Bleacher Report - Articles by Bernie and Pat Morris

Debating over Who Will Win the Super Bowl—and the Fans' Money

Bernie and Pat Morris — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 14:02:38 -0500

Bernie: Well, well well. We meet again

Pat: WOW. Holiday eating got to you a bit. Eh Bern?

Bernie: Just once, can you not talk about my weight….and focus on football

Pat: Yes. If you promise just once that you don’t turn on Gossip Girl during Monday Night Football.

Bernie: I can’t believe you went there

Pat: Oh, I went there.

Bernie: Alright, whatever. Time to talk about the Super Bowl!!!

Pat: Not that excited for it, I gotta admit.

Bernie: Well it’s football and I am excited. The Cardinals might actually win their first championship ever.

Pat: Kinda the way you felt when you first started dating Mary Louise last year huh Bern?

Bernie: Pat, she is my wife and has been for 10 years. Would you stop it?

Pat: I like the Cardinals, because I always enjoyed a nice red wine. Red Wine=Red bird.

Bernie: Okay. Well who do you think will win?

Pat: Gotta go with Pittsburgh. Their defense reminds me of what my ex wife used to do when I would want to snuggle.

Bernie: LOL. Yeah< I can see that.

Pat: I don’t see Kurt Warner being able to hold up, which makes me sad.

Bernie: Because you love him?

Pat: I love the idea of him winning, yes.

Bernie: So what about Ben?

Pat: Affleck?

Bernie: Roethlisberger. Seriously, are you sure you are not gay.

Pat: Pretty sure, yeah.

Bernie: What do you think about the Eagles losing?

Pat: I think it’s wonderful. That state has won enough championships. Phillies just won the World Series.

Bernie: Um…..Patty—are you sure you really want to say that?

Pat: Um….Bernie—YEAH. Time for another state to win it. Damn PA fans.

Bernie: So…what you’re saying is, you want Arizona to win then.

Pat: Uh, NO. That is NOT what I am saying. I want both teams to do well. I am rooting for both.

Bernie: So then if Pittsburgh wins, then you do realize, PA wins another championship.

Pat: Um. How in the hell do you figure?

Bernie: PITTSBURGH IS THE CAPITAL OF PENNSYLVANIA. PHILADELPHIA IS IN PENNSYLVANIA> THEY HAVE TWO TEAMS.

Pat: You continue to yell at me I will destroy your face.

Bernie: You are ridiculous! How did you not know that.

Pat: Hey my fourth grade teacher was hot. I didn’t always pay attention to what she was saying.

Bernie: Pat, this is something you just don’t learn in fourth grade, I am ashamed.

Pat: Cause of your Mama? Is that why?

Bernie: NO, BECAUSE OF YOU.

Pat: I do remember something though from fourth grade.

Bernie: Please, do tell.

Pat: Harrisburg is the capital of Pennsylvania. I do remember that. Nice try though.

Bernie: (blushing BIG time): Um..welll I was just angry- I knew that.

Pat: haha. You’re so odd looking when you blush.

Bernie: I miss football already.

Pat: I miss Hilda.

Bernie: Who?

Pat: This chick I met off match. She pretty all that. Loves football. Even plays it!

Bernie: Wow, she sure sounds like a keeper.

Pat: So does your mom.

Bernie: PAT! BACK TO FOOTBALL.

Pat: I am going with the Cardinals.

Bernie: You make no sense. Well so am I.

Pat: But Pittsburgh will win.

Bernie: Nope.

Pat: Yep.

Bernie: Let’s bet on it.

Pat: I already have won every bet. I am amazing like that. Call me cool hand Pat.

Bernie: Oh dear lord….

Dear Bleacher Creatures: Bernie and Pat Are Back and Here To Stay

Bernie and Pat Morris — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 12:26:38 -0500

Pat: Hey Bleacher Report, we're back!

Bernie: We will have an article at the end of the week about the Super Bowl.

Pat: It's going to be the best article of all time!

Bernie: Yeah. Just wait til you hear Patty's predictions.

Pat: What can I say? I am God.

Our Top Five Football B/R Writers Are...

Bernie and Pat Morris — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 05:53:04 -0500

Pat: Well, first and foremost, we wanted to offer a hand of apology for being absent. Bernie had a bit of an "accident," but we are back

Bernie: You wanted to offer a hand of apology? What the hell does that even mean?

Pat: It means your face reminds me of an ugly lump of mashed potatoes. Now let's get to the point

Bernie: Right. Top five writers on B/R. Now, we have to narrow this down a bit. To be honest with you, it's football season, let's concentrate on that.

Pat: Good point. Top five Football writers. I already have my picks...

Bernie: Hmmm It's a bot tougher for me, but I think I do too...

Pat: Alright, i'll go first since I'm the best. Remember if you ain't first...you're last.

Bernie: Yeah yeah yeah. Go eat a donkey...or a hash brown. You decide.

Pat: LOL. WHAT??

Pat: No. 5- James Williamson. He is passionate and is hilarious when responding back to comments. He could use a little bit more experience, but the boy's got passion and dedication. Hard to come by these days

Bernie: Hmmm. Yes I agree with that. He does have a lot of feisty is him. Kinda like Harold the Duck. That thing was the devil!

Pat: Um...ok. So would you agree with that being your No. 5 choice as well?

Bernie: Oh. I would have to say No. I would actually go with my No. 5 being...Daniel Cox. He writes a series called "Letters to the League" and he never disappoints.

Pat: Yes! I do like him. Though he always messing with Brett...Looks like all the Brett haters are shutting their mouths, as they should!!

Bernie: Give it time, my friend. After all, the playoffs are just around the corner. This is where Brett misunderstand "throwing a touchdown pass" to "throwing an interception"

Pat: Whatever. Those kind of statements really do tug at my thigh

Bernie: HAHA. WTH??

Pat: No. 4 for me would be...(Ok, before I say this—listen people—this isn't a popularity contest. I am writing the people that I truly think are great writers. IF you don't agree, then that's fine—don't attack the writer, and don't tell me crap about how so and so should be on this list. THIS IS MY LIST DAMNIT)...My No. 4 would be Ray Bogusz.

Listen the guy can be negative with his articles, but he can write well. I like that.

Bernie: Hmm, haven't read much of his work to be honest. But will start immediately. Wait, is that the guy with a picture of a rat terrier?

Pat: I thought it was a golden retriever?

Bernie: What? It was like 10 pounds and white? With glasses?

Pat: Why can a rat terrier have glasses and not a golden?

Bernie: Ok seriously. My No. 4 would be...Kristofer Green. If you want to know anything about the college football, talk to Kristofer. Plus, the guy loves to write. He has 100 articles in just four months.

Pat; Oooh that's impressive. One-hundred articles, huh? I like that. He just moved up in my book. I will not watch out for this guy..kinda like watching out for policeman on a 70 degree night.

Bernie: LMAO. I don't get it!!??

Pat: Interesting. Okay No. 3. This is hard. Party because my next two haven't written many articles, but they always deliver an amazing one. So, I am going to go with the person that to me writes from the heart no matter what the consequence is as my No. 2.

Therefore, my No. 3 would be Gray Ghost. He is consistent, his writing just flows, and he gets along with everyone on this site.

Bernie: I agree with that choice. I am curious to see who your top two are now. My question is with Gray—where has he been?

This is football season—he started off strong, but hasn't written anything in over a month. I am sorry, but to be included in the contest, there has to be more writing, especially with how football has been lately!

Pat: So who would your No. 3 be?

Bernie: Buddy Smith. I like his name and I like his articles. He is very wise and has been a bit underrated. Much like a Matt Ryan. Just wait and he will explode!

Pat: I'm gonna explode! Haha. I ate too much corn nuts.

Bernie: You ate too much? or Too many? Seriously...what is wrong with you?

Pat: YOUR MAMA wrong with me. Now, my No. 2. Ahhh, I like this person a lot. And it's a GIRLY GIRL.

She writes with passion, loyalty and that girl got some knowledge to the sport of football.

Her best article, and best on B/R in my opinion, was "My side of the Story". Completely captivating. She went outside the lines on this one and made a masterpiece. For that article, and the rest that followed, I say Kristin Hamlin is my No. 2.

Bernie: Yes, Kristin. Damn that girl is cute and she can write. I would definitely rank her in my top five, but would like this to be a chance for us to get 10 names out there. But, kudo's to Kristin.

We are glad you are on B/R. There are some other cutie patooties that just want attention with their looks, but you got the talent!

Pat: Ok. Apparently, Bernie's crush has yet to pass. But we do love her writing.

Bernie: My No. 2 would be Michael Cline. Dude is hilarious and he actually is a very talented writer

Pat: I LOVE that kid. HE is witty. Kinda like your Aunt Beatrisa on acid. I liked his article on Kurt Warner.

Bernie: Me too--and his paranoia of owls?

Pat: LOL. Who is scared of owls?

Bernie: Michael Cline apparently. lol. But he is my No. 2. I would like to see him write more articles though. He is very talented and needs to back it up by writing more.

Pat: BABY GOT BACK.. Who sang that???

Bernie: Tupac??

Pat: I think it was MC Hammer.

Bernie: NO....I don't think MC was around then

Pat: Hmmm Perhaps.

Pat: Okay. Big time No. 1. Honestly, it is no surprise but let me first say, that this writer is beyond talented. They will take a subject and write about it so well, it's like you are there. This writer has written many articles, most very debating, and always follows it up with a better one, if that is even possible.

My No. 1 - Lisa Horne

Bernie: Ahhh Lisa. I like her a lot. I noticed she wrote another article on Rich Rod from Michigan. Remember all the slack she got from the first one?

Pat: That's my point. She doesn't care. She writes based of passion and knowledge, not a popularity contest. I don't believe she cares about POTD. She just likes to write. She doesn't need to be the fan favorite, but she is, because she is real. She is a little cutie too ;)

Bernie: Well put. Looks like you have two leading ladies in your life :)

Pat: I wish!!! But they are two of the best I have seen around in a long time.

Bernie: Well my No. 1 would go to...Angel Navarro. He is ALWAYS consistent, NFL community leader, and a very detailed writer. When I read one of his articles, I always ALWAYS learn something. I like that.

Pat: Hmm. Yes and he likes Brett!

Bernie: No, he just likes the JETS. Big difference, Sally

Pat: I'll put a big difference to your FACE.

Bernie: Alright, there you have it ladies and gent. Disagree with us, that's fine. Stop whining about it though and just use this for fuel to write a better article.

We look forward on Gray Ghost writing some more articles and we look forward to some more "outside the box" articles by Kristin.

James, we can't wait to read more about Dallas—or maybe some OTHER team, and Michael keep calling out those goldfish! Lisa-you never disappoint so keep them coming!!

We love you all and SHAKE AND BAKE

Bernie: Honorable mentions: Sportsmonk, Scott Reiger, The Takeover, David Arreola, Joe Guarr, T.W. Krems, John Baucum, Jon Grilz, Justin Goar, Tim Pollock, BabyTate, AND MANY MANY MORE

Pat: Honorable mentions- Bernie's Mom.

Who Really Deserves to Be No. 1 in the College Football Polls?

Bernie and Pat Morris — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 08:50:19 -0500

Pat: Wow. I mean Wow. I am still speechless after seeing that game.

Bernie: Really? The only time you don’t talk is when you’re sleeping, and sometimes that’s not even guaranteed.

Pat: Always one for the lame jokes, Bern.

Bernie: Better than that lame haircut. Did you pay for that?

Pat: Seriously, did your wife give you these jokes? Actually don’t even respond to that, I don’t want to know. What I do want to know is how did everyone feel after watching Texas Tech upset Texas last night?

Bernie: I am feeling like there is a storm a-brewing in the polls.

Pat: We’ll get to the polls later. I have to say though, that was one of the most exciting games I have seen in a very long time. I haven’t seen a game like that since the Boise State/Oklahoma game.

Bernie: I definitely agree. I love the kind of games that will keep you at the edge of your seat, like a Steven King thriller. Except I didn’t have to pay for it!!

Pat: Well Bern, if we are going to be honest here, you do pay for “some” movies, but let’s focus on football now, shall we?

Bernie: Right. So as we know Texas Tech pulled an upset by beating Texas 39-33.

Pat: I have to say, the first half of that game, I was wondering where in the hell Texas was. They certainly didn’t look like the same team that beat OKLA.

Bernie: No they didn’t. What did you think of Texas Tech's defense?

Pat: Their defense looked solid. It was unreal with how well they handled this game.

Bernie: Almost SURREAL. Their front defensive line was dominating the Texas O-Line.

Pat: They sacked McCoy four times!

Bernie: Yeah, then there was the Red Raiders offense. I don’t even have words by how impressed I was by it.

Pat: Well let me, the smarter one, help you here. 600+ yards for the Texas Tech offense. 600 YARDS? I mean this is all just so unbelievable.

Bernie: Yeah, I think it’s safe to put Harrell as a contestant for the Heisman?

Pat: I couldn’t agree with you more. I am sure Texas fans are just having a hard time swallowing that they really had a shot here. There were five missed catches in the first half by the Longhorns and then two throws that should have been interceptions, but Texas couldn’t get it done. Not to mention that Texas Tech had amazing discipline. I think penalties and mistakes really cost the Longhorns the game.

Bernie: I couldn’t have said it better myself. Speaking of those interceptions, I can’t believe Blake Gideon dropped that ball with seconds to go in the game. That would have sealed the deal for Texas. Pat, you could have caught that ball!

Pat: I know, Bernie. But people don’t want to hear about my amazing football skills. Readers surely wouldn’t be interested in my five-touchdown game in high school. Did I mention five touchdowns?

Bernie: You played tuba in the marching band.

Pat: You know nothing about me.

Bernie: Yeah, we have just known each other since we were two, but I know nothing.

Pat:: Stop being such a sensitive Sally. Now Bernie, what I am really wanting to talk about is the polls. They have already come out and here is what we have.

#5 - Texas

#4 - Florida

#3 - Penn State

#2 - Texas Tech

#1 - Alabama

Do you agree with these polls, Bern?

Bernie: ABSOLUTELY not. I would never put Penn State at No. 3. I would actually put them as my No. 1.

Pat: WHAT? Please tell me this is another one of your wife’s jokes.

Bernie: No. If I had my way, this is how the top five would be ranked.

#5 - OKLA

#4 - Texas

#3 - Alabama

#2 - Texas Tech

#1 - Penn State

Pat: So why are you putting a Penn State ranked No. 1.

Bernie: Well they’re undefeated, first off.

Pat: Let me just interrupt you here. Who have they really played? They’ve got cupcakes the rest of the season.

Bernie: Penn State beat Ohio State, which was a top ranked team at the time.

Pat: Oh, please. Ohio State is overrated this year. They barely made it out of Wisconsin with a win and was embarrassed by USC. So you’re telling me that Penn State has played one somewhat of a tough team, and they are ranked No. 1?

Take a look at Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas Tech's schedules. I am just going to say it. The Big 12 is the best conference this year and those teams should be in the top five.

Bernie: That is the craziest thing that has come out of your mouth since you asked your NOW ex-wife to marry you.

Pat: I don’t think so. Alabama has played Georgia, who just got killed by Florida. Alabama has yet to play a great team either. Here are my top five in order:

#5 - Oklahoma

#4 - Oklahoma State (yes, they have only lost one game, and it was to Texas, in which they only lost by four)

#3 - Florida

#2 - Texas

#1 - Texas Tech

Bernie: NONSENSE

Pat: You keep taking the safe side, Bernie. I hate the Big 12. I am an SEC fan. But it is what it is. I would love to see Penn State play a Texas or Oklahoma team sometime this season. They would not win. It’s easy to be undefeated when you play cupcakes all season. I like Paterno and I am secretly rooting for Penn State this year, but the only thing they have over my ranked teams is their discipline. They play smart and they play good. But I call it like I see it and that is my top 5.

Bernie: Well, again readers, please do not address hate mail to me. Pat is crazy.

Pat: The only thing that is crazy is your face.

Bernie: LOL. Good one, Patty.

Pat: Again, I call it like I see it. I think the Big 12 is the best conference this year. One of those teams in the conference is taking a National Title this year.

Bernie: This is also coming from the same person that said Brett Favre is the best QB ever

Pat: I never said that, Bern. Stop putting words in my mouth. I like Favre, but certainly wouldn't say he is the best ever.

Bernie: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO ME.

Pat: Well, I think that is a wrap.

Bernie: Yeah….I am pretty sure I won’t be seeing you around anymore…

Pat: Why?

Bernie: Gee, I don’t know. You just upset tons of football fans and well…I will not mind giving out where you reside…ya know…if they ask me about it.

Pat: You’re an awful human being…I mean…really...

Bernie: With that folks, we are signing off!

Pat: SHAKE AND BAKE!!