Bleacher Report - Articles by Tim Starks

The WBC's Perverted Genius Will Seduce Pacquiao, Boxing Fans

Tim Starks — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 13:16:04 -0400

It's the kind of thing that a comically over-the-top villain—like Cruella Deville, or William Hurt's character from "A History of Violence"—might come up with...the WBC has invented ANOTHER belt.

And it's not just any belt—the sanctioning organization encrusted it with diamonds, and declared it would be made available for catchweight fights between "elite" boxers.

Hmmm, wonder what bill that might fit? Oh, right, only the biggest fight on the sport's calender, between the very elite Manny Pacquiao and Miguel Cotto, Nov. 17.

This fight just so happens to be mired in a dispute over what kind of title belt might be available, because it's at a catchweight of 145 pounds.

What kind of schmuck would fall for such an obvious ploy to line the WBC's pockets with sanctioning fees? I mean, surely nobody would take seriously a belt that was invented apparently for just one fight, right? Won't the boxing public see through this?

Don't count on it. After the WBC announced the invention of the belt on Thursday, Pacquiao's team signaled its interest on Friday in fighting for said belt.

And I personally promise that there will be a major percentage of people who follow boxing that will hail Pacquiao's victory, should he get this "diamond belt", as a historic belt-winning accomplishment.

Never mind that Pacquiao has already won all the real championships that matter—no boxer in history has won four lineal championships in four weight classes the way Pacquiao has. Nope, he needs to win another belt in a made-up division from an organization that will keep watering itself down until people stop caring.

Too many boxing fans have a sickening addiction to belts, no matter how meaningless. Boxing's powers-that-be know it, too. It's why, on Fight Night Club, boxing prospects can fight for the "Quaker State Durability Belt."

You wouldn't think it could get any more like a Jonathan Swift essay, but then you wake up the next day and there it is—almost outdoing the master satirist himself. The WBC and its ilk believe you, the boxing fan, are a sucker.

The WBC is not the worst offender, but it is the funniest. Jose Sulaiman—a man who is referred to in his own organization's news releases as "Don Jose"—recently criticized the WBA for offering multiple belts in each division, from "champion in recess" to "interim champion."

Granted, the WBA is an organization that, by one recent count, would soon have 32 "champions" in 16 divisions.

And yet, Sulaiman once gave the recently deceased Vernon Forrest the title of "WBC Ambassador of Peace and Good Will in the World Through Sports," and when his favorites don't have titles, he finds a way to give them one. "Jorge Arce, WBC interim champion" sound familiar to anyone?

The shame of this all is that until everyone just decides to pay attention to one champion per division—after all, "champion" DOES mean "first place"—boxing is going to have a tough time attracting new fans, which in turn hurts the quality of new youngsters entering the sport.

My vote, for what it's worth, is for the Ring magazine belt policy, which most closely mirrors the "lineal" title that traces its history back to the man who beat the man who beat the man, and has both sane rankings and a sane method of filling vacancies.

The No. 1 complaint people give me when they talk about why they don't follow boxing is that they don't understand who the champion is. As of today, that just got a whole more confusing...even on the grandest stage—Pacquiao vs. Cotto—of them all.

(This article adapted from the Friday "Quick Jabs" column at queensberry-rules.com.)

Knockout Punch?: Shane Mosley's Risky Plan Against Antonio Margarito

Tim Starks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 00:40:58 -0500

One struggles for the correct description of the strategy Shane Mosley says he will use to defeat Antonio Margarito. “Bold?” “Counter-intuitive?” “Crazy?” “Recipe for a career-ending beat down?”

Saturday night on HBO, the pair—two of the top three welterweights in the world—square off in the biggest fight yet to be officially placed on the 2009 calendar.

The aging Mosley, 37 is a Hall of Famer in waiting, but Margarito, boxing’s version of the Terminator, is in his prime at age 30. Given their respective assets and the different stages of their careers, it might make sense for Mosley to try to keep his distance and outbox Margarito.

But to hear him tell it, Mosley, a KO artist at lightweight with solid power for a welterweight, is going to knockout Margarito. Yes, that Margarito – the guy with a head made of adamantium who genuinely seems to think it’s hilarious when someone hits him hard.

Mosley says he will match Margarito on the inside, swapping body punch for body punch. Instead of counting sheep, Margarito probably drifts to sleep these days fantasizing about Mosley stepping into close quarters. For a tall fighter, Margarito unconventionally loves luring opponents inside.

Whatever phrase best describes the Mosley strategy, it is not as if those who consider Mosley a live underdog – as opposed to promoter Lou DiBella, who said last year that “Margarito would put Shane in a pine box” – can’t find attributes Mosley has that could offset the strengths of Margarito.

Mosley has speed. Margarito doesn’t. Mosley can move laterally. Margarito is flat-footed. Margarito’s ability to take a punch is inhuman, but Mosley owns a nice pair of whiskers himself. Hardly anybody matches Margarito in the stamina department, but even at his age, Mosley has shown in his last two fights he is just as formidable in the 1st and 12th rounds (even when he doesn’t use steroids, which he has admitted he did in 2003, unwittingly, against Oscar De La Hoya).

And it’s not as if boxers haven’t ever successfully used strategies critics decried beforehand as hare-brained. Hardly anyone believed Kelly Pavlik a couple years ago when he said he step into fearsome puncher Edison Miranda and overpower him while pushing him back on his heels, but he did exactly that. Nor has much of anyone, not even bodypunchaholic Miguel Cotto, tested Margarito’s ability to withstand shots to the ribs.

But some of the qualities that give Mosley a chance against Margarito would be neutralized by his strategy, and it’s a strategy that sounds particularly ill-suited for Margarito. What good is speed and lateral movement on the inside? And why even go there if Margarito is so comfortable when he doesn’t have to chase his man?

Making matters worse, Mosley lacks some of the attributes that Paul Williams and Joshua Clottey used to trouble Margarito – size and excellent defense, respectively. And Mosley’s mountain of distractions coming into this fight are daunting: a fallout with his father-trainer; unspecified marital difficulties with his wife-manager; ongoing questions over newspaper revelations about his steroid use.

Maybe Mosley is just trying to build up the fight. But Mosley can’t help himself – he loves to brawl, even when he can simply box his way to victory. He probably means what he says.

If he honors his word, Margarito-Mosley will be a thrill ride for a few rounds. But if Mosley doesn’t succeed with his approach, and doesn’t adjust in time, it could get ugly fast. Then, Mosley won’t be a live underdog. He’ll be a dead duck.

(Read a longer preview by this author at The Queensberry Rules.)

De La Hoya-Pacquiao Square Off in 2008's Biggest Fight; Can Pacquiao Win?

Tim Starks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 12:06:45 -0500

We will find out very soon whether the biggest fight of 2008, Oscar De La Hoya vs. Manny Pacquiao, is the circus act that critics have labeled it or an honest-to-God real boxing match.

There is no mystery about why Saturday's pay-per-view event is 2008's biggest: It features the best-known name in the sport, the ticket-seller extraordinaire De La Hoya, and its top pound-for-pound practitioner, the ultra-exciting Manny Pacquiao.

And there would be no mystery about its legitimacy, save two crucial variables: De La Hoya will be fighting Father Time just as much as he is fighting Pacquiao, and Pacquiao will be fighting a man from whom he started 2008 four weight classes apart.

It is primarily in those two questions: Is Pacquiao too small? Is De La Hoya too old?... where much of the fight's drama lies.

The two men will meet at 147 pounds, 17 pounds north of where Pacquiao started the year and 13 pounds south of De La Hoya's career high. De La Hoya will turn 36 soon, and has betrayed signs of slippage. Pacquiao is a prime 29.

Age and weight alone will not decide the fight, however. They will combine with a variety of strategic and genetic factors.

If Pacquiao wins, it will look something like this: The speedier Pacquiao employs adept head movement to avoid De La Hoya's jab, which controls range and sets up his knockout left hook. Once inside, Pacquiao unleashes quick combinations, mixing in body punches to slow De La Hoya down.

Pacquiao carries his formidable power to his new weight, so the blows do severe damage to De La Hoya, who has always taken a punch well, even against bigger men. When the combinations end, Pacquiao steps out at angles to avoid counters.

And when De La Hoya does land, the world finds out that Pacquiao, who himself has always taken a punch well, also can handle bigger men's shots. Late in the fight, De La Hoya, who has exhibited occasional stamina problems, is too worn down from all of this and his accumulated ring years to defend himself.

Is any of that credible? Most of it, at minimum, is not laughable. Some sharp journalists watching Pacquiao spar have seen evidence that it could happen.

The problem is, all of it has to be just right for Pacquiao to win. There are too many unknowns, such as whether Pacquiao can handle the shots of even a borderline elite boxer and naturally bigger man like De La Hoya.

And De La Hoya brings his own arguments to the fight.

Because Pacquiao focuses on offense, he is as hittable as a tee ball, and De La Hoya connected plenty against defensive wizard Floyd Mayweather last year. De La Hoya is a smart fighter, and if Pacquiao has some success, De La Hoya has shown the capacity to adjust; Pacquiao has become a much more technical boxer in recent years, but he still wins more with his physical gifts than his tactical decisions.

Bettors have made De La Hoya the favorite, as they should. But some very smart boxing minds believe Pacquiao will win.

If Pacquiao crushes De La Hoya, no longer will boxing be able to plausibly milk its biggest cash cow of the past decade. If De La Hoya crushes Pacquiao, it will be an easy-to-explain hiccup for hardcore boxing fans, but it could stilt his viability with neophytes who won't know any better how good he really is.

However it happens, no one will be surprised if De La Hoya wins; if Pacquiao wins, it will mean the birth of boxing's next big superstar, and his native Philippines, where he is worshiped more than Muhammad Ali ever was in the United States, will become the happiest place on the planet.

For the health of the sport, here's hoping it's a competitive affair where Pacquiao exceeds expectations, win or lose, and De La Hoya, win or lose, lives to fight another day free of stigma.

A circus won't do. De La Hoya-Pacquiao needs to be an honest-to-God real boxing match.

(A version of this piece originally appeared at queensberry-rules.com)

Boxing Nicknames Are Without Peers

Tim Starks — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 16:08:27 -0500

Whatever your opinion of boxing, I think you'd be forced to admit that it is without peer among sports in one vital category: nicknames.

For years, nicknames in almost every other sport have been going downhill, and steeply. The whole "first initial dash last name" trend has gotten way out of hand.

There are some exceptions around—my hometown Washington Wizards seem set on reversing the erosion of basketball nicknames, with Gilbert "Agent Zero" Arenas and Caron "Tough Juice" Butler constituting an excellent start—but even then, boxing has a leg up.

It's the only sport where almost everyone has a nickname.

In light of this, I think a compilation of the best boxing nicknames is warranted. So how have I come to write this item, and what are my criteria?

As I'm completely fascinated by this trend, I'm going to ignore the fact that on some boxing bulletin boards, nickname discussions are frowned upon, since they appear to come very frequently.

I ignore this criticism even as those same boxing bulletin boards provided some of the very material I'll be using. If you don't want to read another list of awesome boxing nicknames, feel free to sit this one out.

Because my point here is that boxing is the only sport that maintains high-quality nicknames, I'm going to ignore historical or fictional nicknames. Before his ill-fated meeting with Ivan Drago in Rocky IV, Apollo Creed had a list of nicknames read by the announcer.

On that list was "The Count Of Monte Fisto." That's the best boxing nickname ever, if you ask me, and as such it pains me not to include it. So, only active fighters, or fighters who are listed as inactive as of 2007—given boxers' tendencies to retire and unretire frequently—are on my list.

And lastly, my definition of a good nickname is creative and/or hilarious. I've got no problem with the "Sugars" and "Pretty Boys" of the world, but I will more openly root for a fighter who is named after some kind absurd creature or the other.

Which brings us to the list—I'll hit it by category of nickname, awarding "best ofs" in each slot and discussing a couple of the best of the rest before concluding with honorable mentions.

The "Some Kind Of Creature" Category

Andrew "Six Heads" Lewis may be one head short of a hydra, but he got his nickname honestly. The story goes that after he knocked out an opponent, he so disoriented the man that when he came to, he thought Lewis had six heads.

Oliver "The Atomic Bull" McCall's nickname is completely appropriate. No boxer of the last few years has been as likely to go into nuclear meltdown as good old Oliver, as he showed when he cried and stood with his hands down in front of Lennox Lewis.

But nothing beats Adam "The Swamp Donkey" Richards. Nothing. Before you laugh, ask yourself if you would like to get into a fight with a swamp donkey, whatever that is. OK, go ahead and laugh.

Honorable mention: Juan "El Pollo" Valenzuela; Nicolay "The Beast From The East" Valuev; Francois "The White Buffalo" Botha; Joe "The Italian Dragon" Calzaghe; Richard "The Alien" Grant

The "Childhood-Related" Category

Henry "Sugar Poo" Buchanan's name is a blend of the typical "Sugar" nickname and the pet epithet his mother has called him since he was a child, "Poo." But ultimately, his name translates to, ahem, "sweet feces."

Steve "2 Pound" Forbes actually has a fairly inspirational back story - he was two pounds when he was born. You have to admit it's pretty amazing he managed to start from weighing as much as a raven can eat in a day and end up a former boxing titlist.

The award here goes to Diego "Pelucho" Morales, which translates from Spanish to "teddy bear." Yes, there is a boxer who thought it made sense to go by the nickname "teddy bear."

Honorable mentions: Peter "Kid Chocolate" Quillin; Almazbek "Kid Diamond" Raiymkulov; Acelino "Popo" Freitas; Ronald "Winky" Wright; Marco Antonio "The Baby-Faced Assassin" Barrera

The "Fairly Intimidating, Truth Be Told" Category

Kingsley "Sharp Knuckle" Ikeke is the nickname of a guy I wouldn't want to punch me in the face. It just doesn't sound all that pleasant. It's not like getting hit with regular, non-sharpened knuckles is all that enjoyable.

DaVarryl Williamson goes by "Touch Of Sleep," and at first, it isn't all that scary. But think about it for a second. If a boxer could just touch you and you'd go to sleep, that would be a pretty good boxer.

The winner gets points not only for having a nickname of something that is frightening in real life, but because when you say it with his real name, it's all kinds of fun: Archak "Shark Attack" TerMeliksetian. Say it, if you can.

Honorable mentions: James "Lights Out" Toney; Jermain "Bad Intentions" Taylor; Bernard "The Executioner" Hopkins

The "By Contrast, Not Very Intimidating At All" Category

This may be the funniest category, with two men named after a cartoon character, one named after a video game and one named after the sound you'd make to a slow waiter. I think you have to start with John "The Quiet Man" Ruiz. Nothing is scary about quiet. (Or is there?)

"El Pollo" means "the chicken" in Spanish. So Juan "El Pollo" Valenzuela must be going for "fool him into thinking I'm scared of HIM" or something.

I am, however, extremely partial to the category's winner, Darnell "Ding-A-Ling Man" Wilson. It sounds funny. It reduces knockouts to comical, bell-ringing imagery. And I like the idea of a man whose trade is "Ding-A-Ling," like, say, the ice cream man.

Honorable mentions: Jose "Pato Lucas" (Daffy Duck) Sanchez; DeMarcus "Chop Chop" Corley; Manny "Pac-Man" Pacquiao; Lance "Goofi" Whitaker; Diego "Pelucho" (Teddy Bear) Morales; Calvin "The Boxing Banker" Brock

The "Actually, That's A Profession" Category

Not that big a category, this one, so let's award a three-way tie. The winners are Calvin "The Boxing Banker" Brock (which also made the "not so intimidating" category), and the brothers Klitschko: "Dr. Ironfist" Vitali Klitschko and "Dr. Steelhammer" Wladimir Klitschko.

Anyone who can box and bank at the same time, as Brock really can as a former bank employee, gets my vote. Likewise, the Klitschko brothers already sound and look like supervillains, and their nicknames only enhance that effect.

Honorable mentions: Bernard "The Executioner" Hopkins; Marco Antonio "The Baby-Faced Assassin" Barrera

The "Geography And Ethnicity" Category

It's a time-honored tradition to let the crowd know where you came from, and a nickname's one way to do it. Brian "The Hawaiian Punch" Viloria isn't all about fruit drinks—he's from Hawaii, and he punches for a living. Get it?

It's kind of creepy that Francois "The White Buffalo" Botha, from South Africa, would have a nickname alluding to his skin color, but I read that he did once say he wanted to win a world title for Nelson Mandela.

Ultimately, the winner is Juan "The Hispanic Causing Panic" Lazcano, because you can't beat a rhyming phrase. Which brings us to our next category after the honorable mentions.

Honorable mentions: Samuel "The Nigerian Nightmare" Peter; Kevin "The Flushing Flash" Kelly; Nonito "The Filipino Flash" Donaire; Nicolay "The Beast From The East" Valuev; Joe "The Italian Dragon" Calzaghe; Sergio "The Latin Snake" Mora; Chris "The Indonesian Thin Man" John

The "Complete Sentences And Phrases" Category

This is another exceptionally competitive category, but one of the finalists, Owen "What The Heck?" Beck gets points for rhyming AND putting the question mark in the nickname.

Friday "The 13th" Ahunanya may have chosen the obvious route, given his first name, but you have to give him points for following through with it, right?

But a fighter I'd not previously heard of takes the cake: Mitch "Hold My Beer" Hicks. I'm pretty sure that phrase is regularly uttered before fights all over the world, although I doubt that's the case for professional boxing.

I also like the implication that he's drunk in the ring, and that he wants to get rid of his opponent quickly so that he can resume getting drunk.

Honorable mentions: Dat "Be Dat" Nguyen; O'Neil "Give 'Em Hell" Bell

The "Random, Non-Sensical Or Doesn't Fit In Any Other Category" Category

Andre Ward once went by the nickname "The All-Terrain Fighter." Want to fight in a tundra? He'll meet you there. Quicksand? He's an all-terrain fighter, dude. Now, his nickname is the less humorous "S.O.G.," for "Son of God." Not bad, though.

If you were named Ray Robinson, would you take up a boxing career because it would be your destiny? Maybe, but you'd have to distinguish yourself from the first Ray Robinson. So you could call yourself "The New" Ray Robinson.

But maybe you just want to take everyone else's name no matter what. If so, you'd be the winner in this slot: Anthony "Sugar Ray Clay Jones Jr." Small. The guy had no trouble naming himself after Muhammad Ali or any other great, but I hear he's changed his name to "The Scream." Again, that's not bad, but not an improvement.

Honorable mentions: Nate "The Galaxxy Warrior" Campbell; Tony "Oakey Kokey" Oakey; Steve "U.S.S." Cunningham

The "Not Really Their Nicknames, But Funny Nicknames Others Use For Them" Category

We conclude with a pseudo-category. But because the entries are funny, it makes my list, and I can't bring myself to award a winner.

"Slappy" Joe Calzaghe gets his nickname from his slapping punch style, and derives on a parallel track from a particularly humorous sandwich.

"Ricky Fatton" is a nickname Ricky Hatton earned by gaining 30 or 40 pounds between fights, and he being a fellow of good sport, he has embraced the nickname and has walked out in his last two fights in a fat suit.

When Amir Khan got knocked out in the first round of his last fight, he got saddled with the nickname "A Mere Con." Ouch. But you have to admit: funny.

At one point, Jermain Taylor's popularity sunk so low that there were two nasty takes on his "Bad Intentions" nickname: "Bad Decisions" (because he'd won three fights on the scorecards many thought he'd lost) and "No Intentions" (for his curious stagnation in the ring).

Andrew Golota is Polish, and he once lost back-to-back fights by disqualification for repeated low blows, and thus "The Foul Pole" is really the only nickname option to speak of.

And Manny Pacquiao doesn't want to be called "The Mexecutioner," but people will keep calling that as long as he keeps beating Mexicans, because it's too much fun to say out loud. Good luck next weekend against Oscar De La Hoya, Mexicutioner!

(Originally presented at http://queensberry-rules.com)

David Haye Proves There's Life at Heavyweight

Tim Starks — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 13:10:35 -0500

The big question about David Haye as a heavyweight should never have been related to his speed or power. He established rather definitively, in knocking down Monte Barrett several dozen times per round en route to a fifth round stoppage, he possesses both in abundance at heavyweight, just as he did as cruiserweight king.

If anyone tells you he should have finished Barrett off more easily, don't listen; Barrett lasted longer against Wladimir Klitschko, and kept foolishly getting back up against Nicolay Valuev, so he's tough juice.

The real question was; what would happen when Haye was hit by a real heavyweight, considering he never took a shot all that well against smaller men.

As it happens, though, the subject of the first question may be the answer to the second. Barrett, a real heavyweight if not a gigantic one, couldn't touch Haye, landing a couple of jabs and one or two big punches that Haye avoided taking flush.

Haye never has been a defensive genius—his dangling left hand and tendency toward wild slugging are dangerous habits to say the least—but he's sharp enough technically and, above all, fast enough at this weight to avoid getting hit.

If the question never gets asked directly to Haye's chin, then he's sidestepped the whole matter. Barrett's not a slow man. Haye was at warp seven comparatively.

Haye wants one of the Klitschko brothers next, and Barrett is no Klitschko brother. They are accurate punchers who fight intelligently, to the point of excessive safety. Barrett did a lot of big swinging and big missing, but the Klitschkos are going to try to jab Haye into submission before unloading the heavy artillery.

Haye surely has the power to test Wladimir Klitschko's shaky chin, and possibly even Vitali's, something no one, not even Lennox Lewis, has ever done.

Setanta's commentating team correctly noted, with Vitali in attendance with a mic and coy smile, that Haye looked like he could be muscled around by a heavyweight in clinches, something the Klitschkos do as easily to their opponents as breathing.

Vitali said he wanted Lewis to come out of retirement to fight him and for Haye to fight his brother. If that scenario happens, the increasing hostility between the West and Russia will surely be ratcheted up to another level. I wonder how any of it would sell in the United States, where the public loves its heavyweights but is very parochial.

One of the Klitschkos needs to get in there with Haye. It's not anything to be sceptical of anymore. It's a legit fight. One way or the other, Haye proved tonight he can hang with a real heavyweight. And for the first time in a very, very long time, I'm suddenly, truly excited about the prospect of a fight between two men in boxing's biggest division.

(Originally presented at Queensberry-Rules.com)