Celebrity Death-Match: Roger Clemens vs. Brian McNamee

Chris — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 11:05:38 -0500

What have we learned during the Congressional Hearing? Somebody is obviously lying; we don’t know who.

Republicans like Roger Clemens.

Democrats like Drug Dealers.

Suffice to say, we haven’t learned anything. In the end, we probably won’t learn anything. There’s only one thing that can prove one way or the other and that is the syringes; everything else is just finger pointing.

It is known that Brian McNamee has lied in the past, but it had also been determined that two people he accused of using HGH have admitted the same.

So the corners are set, McNamee versus Clemens.

McNamee starts off by pulling out the Mitchell report. It seems he’s planning on taking Clemens out with one shot.

What’s that, Clemens dodges the report. He must have known it was coming. No wait, Clemens is claiming he had no prior knowledge of the report. He’s saying that he’s a public person he could have been notified.

There he goes again, back to his evasive maneuvers and McNamee is still swinging report. Oh my, he nails Andy Petite and Clemens’ wife Debbie. They both saw it coming and just let it hit them. They are both recovering though, it seems that everybody is letting them recover while they watch Clemens and McNamee square off.

Now it is Clemens’ turn. He is trying to cut McNamee’s legs out from under him. The blows hit hard as McNamee is proven guilty of lying and it sure doesn’t look good.

Look at that, McNamee is fumbling through his pockets, no wait; he’s pulling syringes out of his butt. I don’t think anybody saw that coming. He must have had those up there for years.

What could Clemens do to combat these new weapons? I don’t believe it, he’s going old school. He just said “what kind of sick freak would keep syringes” for that long. He’s calling McNamee names.

This battle is really heating up folks. So much in fact, Congressmen are joining the combatants in the ring. The Democrats are siding with McNamee while the Republicans are backing Clemens.

This is the bloodiest fight I’ve seen since I visited Michael Vick’s house.

It seems the Congressmen have gotten their blows in and are leaving the ring. That didn’t solve much did it?

And that’s about all we have time for folks. Join in next time.

Although, there’s no way I could leave without some predictions. There are only two possible outcomes from how I see it:

1. Those syringes miss their mark, and Clemens turns them against McNamee to stab him to death.

2. Or, the syringes are real and they hit Clemens right in the heart for a fatal blow. That’s alright because George W. Bush is waiting ringside to save Clemens from a reputation-killing jail sentence.

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Celebrity Death-Match: Roger Clemens vs. Brian McNamee