hamilton…decent, but he is no icon. Rasheed Wallace is at the end of career. McDyess is coming back, but who cares. And everyone else is just a bunch of young fly dudes that have some talent, but are too wet behind the ears to make any major contributions.

That leaves us with The Answer. A touchable legend. The person who made the crossover, braids, and tattoo’s fashionable. So we say don’t go out like this and if you have to go out, at least go out shooting.

You are right up there in scoring with Jordan for your career so act like it. Don’t pass to these busters. Do things as you have always done them and more importantly get buckets.

At Least Plaxico Burress Is Not a Dick

Jersey Chaser — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 01:02:07 -0500

I have a bone to pick with the popular mainstream media establishment. During the entire Plaxico “Cheddar Bob” Burress saga the past few weeks, we’ve witnessed nearly every single person with a so-called “voice” in the media express disgust in Burress’ choices.

It shocked me that the media was so flabbergasted and taken aback at the fact that Burress was carrying a handgun for his own personal protection.

Granted, concealing a loaded Glock (a gun that has no safety and weighs approx. two pounds) in a pair of 3XL Giants sweats isn’t the brightest idea, but then again no one has ever accused Burress of being a member of Mensah.

But what is lost in all the hoopla are two very important and pertinent factors. Why does Burress need to carry heat to the club? And where was the public outcry and media bashing when VP Dick Cheney shot his best friend in the ass on a hunting trip?

Let’s address the first question...

When you have not walked in a person’s shoes nor lived their experience, you cannot judge certain actions as right or wrong. Plax obviously felt the need to pack heat because he felt his life was endangered.

Hire security you say? It’s not that easy.

The presence of a security detail every time that a professional athlete leaves his home, with cost anywhere between $500-$2000 per day is not cheap by itself. Multiply that by 30 days in a month, and you get the picture.

Most athlete’s don’t want the added attention and visibility that rolling with a security team brings them. Imagine the attention a 6'6" 230lb. World Champion wide receiver brings to the scene even without four oversized offensive linemen surrounding him.

To some athletes, a security presence can “cramp his style” with the ladies, as well as take away from the fun and experience of going out.

Why carry a gun you ask?

Two words: Sean Taylor.

If somebody can get into your crib and get you, there is no question that they can get you on the street. If Sean Taylor would’ve had that Glock that Plax had, he would still be crackin' fools across the middle on Sunday.

But he didn’t, and we all know where he is at. We have to keep things in perspective, and realize that my perspective may not be your perspective. The lens in which Plaxico Burress has seen and experienced his life is not the same as these cowardice squares that bash Plax because it’s the “in” thing to do.

Plax felt the need to exercise his right to bear arms. Although his poor decision may not have adhered to the notoriously strict rules and regulations of NYC, he has never caught any prior cases. Unfortunately, he shot himself and the situation imploded. 'Tis tuff.

Which brings me to the second question. Why the hell wasn’t Dick Cheney suspended, put on paid leave, stripped of some administrative duties and/or fined when he shot his own hunting buddy in the ass?

I vividly remember the late night TV chitlin circuit having a field day, making countless jokes about Dicky C. shooting a mofo. Plaxico shot himself and is being vilified as some kind of thug/animal.

I have always questioned how come it’s fine for mainstream American culture to glorify guns, war, guts, and glory, but when the American sub-culture of hip-hop does the same thing, it’s a threat to our nation.

So what you are telling me is that Dick Cheney can shoot his boy in the ass, keep his job, and continue to rule the free world behind the scenes, but Plaxico Burress a football player, shoots himself in the leg and is labeled a criminal. Go figure.

Los Angeles Lakers Still Trying To Be Better Than The '96 Chicago Bulls

Jersey Chaser — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 06:04:21 -0500

The Lakers are better than the ‘96 Bulls. Beating the Bucks last night 105-92, the Lakers are off to their best start in franchise history. And more importantly, right on pace to beat the Bulls record of 72 wins.

Remember, all they have to do is win seven of eight games for the rest of the season.

We told you way back when, when we did the head-to-head team comparison of the ‘96 Bulls and the ‘08 Lakers, that the team was nice.

Now that they are 17-2, with already a quarter of the season over, everyone is starting to believe. While we over here saying, I told you so with an exclamation point!

They have the best player in the league and the most energetic bench mob in the league. There are about 10 guys on the team that can give you 20 plus any night of the week. But, hold up.

The Celtics, the beast of the east, are over there at 20-2. As if the RayBan’s and tight jean phenomenon weren’t enough to prove that the 80’s are back—here we have the most classic sports rivalries of all sports rivalries developing, Celtics—Lakers.

A staple of the 80’s. My calendar is already marked for December 25. Christmas day for some, the day the Lakers play the Celtics for JerseyChaser’s.

And I didn’t even mention our dude Sun Yue, who has probably got more JerseyChaser’s than Kobe. But, he is decent...more on him at the site.

Minnesota Vikings Coach Caught Staring

Jersey Chaser — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 04:37:42 -0500

We never understood why people came in the locker room after games. The media can't go in the cheerleaders locker room right after the game, while they are undressing and in towels. I wish!

Well this camera man caught site of a third leg and unfortunately for some it ran on TV. Our question is what is Coach looking at? I guess we know who he wanted to give the gameball to. No homo.

Jerry Jones You Are Not Smarter Than a Fifth Grader

Jersey Chaser — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 09:31:55 -0500

You know Jerry Jones is our dude, one of the biggest JerseyChaser’s and one of our favorite owners (right up there with Jerry Buss and Mark Cuban). But, damn learn how to spell. Above is a note he wrote at the “topping out” ceremony for the Cowboy’s new stadium.If you can’t read it Jerry left the message:

“I’m down to my last nickle because of you.”

Learn to spell my dude. He must not know how to spell nickel because he doesn’t use them. Jerry and a bunch of other legends including Emmitt Smith and Michael Irvin signed the last beam that will go up at the new stadium, so they can be remembered forever (video at our site). In Jerry’s case people will forever know that he cannot spell worth two cents.

NC State Football: The World's Oldest JerseyChaser

Jersey Chaser — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 02:34:34 -0500

We might induct this guy into the yet to be established JerseyChaser Hall of Fame. His name is Dewey Corn (great name), and he is the oldest known living JerseyChaser in the world.

At 85 years old, he has been to every NC State Football game, home and away, since 1975.

My dude hasn’t missed a nair-nada one. He’s missed his brother's and mother-in-law's funerals and battled thorough pneumonia, all to attend the game and support the Wolfpack. Now that’s dedication. Y'all young kids today don’t know nothing about that.

How many football games has he attended in his 33-year streak? Well, to be exact, it is 389, and with the team set to appear in a bowl game, it looks like he will make it to 390 this year!

So Dewey Corn, we salute you two times, my dude. But, there are other super old JerseyChaser’s out there and we might try to find some so they can get some shine before they expire.

But, for now, just remember Dewey Corn and goooooo WolfPack!

Mayor Bloomberg Is a Buster and, More Importantly, a Jets Fan

Jersey Chaser — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 07:37:20 -0500

Since we have the Mayor of New York jumping in on the fight against Plaxico, we have to stand up and support him. I mean, come on, you are the Mayor of New York, don’t you have bigger and more important things to worry about than a man shooting himself in the leg at a club.

We sense some ulterior motives here. Holding press conferences, meeting with Commissioner Goodell—looks like someone is being thirsty for some national press time. And haven’t you been photo’d holding a Favre jersey, the crosstown rivals of the Giants. Something is fishy and it ain’t the East River.

He’s saying that he wants to prosecute Plax to the fullest existent, as if he was a known criminal and wasn't pulling out the gun to try to harm someone. If anything, he should be sent to a class on how to turn on the safety on a gun. With a teammate, Steve Smith, just having been robbed at gun point and Sean Taylor fresh in his mind—Plax was just trying to be safe rather than sorry.

But, in the end, we do not think Plax will get the maximum penalty of three years in jail. If he does, it would be a travesty. Remember, Lil Wayne got caught with a 40 Glock, the same weapon Plax had, in New York earlier this year. No jail time.

TI, in another state, got caught trying to buy two guns and silencers, and what did he get? Community service and six months in jail. And he is a convicted felon!

So Mayor, get over yourself. Stop trying to make examples out of athletes and treat them like all the other entertainers. Give the man some community service and let the NFL deal with his punishment. Stop trying to make sure the Jets don’t meet the best team in the NFC at full strength.

Hardship Unrequited

Jersey Chaser — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 05:10:23 -0500

We have a new blog writter "The Point Forward". This former NCAA All-American and perennial NBA All-Star currently serves as an Analyst for a major sports network. He enjoys his privacy, and the solid TV paycheck, so he would prefer not to reveal his true identity until a later date. He’s what’s known as a Basketballhead, having covered and PLAYED on all major levels of hoops in his career. Here is his first blog, enjoy!

So the BIG BAD NCAA has flexed its ever expanding muscle. Alex Stephenson’s request for immediate eligibility was denied. That request was based on health issues regarding his dad, Art.

Speaking of muscle, I went head up against Art over thirty years ago, in an ultra-competitive league that went by the name “The Joe Weakley Run Shoot & Dunk”. He had what I would deem a scaled back, Billy Ray Bates—type game. Strong as a bull with an uncanny knack for scoring. He was not shy about "in yo’ face trash talking" either. Sort of a Gary Payton of the 70’s. The precipitator of many a Gym clearing donny-brook. But I digress.

Why not let players who are not happy for whatever reason, transfer to where the heck they want to, and be allowed to play right away? Fears of mass exodus’ permeating its member institutions is a legitimate concern. But why “force” a player to stay somewhere he doesn’t want to, by hanging the In-El Sword of Damocles over his/her head.

We already have Rule No. 2005-54. This allows a fifth year senior who has graduated, the opportunity to transfer and be able to play right away. UNLV’s Kevin Kruger used this to flee Arizona St. and play for his dad, Lon. Why make a player wait until he’s 22-23 years old to find Hoops Heaven. Life is waaaay too short, careers much shorter.

Maybe it would keep coaches from over recruiting and making fewer promises that lead to rampant dissatisfaction. Leverage is a funny thing. It would also do away with the Hardship maneuver that is becoming increasingly prevalent in college Hoops. If Daddy, or Mamma, or Grandma, is really in such dire physical straits, me spending every waking hour practicing, playing, or studying doesn’t offer much assistance to them. And how do you differentiate which case is legitimate and which isn’t? One man’s migraine headache could be another man’s tumor scare.

The lines are getting blurrier all the time as to what constitutes Hardship. Be done with the ambiguity! Member institutions can award scholarships for one year at a time, and they are renewable. If the school decides to do so. Players should be afforded the same option.

Mike Vick's ReInstatement into the NFL in 2009

Jersey Chaser — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 05:12:09 -0500

With Mike Vick set to be released in July 2009, there is talk of suspending him from the NFL for a season or maybe longer. Already having served most the time on his 23-month sentence, once he gets out, Michael Vick will already been suspended from the league for two years.

Michael Vick, like his dogs, should be believed in and given a second chance. While the dogs had animal groups supporting their reinsertion into society and belief in their rehabilitation, it is up to the fans to support Vick.

Should he not too be able to return and rejoin a family, the NFL family, and the game he loves?

Therefor one must support Michael Vick's immediate reinsertion.

But, before we get here, we most first know what has happened to him.

It was 2006 and Michael Vick was well on his way to being one of the greatest NFL quarterbacks of all time. Redefining the games with his tremendous speed and cat-like reflexes, he cannot be compared to any NFL player, past or present.

He was surely a treat for all sports fans. Whether a Falcons supporter or not, you were excited with the thought of him playing. You knew you were going to see something spectacular that you had not seen before when he played.

In 2007, all of this was forgotten. Michael Vick was indited in a federal dogfighting case that took him from the penthouse to the doghouse in a matter of months.

Everyone would was made aware of the part he played in gambling, dogfighting, and animal cruelty towards over 60 pit bulls. Individuals who were previously unaware of dogfighting and the fight for animal rights, took interest and supported the cause.

A public outcry ensued, and many people felt he should be held accountable for his crimes against the animal kingdom. In the court of law, a judge and jury of his peers, agreed and sentenced him to almost two years in a federal prison; thereby letting all Americans know that celebrities are not above the law, and animal-rights violations are just as serious as human-rights violations.

For it is up to humans to protect the rights of animals everywhere and to treat man's best friend as they have treated us for centuries—with love and respect.
Where most dogs would have been put down from fear they could be rehabilitate, Michael Vick's donation of almost $1 million and celebrity have led to almost all of the dogs being rescued. Already, many of the pit bull's lives have gotten tremendously better, with half of them living with adopted families and the other half responding well to treatment.

Michael Vick's situation, however, has gotten worse. Having to file for bankruptcy while in jail, he has lost a lot—money, pride, respect, and the love of his life, football.

But, during his time in jail, he has gained that which is priceless—character, a greater appreciation for life, self-worth, and integrity.

So we came up with the idea of starting a petition. A petition that, with all its signatures, along with a letter, will be sent to NFL Commissioner Goodell, supporting Michael Vick.

We are acknowledging the fact that he has committed crimes in his past, but we believe he has paid for them, and more importantly learned from them. These trying times have allowed Michael Vick to become a new and improved person.

So, we believe Michael Vick should be allowed to return to football so his story can be shared and learned from by the NFL, its team, players, and fans, without delay.

This will allow the original cause not to be lost, by keeping the goal of raising animal awareness and action in mind. Let him show us the good he can do for animals—for if the animals can make a change for the better, so can he.

So we are calling on the fans in support of Michael Vick. Let your voice as a fan be heard. Let America's voice be heard. Support the continued fight against animal cruelty. Support Vick's reinstatement.

Sign the petition.

Phil Dawson: We Salute the Kicker, the Man with No Upper Lip

Jersey Chaser — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 06:51:24 -0500

Brady Quinn, having lost his first start, finally gets to throw up the "W" after beating the Buffalo Bills last night, 29-27.

But easy does it. Quinn doesn't really deserve any credit for the win. Seeing as how he didn't throw a single touchdown in the game, we are giving the game ball to the kicker.

Yup. Our dude, Phil Dawson, who has persevered and made it to the NFL despite being born without an upper lip. Last night he scored 17 points in the game, many more than any other player. And to top it off, he hit a career-long game-winning field goal from 56 yards out, going into the wind!

Hell, Dawson might have even been able to thief Quinn for some ladies last night.

And to the Bills kicker Rian Lindell, who missed an easy 47-yarder that would have won the game, well, just 'tis tuff' to you, bro.

Stuff Athletes Hate

Jersey Chaser — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 05:50:49 -0500

The world has oh so many lists focused on the things that people like (mainly White people), so we decided it was time to flip the script and deliver a comprehensive list of stuff that athletes hate.

It's time to keep it real and analyze the things that make your favorite sports stars salty. So without further ado we present the No. 1 thing that athletes hate—drug tests...

This was an obvious choice, even non-athletes who work in fields like insurance, used car sales and the burgeoning yogurt-by-the-ounce industry deal with this nuisance. For those of you who have never had to take an actual drug test before here is a quick rundown of what you could expect.

Basically you go into a bathroom with a nurse of the same sex who physically watches you drop your trousers and urinate into a very small cup until you produce a suitable amount of urine (it’s important to note that about 30 percent of all athletes who participate in drug tests end up spilling and undesirable quantity of urine on themselves).

After you fill the cup, the nurse proceeds to take your urine and test a small sample to make sure that your piss isn’t too watery, that’s scientifically speaking.

If your piss passes the initial testing then you are free to leave, if not, then you have to keep tinkling until your pee is worthy like Big Game James. You are only notified if you fail the test, which basically means you wait in limbo for a few weeks, praying for your phone not to ring.

It's kind of like dealing with the police even when you’re innocent, always a little sketchy.

The worst part about drug tests is that for the most part they are random and generally come at the most inopportune times, like when you are testing out some new cream substance that rips you up like the Incredible Hulk, or after you planned your annual cocaine binge-fest with your homies in the Hollywood Hills.

Naturally if you're an athlete that likes to consume banned substances regularly, drug tests are more disappointing than this year’s World Series. But even if your tinkle is cleaner than Vinny Chase’s driving record, there is never anything exciting about letting a creepy old head watch you do that which was meant for your own privacy. It is one of the most demoralizing things on the face of the earth.

As an athlete, you always dream of bumping into the nurse so that some of your piss spills on them. There are few things worse than having someone's piss on you.

Mike Vick's Dogs: Where Are They Now?

Jersey Chaser — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 05:44:45 -0500

With many people still angry with former Atlanta Falcons Quarterback, Michael Vick, for what he did to his dogs, we decided to see what they were up to now.

Some were initially calling for the dogs to be rescued from the Vick compound to be put down because they feared that they could be rehabilitated, the court instead took just about $1 million of a broke Vick’s money to take care of 48 dogs.

One million dollars for 48 dogs!? Shieeet.

With the people and organizations that adopted the dog receiving the money, everyone wanted to take in the dogs for a little free press and pocket change.

Already 25 of the dogs have been adopted and are living with a family, doing normal dog stuff like scratching, sniffing, and licking—one is even about to start training for the National Flying Disc Competitions.

The remainder of the dogs are at a 3,700 acre animal sanctuary in Utah, Best Friends Animal Society—where each is under going a "personalized emotional rehabilitation plan," some are even receiving acupuncture for stress. Who knew?

Celebrities in their own right, the dogs are now being featured on bottles of wine. The Vicktory Dogs Wine Collection, it is called. Selling the bottles of wine for $40, they will feature a depiction of the dog along with a brief description of both the dog and wine.

With only 10 percent going to charity, sounds like someone is trying to fatten their pockets for the holidays.

All this while Vick sits in jail, bankrupt and working for 12 cents an hour washing pots and pans. Yes, 12 cents and hour!

A bum on the side of the road with a “I’m not going to lie I just want to get high!” sign makes more than that.

We have some clips from people who are currently caring for Vick's dogs so you can see how they are doing for yourself…but watching makes you wonder, are the dogs doing better than Mike Vick is right now?

Pete Newell: It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye Our Personal Dedication

Jersey Chaser — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 05:28:40 -0500

The entire sports community was deeply saddened to hear the news that legendary basketball coach Pete Newell passed away early Monday morning at the age of 93.

JerseyChaser would like to send its condolences to the entire Newell family and would like to praise Coach Newell for all that he has given to the game of basketball and the sports world in general. He will always be a legend in our book and thousands of others.

Coach Newell remains only one of three head coaches in basketball history to win NCAA and NIT championships, as well as an Olympic gold medal.

Given his immense basketball lore, it is important to note that Newell decided to shut it down as an “official” coach at the age of 44, in large part due to the daily stress that came with trying to run a high-level college program.

He spent the rest of his life remaining an influential figure in the basketball landscape, always willing to offer his services to those in need.

I got a chance to attend his Annual Big Man Camp a few years back, which ended up being the last one held in Honolulu, and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

The camp allows big men to work on both their inside and outside skills, in a controlled environment, getting instructed by some of the most respected coaches that the world has to offer—all while Coach Newell floats around from group to group offering players advice comparable to Don Vito schooling Michael.

When he talked, not only did you listen, you did exactly what he said, because not doing it would be considered basketball blasphemy.

Coach Newell, you are loved and you will be missed, bro. Put up a lighter, pour out some liquor, take a moment of silence—but pay your respect for a legend.

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